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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24680611">Where Butterflies Fail</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairylights4672/pseuds/Fairylights4672'>Fairylights4672</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Like Butterflies [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, The Deca figure things out, and then things fall apart, go read Like Butterflies first!!, this is the sequel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:26:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>166,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24680611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairylights4672/pseuds/Fairylights4672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She didn’t want anger between them. Theta would do what it took to avoid anger, and confrontation between them at all costs. What they had was kind of fragile, and Theta didn’t want to risk that.</p><p>She could push down anger. It would be fine. He didn’t need to know about it.</p><p>Because this was easier. Just kissing him and not thinking about it, him just being there was easier than confrontation and anger and upset, so she’d keep this safe. It made sense to protect it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Millennia/Rallon (Doctor Who), Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), The Master/The Doctor, Theta/Koschei, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Twelfth Doctor/Missy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Like Butterflies [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Theta sighed, watching as the birds went by. Her legs were dangling out of the window, the breeze on her face as she waited. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">She would be honest, she was getting a little bored. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Theta glanced back over her shoulder, and pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Their first few days off, before they began their research, had largely been spent drinking. With no adult supervision, and a very large supply of ginger wine, the ten of them had done the logical thing, and gotten really drunk. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Well, it was more like the seven of them. Rallon, Millennia and Vansell didn’t seem keen on drinking, but Theta thought that was ok. At least the two former seemed to actually want to be there. Vansell just seemed to mope in the corner. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Still, some people had gotten a lot more drunk than others. And that was why Theta had gotten up three hours before Koschei, and was now waiting impatiently for him to wake up. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Really, she was waiting for most people to get up. The three sober ones had already had breakfast, and were lounging about in the living room. But the other six of them were all still in bed. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Theta found that rather frustrating. It was supposed to be their first day of research, and sure, whilst she wasn’t a massive fan of work, she at least wanted to find out what it was. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">There was a groan behind her, and Theta grinned, swinging herself back inside and jumping on the bed beside Koschei, who groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Stop moving.” He grumbled. “I feel like I’m on a tram.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“That’s not my fault. You drank way too much.” Theta shrugged, flopping down beside him. Koschei just grumbled. “Do you want a glass of water or something?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yes please.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Ok.” She rolled her eyes fondly and bounced back off of the bed, drawing another groan from him. Theta trotted out of the room and closed the door behind her, before heading down the two flights of stairs into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Millennia and Rallon were sat at the table, each with a cup of something that looked hot, and chatting. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Good morning Theta,” Millennia smiled. She hadn’t had a good chance to get to know either of them particularly well yet, but Theta thought they seemed really nice. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Fine, really. I’ve been up for a while.” She explained, making her way over to the cupboards to grab a glass. “Koschei’s just woken up, I’m getting him some water.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Is he ok?” Millennia asked sympathetically. Theta made a kind of so-so noise. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I think he will be. If the others aren’t up soon though I say we drag them downstairs. We’re supposed to start research today.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah, we were just saying that.” Rallon agreed, before frowning a little. “Just..in a slightly less dramatic, kinder way.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I dunno,” Theta shrugged. “I reckon we should just get a giant gong.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Or maybe we’ll just have to hide the alcohol.” Millennia suggested with a small laugh, as Theta bounced past on her way back out to the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“A very good idea. I’ll start waking the rest of them up if they’re not awake in the next hour.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Alright. Let us know, we’ll help you out.” She offered. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Theta nodded and headed back up the stairs, pushing open the door to her and Koschei’s room. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Why is it so bright in here?” He whined. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Because the curtains aren’t closed you idiot.” She rolled her eyes and passed him the cup of water. Koschei sat up a little bit and chugged it, Theta watching to make sure it didn’t seem like he was going to hurl. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Can you close them?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“No. You should’ve been up hours ago.” Theta took the empty glass from him, and Koschei made a noise of discomfort, rubbing his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Am I the last one up?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“No. Everyone but me, Millennia, Rallon and Vansell are still in bed. I’m gonna wake them up if they’re not up soon. We have a busy day.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Since when did you care about schedule?” He muttered, trying to wipe his eyes of sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Since dimensional engineering might be on it.” Theta pointed out. Koschei finally looked at her properly. He looked pretty groggy. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“How are you not hungover? You drank as much as I did.” Theta just shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Guess I’m just better at holding my alcohol than you, lightweight.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Oh leave me alone, you gremlin.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Gremlin?” She pouted. “You’re the one that looks like he just got dragged through a bush.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah, yeah. Give me twenty minutes in the shower, some peace and quiet and I’ll be able to metabolise it.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Oh yeah, that’ll do loads for your headache.” She grinned, before leaning over and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll leave you to it. Go bother the others till they sober up.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Alright. Try not to have too much fun.” He rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">-</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">An hour later, when everyone had finally gotten up, and forced themselves to metabolise the alcohol and sober up, the ten of them sat down in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Most of them had breakfast on their laps, their perfectly good dining table gone completely to waste. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">It was just more comfortable in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Alright,” Vansell stood up, with a letter in his hand. “This arrived today. It’s our first project.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Go on then, don’t leave us in suspense.” Ushas grumbled, mouth full of fruit. She was probably the grumpiest about being woken up, even when she wasn’t hungover anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Patience is a virtue, Ushas.” Vansell muttered, opening the letter anyway, and flattening it out. “Right. Our first project is to prove that more than one star can be put into a TARDIS, as a back up power source.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Sounds easy enough.” Jelpax shrugged. “We’ll just need to know the power capacity of a TARDIS, and stuff like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“So who wants to work on this first?” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Jelpax offered, Drax quick on his tail. Millennia and Mortimus also offered, and the four of them disappeared up the stairs, already discussing the ins and outs of what they might have to look at. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The other six of them sat around for a long moment, before Ushas took a loud bite of the fruit she was working her way through. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“So what do the rest of us do?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Whatever we want, I guess.” Magnus shrugged, and Ushas groaned loudly. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Are you kidding me? You fuckers woke me up for nothing!”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Do you have to swear that much?” Vansell frowned a little. Ushas glared at him. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“You fucking know it Vansmell.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Classy.” Koschei hummed, from the armchair Theta was sat on the arm of. There was space for her on the sofas, but she didn’t really care. Sitting in normal places normally wasn’t really her style. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Shut it Koschei.” Ushas scowled. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“It’s a good thing you sobered up, all that scowling would make your headache ten times worse.” Theta added. She just rolled her eyes and slumped backwards. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I don’t know how I agreed to live here with you lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I wouldn’t have if you were gonna be such a downer all the time.” Koschei jabbed. Ushas just pulled a face at him. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“And you look so much prettier when you smile, Ushas.” Magnus tried with a smile. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">They were silent for a moment, before at least three of them, including Ushas got up. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Oh god, Magnus, why-“</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Dude, that was a terrible idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“This is why I share a room with Mortimus.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">-</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Koschei?” Theta clambered from the sofa, across the gap, onto the armrest on the armchair, and finally sprawled across his lap. Koschei only raised his book out of the way, and didn’t bat an eyelid, before returning to it again when she had stopped shifting around. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Hm?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Do you think we’re allowed to use some of the parts in the lab for our own projects?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I don’t see how anyone’s going to stop you.” He turned the page over in his book, and Theta hummed. “Why? What do you want to make?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I don’t know. Something helpful. Or fun. Maybe both.” She grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“What? Like one of those tissue compression things?” He asked. Theta pouted a bit and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“That’s not fun! That’s murder, there’s a difference.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah, but wouldn’t it be kinda funny to see all the little people? They’d be so tiny.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“That sounds horrifying over anything else.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“But they’d be wearing little clothes. Little people in little clothes.” He took a hand away from his book to motion a small space between his fingers. Theta rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“No! I mean something else. Like something that helps people.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Oh here we go,” Koschei groaned noncommittally, shifting her up and more securely onto his lap. She could tell he didn’t really mean it. “Back on your helping people thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“You make it out like it’s a bad thing to want to do.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“No, my love, it’s not. But you are a little obsessed.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“You want to shrink people, don’t judge my plans.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Alright, alright. So what are you going to make, to help people?” He asked. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I dunno. I’ll have to figure that out. Do some messing around, figuring out what works.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“As long as you don’t get oil all over our bedroom, knock yourself out.” He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Supportive as ever, Kos’,” she grinned, and patted him on the back. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“You’re welcome.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed, and stopped the ladder, making sure it wasn’t going to slide or fall. When she was fairly certain it was fine, she began the long climb upwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t take her long, as good at climbing as Theta was, and soon, she was at the top of the ladder, and level with the top row of books. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Glancing downward, she seemed really far off the ground. She didn’t remember the ceilings being that high. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The longer she spent in the Deca house, the more she was starting to think it was bigger on the inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked her way through the top couple of shelves for what she was looking for, but couldn’t find anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There were books on languages she’d never heard of before, and Theta decided maybe she should try and learn as many as possible. She thought it would’ve been cool to be multilingual, even if TARDIS’s did translate everything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, none of the books were on the language Theta wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” She almost jumped at the voice below her, and glanced down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know Vansell, you should probably give me some warning before you talk to me when I’m up afifteen foot ladder.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wouldn’t I have to warn you by talking to you?” He pointed out. Theta just rolled her eyes and looked back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want the ladder or something?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I just want to know what you’re doing.” Vansell shrugged. Theta sighed a little and looked back at the books. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m looking for a book. Obviously.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A book on what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta and the other five were yet to tell the new four about the letter they’d found. They hadn’t really discussed it, although the general feeling was that although they seemed trustworthy, the less people that knew about it the better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, Theta could settle for a half truth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ancient Gallifreyan.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you looking for that?” Vansell seemed to ask a lot of questions. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided that she wasn’t going to find what she was looking for up there, so she hooker her feet around the sides of the ladder, and slid down to the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I think it’s interesting.” She said, before moving the ladder. Vansell followed her. “Why are you giving me a questionnaire Vansell?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just feel like I don’t know you very well. Making friends is not my forte.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t say.” She tried to remind herself not to be mean. No one was perfect, and he was trying.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned to him and smiled a little, “what do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He shrugged. Was this kid sure about anything? “Uh...how are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She almost scoffed, as she turned back to the ladder and started clambering up it again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m good, Van’, how are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Good.” He nodded. “I’m not sure they keep books about Ancient Gallifreyan. I think it’s only meant to be read by the oldest members of Gallifrey. The important people.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am important!” She argued. Vansell paused below her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know that?” He asked quietly. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Someone’s got to believe I’m important, might as well make it myself.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” He breathed out, and watched Theta. “Well, are you high council level important?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I could be if I wanted to be. I could be a cardinal or something. I’d make a great Lord President.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m pretty sure you have to have a clean criminal record to be on high council, Theta.” He pointed out, and she frowned down at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How d’you know about that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“One of the others told me, I think.” She shrugged it off. Koschei had a loud mouth when he was drunk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, well, actually I don’t have a criminal record. The first time they arrested me it was for something I didn’t do, and the only other time, I only nearly got arrested, and that was because I had to get Koschei out of custody. But it’s not on our records, so I could be on high council. If I wanted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think you’re diplomatic enough for that?” He asked. Vansell seemed amused. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I’m proper diplomatic. And I’d change all the dumb laws for good ones. I don’t know who built Gallifreyan society but they did a shite job.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We know who built it, Theta. We did it in History.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I stopped listening in History in my twenties. But hey, got time on my hands, maybe I’ll teach myself. More interesting that way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta groaned and slid back down the ladder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right, I can’t find anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry to disappoint.” He shrugged. Ok. Maybe he wasn’t that bad. Just a little bit stuck up. But Theta could live with that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. Not your fault.” She sighed, “I’m hungry.” Theta announced, before wandering out the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell followed shortly afterwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was bored. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everyone who wasn’t working had found something to entertain themselves, but Theta couldn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t focus on a book, and she didn’t have any motivation to draw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta decided to go check on the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knocked first, of course. She didn’t want to scare them or get shot at by a chemical or something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta peaked her head in, and saw the five of them scattered about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia and Mortimus seemed to be doing maths in a journal type thing. Jelpax was helping Drax weld something together, and Ushas was mixing chemicals across the other side of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatcha doing in here?” She asked Ushas. She wasn’t sure when she’d decided she’d help out, but if the others had decided they needed chemicals mixing, it made sense that they’d drag her into help. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oi, blondie, get in here and hold this.” She said. Theta blinked and made her way in, moving to hold a chemical for Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this going to kill me if it gets on my skin?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’ll just irritate it.” Ushas waved her off. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well can I wear gloves like you, then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, just hold still and it won’t get on you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you picked the wrong person if you wanted someone who was notoriously good at holding still.” Theta pointed out, gripping one hand with the other to stop it shaking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, you might be right.” Still, that didn’t stop her from pouring the chemical she was holding into the one into the test tube of chemicals Theta was holding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what are you doing in here?” She asked, as Ushas took the chemical back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am recreating the chemical energy of two dying stars, on a miniature scale.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that to test it against what Drax and Jelpax are making?” Theta guessed, watching Ushas tip in another chemical and make a luminescent blue colour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup. They’re making a small TARDIS, just without the inside. Because technically we just have to make sure the stars can live in the exterior dimensions without blowing them up.” Ushas explained. She seemed a lot more patient and ready to explain when chemicals were involved. She turned to the others, and held up the two test tubes. “Right, I’m ready.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give me two seconds.” Drax’s reply was muffled by a welding mask, as he finished up the last of the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he put everything down, and knocked the mask off, Jelpax holding up the new small TARDIS with a large smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To Theta, it just looked like a grey cylinder, but she imagined it was probably a lot more complicated than that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the probability this blows up?” Jelpax asked, hopping off the counter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Seventy eight percent.” Millennia said. She and Mortimus stood up, and headed over to the small group that was gathering at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax set down the TARDIS model, and headed back to the door way too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ready?” Ushas asked, standing over the model with the two test tubes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” She shrugged. “Alright, 3, 2, 1.” Ushas dumped the chemicals in the model and skidded back to the doorway with the others. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They waited, for a minute, and nothing happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that was anti-climatic.” Drax pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a good thing,” he started back towards the model, so Theta grabbed his hand and yanked him backward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oi! Don’t go yet!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better to be safe than-“ the model burst, with a loud bang, and a flashing light. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All of them yelped, ducking as a piece of metal flew over their heads and impaled itself into the door behind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Awesome!” Drax grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, not awesome.” Millennia sighed. “Now we have to think of a solution.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If it means we get to blow more stuff up, I’m so down.” Jelpax agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The longer they were left unsupervised, the more Theta started to think it was a terrible idea. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also I forgot to mention, I’m now on Tumblr! <br/>If you want to hit me up, my username is thas-me-baybeee <br/>Come chat with me I’d love to hear from yall 🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The day after, it was Theta’s turn in the lab. She, Rallon, Vansell, Koschei and Magnus sat down at the start of the day, decided how they were going to go about testing what they needed to, and started the work.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was tasked with doing the maths, whilst Magnus and Koschei started making a new model, with insulation that the five of them thought might make a difference. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell and Rallon set about following a list of instructions that Ushas had left, and recreating the two stars again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if this was going to work, if she was honest, so she set about working out the probability of success. She thought that was more optimistic than working out the probability of failure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So far, it looked unlikely that this would succeed. Specifically forty eight perfect. Maybe that wasn’t so bad though. It was almost fifty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Magnus got her attention and she looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could you really quickly go grab my glasses? They’re in my bedroom.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure thing.” She hopped off of the desk and left the lab, heading up the stairs and into Magnus’ and Vansell’s room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t entirely sure who’s side was who’s, so she just decided to look around the whole room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if she was just being an idiot, because she couldn’t see a pair of glasses anywhere. So she started looking for places that they might have fallen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She got on her hands and knees and looked under the beds, wardrobes and bedside tables. She looked in said bedside tables, and then in the bedsheets. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Lifting a pillow up slightly, Theta caught a glance of something out of the corner of her eye. It looked like the edge of a book, and Theta frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pulled the pillow away, and her eye’s widened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a book on Ancient Gallifreyan. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What was that doing here? Why was whoever’s bed this belonged to hiding it? She thought Vansell had said they had no books on the language. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Magnus called up the stairs. She jumped and replaced the pillow, standing up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, coming!” She couldn’t take it now. She didn’t know if it was Magnus’ or Vansell’s, and if it went missing the same day she’d been rooting around in their room, it would be very obvious who took it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe there was an innocent explanation. Maybe the book was Magnus’, and he was hiding it from Vansell because he didn’t know about the letter. That made sense. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Until Theta finally spotted Magnus’ glasses, slightly covered by his duvet, on the other bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell was hiding the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grabbed the glasses and hurried back downstairs, giving Magnus his glasses and turning back to the maths. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why was he hiding the book? He’d been trying to make her believe that there were none on Ancient Gallifreyan, but why would he lie? Why didn’t he want her to know the language? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It couldn’t be some convoluted reason, like he didn’t want them to be able to read the letter. First, he didn’t know they had it, and second, why would he know what was on it, and know they shouldn’t read it?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t make sense. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe she was overthinking it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe Vansell was just selfish, and wanted to learn the language on his own. Maybe he just didn’t want to share the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That made the most sense. It couldn’t be anything else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, ready.” Magnus put down the welding mask and spun the new model around in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Same.” Rallon nodded at the chemical’s they’d made. They looked close enough to the ones Ushas had cooked up the day before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, will this work?” Magnus asked, glancing at her. She shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Forty-eight percent.” She recited. “Better than yesterday.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Still not great though.” Koschei pointed out, stepping towards the doorway. Theta hopped off of the desk and joined him, as did Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus put the model down and headed to the door, Rallon swallowing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He nodded. “Right, ok. 3,2,1.” He dumped the chemicals in and sped back towards the group. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t get all the way, when the model exploded, the group yelping and ducking down again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta reached out for Rallon to pull him a safe distance away from the explosion, as bits flew towards them. Koschei, quite expectedly, put his arms around her and hands on her head to shield her, as the others did the same to themselves. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tugged Rallon close to the group, who huddled together until the model had decided to stop sputtering and letting off little pieces of flying metal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The group slowly straightened, and looked at the mess they’d made. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that was a shit show.” Magnus muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” Theta said quietly, as his fingers fiddled with the ends of her hair, and he watched them in the moonlight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know I was looking in the library the other day for a book on Ancient Gallifreyan?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” He nodded absently, pulling her a little closer, and cuddling her tighter to his chest. Theta shifted just a little bit to get comfortable, and yawned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell was talking to me whilst I looked. He said there were no books on it, because the High Council don’t want people knowing how to read it. He said only important people know how to, and the High Council want to keep it that way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He hummed, clearly not entirely sure where this was going. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But today, when I was looking for Magnus’ glasses, I found it. Vansell has a book on Ancient Gallifreyan, hidden under his pillow.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh?” That clearly peaked Koschei’s interest. “What’s he hiding that for?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Theta admitted. “I’m not sure why he lied to me either. I thought, I don’t know, maybe he only wants to be able to read it. Maybe he’s just selfish.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He doesn’t know about the letter, does he?” Koschei frowned a little. Theta looked up at him to gauge his reactions, and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so. I haven’t told him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither have I.” He hummed, “I don’t trust him. Slimy bastard, I reckon.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’, don’t be mean.” She scolded. “He can’t be that bad, he’s friends with Millennia for gods sake.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you judge someone on the friends they keep?” Koschei hypothesised. “He might just be really good at pretending with Millennia, maybe that’s why they’re friends, you just don’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would it kill you to not assume the worst about people?” She asked, clearly not actually that annoyed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t! I don’t assume the worst about you.” He pointed out, pressing a kiss to her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t count.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not? You’re a person.” He frowned a little.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah but I’m your girlfriend. It’s kind of part of the job description to not assume the worst about me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t want to anyway.” Koschei pointed out, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and rubbing them slowly. “I love you.” He said quietly, more like he was pointing it out to her than proclaiming it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you do Kos’.” Theta pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should steal that book.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should I? He might be reading it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what?” Koschei shrugged, present over her left shoulder. “He lied to you. You steal it, evens it out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want to say Koschei had a point with his rather warped logic. But that did seem kind of fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll see.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to know what’s on the letter? Cuz I do.” Koschei pressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, fine. But I’m not doing it right now, he’ll suspect it was me.” Maybe she was being a little too easy to push. But maybe she already wanted to do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, naturally. Patience is a virtue, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A virtue you seem to own, far more then me.” Theta pointed out. He shrugged a little, and she moved with his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not perfect.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re welcome.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey!” Theta plopped herself down beside Rallon, who was reading in the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had found herself bored, again. She really needed something she would always want to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” He smiled, looking up from his book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatcha reading?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a book, on a planet called Mars.” He held the cover up for her to see. Theta hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Odd name for a planet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what I thought. Short.” Rallon nodded. Theta settled in the chair next to him, and drew her knees up to her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s so interesting about Mars?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, the galaxy it’s in, is called the Milky Way, and it’s billions of light years away. It’s in a solar system of nine planets, and it only has one sun. It’s red in colour, and an ancient race called the ice warriors live on it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They sound scary.” She grinned. Rallon shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They might be, I don’t know. There’s no pictures.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Why not? All the best books have pictures.” Theta pouted, and he laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe I should draw what I think they look like.” She suggested. That would keep her entertained. Rallon nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do it! It’ll be cool to see what you come up with.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might.” she nodded. “What else is there about Mars?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” he looked back down. “It has two moons. The planets on either side are called Venus, and Earth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who is naming these planets?” She scoffed. “They sound so lame.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They really do.” He agreed. “Gallifrey just sounds a lot more..majestic, than, Earth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s the second smallest in the solar system. But it’s home to the largest mountain in the solar system, and it has the largest dust storms.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s interesting.” Theta stood up and began to look around the shelves. “Are there a lot of books on random planets.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, there’s quite a few.” Rallon nodded. “Why? Are you interested in space?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I?” She scoffed. “If someone gave me a TARDIS right now, and told me I could fly away in it, but I could never come back to Gallifrey, I wouldn’t even think about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise. She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Man, I’ve done my time here. I mean, I care about it and all. But I don’t think I’d miss it if it was gone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I would.” Rallon considered. “It’s not perfect, but it’s home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she shrugged. “And maybe I’d appreciate it more if I didn’t have the overwhelming urge to leave all the time. If I went travelling, I think the time I spent here would be a lot more cherished.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can understand that.” Rallon nodded. “Maybe if I’d seen other beauties, I could appreciate Gallifrey’s a lot more.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should travel Rallon!” Theta grinned. “Save up, buy a TARDIS, fly off with Millennia. Be spontaneous!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure spontaneity is my kind of thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But life’s too short for it not to be!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But life is not short, Thee’.” He pointed out with a smile. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing’s guaranteed. We could all be dead tomorrow, and our last thoughts could be ‘shit, why didn’t I just do it?’” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose I wouldn’t be opposed to..one or two adventures. It wouldn’t kill me.” He considered. Theta beamed at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly! What have you got to lose? There’s a universe out there waiting for Rallon to see.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure the universe revolves around me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s to say? Perhaps we’re all created to be known by you. Or perhaps we’re all created to be known by me. Or perhaps we’re all created cuz some prick wanted to be immortal and create a superior race. Who’s to say?” She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not me. That leads me to believe it’s got nothing to do with my life.” He laughed. Theta smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah maybe. Time Lords are a bunch of dicks though. I reckon we’d be better off without them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe the universe, but not you or I.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, well, y’know. Sacrifices must be made I suppose. For the greater good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really believe the universe would be better off without the Time Lords? Who would stop the Daleks?” Rallon asked from where he was still sat down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta walked the floor and spun around, shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t stop them though. We just slow them down. They’ll destroy as at some point, I’m sure of it. Then it’ll be up to the rest of the universe to try and stop them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I worry it’s not possible.” Rallon considered. Theta hummed, and stopped her pacing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. You and me both. Still, you never know. Pull together an army of thousands of races, stick a good leader at the front of it, you stand half a chance.” She pocketed her hands as Rallon smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a very hopeful person, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. Maybe it should be my thing. I like hope, hope is good. It’s what keeps the worlds turning, I find.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s poetic.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Maybe I should be a poet too. Long life I suppose, I can do it all. Everything I’ve ever wanted to do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wonder if it’s a curse or a blessing.” He contemplated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta liked Rallon. He was philosophical. She liked the way he looked at things.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A blessing, until you get tired.” She answered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! There you are!” She span on her heels to see Millennia running towards them. She looked distressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everything ok?” Theta frowned. The other woman shook her head, trying to catch her breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We- we were in the lab, and we tried something, and it exploded and kind of..temporarily deafened us. We’re all fine- but Koschei- I don’t- I don’t know what happened, but something wrong. I don’t think he can hear any of us and we didn’t know what to do, and so I just got you because-“ Theta had heard more than enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shot past Millennia, who followed her. A third set of footsteps told her Rallon was close behind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where is he?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Outside the lab. We couldn’t move him, he can’t hear.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like the library was going on forever. This place was definitely bigger on the inside, and annoyingly so. No wonder it had taken Millennia so long to find her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, she found the door and Theta slid through it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was sat against the other wall, head in his hands and muttering under his breath. He was surrounded by all of the other six of them, looking around at each other with obviously no idea what to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shoved past them and turned back around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Back up, go on.” She demanded, shooing them backwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The other eight took a step back, some of them giving them the courtesy of pretending not to look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta dropped down to her knees, and gently put a hand on Koschei’s knee, holding her face close to his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and began to tap a rhythm of three onto his knee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m here, it’s ok Kos’,” she murmured. “Listen to my voice. One two three, one two three, one two three.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta continued to count, tapping the rhythm onto his knee. Slowly, Koschei stopped tapping the rhythm of four, and watched her finger intently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He relaxed enough for Theta to pull him into her shoulder, and stroke through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got you.” She said softly. “One two three, one two three,” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei began to whisper along with her, and she squeezed his shoulder gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There you go, it’s ok.” She reassured. “It’s alright, that’s it.” Theta didn’t stop tapping onto his knee, and Koschei didn’t stop counting in threes, until she felt almost all of the tension drain from him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">By this point, a lot of the group had dissipated, no doubt waiting downstairs and hypothesising about what was wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” He eventually croaked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t be ridiculous, Kos’, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She said softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It just..the noise blew out my ears and I couldn’t- I couldn’t hear anything else. Not even my hearts, not the others- it was just..it was so loud.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” she said softly, squeezing him close. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you..” Theta glanced down at him when Koschei trailed off. “Do you think there might be something in this library? About how to fix it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There might be.” She nodded. “We can have a good look when you and I aren’t in the lab. We’ll do proper research, like we did in the library of Gallifrey. They have books on ancient languages, and dimensional engineering, it’s not impossible that they might have something to help you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope they do.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, Kos’. So do I.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a long moment, where Theta just stroked through his hair, before he sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are we gonna say to the others?” He asked. “They’re gonna want to know what happened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll just say we don’t know. Maybe your brain just reacted more to the explosion, and you just had a really loud ringing in your ears.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think they’ll buy it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter wether they do or not. They’re nosy, but they’re not nosy enough to question us to our faces.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think Ushas is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then you can tell Ushas where to shove her questions.” Theta said pointedly. That made Koschei smile a bit, and he looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like it when you’re mean. It’s a good look on you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not being mean, I’m just looking out for you.” She defended softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, keep telling yourself that Thee’.” He leant forward and kissed her gently, before putting his head on her shoulder again and closing his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried not to think too hard about what he meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When they finally appeared, there was a rather awkward silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was clear the two of them had just walked in on a conversation about what could be wrong with Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Luckily, Millennia didn’t let it remain that way for long. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you feeling Koschei?” She asked with a soft smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better, thanks Millennia.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know what happened?” Ushas asked. Theta could’ve seen that question coming from her a mile away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really. There was just a really loud ringing in my ears. Hurt like a bitch and I couldn’t hear anything else.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t need to be able to smell senses anymore to know that at least half the room, wasn’t convinced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia wasn’t one of them though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She jumped up and smiled at him, putting a hand on his back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s ok. Come on, I can make you some tea.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei followed her out of the room, and left Theta staring down the rest of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s lying.” Ushas announced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Keep your opinions to yourself Ushas, or I’ll shove them where the sun doesn’t shine.” She said sharply, before following Koschei and Millennia. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that was harsh. Theta wasn’t particularly snappy often, but she would be if it meant the others kept their opinions out. It was hard enough for Koschei as it was, and Theta wouldn’t let them make it harder for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Besides, Ushas was starting to get on her wick, what with her constant sarcasm, and down look on life. At least when Theta moped, she did it quietly, and didn’t make everyone else around her sad too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that was mean of her. Maybe she should ask Ushas if she was alright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d put it on her to-do list. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat with Koschei and Millennia, and drank some tea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was just saying to the others, I think we need to put more safety precautions in place.” Millennia explained. “I mean- we just jumped right into these experiments, and didn’t even stop to consider what might happen. It was so reckless of us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did the others say?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think they agreed. I’m not sure how we’ll make them safer, but we should discuss it tonight.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He nodded, taking a drink. “Good plan. Thanks Millennia.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just doing my duty as the mum friend.” She scoffed. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced back at the bed, to see that Koschei hadn’t stirred. So she opened the window all of the way, and glanced up at the lip of the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hadn’t gotten up there yet, and she wasn’t sure it was entirely safe, but there was only one way to find out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned herself around and grabbed the lip of the roof, before pulling herself up onto it, and shifting around to face the way she’d came. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a nice view, if not slightly mundane in the dark. Still, Theta would’ve preferred rolling fields to the citadel any day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And at least, being the only house for miles, meant that there was less light, so she could see the stars better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And they were so beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lay on her back and looked up at them, watching the way galaxies sprawled out in front of her. She could almost see the way they moved, and breathed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">God, how she longed to be up there with them. To watch the way they lived. And maybe, to lie on her back, on a different planet, and to be able to point at one of the dots in the sky and say, ‘that’s my home.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing up here?” Ushas’ voice drew her out of her daze, and Theta glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Waiting for you to come up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas frowned, and sat down on the rise, a little way’s away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wanted to ask how you were doing. I felt bad for snapping at you the other day, and y’know, I just wanted to check you were ok. You’ve seemed kind of down recently.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you?” Theta asked softly. Ushas sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep.” She said shortly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounded very convincing.” Theta said, but left it. She didn’t want to push. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them sat in silence for a long moment, where Theta turned her eyes back up to the sky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just change I suppose.” Ushas said, after a long moment. “I’m not great with change, and this was a lot of it very quickly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I mean, we were living at the Academy for practically our whole lives, and now we’re just out on our own. We still don’t really know half of these people, and we’re all just living in a house together, with no adult supervision, blowing things up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘The rest of you seemed to warm to the idea, and the others so quickly, but I just can’t. I need time, and I guess- I dunno. Kinda feels like no ones giving me that. You’re all expecting me to be the same, and react the same way to things. But I don’t, and that’s not a bad thing.” She said, through what was effectively a grumble, in the longest breath she could manage. It was obvious that Ushas wasn’t one for talking about feelings. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta agreed slowly, trying to swallow what she’d just been told. “So, how do you want us to help?” She asked. Ushas shrugged down at the floor of the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Just..get off my back. There’s ten of us in here, so it’s hard, but this place has loads of space. I’d just rather people used that to decompress if I’d said something that pissed them off, rather than having a go at me about it. Cuz I know I seem like an asshole, but I’m rarely trying to intentionally make people angry. Especially when I and eight others have to live with them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can do that.” Theta nodded. She was glad Ushas was being so honest, quite frankly she hadn’t been expecting it. “I think maybe the ten of us need to talk about boundaries. And space. Living with nine other people is hard, so I think it would be a good thing to discuss when we need to give each other space, and just generally communicate.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I suppose you, as speaker of the house, are going to bring up that motion.” Ushas teased, without much conviction. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I will.” She glanced down at the roof and picked at the socks on her feet, and then back up at the sky. “We’ve never done this before, so it’s ok that we’re getting things wrong to start with. But we’ll fix them and we’ll get better.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know, your never ending spout of positivity is incredibly disgusting Theta.” Ushas grumbled. “Tooth rottingly so.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, I do try my best.” She didn’t let it take to her heart. Theta figured, Ushas’ insults were just her way of getting her emotions out of there.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe there was a bit of gratitude somewhere in that sentence. She couldn’t be entirely sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta herded the rest of them into the common room and closed the door behind her, before marching to the front of the room, and standing on a footstool. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m calling a meeting!” She announced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can see that.” Magnus nodded. She rolled her eyes, and ignored him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Here’s the deal, kiddos.” She jumped down and sat on the footstool instead. “Some people think, that we need more space. Time to be alone, time without anyone bothering them, and space to kind of adjust to this new lifestyle. Because, we’re not all extroverts, and I think some of us probably get tired having to be around nine other people all day.” She explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what?” Magnus frowned. “We just avoid each other.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m getting there, Magnus.” She huffed, ungrateful for the interruption. “I think, we just need to be more understanding. Like if someone says ‘fuck off I want to be alone right now’ to you, understand it’s probably not a personal attack, and just leave them alone. Don’t tease them, don’t be a bitch about it. Just understand that people get their energy from different places.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this aimed?” Jelpax asked. She rolled her eyes fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s not. I just think it’s something we should all keep in mind.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But how are we supposed to know whether people want us around or not?” He pressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ask them, man.” Theta sighed. “We’re all intelligent people here, but if you can’t figure it out, just ask. It’s not like anyone here is big on saving people’s feelings.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think this is dumb.” Magnus announced. “Can’t they just suck it up?” Theta wondered if he’d say the same, if he knew Ushas had been the one to bring it up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Magnus, they can’t.” Theta said, bordering on sharply. “That’s like asking you to put up with being completely alone for whenever you’re awake. Would you like that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...no.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right, good then. Glad we all had this chat.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was Theta’s turn to clean the kitchen after dinner, as the very helpful schedule that Millennia had made reminded her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others had disappeared into the common room, or their bedrooms, to just chill out, and she was left alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t mind. They all had to do it at some point, and it didn’t take too long. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hummed to herself as she cleaned up, putting away cutlery, and scrubbing down the counters. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” She turned, to see Mortimus in the doorway, and she smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wanted to check on you.” He explained, moving over to her, and picking up the other cloth to help. Theta frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just noticed you seemed a little...impatient. You were kind of snappy to Ushas the other day, and today at Magnus. Which was fair enough, he was being an ass. I just wanted to check on you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I’m ok.” Theta stopped and glanced at him. “Did it seem like I was being mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mean might be a bit of an exaggeration.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I apologised to Ushas. Maybe I should apologise to Magnus as well. Do you think I should?” She was kind of starting to spiral. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What if she was being mean? Why was she being mean? Did they think she was mean? Did they like her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no, it’s ok.” Mortimus tried to quell her anxiety with a hand on her shoulder. “I mean, if it brings you peace of mind then, sure go ahead. But no, I don’t think you’re being mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I was snappy enough for you to notice. That’s not good.” Theta frowned. Mortimus laughed a little, and let go of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s because you’re always trying to save everyone else’s feelings. You just seemed a little sharper, and I think that was fair enough. I understand why you did it to Ushas, and I understand why you did it to Magnus. I’ve not brought it up to try and make you question yourself. I just wanted to check you were ok.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She said quietly. “I am.” Whatever his intentions were, Mortimus had tripped her up onto a train of thought Theta wasn’t sure she liked. “Mort’, do the others like me?” She looked up at him, and he nodded, after a moment of surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course they do! You’re a good person, Thee’. And you’re funny, and you care about everyone. What’s not to like?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you like me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know I do. You’re the only person who understands how I think.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta nodded. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anytime.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think I’m a likeable person?” She asked, and he hummed from behind her. Koschei picked up another knot in her hair and lay it flat in his palm, before brushing through it gently, and trying his best not to snag on her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I do, my love.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it you weren’t you. Like..objectively. If we met today, do you think you’d want to be friends with me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I think maybe our different views might get in the way of a friendship, but I think I’d like to at least try.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed a little, and Koschei shifted behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think the others like me?” She ignored his question. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I’ve seen you warm to Millennia and Rallon, they seem to like you. Jelpax seems pretty chill with your existence. I’m not sure I could say for Vansell, I don’t know what’s going through his head. Why? Where’s all this coming from, my darling?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s nothing really. Mortimus just asked if I was ok, cuz he thought I seemed snappy. And now I’m starting to think I’m an asshole without realising it, and no one actually likes me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not an asshole, Thee’.” Koschei swept her newly brushed hair behind over one shoulder, and pressed kisses to the other. “You’re the least asshole person I’ve ever met, sometimes it’s infuriating.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She glanced back at him. “Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you’re a very positive, hopeful person. But I’ve seen you angry, I’ve seen you bite back. You manage to conceal it so well.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want me to be angry?” She asked, confusedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t. You just seem to have a very, very long fuse. Which is a good thing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded slowly and twisted to sit in front of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just meant,” he put the hairbrush down and sighed. “Your pain is as beautiful as your happiness. But I don’t wish it upon you, I never would. I want you to be happy, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t entirely sure how to take that. She didn’t think her pain was beautiful. It hurt. She didn’t like it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you happy?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so. I’m happier than I was at the Academy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” He smiled, and ducked closer to her. Theta made up the rest of the distance and kissed him gently, trying to get her mind to stop flicking through everything he’d just said, and focus on the moment, for once. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei kissed her slowly, and Theta sighed against his lips. His hands gently pulled her closer, and she wound her arms over his shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found herself on her back, and she was starting to think this was actually going to go somewhere, when Jelpax practically kicked the door in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“AH!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus!” Theta jumped out of her skin and headbutted Koschei, who let out an ‘Oof!’ And sat upright. He took a hand to his head, and groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ow.” He grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry!” Theta shot up after him to check he was ok, moving his hand from his forehead to check it over and put her own over it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei turned to scowl at Jelpax. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you ever heard of knocking, Jelpax?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well excuse me for thinking people got it on, after dinner!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should knock no matter the time of day! On everyone’s doors!” Koschei argued. “People might be talking about something personal, or getting changed. It’s just a general rule of thumb.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just a general rule of thumb.” Jelpax mimicked, and Koschei rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mature.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just get downstairs before dinner goes cold.” And with that, he turned to stampede back down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” Theta asked, taking her hand away from his forehead. It looked fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’ll be ok. Come on, let’s get dinner.” He took her hand and pulled her up off of the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta followed him downstairs, and into the kitchen, where the others were sitting down, or putting cutlery at each of the spots. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just walked in on Theta and Koschei doing it!” Jelpax announced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ew!!” Drax gasped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That is not what happened.” Theta rolled her eyes and shoved Jelpax, who grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds like what someone who just got walked in on would say.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s your own fault.” Ushas jabbed, sitting down. “You never knock. Theta and Koschei were well within their rights to shag in their own bedroom.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my god, we weren’t shagging!” Theta groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I believe you.” Ushas said exaggeratedly, in a way that told Theta she very much didn’t believe her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t think they’d be doing it before dinner.” Jelpax tried to justify. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d rather they did it now, instead of at night when we’re all trying to sleep. I don’t know how soundproof these walls are.” Magnus added. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know what- I don’t even know why I try.” Theta grumbled, rolling her eyes at Koschei, who clearly shared how over it she was, and sat down beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could we maybe move on from the topic of..copulation?” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least that took the subject off of them, because Vansell’s language choice was then taken the piss out of for the next half an hour, as they ate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The day after, was their agreed day off. So, naturally, the night before, they’d decided to get pissed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them headed into the common room, when Koschei caught her wrist and stopped her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved to turn to look at him but Koschei didn’t let her, and just leant into her ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t drink.” He muttered. She frowned in confusion and went to turn again. He didn’t let her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just don’t. I’ll explain when they’re all shitfaced.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had no idea what was going on, but she wasn’t sure she liked it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, she didn’t drink, and watched everyone around her get progressively more drunk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia and Rallon only had one each, but no one really focused on them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched as Koschei offered Vansell a drink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m alright, thanks.” He declined. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, come on,” Koschei said. “It’s just one. What’s it going to do?” There was something off about his voice. Or maybe there wasn’t, Theta couldn’t tell. He sounded like him. But something was different. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her confusion only got worse when Vansell took the drink from Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right. One won’t do anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Koschei left him to the dogs. Once he’d had one, Ushas managed to convince him to have a second. And then he had a third, and a fourth, and was soon as drunk as the others. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘How did you do that?’ Theta asked, from across the room. Koschei didn’t look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Just good at persuading people.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t believe that for a second. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She waited, and pretended to drink, with the others. Millennia and Rallon went up to bed about an hour later, and told them to try not to break anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once they were out of the picture, Koschei seemed very eager to get out of there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stood up and sat down next to Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to go to bed?” He asked pointedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta nodded, still with little to no idea what was going on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei took her hand and pulled her up with him, the two of them heading to the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re going to shag!!!” Jelpax announced, pointing an accusing finger at them. The other five erupted with laughter and hoots. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and we’d appreciate it if you’d leave us alone.” Koschei threw over his shoulder, before pulling Theta up the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, what is going on?” She hissed, as they hurried up the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell’s blackout.” Was his way of explanation, as he let go of her hand and stopped in front of his bedroom door. “Steal the book.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know he won’t remember this? He’ll think it was us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well if worst comes to worst, and he does remember, I’ll just have to...alter his memories a bit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are not hypnotising him, Koschei.” Theta hissed. He rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not? It doesn’t hurt anyone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not right.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Says who?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Morals!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look- we can have this debate later.” He huffed. “Just take the book.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why can’t you take it yourself?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not the one who desperately wants to read what’s on the letter.” Koschei argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Now, Theta wasn’t sure. If Vansell found out, he’d probably be pissed. And Theta didn’t want to jeopardise a new friendship, and a relationship with someone she had to live with, just for the sake of reading a letter, that was most likely incredibly boring. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll look out for you, no ones going to know.” Koschei reassured, dropping back to his rather soft tone. “Besides, even if Vansell knows it was you, he’s not going to bring it up. If he admits that he was hiding the book, people are going to want to know why. He’s going to be the one in a bad light, not you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was well aware that she was being manipulated, and she kind of wanted to punch him in the face for it. But dammit, he had a point. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” She muttered, before scowling at him and going into Vansell and Magnus’ bedroom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She headed straight for his pillow, but it wasn’t there.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Brilliant.” She muttered, and looked under the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked through his wardrobe, bedside table, and under both of them. Still nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta then rooted through Magnus’ stuff- perhaps he was in on it, or Vansell had hidden it in there, but she found nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta rooted through their bathroom. Still nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She groaned and flung her head upwards in annoyance, catching sight of a vent, towards the top of the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta squinted and cocked her head to get a better look at it, noticing that three of the screws were loose. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked back down and clambered precariously onto the sink, pulling off the vent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And there it was.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grabbed the book and put the vent back as carefully as possibly, before getting back down to the ground and slipping out into the corridor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Got it?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup.” Theta quickly headed into their own room, and hid it behind one of the headboards. She wondered why Vansell had tried to hide it so well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See? Wasn’t that bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not letting you look through this book unless you tell me how you convinced Vansell to drink.” She shot him a look and flopped down onto one of the beds. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t say anything. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a form of hypnosis.” Koschei said suddenly, as the two of them lay in bed in the morning. Theta frowned, and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What I used on Vansell last night.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned even deeper and sat up a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you didn’t touch him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to. All you have to do is slip a little bit of persuasion into your voice, and they’ll do it. You don’t even have to wipe their memories afterwards. Really, it’s a more ethical form. You should be proud of me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t understand.” Theta admitted. “What do you do to get them to do what you want?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s complicated, and you need to know how to do regular hypnosis first. It’s basically just doing a more low-key version of that. Why? Do you want to learn?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta huffed. “It’s still bad in the first place, even if you are letting him keep the memories. You shouldn’t be doing this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei groaned and rolled onto his back to huff. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you do this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do what?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have a go at me, whenever I try to help. The only reason I did it was for you, but all I get is an earful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because the way you did it isn’t right, Koschei.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Says who?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Says literally everyone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned to look at her again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine then. If you don’t want my help, I won’t give it. Next time you need something doing, don’t come running to me about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos..” she sighed, as he turned over to face away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want to fight with him. She knew he was in the wrong, but she didn’t want to fight. She was scared of fights with Koschei. Last time everything had gone wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she followed him, and put a hand on his arm gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you’re only trying to help, Kos’.” She said softly. “And I appreciate it. Even if you go about it in a way that....I wouldn’t have thought of. I still appreciate the effort.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei slowly turned to look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you mean that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe a little bit. It wasn’t exactly an apology though. And Theta hadn’t heard one from him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled and leant up to kiss her. Theta closed her eyes and felt arms wrap around her waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want anger between them. Theta would do what it took to avoid anger, and confrontation between them at all costs. What they had was kind of fragile, and Theta didn’t want to risk that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could push down anger. It would be fine. He didn’t need to know about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Because this was easier. Just kissing him and not thinking about it, him just being there was easier than confrontation and anger and upset, so she’d keep this safe. It made sense to protect it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long have we got till everyone else starts to get up?” He asked. Theta hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At least an hour.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can do a lot with an hour.” Koschei considered, and kissed her again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was fine. This was easy. Maybe, if she kept focusing on this, if she kept doing this, things wouldn’t be so bad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They could still make this work. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An hour later, Koschei went for a shower. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lay, staring at the ceiling for a long while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She loved him. But things were hard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shook the thought off, told herself not to focus on the hard parts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she sat up and shifted, grabbing the book from behind the headboard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at the door, eager to make sure no one burst in whilst she was reading it, and she opened the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The first page was in circular Gallifreyan, helpfully, and explained the point of the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ancient Gallifreyan, also known as Old High Gallifreyan, was the first language used by the Time Lords, to distinguish them from other Gallifreyan races. Now long died out, it is used only by the High Council, for important information, that is deemed confidential.’ The page rambled on about more context, but Theta wasn’t really bothered with all of that, so she just skipped straight ahead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was complicated.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Flicking through, it wasn’t as simple as comparing symbols to circles. This would take her months to learn, maybe years. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Did Theta think it was worth it? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed it would be cool. Even if the letter was a pile of rubbish, which she was pretty sure it wasn’t, it would be cool to be able to read it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she did need a distraction. Or, well, she thought it was probably better to call it a project. A distraction made it sound like she was running from something, and Theta had to tell herself she wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She almost jumped when arms wrapped around her waist, and small kisses were pressed to the bare skin of her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think?” Koschei asked. Theta sighed at the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s complicated. It might take me years to learn.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think you’ll try?” He asked, putting his chin on her shoulder. Theta shrugged a little, as best she could with his head there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so. Give it my best go, anyway. Doesn’t hurt anyone to have a project.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s very true.” Koschei hummed, before frowning. “Who has the letter anyway?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should it really be in the same room as Vansell?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe not. But I don’t fancy telling Magnus about Vansell stealing the book. The more people that know the more there’s going to be a divide, and we really can’t afford to break the peace in this house.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s steal the letter too then.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or, let’s just say to Magnus that we think it’s safer in the room of two people that know about it, instead of somewhere where Vansell could stumble upon it and start asking questions.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You do know how to twist yourself around people, my darling. It’s wonderful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if it should be.” She sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was curious, if not slightly worried, to see if Koschei was telling the truth about the hypnotism. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed unlikely that he wasn’t trying to make it seem better than it was, and she wanted to check on Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found him, asleep on the sofa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rolled her eyes at the mess the room had been left in, and shook his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell.” He didn’t stir. “Van.” She shook harder. Nothing. “Vansell!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He opened his eyes, and immediately groaned, curling in on himself and closing them again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should’ve been up an hour ago.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My head hurts.” He whined. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Here.” Theta sat on the floor in front of him and passed him a glass of water, which he sat up a tiny bit to drink slowly. “How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not great.” He mumbled, curling back in on himself. “I just need to wake up a bit more, then I’ll metabolise it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you even drink? You never drink.” Theta pointed out experimentally. She wondered what he’d say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I don’t even remember. I just..I dunno. I thought having one would be fine. I just wanted to loosen up a bit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” She frowned. That did kind of line up with what Koschei said. Vansell hadn’t realised he’d been manipulated at all. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I’m never doing that again.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. I’ll leave you be.” Theta patted him on the shoulder and left the living room, frowning to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A rather cold thought passed her mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What if Koschei was manipulating her? She wouldn’t know about it. But what would he do that for? Why would he do that to her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. He wouldn’t. Koschei said he never would when she found out what he’d done to Sanfej. And Theta trusted him. Most of the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wouldn’t do that to her. She was sure of it. Pretty sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She found him cleaning out the bottles, and caught up with him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?” He asked. She picked up the bottles he couldn’t carry, and followed him outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you done that whole persuasion thing on anyone else?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I just tried it lasted night actually, I didn’t know if it would work.” He explained. The two of them had to carry the bottles all the way to the tramline, about half a mile away, where the only outside bins were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could do with the exercise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, you’ve never tested it on anyone?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope.” He said. He said it in a way that lead Theta to believe him. She thought she was pretty good at knowing when Koschei was lying. Or maybe that’s what he wanted her to think. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did you know it wouldn’t go wrong? Or hurt him?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you could argue that about trying anything for the first time. You’ve just got to be careful I suppose.” Koschei shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you do it on me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course not!” Koschei shifted all the bottles into one arm to take her hand and kiss it, before squeezing tightly. “Not unless you wanted me to, like you asked me to hypnotise you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not? What makes me different to the others?” She asked. It kind of sounded like she was trying to prove a point. Maybe she was. Theta wasn’t sure anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The difference is that, you’re all that matters to me, my love. I want to keep you safe, and happy. That’s all I want to do.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And no one else matters? At all?” She frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I dunno.” Koschei sighed. “I like some of the others, and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to them. But you matter the most to me. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t healthy, but what could she do? She knew Koschei wasn’t likely to change, just because she pointed out that it wasn’t great to think like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’, do you think your world should revolve around me?” She asked softly, squeezing his hand to soften the blow. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not? Who does it hurt?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure yet. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was reading a book on something called the Rings of Akaten, when Koschei appeared, slightly out of breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” She asked, slightly worriedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ve done it. We think. We think we know how to use two stars.” He explained hurriedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta quickly followed him out of the library and into the hall, where the rest of the Deca were being gathered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They shuffled into the lab, fitting perfectly well, and Theta glanced around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you do?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We tried insulating it with a metal compound instead of pure elements. It took ages to get the percentages of all them right, and I’m still not really sure what’s in there. Drax and Ushas did it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? And didn’t get in a fight?” Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Haha.” Ushas shoved Theta as she came up behind her, and she stumbled into Koschei, glancing back and scowling at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s not push each other around chemicals.” Millennia advised behind them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah Ushas. Immature.” Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know, if we try this again and it doesn’t work, it’s going to be a bit embarrassing.” Drax pointed out, holding two test tubes in front of their new and improved TARDIS model. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It should work. The maths checks out.” Mortimus shrugged, folding his arms over his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok. Let’s do it then.” Drax just turned and dumped the chemicals in without a countdown, skidding back towards the group. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them waited in silence, watching the model for any abnormalities. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Nothing happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They waited, and still nothing happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do we know it doesn’t just take a couple days to blow up?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true. I guess we should just keep an eye on it for a while before we tell Borusa we’ve finished.” Mortimus nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatcha doing?” Theta asked, sprawling herself across Koschei’s lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Writing a letter.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To who?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My father.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To see how he’s doing.” Koschei answered patiently. “Now that we have to pay for tram transport, I’ll have to see them less, cuz we don’t have the money to waste on long trips like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, maybe they could come here. They’re not short on cash.” Theta suggested, fiddling with the hair at the nape of his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They could. I’m not sure they want too.” Koschei scoffed. “Never one to waste money on me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. You’d have to ask them. I suppose my fathers keen on the idea that every man should make his own way in life.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the object of inheriting the family fortune?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah probably.” He put the pen down and wrapped his arms around her, pulling Theta into a hug.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a little as he rubbed a hand gently up and down her back. Theta liked hugs. Hugs were easy. She could feel his hearts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I might disgrace the family name if I brought you home anyway.” He smiled into her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not nice.” Theta pouted. She didn’t mean it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, if my father knew I was out here, gallivanting around with a Lungbarrow, he might have a double heart attack.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed into his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Best not let him know what we’re doing when we’re not gallivanting around. He might just die on the spot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably. Old duffer he is.” Koschei pulled out of the hug and stroked some hair out of her face. “Speaking of Lungbarrow, are you planning on writing any letters anytime soon?” He asked pointedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t remind me.” Theta groaned. “For someone who only writes a letter to him once a year, it seems like I’m constantly having to talk to him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why don’t you want to, my love?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Because..because we don’t have anything in common. I haven’t seen him since I was eight, I don’t even remember what he looks like. I don’t get why I have to stay in contact with people I don’t want to, just because we’re related. I mean, who thought that up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The society you seem to love the rules of, my dear.” Koschei pointed out. Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fine. Point to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look,” he continued. “Why don’t you invite him round or something? You might have a lot more in common than you think you do. I’m sure he’d be proud to know what you’re doing now, prestigious as this job is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, well it’s got nothing on an Ambassador for the Time Lords.” She said, in as posh a voice as she could manage. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that means he can leave Gallifrey whenever he wants. You two could talk about what’s out there, beyond this planet, till your little hearts are content.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Little?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, normal sized. Actually, very big. Point still stands.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want me to see him anyway?” Theta narrowed her eyes in suspicion. Koschei sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, you told me you’d never had a family before. And you do- they are out there. I just think if you took the first steps towards knowing them, it wouldn’t be as bad as you think it’s going to be.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t need to see them.” She argued. “I’ve got them lot downstairs. And I’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm, yes, and what was that about my life revolving around you?” He teased. Theta rolled her eyes and smacked him on the shoulder, without any real force. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My life doesn’t revolve around you. I’m just saying, I don’t see the point in getting to know a distant relative just because it’s what’s normal.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s not a distant relative though, Theta, he’s your brother.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I say I’ll think about it, will you get off my back?” She asked, humoured. Koschei smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll say I’ll get off your back, hows that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Deserved, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The model never blew up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, they sent off their findings to the Academy, and waited. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Three days later, a message was sent through their door, and shot into the living room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus,” Drax ducked as it came hurtling in. “Almost took my eye out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes Drax, because many people have lost their eyes, to holograms.” Ushas drawled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just a figure of speech.” He grumbled, flopping down next to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus stood up and flicked open the hologram, the contents lighting up the air around them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. We’ve got our new task over there,” he murmured. “And we’ve all been paid. Straight into our names.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How much?” Drax asked. Magnus hummed and opened his own account, looking into his newest payment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Enough.” He showed the figure to the rest of them, who hummed in acknowledgment. “Not enough to buy a TARDIS though. Probably have to do a couple more tasks for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or, we could each take a portion of our money out now, and get a TARDIS for the ten of us.” Koschei suggested. Magnus shot him a look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you just get your dad to pay for it, Kos’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He doesn’t just give me money, Magnus.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve got to earn it like everyone else.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think ten of us would be able to coexist and not fight over it?” Jelpax frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it’s easy isn’t it?” He shrugged. “If you want to go, you wait until it’s your turn to not be in the lab. Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Koschei raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not all of us have our driving licenses.” Ushas pointed out, glancing at Theta, who pouted at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then someone who does can go with them.” Koschei said, putting a hand on Theta’s knee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How much would we all have to pay?” Vansell asked, and Magnus shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hang on, let me work it out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was pretty sure she was one of the only, if not the only one without her driving license. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She reminded herself to book another test. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And to keep the stupid handbrake off. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta flopped down on top of him, and Koschei wheezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, go to sleep.” He groaned, trying to shove her off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How can you sleep at a time like this??” She asked dramatically, putting the back of her hand to her forehead. “Everything’s coming together!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, well, can everything come together when I’m not trying to sleep.” He grumbled, trying to push her off again. Theta held on and grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You just don’t realise how big this is going to be Koschei, everything’s going to change.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, and that’s great, but can you tell me about it in the morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I can’t sleep! I’m too excited!!” She complained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei reached up and prodded her in the sides. Theta immediately yelped and shot into a ball, the movement enough for Koschei to push her off of him and onto the bed beside him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pouted at him, as Koschei tried not to smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mean.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You need to sleep, my darling. How are you supposed to do anything if you’re tired?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I can’t sleep.” She argued. “Every time I try, I start thinking about it, and I get too excited. I could run a mile right now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, don’t do that, I want you to stay here.” He reached his arms out and Theta shuffled into them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you excited?” She asked, as Koschei wound his arms tightly around her, and hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. But right now, I’m more tired than anything else. I’m not thinking about it because I want to stay tired, and sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can stop thinking about things.” Theta considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then I’ll share my thoughts with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if I accidentally share mine with you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you make it your job to be difficult?” Koschei asked, and Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Not to you anyway.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Appreciated.” He yawned, and Theta sighed a little. She knew she’d be up for a long time after Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta almost considered asking him to make her sleep. Was it worth it? Just for a few extra hours the next day? She was sure she’d hate it. She always hated feeling out of control. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. It wasn’t worth it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok. I’ll be quiet so you can sleep.” She offered, picking at his shirt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you going to do?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. I’ll think of something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can make you tired.” He said, after a long moment. Theta looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just persuasion.” He shrugged a little. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought it only changed peoples minds. Not their bodily processes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It changes a lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You could do a lot of damage with that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not if you do it correctly, like I do. I’m not debating this with you Theta, I’m tired and you should be too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m good thanks.” Maybe she was saying it just to prove a point. She’d rather be right and awake than wrong and asleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your loss.” He yawned, and pulled her a little closer as he shifted. Theta just hummed, and tucked herself into his neck. “I love you.” He reminded her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lay awake long after Koschei had dozed off, trying desperately not to think of the day that lay ahead, or anything overly important. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just tried to feel Koschei’s breathing, and listen to his hearts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered how much of them he’d reserved for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if he was dreaming about her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was always in her dreams. And her nightmares. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on come on come on come on come on!!” Theta whined, bouncing up and down on her feet impatiently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know, patience is a virtue.” Koschei reminded her, brushing his teeth deliberately slowly. Theta pulled a face and mocked him, before scowling at him in the mirror. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re going slow on purpose!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m just making sure I’ve thoroughly brushed all of my teeth.” He shrugged, and Theta groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll just leave without you!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, ok,” Koschei rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly, spitting into the sink and washing his toothbrush. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He straightened, and hadn’t even put out his hand for her to take before Theta latched onto it and hurtled out of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She dragged him downstairs, Koschei muttering behind her about how she was going to make him fall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some of the others were waiting downstairs by the door. They were still missing Vansell, Ushas, Mortimus and Rallon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why is everyone taking so long?” Theta groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no rush Thee’.” Drax scoffed. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah but I don’t want all the time in the world, I want, right now.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thee’, we’re going today. It’s ok.” Koschei finally made a genuine attempt to calm her down, and Theta wondered if she was being annoying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She grumbled. “I’m just excited.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, my love. That’s good, I’m excited too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” Theta looked up at him. “You don’t sound excited.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have I ever?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably not.” Theta couldn’t really remember. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gradually, the other four appeared, ready to go, and the ten of them set off towards the tram station. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was still buzzing, but she could feel the same energy coming from at least Mortimus, so she didn’t feel that self conscious about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram journey seemed to be a never ending one, and Theta couldn’t stop her legs bouncing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei made no effort to stop it, and just squeezed her hand in a beat of three. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, the tram squealed to a stop, and the ten young adults hopped off of it, heading into the citadel. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you excited?” Mortimus asked, pulling up on the other side of Theta, who grinned at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure I’ve been this excited about anything in the history of ever.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me about it.” He smiled. “I could feel how excited you were last night. I couldn’t sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither.” She liked the chat. It made her slightly less skittish. “But Koschei was tired so I couldn’t talk about it to him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should’ve come in my room, I would’ve talked to you about it.” Mortimus offered. Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would have if I’d known you were awake.” That probably wasn’t true. She, most likely, would have stayed with Koschei, just in case he woke up. She only ever left when he was spark out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The idle chatter continued between the ten of them, until they stopped in front of a certain building. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this the place Magnus?” Millennia asked politely, holding Rallon’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep, this is the place.” He nodded, glancing down at the small holographic map he had, before heading inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s butterflies were getting worse and worse. Her hearts were pounding, and she could feel sweat between her and Koschei’s fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you ok?’ He put forward, and Theta sent across affirmation, mixed with a ton of excitement she couldn’t quite detangle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scoffed a little out loud, before sending across a little of his own excitement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That made Theta feel a little better. Like she wasn’t overreacting. Maybe she wouldn’t have cared if she was. She was allowed to be excited. This was huge. She’d been dreaming about this for well over fifty years. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus spoke to whoever was running the establishment, and the ten of them were lead down a corridor and into quite possibly the biggest room Theta had ever been in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And it was lined, wall to wall, with TARDIS’s. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like she might cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do we pick one?” Magnus asked, slowly circling around. The employee smiled and gestured to the room around him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just have a wander, see what speaks to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I get the feeling it’s going to be hard to find a TARDIS that speaks to the ten of us.” Koschei muttered to Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she was already gone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wandered around the large room, mouth agape as she felt her way around the overwhelming energy in the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta noticed some of her friends reaching out and touching some of the TARDIS’s, so she did the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They all looked the same, but felt entirely different. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was slightly overwhelmed, but she’d never felt this excited. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Moving slowly up the line, she felt her hand across several TARDIS’s, each whirring with a different kind of energy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stopped short, and touched the next TARDIS along.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It moved with an energy that Theta had known before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt like her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put both hands on it, and breathed in deeply. The ship seemed to breathe with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS whirred, and she smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was just thinking the same thing.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “You, are, beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS blipped, and Theta practically beamed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! I mean it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah, I’m sorry miss,” Theta glanced up at the man who’d lead them in there, “I probably should’ve mentioned. This TARDIS is not for sale.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?” She asked sadly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Some of our TARDIS’s are going into repairs this afternoon, and she’s one of them.” He patted the exterior, and Theta felt the ship sadden. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong with her?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Navigations busted, and her chameleon arch is looking a bit wobbly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Theta said, looking back at the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But, if you’re that dead set on her, if you give me your name and presence, I can let you know when she’s out of repairs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could you?” She asked hopefully. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, of course. Remind me on your way out and I’ll grab you a form.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She smiled, turning back to the TARDIS as he walked away. “Hear that? I’m gonna come back for you. I’m not going to leave you behind, that would be mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS practically beamed at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll save up all my money, I will, and I’ll come get you. It might take a while..I don’t have much, but when I have enough to get a TARDIS, I’ll come and get you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS was happy with that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing, Thee’?” Koschei put a hand on the small of her back and she turned to smile at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This TARDIS likes me, and I like her. When I get enough to buy my own, I’m gonna buy this one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He frowned. “What’s so special about it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just touch.” She took his hand and pressed it to the TARDIS. The ship seemed wary of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t get it. It feels the same as all the others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not to me it doesn’t.” Theta argued, letting his hand drop away. “This one’s special.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s a Type-40 though, my love. Don’t you want something a little bit more..modern?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I don’t care about all of that. She’s the one I want.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re going to have to save a lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But I can do it. If I’m going to travel the universe I need to make sure I’m doing it in the right ship.” The TARDIS seemed to like the idea of travelling the universe a lot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, ok, fair enough.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! Koschei!” Ushas called to them from another TARDIS, that the eight of them were gathered around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei turned to wander over, and Theta looked back at the TARDIS she wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come back for you, promise.” She said quietly. The TARDIS believed her. Theta let go of it and followed Koschei over to the TARDIS the others were gathered around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We all like this one.” Ushas explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put his hand on it, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, this one’s good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta followed and put her own hand on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was ok. She liked it, and it liked her. But she didn’t love it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, that was ok. She didn’t think she’d want to share her TARDIS with the others anyway. Maybe that was selfish. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe Theta just wanted to keep one thing to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I like it.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Great.” Ushas glanced at the man. “We’ll take this one please!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They filled out the forms, and Theta reminded the man. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He gave her another form to fill out, and she did so quickly and happily, passing it back to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, the ten of them headed home, with the knowledge that their very own TARDIS would be delivered the next day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like somethings were starting to look up. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She bounced on her toes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was taking forever. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on, Kos’, stop being so slow.” She whined. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not even here yet, Theta, it doesn’t matter if I’m quick or slow.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, but I’d prefer it if you were quick.” She grumbled. Koschei smiled, and made his way over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and held her close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you’re excited, my love, but it’s ok. We have all the time in the world.” He said gently. Theta just huffed down at the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you excited?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I am. More than anyone else. Apart from maybe you.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, and Theta relaxed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think that’s some pretty close competition. Mortimus is pretty excited.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pulled a face, and pressed a kiss to her jaw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, I’m sure he is. Did you go to his room last night?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I wanted to stay with you.” Theta answered honestly. Koschei searched her face for a moment, and smiled gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course you did. You’re good like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No reason I suppose.” He sighed gently, and kissed her jaw again, before moving and pressing a kiss to her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’, you need to finish getting ready. We need to be ready to go as soon as it gets here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, yeah, I know. You know I love you more than anyone else could, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I do. And I always try my best for you, and I always try to do right by you. And you’re my girlfriend.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know I am, Kos’. Why are you saying this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t want you to forget.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would I forget that I’m your girlfriend?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because some other people seem to.” He hummed, taking her hand and beginning to pull her out of the room. Apparently he was ready to go. “Maybe one day I should just cover you in hickeys.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not allowed to do that.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took another half an hour before everyone else was ready, and then it became a waiting game. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The nervous energy in the room was almost tangible, as Theta’s leg bounced uncontrollably, and Magnus paced up and down the length of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, they heard the whoosh of a hologram shooting up the hall, stopping in the common room abruptly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus read through it, before signing his name with his finger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We just have to sign.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And so, the ten of them got up, and signed the hologram.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia was the last to sign it, and then it shot off again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them glanced at each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What now?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a thud outside, and they froze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A beat, where they all just looked at one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved first. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She practically vaulted over the sofa and sped out towards the front door, the other nine hot on her tail. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She flew open the door, and gasped quietly to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sitting, in the field, a few metres away from their house, was their very own TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta bolted for the doors, and it slid open, the young adult leading the charge inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And, oh, it was so beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The interior was the same as any TARDIS, just with a slightly purple tint in the lights. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta loved purple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was too much to take in at once. The lack of a driving examiner. The sleek console, the displays, and the controls. The unmistakeable excitement, and crackle of energy this TARDIS was emitting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was like Theta had just stepped, physically, into someone else’s brains. This was a living being and it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt like, as soon as she’d stepped inside, the weight of years of suppression and expectation and procedure, had simply slipped away, like Theta had dropped a heavy cape. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The air crackled with adventure, exploration and intelligence. It breathed as she breathed, for the expanse of the universe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had never felt this free. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt like a whole new person. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She span back around to find Koschei staring at her. It was only then that she noticed she was crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And he was smiling at her, with something so simple, and innocent. It wasn’t complicated, or twisted, or untrustworthy like their relationship had somehow become. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was like he’d just finished explaining a galaxy, in a book to her, and she was recounting it all back to him, as if to prove that she had been listening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta practically flung herself at him, and Koschei laughed, picking her up clean off of her feet and spinning her around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She laughed and squeezed tightly, as he put her back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He pulled away just enough to see her face, where he smiled gently, and moved to wipe her tears away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you happy?” He asked softly. Theta nodded, smiling, and sniffled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m so happy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei beamed at her, and kissed her forehead, before pressing a small kiss to her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t stop the tears from falling, as she held on tightly to the man she still loved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She thought she’d never get here. She thought, she would never, ever, end up stood, in a TARDIS of her own, with Koschei, and the universe at her fingers tips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">None of it mattered anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not expectation, not her family, not the adults. Not Torvic, or the shake that still plagued her hands. Or her nightmares, or the drumming, or the constant feeling that she was letting everyone down. Not the citadel, not Gallifrey, not even Kasterborous. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Because she was bigger than them. She, and the person she loved more than anything could go, and see what was beyond the oranges and the reds and the stifling business transactions of Gallifreyan life. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was allowed to love here. She was allowed to do whatever she wanted, research what she wanted, make what she wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could see whatever picked her fancy, eat whatever alien food she wanted to, listen to whatever music she chose to. She could experience cultures she couldn’t even imagine, see new colours, so many that it hurt her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could dance and live, and love, and breathe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could breathe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They didn’t end up going anywhere that day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They almost did, before Millennia reminded them that they should probably do some proper research on the planets they were planning to go to, first. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, grumbling and complaining, the ten of them headed into the library to do said research. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon and Mortimus made dinner, and they ate it in the library, books spread out in front of them and some of them sat on the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually though, when they felt like they had done enough, they decided it was probably a bit too late to go anywhere now, and so trudged to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, however, was wired. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t sleep, no matter what. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was an itching under her skin that she couldn’t ignore, and it was driving her crazy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to leave. She wanted to leave right now, and step onto alien soil. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wouldn’t, of course. She wasn’t keen on breaking the rules the others had made and pissing them off. She was the only of them without a driving license too, and she wasn’t supposed to pilot the TARDIS without someone who’d passed it, with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, she supposed that didn’t mean she couldn’t just be in it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta slipped out of bed slowly, and padded her way down the two flights of stairs, and outside, to the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It did look a bit boring just as a grey cylinder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she could just look at the Chameleon Arch. It would be fine, as long as she didn’t touch anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved inside, and smiled at the room around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” She said quietly. The TARDIS didn’t say anything, but acknowledged her presence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta ran her hands over the console, barely containing the itch to just set them off and go somewhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was so beautiful. So wonderful and even almost magical. Part of her wished she’d never learnt about TARDIS’s. Maybe then she’d marvel at the dimensional engineering, and the life of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This ship was far smarter than anything she knew. It knew almost everything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everything that had ever happened, everything that would ever happen. Parallel worlds, paradoxes, every planet and every galaxy, and everything she needed to know about them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a font of the knowledge that Theta had wanted to touch since she’d know how to think for herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Languages, and people and memories and suns were stored in that small cylinder, and Theta wanted to know it. She wanted to live with it, and love it and feel it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to hurt with it, to know it’s fear, and strength and passion and intelligence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to move with it, and breathe with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was more than anything she’d ever known, and that scared Theta as much as it excited her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But scared was good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As long as she didn’t let it consume her. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok! Here’s the plan!” Mortimus slapped a book down on the table in the middle of the common room. “Gevova.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s that?” Millennia asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Only two light years away, so it’s a good trip to break the TARDIS in on. Airs completely breathable, the native species consider the time lords allies, and there’s some pretty cool structures and stuff. How are we feeling?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds good!” Millennia smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The general consensus kind of mumbled its way around the room, but the results came back overwhelmingly positive, so Mortimus smiled widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good, lets have some breakfast and get this show on the road.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stopped to wonder how Mortimus had changed. He was no longer the shy and quiet person she’d once known, now he seemed to take charge, speak louder, and assert himself more. She thought it was a good change for him, but Theta couldn’t figure out why it had happened. Maybe he wouldn’t even know, if she were to ask. Sometimes it just happened, she supposed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew you had to be pretty confident and loud, if you wanted anyone to listen in this group of extroverts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t Gevova the planet with gold water?” Rallon asked, over breakfast. Mortimus nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Gold? What’s that? I thought that was just a colour.” Vansell piped up, frowning over his food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s an element a lot of planets have, but we don’t. It’s the same colour we know, it’s a soft metal.” Mortimus explained. “The river beds used to be made of it, and so it eroded, and slowly became part of the water. It’s all shiny.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like Theta.” Rallon shrugged, not looking up from his food. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” He looked up, when he saw no one understood. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your presence. The gold kind of colour.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh. Right, yeah.” She nodded. “That’s the colour of the water?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Mortimus smiled at her. “Pretty cool, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, thats really cool.” She nodded, smiling a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed a little beside her, and Theta glanced at him, as the conversation continued around them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you ok?’ She thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sent affirmation, but it wasn’t very believable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you nervous?’ Theta asked. It seemed like the only option. Koschei hesitated for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Yeah, that’s it. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be ok.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Well that’s alright. You don’t have to be scared, Kos’. I’ll be here the whole time, and I’ll hold your hand if you want.’ Theta thought it in the most genuine way possible, completely unintentionally, and that must have got to Koschei, because he glanced back at her with almost as much fondness in his eyes than was possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I know. I love you.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I know. I love you too.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta held his hand, probably for her sake as much as she did his. She was incredibly nervous, and incredibly excited. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could feel both of her hearts pounding, and the shake in her hands much more noticeable than usual. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, are we ready?” Magnus asked from the console, where he and Ushas had decided to take the first go at piloting her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Admittedly, they’d all wanted to be the first, but new TARDIS’s were notoriously bumpy, and so they’d thought it would be best if the two who’d gotten their driving licenses first, piloted her the first few times. Just until she settled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” The general chorus came back, and Magnus and Ushas looked at each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s go then.” Ushas actually cracked a smile, as the two began to work their way around the console. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked a lot more boring than when Theta did it, but she guessed that that was why they had their driving license and she didn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, the TARDIS set off with a jolt, and Ushas actually grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My friends, welcome to the time vortex.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at Koschei, with the biggest beam on her face possible, only to find him grinning back just as widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not on Gallifrey anymore.” She pointed out quietly. Koschei laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No we are not.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t feel real. It felt like Theta might suddenly wake up back in her small Academy room, with no TARDIS, no friends, and no hope. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This might’ve just been the best thing that had ever happened to her. It was certainly close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was buzzing, bouncing on the balls of her feet and hearts going a mile a minute. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ship shook slightly, and the ten of them wobbled, hanging onto one another to remain upright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hang on, might be a bit of an ungraceful landing.” Magnus announced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Almost as soon as he said it, the TARDIS shook, and a loud boom came from outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them swayed and shook for a moment in the aftermath, before righting and straightening themselves. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we on another planet?” Vansell asked what Theta had been thinking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep.” Ushas looked at the monitor. “Gevova, two light years away and 473th century. Perfectly breathable air, the natives are nice, they’re called the Gevovians, which isn’t very creative. But, in short, yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This couldn’t be real. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t actually be, off Gallifrey. Theta couldn’t actually be about to step onto alien soil. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was nervous. No- she was terrified. Could she do this? What if she couldn’t even do this? What if her entire life and all the reasons she’d lived it were completely redundant, and she was destined to stay on Gallifrey forever?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you ok?’ He put forward gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I don’t know.’ Theta answered truthfully. ‘I’m scared.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Me too.’ Koschei agreed. ‘So don’t let go of my hand.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘As long as you don’t let go of mine.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas stepped towards the door, and it opened wide. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swore she heard her hearts stop. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In front of them, stretching as far as the eye could see, was a....community? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure what to call it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was like the citadel, just a lot smaller, and a lot simpler. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But everything was purple. The houses, the streets, the lights were made out of light purple brick. The sky above was a paler purple, and the grass a deep royal shade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure she’d ever seen anything more beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took her breath away and left her coming up short. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to do, her legs felt like lead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She watched, almost frozen, as her friends took their turns in slowly stepping out onto alien soil. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Each time was a small celebration, lead with a tiny cheer, or a high five. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, Koschei gently pulled her over towards the door, and Theta stopped dead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hang on.” She leant down and quickly shoved off her shoes, picking them up in her extra hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t question it, and just smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ready?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really. But let’s do it anyway.” She looked back at him, and he squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“One, two, three.” The two of them stepped off the TARDIS, and into the pale purple grass of an alien planet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked down at her feet, and felt the earth between her toes. It felt different, in a way she couldn’t explain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt exciting, and Theta wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t about to have at least one heart attack. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked from the ground up at Koschei, who was smiling at his own feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re on an alien planet.” She pointed out. Koschei looked up at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We are on an alien planet.” He confirmed quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta launched herself at him, and Koschei laughed, hugging her tightly as she squeezed him within an inch of her life. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How was this happening? How did she deserve this? How had she ended up on an alien planet with her friends and a TARDIS and Koschei, after everything that had happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It shouldn’t have been happening. She shouldn’t have gotten there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she had and in that moment, it didn’t matter if Theta deserved it or not, because she was truly, honestly happy. The people around her were happy and she could feel it radiating off of them, filling her hearts with such joy and excitement for new adventure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pulled away just to see tears filling Koschei’s eyes, which she reached up to gently wipe away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh please don’t cry, Kos’, I will if you start.” She laughed, and he smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry- I- I can just feel how happy you are. You haven’t been this happy in a very long time.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta paused, and stared at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That had completely knocked her off her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That meant Koschei watched. He listened and he felt her pain. He kept an eye on her, he wanted her to be happy. And now she was, and he was crying, and Theta didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she just sniffled and pulled him into the tightest hug she could manage. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d been so stupid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So stupid, she was so slow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t alone. This whole time Theta had been thinking that Koschei didn’t know her as well as he thought he did, but that wasn’t true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei knew her better than anyone, he felt all of her pain and longed to fix it for her. He watched her and tried to help, and this whole time Theta had just thought he’d been ignoring her struggle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why hadn’t he said something? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why hadn’t she said something? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were both idiots. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Two idiot sides of the same idiot coin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I love you too.” Koschei squeezed back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for being there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Always.” He pulled away and smiled, sniffing and wiping her tears away. “Come on, we’re on an alien planet. We shouldn’t be crying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded, and pulled away, turning to look at what she was now calling the-tiny-citadel-with-no-bubble, in front of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others had long since wandered a little ways away, some staring up at buildings, and some examining rocks, the nerds they were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s so beautiful.” She said quietly. Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like the lights of the Other.” He hummed. “I like purple.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” Theta took her first step, and then her second, and then the two of them were wandering around on alien soil. “I guess we’re the aliens now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I guess we are.” Koschei nodded. Their conversation was a bit lame, but Theta wasn’t quite sure what to say. That seemed to be reciprocated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What even is this place?” She frowned. “It’s too small to be a citadel.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, why don’t we ask?” Koschei pulled her over to an alien, who was chatting to Rallon and Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had never seen an alien before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked a little bit like them. Her face was the same, and she was the same sort of height. But her skin was a pale blue, and she had antenna perturbing from her forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want to stare, but she couldn’t help it. She’d never seen someone who was blue before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Try not to stare, my love.’ Koschei reminded her, and Theta glanced away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Sorry. She’s blue.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I know.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I’ve never seen an alien before.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Neither have I, but I don’t really want to be rude.’ He pointed out. Theta nodded, and they stopped in front of the alien. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon glanced at them and smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, hey. Uh- Theta, Koschei, this is..Oralia.” He said her name slowly, in a deliberate effort to get it right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi! Welcome to Gevova. Your friends were telling me it’s your first time off planet!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta said. Her mouth felt dry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I must say, you speak excellent Gevovan.” The alien smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, no, that’ll be the TARDIS.” Rallon explained politely. “It translates pretty much every language for us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wow. That sounds incredibly advanced.” Oralia looked surprised. “Then again, perhaps our technology is as advanced in the cities, I wouldn’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry, um..what’s a city?” Theta asked. The word didn’t quite translate in Gallifreyan. They didn’t have a word like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like..a large group of buildings. Homes, and shops. Don’t you have cities?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have the citadel.” Theta frowned. “It’s the only cluster of buildings. The rest are spread out across the drylands.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have towns? Or villages?” Oralia frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are they?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed there was a lot on alien planets Theta had never heard of. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was exciting. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kingdom dance type vibes</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oralia tried her best to explain towns and villages and cities, but Theta still didn’t really understand them. The language barrier on such words didn’t make anything easier. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you don’t mind me asking,” Theta said, as Oralia helpfully lead the ten of them through the village, and explained things to them. “But, why are you blue?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oralia smiled, amused, and glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you not?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because......um..I don’t know.” Theta admitted. Alright, fine, good point well made. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So,” she addressed the whole group. “What do you want to see? Or know? If it’s your first time on a different planet I’m sure you have a long list.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them glanced between each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was all well and good telling themselves what they were going to do on the alien planet, but it was very easy to forget all of that once they actually got there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, could you tell us something, Oralia?” Rallon asked. “I don’t know, just things about your culture.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose I could,” Oralia considered it for a moment. “Well, you’re just in time for the festival of suns.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a celebration we have every rotation. The suns align with one another, we use it to celebrate peak susceptibility.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Susceptibility to what?” Theta asked, and Oralia turned to face them all, smiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, to the spirits of course. It is when we become more blessed, and the most good things happen.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if she was a religious kind of person, but that seemed like a nice on to be apart of. Seemed pure, and wholesome. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, she supposed no one ever told anyone about the worst parts of their faith. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s exciting.” Rallon considered. Oralia nodded, and smiled. “When is the festival?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tonight.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The festival of suns happens when the suns go down?” Ushas frowned from towards the back of the group. Oralia nodded again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. The suns charge up the energy and spirits in the day, and then, at night, we release them upon ourselves.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you release them?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’ll show you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It turned out, they released them, by having a party. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At sunset, more Gevovians began to appear, setting up market stalls and musical instruments that Theta couldn’t even begin to understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And when the suns disappeared, the life really began. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">People were selling fruits and jewellery at market stalls, people were running around with baskets, putting blue flowers in peoples hair. People were sat or stood in little groups in the street, eating and laughing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In, what seemed to be the centre of this thing they called a village, was a large entity square of space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t empty for long. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As soon as the strange musical instruments began to be played, people filled the space, and danced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed like a dance they all knew, but it was simple, and only took Theta about ten minutes of watching to learn. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There were small children, running around, drawing with some sort of small, coloured sticks on the ground, and doing each other’s hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They looked to be about ten, or eleven, which Theta found fascinating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They weren’t in school. They were free, and doing what kids should do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She liked it here. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt free. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a tug on her hand, and Theta glanced down to see a young girl. She crouched down and smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello. Happy festival.” The girl beamed, and stuck a small flower behind her ear. Theta blinked and smiled as the girl ran a little ways away, to put flowers behind her friends ears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Even Ushas didn’t have the heart to say no to the girl, and refused to take it out, even after some teasing from the boys around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” Koschei took her hand, from where he’d wandered off with Magnus about ten minutes before to go and look at market stalls. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” She turned and found a flower behind his ear. Theta grinned. “Nice flower.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks. You too.” He smiled back. “It’s very blue here isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Considering the actual buildings are purple, the blue people do seem to love the colour blue, yes.” Theta nodded. And it was true. The flowers were blue. The food was blue, their clothes were blue, and their jewellery. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I doubt it’s a mourning colour then.” Koschei pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good. I think it’s a far too happy colour to be a mourning o-“ Theta yelped as someone grabbed her hand, and yanked her away from Koschei, pulling her into a dance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She came face to face with another Gevovian, who span her around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked and managed to find her footing, smiling at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.” She said breathlessly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi! Happy festival!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Happy festival.” Theta laughed back, their overwhelming positivity radiating onto her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The alien danced with her and Theta somehow managed to keep up, spinning at the right times and putting her feet in the right places. The dance was fairly repetitive, so soon, she just relaxed and bounced around the square. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could see flashes of red and brown, and so her best assumption was that some of the others had been pulled into the dance as well, but she couldn’t be sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was spun and danced with until she was coming short for breath. But she couldn’t stop smiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was amazing. This was the very culture she had longed to witness for decades, and it was so warm and welcoming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The music seemed to finish, and Theta thought she was about to be let go, so she could take a breather, before she was spun off in another direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She landed right in front of Magnus, who looked as equally out of breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you my new partner?” He asked. Theta glanced around, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It would seem that way.” She grinned, the music started again and Magnus smiled, beginning to move again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed he’d gotten the hang of the dance as well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nice flower.” Theta smiled as he spun her around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” Magnus laughed back, as Theta then spun him around. “What do you think?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of this place?” She asked, pivoting backwards as Magnus stepped forward, and back again. He nodded. “I think it’s incredible. I wish we had something like this. How much happier would everything be if we had festivals?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know right!” He smiled. “Y’know, I asked one of them what other celebrations they have. They have a thing called a Rotation festival, which marks the start of a new rotation, and they have something called a New Day.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a small celebration, that marks the day in which they were born. Everyone has one, every year.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the hell,” Theta blinked. “They must be constantly celebrating.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know! Sounds great doesn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t even know what day I was born, I don’t remember it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right? And every year they get to eat loads of food and they get given gifts.” Magnus explained, moving backwards again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe we should have New Days. Or- just festivals. Little ones, with the ten of us. It’d give us something to look forward to.” Theta suggested. He made a face of consideration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not a bad idea. Let’s pitch it when we get home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The music paused again, and Theta was spun off again towards someone else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She laughed to herself, and ended up opposite Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey!” She grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Koschei spun her around as the music began again, and Theta laughed. “You look happy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am.” She smiled. “You do too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am.” Theta spun him around, and Koschei ducked a little to get under her arm, smiling back at her. “You should put flowers in your hair all the time.” He stepped forward and Theta moved backwards, shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. I think you should too, it’s a good look.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why thank you, I feel positively gorgeous.” He laughed, and Theta sniggered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put his hands on her waist, and Theta put hers on his shoulders. It wasn’t part of the dance, they just wanted to be touching. Like most of the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yknow, we should go off planet more often. You’re positively glowing, my dear.” Koschei spun her around again, and Theta just smiled and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t leave your sappiness behind then.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m offended you even thought I could do such a thing.” Koschei grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right, you’re right, that was dumb of me. You’ll always be an idiot like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mean. I might just leave you in this dance circle.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not allowed to do that. I might die if I have to do any more of this, I’m so out of breath.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, come on.” He took her hand and ducked under people, leading Theta out towards the edges of the dance circle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Their friends who hadn’t been pulled into the circle, and by that she meant, Ushas and Vansell, were easy to spot in the sea of blue and purple, so Theta and Koschei made their way towards them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They finally fell out of the crowd, Theta panting.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve lost your touch Blondie.” Ushas regarded her with an eyebrow raise. “When did you get unfit?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oi.” She huffed. “I’m not unfit. I’d like to see you do three rounds of that dance and come back without breaking a sweat.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m alright.” She considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pouted, and turned to look back at the cloud. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia and Magnus has founded each other, Rallon and Mortimus were with two Gevovians, and Drax and Jelpax were dancing with each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta crossed her arms over her chest and smiled at them. Drax was whipped, she could tell from ten metres away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think Drax and Jelpax are copulating?” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah,” Theta kept to her word, and averted their attention. She’d promised Drax she wouldn’t let Ushas get it in her head, and she intended to keep to that. “Why aren’t you dancing, Van?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure it’s my thing. I have two left feet.” He looked back at her, and Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can do it. It’s easy.” She grabbed his hand before he had time to brush her off, and spun him around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh god- don’t you dare.” She grinned at him and let go, the tiniest raise of his lips visible on Vansell’s face. “I don’t spin. I’ll get nauseous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you do anything?” Koschei asked. “Except walk in a straight line?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you rather walk in a circle?” He shot back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there supposed to be a metaphor in there?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Ushas answered for him. “That’s what he wants you to think. I refuse to believe Vansell knows what’s he’s talking about ninety percent of the time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do too.” He huffed. “I know myself a lot better than you seem to, Ushas. I know why I’m here, and what I’ll do when I’ll leave. All you seem to know is how to mix chemicals together and be rude to people.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok ladies, let’s keep the fighting to a minimum on alien planets, shall we?” Theta stepped between the two of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas scowled at him, and Vansell just looked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Millennia appeared from the crowd, and grabbed Ushas’ hand, yanking the other woman back into the crowd. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! Millennia I don’t dance!” She tried to argue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia wasn’t listening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled, and glanced at Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you here Van’?” She asked. “What did you mean by that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..you know. Someone has to keep an eye on you all.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt like her head was spinning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Admittedly, actually going to an alien planet had been the thing she had been thinking about, not the rotation sickness that came with it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a regular thing, that every time lord had to go through. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most planets rotated, a lot faster than Gallifrey did. They didn’t know why, Gallifrey was just slow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t noticeable when one was on the new planet, or even when they got back to Gallifrey. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But as soon as they sat down, their heads would begin to spin and their stomach would begin to churn. It only lasted a day, before the head caught up with the body. But it was a shitty day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them were lying around the house, either complaining, or trying to sleep it off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, was on a sofa in the common room, where most of the others were too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She and Koschei at least had found each other, and were now curled up in a complicated knot of limbs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” He mumbled, from where her forehead was pressed against his chin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel like I just fell out of a whirlpool or something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll pass.” He pressed a tiny kiss to her forehead. Theta put a hand on his hip, and rubbed small circles into his skin where his shirt had ridden up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Also in the common room with them, were Drax, Rallon and Millennia, Mortimus, and Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know where Mortimus, Jelpax or Ushas were. She also didn’t particularly care. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her stomach clenched again, and Theta whimpered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ssh, it’s ok.” Koschei whispered. He kissed her forehead again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why the fuck did we think leaving was a good idea?” She whined. He shrugged minutely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Why do we think doing it again is a good idea?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, you right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta and Koschei, by sunset, felt a lot better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others all seemed to be asleep, so Theta didn’t know about them, but her nocturnal nature was coming in in full force. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So the two of them, albeit wobbling, got up and padded into the kitchen to try and face some food.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually, they settled on some plain toast, and sat at the table in the relative darkness. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They ate slowly, and quietly, for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spoke first. Obviously. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We went to an alien planet today.” She pointed out. Koschei smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes we did. It was awesome.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was, wasn’t it?” She beamed. “I’ve never seen an alien before today.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do Dalek’s not count?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I’ve never actually seen a Dalek. I’ve just seen their armour.” She explained. Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right, you’re right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Those aliens were nice. The Gevovian’s, I mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, they were.” Koschei considered. “I don’t think all aliens are that nice though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They might be.” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dalek’s aren’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Apart from the Daleks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They won’t be.” He shrugged. “We should be careful. They might want to hurt us when we go places.” Koschei explained. Theta frowned a little, and her shoulders raised. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t think it hurts anyone to assume that they don’t want to, before they prove that they might. Most creatures are just afraid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t it safer to assume that they are going to hurt us though?” Koschei considered. Theta frowned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure she’d like to be in Koschei’s head. It seemed like a rather negative place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..maybe. But you miss out on experiences. If you’d assumed the Gevovian’s wanted to hurt us, maybe you wouldn’t have had a dance, or bought anything at the market. Maybe you wouldn’t have that flower to remember it by. And I mean- that’s the reason you go. What’s the point in going to anywhere if you’re too afraid to experience their culture?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I never said I was afraid.” He put forward. “Just wary.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t it get tiring to assume the worst of people all the time though, Kos’?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shrugged a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t it get tiring assuming the best of people when they inevitably let you down and don’t match expectation?” He fired back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, and glanced down, taking his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You haven’t let me down.” She said softly. Koschei shook his head a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I have. I let you down all the time. Every time I say something you disagree with. Or every time I don’t match up to your values. Every time I criticise the holes in your logic.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was starting to feel a little bit like an attack, and Theta immediately dug her heels in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’d had a nice day. She hadn’t thought about this. She didn’t want to think about this. Their relationship was precarious, but as long as she dragged it away from conflict territory, she could protect it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had to protect it. She couldn’t let Koschei go. He was important to her. He was the one that understood. She loved him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t let me down.” She said softly. “I don’t mind that you have different values to me.” Sure, maybe to protect it, she had to lie a bit. But it was fragile. It was like trying to keep a butterfly safe, in a glass. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was where it was most safe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah you do.” Koschei prodded. Theta shook her head and smiled a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No I don’t. I think it’s great you have your own opinions. Just because I don’t agree with them doesn’t make them wrong.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pursed his lips at her. He looked annoyed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why was he annoyed? What did he want from her? She was trying to protect them, why was that annoying him? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. But we are far apart aren’t we, my love? Polar opposites really.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate where you’re coming from.” Theta tried, as calmly as she could. She could tell Koschei was trying to wind her up, and that annoyed her. Why was he always doing this? Why did he want her to be angry? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She never wanted him to be angry, or upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was when Theta found it hard to believe that he loved her. How could he love her and want to make her upset? It didn’t add up, and it didn’t sit right in her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? I feel like I can never get where you’re coming from.” He shrugged, eyes scathing over her face. Theta focused on her breathing, instead of the tone he was using. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, maybe you should work on that. It’s a good life skill to have.” She tried, as neutrally as she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked at her for a long moment, and smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps.” Theta looked down, and didn’t say anything. Koschei opened his mouth, and closed it again, watching her and working his tongue against one of his canines. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both knew what he was doing. They both knew the other knew what he was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta dared him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your saviour complex?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, how’s your God complex?” Theta snapped back before she had the chance to reign it in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei grinned and pretended to jump, that light back in his eyes that Theta always wanted to punch out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wonderful, thank you for asking.” He purred, obviously very pleased with himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just shook her head and looked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t win. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Either she reigned it in, and had to sit through the teasing, wondering why Koschei would ever want her to be upset. Or she gave in to it, and snapped at him, which made him happy, and her feel terrible, and manipulated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta set her jaw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want me to be angry?” She muttered at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t answer for a long moment, and Theta started to wonder if he was planning to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because it proves that we’re not so different.” He eventually said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked back at him, and glared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We are different.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No we’re not. You like to pretend that we are, but we’re not. The only difference is, you try to force your views onto others under the guise of ‘being a good person’. But if they don’t agree with you, you leave them behind.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true.” She scowled. “You’re the one who never tries to understand where I’m coming from.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I know exactly where you’re coming from.” He muttered, leaning closer. “You and I, we think the same way. But you try to be above it. Above anger, above fury. You think that’s what separates us but you’re wrong. The only difference is that you’re too scared to admit that you’re like me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shook her head and looked away from him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That wasn’t true. It wasn’t about him. She wasn’t scared. He didn’t know anything about how she really felt. He was wrong. He had to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All I want, is to be a good person. Why can’t you let me try and do that?” She asked quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because good people don’t exist. You’re just using that as an excuse to justify your views, and you think that makes you better than me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that what you think?” She asked, looking back at him. “That I think I’m better than you?” He didn’t reply, and Theta couldn’t work out what was in his eyes. “You’re my equal, Koschei, and I’m not afraid to be like you. But do you want to know the real difference between us?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please, go ahead.” He sat back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to observe and I want to help. You want to dissect. Take things apart, just so you can understand, and you’re not willing to put things back together once you’re done. But people aren’t yours to dissect, Koschei. They’re not toys you can play with, and leave when they get broken. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I am not here, for you to work out. I’m not here for you to pick me apart, and see how far you can push me until I break, so you can leave me behind and find something else to play with. You want to question me, fine. But don’t make it out like I’m a terrible person for just wanting to help. Am I not allowed to look in the mirror and tell myself I’m not as much of a scumbag as I think I am? Am I not allowed to try and make up for what I did to Torvic? Am I not allowed to just try my best, without you psychoanalysing me and trying to make me question everything I’ve ever stood for?” Koschei regarded her, with something so closed off, Theta didn’t know what to call it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It only made her angrier. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re doing it right now.” She muttered, scowling at him. She was hurt. She was really hurt, and she didn’t know what to think, but she didn’t want to be there anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta ran from it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Shaking her head, she stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to bed.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she left Koschei in the kitchen in the relative darkness, and went upstairs to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta curled up tightly, and tried not to let the tears fall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was this unfixable? Was this worth it? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was she a bad person? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Twenty minutes later, Koschei came to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She contemplated telling him to go away, but she wasn’t sure she could do it without getting upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Besides, this was easier. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just holding each other was easier than talking. They couldn’t be bad at that. They couldn’t do that wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta shifted and curled up like she usually did, tucking herself under his chin, and keeping her eyes closed so Koschei couldn’t see how glassy they were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered if Koschei ever cried for what they’d lost. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hoped he did. Maybe it would stop her feeling so irrational. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei moved his hand up, and stroked through her hair gently, pulling it to a bunch at the back of his neck like he always did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She thought he might say something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like shit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Physically, and mentally, like utter shit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before, mostly due to her inability to stop crying. And now she had a headache she couldn’t shift, and her eyes hurt every time she moved them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei has been in the lab all day with some of the others, and Theta was grateful for it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wouldn’t know how to face him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To stay away from everyone else, she’d chosen to tuck herself away in one corner of the library, and pretend to read. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The butterflies on the pages weren’t bright enough for her to be interested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t understand it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spent her entire life trying to keep Koschei happy, trying to fix his problems for him. Admittedly, she hadn’t done a great job, but the effort was there. And Koschei knew that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d cried once, when he knew he’d made her upset. Why didn’t he care anymore? What had changed? Had she done something wrong? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” She glanced up and hurriedly wiped the tears that she hadn’t noticed were slipping down her cheeks, clearing her throat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry- hey. Is everything ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what I was just going to ask you.” Millennia sat down beside her and Theta immediately shook it off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’m ok. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it about Gevova?” She asked. “Are you disappointed?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta scoffed a little. “No way. I couldn’t be. It was amazing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Millennia smiled a tiny bit. “So, if it’s not Gevova, what is it?” Theta just looked down. “Is it Koschei?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta welled up again and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, Thee’.” Millennia gasped, and pulled her into a hug.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That only made her feel worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one apart from Koschei had ever held her whilst she cried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt nice, from another person. Not normal, but not bad either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whats happened?” Millennia asked, pushing some hair out of her friends face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sniffed. Where the fuck to start. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I just- I don’t..I don’t know if he’s the same person I fell in love with.” Theta explained, voice wavering. “He seems to like it wh- when I’m upset- and I don’t know why.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would you think that?” Millennia frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He goes out of his way to make me annoyed and wind me up. And- and it always upsets me because I feel like he’s g- got an agenda that I don’t know about.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia hugged her tightly, and put a hand on the back of her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you talked to him about it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do I say?” Theta shrugged. “I don’t know how.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, Thee’, communication is important in relationships. You need to be able to talk to him about these things, or your relationship won’t work.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..what do I say?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How you’re feeling. What he did to make you feel like that. How you think he could get better.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sniffled, and was quiet for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you happy with him?” Millennia asked. Theta paused, before nodding. It was true. It was also a lie. But she couldn’t say she wasn’t. If she admitted things weren’t perfect where was she then? Completely unknown territory. Theta didn’t like that. Theta didn’t like not knowing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does Rallon ever upset you?” Theta mumbled. Millennia hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes. Not intentionally, but he does sometimes. So I sit him down and I tell him what upset me, and he apologises and we talk through it.” She stroked through Theta’s hair. She felt quite bad for possibly ruining Millennia’s clothes with her tears. “This might just be a miscommunication, Theta. Maybe he’s feeling a completely different way about the situation. Maybe he never meant to upset you. But you won’t know, and he won’t know how you’re feeling because you’re not talking about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if talking about it doesn’t help?” Theta mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can guarantee you, it will.” Millennia said softly. “But sometimes issues like this require lots of times where you sit down and talk, and maybe cry. The Citadel wasn’t built in a day.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think...I’m scared.” Theta admitted. This was kind of crazy for her. She was opening up to someone that wasn’t Koschei, and, surprisingly, it felt really nice to have a fresh opinion. She didn’t know what Millennia was going to say, but everything she did say seemed to make sense, even if it was scary. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s ok. Scared is a good thing, it means you care about the relationship and want to see it happy.” She explained. That was a nice way of thinking about it. Theta hadn’t thought about it like that. “I promise you Theta, things will seem a lot less complicated if you just sit down and talk.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She agreed slowly. “I’ll try.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta made herself some food quietly. The kitchen was blissfully empty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was, until it wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey!” She blinked to see Mortimus, who smiled at her, before it quickly merged into a frown. “Woah, are you ok? You look rough, Thee’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine,” she reassured, taking her drink and plate over to the table. Mortimus stayed leaning against the counter. “The rotation sickness kept me up. I’m just tired.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fair enough.” He shrugged. “So how did you enjoy Gevova?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought it was brilliant.” She smiled a tiny bit down at her food. “The culture was beautiful. Did you like it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah! Loved it. Best trip of my life I reckon. Not that that’s particularly hard to top, considering the fact the best place I’d ever gone was the citadel.” Theta scoffed a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, that’s true.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Mortimus wandered over to the table and sat beside her, Theta glancing up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know if Drax and Jelpax are going out? Cuz they seem to be getting real close and they won’t tell me anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shrugged honestly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know really. It wouldn’t surprise me, they do seem to spend a lot of time on their own. I’m not sure I’ve ever got a moment alone with Jelpax.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” he considered. “They’re not really those friends though are they?” Theta was grateful for the gossip. It helped her get her mind off of her own issues. “Like, they’re not the type of friends you’d go to to lay your issues on them, but you still know they’ll be there. Do you know what I mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta nodded. “Why don’t you ask them if they’re going out?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would if I could catch them. They both move too fast.” He scoffed. Theta laughed a little, and they dissolved into comfortable silence again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mort?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- listen, you can say no to this, obviously, but i was just wondering if I could have a hug?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course you can Thee’. Is everything ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I just realised..like, I don’t hug my friends. And I want to change that I think. I think I like hugs.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good. Hugs are nice.” Mortimus nodded as he stood up. Theta followed him, and hugged him tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was nice to hug. He was more her height, and he was a little warmer than Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried not to let him hear as she sighed into his shoulder. She thought he probably did hear, because he squeezed just a little tighter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know I’m always here for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She mumbled. “Sorry. I feel like I’m constantly droning on at you about my problems, you never tell me about yours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would if I had any.” He reassured. “But life’s pretty good for me right now, considering, so don’t worry about putting extra weight on my shoulders or anything like that. Ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grabbed Koschei’s wrist as he stepped around her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked and looked down at it, before glancing back at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have to talk.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shrugged, and let himself be pulled upstairs and into their bedroom, where Theta shut the door behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want me to be upset?” She asked, before Theta had the opportunity to overthink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed and flopped onto his back, shaking his head at the ceiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then...why say all those things about me? Why try and piss me off?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what I was doing.” He pointed out. “I was trying to piss you off. Not make you upset.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You want to make me angry to prove that we’re the same.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..it’s not making me angry. It’s just making me feel insecure, and upset.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei glanced at her, brow dipping downwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does it make you insecure?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta suddenly felt very exposed under his gaze, so she glanced at the ground and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Communication was important. She couldn’t back out now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It just makes me think that..maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m not allowed to have my own opinions and I’m wrong for how I live my life. And it makes me think that...um...” her voice wobbled and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “It..it makes me think that- m- maybe you don’t...” she paused to sniffle and crease her brow in an attempt to stop the tears from spilling. “That m-maybe you don’t..l- love me.” Theta practically broke down as soon as she’d said it, crying at the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt so stupid for this. Koschei wasn’t crying. He wasn’t upset about this. Theta was just too sensitive. She just had to get over herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you crazy?” Koschei stood up quickly and hurried over to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Theta, look at me.” He said softly. Theta shook her head. She didn’t want him to see her like this. “Please, Thee’. Look at me.” He sounded a little upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up at him, more to check he was ok, and saw tears filling his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I love you.” He said softly, putting his hands on her cheeks and wiping the tears away gently. “I love you so much.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then- t-then why are you doing this to me?” Theta sniffled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked at her for a long moment, eyes searching her face as he tried to think of the right words. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because...” he swallowed, and shook his head a little. “Because I need to feel like your equal.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him for a moment, snivelling. She didn’t understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are my equal.” She said softly. Koschei just shrugged, and glanced over her shoulder instead of looking at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t feel it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Theta asked, pulling herself closer. She wanted to understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because Theta, you’re just..more than me. More than anything I’ve ever known. I don’t know how to feel like your equal. You’re just..better. Everyone loves you. You’re kinder than me, better at thinking on your feet. Faster, stronger, funnier. And..I think you know that. I think you know you’re better than me. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I just- I just wanted to prove to myself, and to you that you’re not above the rest of us. You’re not above emotions like anger and annoyance, like you pretend to be. I thought..maybe if I could prove that you’re not as much of a wonderful person as you pretend to be, I might be worthy of you. I might deserve you if you’re not who you want people to think you are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think she was more than Koschei. She wasn’t trying to pretend she was. That was just, who she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know wether to take what he’d said as an insult or a compliment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I’m better than you, Kos’.” She said quietly, putting her hands over his, where they rested on her cheeks. “I’ve always thought you were so much better than me- I- I’ve always looked up to you, wanted to be like you. I think you’re brilliant, and- and I always thought..maybe..maybe if I was just a little bit like you, I’d be brilliant.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t tell if he was convinced. Koschei looked conflicted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to upset you, Thee’.” He said, after a while. “I do love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well then, can you stop trying to make me angry? Please?” She asked, afraid he might snap at her. Koschei glanced down, sighed, and then looked back up and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, my love. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” She mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pulled her into a tight hug, and Theta squeezed back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her expression fell, and she held on tight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was Koschei’s equal. She’d always considered them equal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was this a her problem? Or was he just in his head? It wasn’t really her fault if he decided he thought she was above him. Theta couldn’t help that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t really know what to think. But Theta got the sneaking suspicion this wouldn’t be the last time they had this conversation. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta awoke to a small kiss on her forehead. And then another. And then another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She let out a small noise of confusion, and stretched out, pulling her arms up to rub at her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei watched as she yawned, and rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He kissed her forehead again, and Theta finally blinked up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’re you doing?” She mumbled, and Koschei just pulled her closer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Giving you kisses.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked, shifting again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I love you.” He squeezed her a little, and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other coming to stroke through her hair. “I love you so much Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” She mumbled automatically, closing her eyes again and burying her face in his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I really do love you though.” He said quietly. “More than anything. I promise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She said quietly. Maybe he did love her. This seemed to prove it, and he did prove it most of the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought Koschei was maybe just trying to prove his own worth with what he’d done? She wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Whatever he was trying to do, he’d obviously gone about it the wrong way. But he’d said he wouldn’t do it again, and that he felt bad. That had to mean things were better, right? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But, Theta began to wonder, wether loving one another was enough. Relationships needed more than just love to stay afloat, and Theta had the sinking suspicion some of those things were missing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She forced herself not to think about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They could make it work. She loved him and he loved her, that was enough. That was good. Right? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything ever.” Koschei said quietly. “I’d give my life for you Thee’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do that.” She mumbled, and finally looked up at him. Koschei smiled, and stroked some of her hair away from her face and back towards her actual parting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will we still stay together, even when we have different faces?” Koschei asked. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” She didn’t see why not. Their relationship would be as dysfunctional, no matter the face. “I think I could fall in love with you, no matter what you looked like.” That was true, at least. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too. Unless you were some..like..reallllly old looking dude.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey!” She pouted. “You wouldn’t love me if I was a grandpa?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He grinned at her and Theta pushed him away from her a little bit, smiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d love you if you looked like a grandpa.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then perhaps you’re a better person.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh. That was interesting. There it was. She had the chance to nip it in the bud. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she said softly, and gently moved some hair from his face. “I’m not.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched her face for a long moment, and then frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think I’m a good person?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought you didn’t believe in good people.” Theta frowned a little. Koschei wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gently forced her down back against his chest, where she couldn’t see his face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t. But in your little..bad to good person moral scale thing, where would you put me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was quiet for a long time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was a big question. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was, kind, and helped people when they needed it, like when the Dalek’s had attacked the Academy. He obviously felt empathy, because he’d cried when Theta told him he’d upset her. He didn’t tend to turn people away to save his own pride, if the flower behind his ear two days ago was anything to go by. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he didn’t feel remorse about Torvic. He didn’t care, and he’d even said he would do it again just to see Theta lose it. That wasn’t a particularly good part of him. But she wondered how those things all scaled in comparison to each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think..you are.” She eventually decided. “You’re not perfect, because no one is, but I think..when pressed..you do the right thing. And that’s all anyone can really ask for.” She chose her words carefully, and moved to glance at his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s hand running through her hair gently and surreptitiously pressed her back down into a position where she couldn’t see his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if he was ok. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He eventually said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked quietly, putting a hand on his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” He reassured quietly. “I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. I believe you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! Get in here!” She was called into the common room, and Theta blinked. The rest of them were sat in there, looking at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were you all waiting for me? Did I forget this was happening?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, now come sit down.” Magnus ushered her in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked and sat down in the first available seat beside Jelpax. They glanced at one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He, thankfully, looked as lost as she felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have news.” Magnus explained, rather obviously, because of the hologram in front of him. “The Dalek’s are back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t realise they’d left.” Ushas grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither did I but we probably miss a lot out here in the middle of nowhere.” Magnus shrugged. “Anyway, just, be careful and cautious. We don’t know where they aim to strike next, so we should all just be on alert.” He swiped the hologram into nothingness, and sighed, flopping into the spare chair. “I don’t know why we haven’t just gone to war yet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought we had. Is this not a war?” Theta frowned. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No but I mean like proper war. Eradicate the Dalek’s type war.” Magnus explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus, you and I are turning out to be incredibly similar.” Koschei grinned. “We should talk more.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should you eradicate an entire race?” Jelpax asked. Theta was starting to think they should talk a bit more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of Daleks?” Magnus blinked at him. “Uh- yeah! What good have they ever done us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure they think the same about us.” He pointed out. Ok, Theta definitely had to sit down and talk to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you defending the Dalek’s?” Magnus frowned skeptically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! Of course not. I’m just saying, I don’t know if wars ever done anyone any good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll drink to that.” Theta muttered beside him. Jelpax seemed relieved at the support. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well if it’s the only way to get things done, it’s the only way to get things done.” Magnus continued with a shrug. “Never said it was ideal. Just the way things are, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” Jelpax shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If the world could be sunshine and rainbows, that would be brilliant. But it’s not.” Magnus continued to spew. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was starting to wonder how different all these people were to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She caught Jelpax on the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax,” she grabbed him by the arm and he stopped, blinking back at her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What you said back there- I think you’re right. And eloquent about it too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled a little and turned to face her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you Theta. I don’t know why people in this house want violence so badly.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe it’s the only way they can feel in control.” Jelpax frowned and continued up the stairs, Theta falling into step with him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think they want control?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everyone wants control. We haven’t had control since the day we were born.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure I want that.” He considered. “I think I’m ok with how life is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, that’s ok too. You just might be in the minority.” She shrugged a little. Jelpax glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you going to take control?” He asked. “If not with violence?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I’m going to leave. Leave Gallifrey and do everything we’re not supposed to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to intervene.” Theta explained. Jelpax smiled at her amusedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Help people that need helping. Save people that need saving. Just whatever I can to make the universe a tiny bit better.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her friend regarded her for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus, y’know what I think he wants?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fame. I think he wants to be known as the man who vanquished the Dalek’s, and lead the Time Lords to victory.” He sighed and glanced back at Theta. “Y’know he wants to be on High Council?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does he?” She frowned. What the hell did he want that for? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Jelpax sighed. “And it sucks, cuz I think he’d be great in the TARDIS manufacturing industry, turns out he’s big into their whole construction and all. But no, he thinks he can help lead the whole planet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I suppose his idea of leading is pushing Gallifrey to try and wipe out an entire race.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It would seem that way.” Jelpax nodded. He looked back at her. “Do you want fame Theta? Is that why you want to help people?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh- no, not really.” She frowned a little in thought. “I mean, maybe it would be helpful for people to know who I am, then they might trust me easier and I don’t have to waste time. But, I don’t want to be praised or anything. I just want to..try and leave people happy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A noble goal. But an impossible one.” They both sighed. “You can’t make everyone in the universe happy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I can’t. But, y’know, I think wanting people to be happy, and wanting to help them, is a more noble goal, than wanting to go to war.” She shrugged and glanced away. “Maybe that’s self righteous of me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magus would probably think it was. I’m not sure I would. I think that’s noble.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” she smiled a little bit at him. “But, seriously- you’re ok with just..staying on Gallifrey, and having a normal job?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As normal as things can be around here, yeah.” He nodded. “As long as I get to keep the people I love in my life, and get to have a couple hobbies, I’m a happy man. It might be a bit simple of me but...” he shrugged. Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think it is at all. I think that’s noble.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was Theta’s day off. And she had nothing to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She considered trying to convince one of the others to go somewhere in the TARDIS with her, before decided that that wasn’t a good idea, because she had work the next day, and she didn’t want rotation sickness during it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, Theta sat in her room, and got to work. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus gave up the letter without a fight after Theta made up something about Vansell stumbling upon it by accident, and so whilst the others worked, or hung out downstairs, Theta started to learn. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was really difficult, and Theta wasn’t sure she had the concentration for it, but she tried anyway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wanted to know what was on the letter. The thought that it was important, and very confidential was, quite honestly, the only thing that kept her working. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Because Ancient Gallifreyan was very, very hard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta got frustrated more than she didn’t, and by the time she thought she should probably take a break, she’d only learnt half of the basics. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">None of which, applied to the letter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed and hid both of them, before heading downstairs into the kitchen, for a drink and some food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only person in there was Drax. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That might cause for distraction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta slid up beside him from where he was tinkering with something or other, and glanced down at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatcha doing?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Remodelling my thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your thing?” Theta frowned, sitting down beside him, with all thoughts of annoying him shoved out by curiosity. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. I don’t have a name for it yet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..what is it supposed to do?” She asked, pulling her knees up to her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax held it up and gave Theta a better look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked a bit like a long, complicated wand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It unlocks old doors. Y’know, the ones without automated telepathic looks. The ones they lock all the rooms with the important stuff in the Citadel with.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How does it do that?” Theta asked curiously. Drax put it back down on the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, the idea was to create a unique frequency in it, that only I share with it. Like...a different telepathic channel for the two of us. And then..you just point it at the door, and think about it unlocking.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does it work?” She blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not sure yet.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat in silence beside him, and watched Drax add things and tighten things. He looked very confident in what he was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure she’d look that confident if she’d been doing it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could you..do that with more things?” She asked, after a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” He didn’t glance at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, could you make that, so that it worked on other things too. Because, if it’s only a, ‘think and point’, thing, surely, if you put the right things it, you’d be able to think about anything, and point it at it, and it would happen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, in theory,” Drax sat up and glanced at her. “Yes. But, it would probably take years of trial and error. And I mean- there’s a lot of things in the universe Theta. I’m not sure it would be possible to fit everything needed to do what you wanted in one, handheld device.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes you could. Focus it on the elements. And the basics. Like..the atoms are what you have to focus on. Locks are locks, no matter how complicated they might be. You make something that can telepathically unlock anything, that won’t take up space at all. It’s only a small plate to be able to scan the area around you, things like that. If you take out the complicated things and make it quite basic, you can do most of the work in your own head.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax looked at her and frowned for a moment, clearly doing a lot of calculations in his head. And then he nodded, slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It could work. But it would take a long time to get right. And you’d have to do a lot of research.” He turned back to his unlocker-thingy. “Besides, what would you ever need that for? A multi-purpose tool that does everything?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well Drax, why do you need a thing that unlocks the doors that keep the most confidential and dangerous things behind them?” She challenged. He smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just in case I needed to break into the Citadel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And the multipurpose could do that and the rest.” She explained. “You could break in or out of anywhere.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do it then, Thee’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do it. Make the multipurpose one. You’re clever enough, you can do it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..do you think so?” She asked, suddenly a little nervous. What if she wasn’t clever enough? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. She was. She definitely was. She’d done harder things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course! Look, if it helps I can give you the blueprints to this.” He gestured to his device. “Might give you a good place to start.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No thanks, Drax. I think I want to do this on my own.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta slipped into the lab, where the others seemed to be gathered around a table looking at maths, to grab a couple things she thought she might need to test, and the paper she needed to draw on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then she hurried back down, arms full, to sit beside Drax again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at her things, and smiled, before looking back at his own creation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, question.” Theta asked, as she picked up her pencil, and began a small box in the corner of the page, where she scribbled down everything she had to remember. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you made a move on Jelpax yet?” She asked under her breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax paused, and glanced around the room nervously, before shaking his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m too nervous. Why? Are people starting to catch on?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want to scare him. She also didn’t want to lie. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“....yeah.” Drax looked up at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does Jelpax know?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. Maybe he does. But maybe that’s not a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That is most definitely a bad thing.” He muttered, running a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not necessarily. Maybe he likes you back!” Theta explained. Drax glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If he knows I like him, and he likes me back, why hasn’t he made a move yet? If he does know, it means he doesn’t like me back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or he’s too nervous to.” Theta suggested. “You’re too nervous. Not out of the realm of possibility that he might be too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax is never nervous.” He sighed. Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would’ve said the same about you, but here we are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax glanced at her, and bit his lip. It seemed like he thought she had a point. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think he might like me back?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how to answer that, as she looked back down at her paper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t think it would be far fetched. You spend so much time together, and you seem to have so much fun together, I think it’s a definite possibility.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax just nodded a little, and was quiet for a while. He looked down at his own device, and chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who made the first move? With you and Koschei?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at the parts she had in front of her, and didn’t answer for a while. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go back to the time where their relationship was perfect. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He did.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did he know you liked him back?” Drax asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta cleared her throat. “He’d just broken up with Lareth. It was..it was a messy time. But we got through it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you know he liked you?” She shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I had the feeling, sometimes. But, y’know, other things got in the way and I forgot about it really, until he did it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You must be glad he did, huh?” He smiled. “I mean, how long have you been together now?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- not sure.” She shrugged a little, shifting in her seat. “I think maybe..like eighty or ninety years? I think we’re coming up to one hundred.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Quite the commitment.” Drax considered. “Devoting a whole regeneration to one person.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I guess. I suppose you don’t really think about it, if they’re the right person.” He nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think Jelpax is the right person for me?” He asked. Theta smiled at him a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I’m not sure I can even answer that, or should. You shouldn’t think about these things too much. Bit of spontaneity never hurt anyone.” He didn’t seem entirely convinced. “And, even if it turns out he doesn’t like you, it’s Jelpax. He’s hardly going to hold it against you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax scoffed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. He’ll tease me about it enough to make me wish I hadn’t though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah well, you can’t pretend you wouldn’t do the same to him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Got me there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s going on in inventor corner then?” Koschei appeared at the door. Theta glanced up, and shifted in her seat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax’s basically made a lock pick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not a lock pick! It’s cooler than that!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does it do then?” Koschei asked, making his way around the table to glance over Drax’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It..picks locks.” He grumbled. Koschei scoffed and slapped him on the shoulder, before putting his hands on Theta’s shoulders. She glanced up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’re you doing, my love?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..Drax was explaining his thingy to me, and I thought you could pretty much use the same principles to do..well..almost anything. And he told me to do it so..I’m doing it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds complicated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably. I think I can do it though.” She turned back to the design, and Koschei looked at it over her shoulder, before humming and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, have fun. I’m just getting snacks for the others in the lab.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s it going?” Theta asked, watching him make his way over to the cupboards, and grabbing a handful of snacks. Koschei pulled a face at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t even ask.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That badly?” She winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank god you’re not in there Drax. Ushas is threatening to poison all of us later. And that, is why I am the one in charge of getting snacks.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell her to go take a breather if she’s that bad.” Theta suggested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we would if any of us had the balls.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments keep me motivated!! <br/>Come chat with me on tumblr if you want, at thas-me-baybeee</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” Koschei raised an eyebrow as he appeared in the doorway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm?” She didn’t look up from what she was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you doing this on our bed, my love? There’s perfectly good tables around.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked around her sheets, that were covered in small parts of metal and circuitry that she was tinkering with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Beds are comfier.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It won’t be very comfortable when we wake up at two in the morning cuz one of those pieces had stabbed one of us in the foot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll move them, promise.” She waved him off. Koschei perched on the side of the bed, and his eyes searched over the different pieces. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok..I think. I’ve never done anything like this before so it might be going horribly. I wouldn’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure it’s not.” He reassured. “How long have you been doing this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About three hours.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you planning on taking a break?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because dinners going to be ready soon and I wouldn’t mind a hug?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta finally looked up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Just want to hug you.” Theta nodded a little and gathered up all of her tools and parts to put them on the small desk they had in the room, beside the chair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then she sat back on the bed, as Koschei opened his arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shuffled across to him, and hugged him tightly, arms wrapping around his middle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked, as Koschei held her close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. I just love you.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei slowly shifted and lay back, Theta ending up lying between his legs with her head on his abdomen and her arms around his waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Be honest with me. Do I make you happy?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know how to answer that for a long second. She supposed, most of the time, he did. And he didn’t exactly try and make her angry a lot. It had only happened two or three times in the course of their entire, long relationship. Arguments were natural too. Right?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” She said softly after a long moment. “Sometimes you make me sad too, but they’re not balanced.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed, and moved one arm to stroke through her hair like he always did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he didn’t reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What am I gonna do when you have short hair?” He murmured. Theta frowned a little in confusion as to why he was ignoring what she’d said, but she decided not to push it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might never. But..if I do then I’ll just grow it out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if you’re bald?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I’m ever bald I think I’ll cause my own regeneration.” Koschei laughed, and Theta felt it in his abdomen below her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a long moment. Theta wanted to fill the silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know Thee’, I want a life with you.” She glanced up at him, but he was staring at the ceiling. “I want to marry you. And maybe have a kid one day.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure what to say. It was a big announcement, as much as it wasn’t. Theta had always been expecting that kind of talk, they’d had it a lot when things were younger and less construed. But now, it seemed like a big thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was like he was asking her to stay, despite their fights and despite what she deemed to be his flaws.It seemed like he was telling her he would love her, despite the parts of her he deemed flaws. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how it sat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure if it was an act of love, or an act of fear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d like that.” She said softly. It wasn’t a lie, not really. She’d always wanted a life, and peace with Koschei, and Theta truly believed she always would.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But reality was a harsh luck of the draw, and Theta wasn’t sure it had played in her and Koschei’s favour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe it had. Maybe she had to get there stupid notions of fate and ‘perhaps it’s just not meant to be’ out of her head. Because relationships were work. They’d always been, and Koschei was working at it now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had to match that, or it wasn’t a relationship. Mutualism was the only way anything like this would work. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But mutualism was difficult when they weren’t talking to each other about how they really felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This one was particularly violent, and painful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, I know darling. I know.” Koschei said softly, rubbing a hand over her back and pressing a small kiss to her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her throat burned. Her stomach ached. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’,” she mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you need, my love?” He asked, flushing the toilet for her. The smell wasn’t helping with her nausea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Water.’ She sent the word across. It didn’t hurt her throat as much that way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, I’ll get you some. I’ll be really quick, don’t worry.” Koschei straightened and disappeared, Theta hearing his footsteps as he headed quickly down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If this wasn’t love, what was it? Koschei didn’t have to be awake at four am, holding her hair back and running around getting water for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he was. And he still wasn’t angry. After almost a century of having to put up with Theta’s nightmares and sometimes sickness because of them, Koschei never once rolled his eyes, or told her to deal with it herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was always just, there. And was always just kind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed her heavy eyes and lay her head on her arms, groaning to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This sucked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei appeared a few moments later, with a large, warm hand on her back, and a cool glass of water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Careful.” He passed it to her gently, and Theta’s trembling, particularly weak hands grasped it tightly. She took slow, large gulps of the water, and it cooled her throat, extinguishing the foul taste in her mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put it down and wiped her mouth, as Koschei rubbed her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better?” He asked gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little bit.” Theta nodded tiredly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good. Do you want to go back to bed?” Theta nodded, and so Koschei helped her up and back into bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was about to get in too, when there was a knock at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei frowned, at the late hour, and moved to open the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta honestly couldn’t care less who it was. She curled up as tightly as possible, with as much of the covers as possible, and closed her heavy eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could hear a murmured conversation, and what felt like it could’ve been a year, but also three seconds, later, Koschei climbed back into bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who was it?” She whispered, as he wrapped his arms around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just Mortimus. He heard you throw up. Thin walls.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you say?” She mumbled. Koschei just kissed her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry about all that, my love. You’re tired.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took his word for it, and yawned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you Thee’. More than anyone else ever could.” Koschei reminded her softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but she was pretty sure something was wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Breakfast was awkward, if not slightly tense, and she had no idea why. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced between her friends. Most of them seemed normal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus was quiet. He hadn’t said anything to her all day, apart from when he’d asked if she was feeling better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But that seemed like a stretch to say his silence was the only reason thing were awkward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t have a clue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a noise at their door, and Rallon got up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll get it.” He disappeared, and padded back into the room a few moments later, letters in hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He gave them out to anyone that had one for them, Theta very annoyingly getting one landing on her lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed there could only be fun, brotherly banter in there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s that from, Theta?” Ushas raised an eyebrow. “I was under the impression everyone you knew was in this room.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s from my brother.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have a brother?” That seemed to be news to all but Koschei, who continued eating beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and he’s an arsewipe so I like to pretend he doesn’t exist.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s fair.” Drax nodded at her. “I like to pretend my parents don’t exist.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to swap?” Theta scoffed dryly. Drax shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Is your brother interesting?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Depends on what you’d consider interesting. I think he’s a suck up. But maybe that’s why he’s an Ambassador for the Time Lords, and I’m not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t that when you like, go to other planets on behalf of our race?” Drax asked. Theta nodded. “That’s kinda cool though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But he never tells me anything about it. Too confidential for his own sister apparently.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d say you could worm it out of him, but if he’s anything like you he’s probably a stubborn son of a bitch.” Ushas jabbed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks Ushas, for the ringing endorsement.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and put the letter back in its envelope. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d asked to see her, once again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And once again, Theta wasn’t planning on letting that happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother. She did have some feelings in her heart for him, even if she couldn’t remember what he looked like, or being around him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta just didn’t want him to come round. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure why. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Perhaps it was the feeling of her past infiltrating and tarnishing her present. She didn’t know which one was better. They were both filled with holes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe she was just scared of the unknown. What if they had nothing in common? What if she met her brother and things were awkward, and they talked like strangers? What if he brought up things Theta didn’t want to think about? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just thought it was safer to keep him at a distance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one got hurt that way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Someone sitting down on the sofa beside her drew Theta out of her thoughts. She glanced to her right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus was sat beside her, staring ahead at the back wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok Mort?” She asked softly. He looked sad. Or..maybe conflicted? Theta wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I ask you something?” He asked. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Always.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think I’m a likeable person?” He frowned, looking down at his lap. “Like..do you think the others like me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, of course.” Theta nodded automatically. She didn’t see why they wouldn’t. Everyone seemed to like Mortimus. He was a likeable person. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Or are you just saying that?” He glanced up at her. He looked really, quite upset. Theta frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I’m not. Ushas likes you, you share a room with her. Drax and Magnus like you too. I don’t see why Jelpax and Vansell wouldn’t. And Millennia and Rallon ljke everyone.” She smiled. “And Koschei and I like you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, that was debatable. Koschei would’ve probably put Mortimus quite low down on his list of likes. But they got on, and they lived together, so Theta thought that was better than fighting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does he?” Mortimus didn’t seem convinced. “Because I think Koschei dislikes me. And then it made me think, if he doesn’t like me, who else doesn’t? Maybe..y’know- maybe Theta doesn’t like me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do like you!” She argued. “You’re one of my best friends Mort’, of course I like you.” She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Look, don’t listen to Koschei. He just gets moody and grumpy, I’m sure anything he might’ve said was more of a reflection of his character than yours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno, it seemed pretty aimed.” He grumbled. Theta sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’ll talk to him about it. But I’m sure he didn’t mean it Mort’. You know Koschei, he just gets snappy sometimes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Mortimus sighed a little. “I just don’t want things to..y’know, stop us from being friends.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She frowned a little. “Like, Koschei? By things you mean him?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus fumbled for a moment, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mort’, Kos’ and I aren’t the same. I don’t live my life following what he says. He can whisper in my ear all he wants, I tune out like two thirds anyway.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Just because Koschei might not like you that much, doesn’t mean I don’t. Because I think you’re brilliant, Mort’. I think you’re so smart and your mind works the same way that mine does. It’s nice to have someone like that.” He nodded a little, and smiled a tiny bit at her. “I like you. And so do all the others.” She sat back and took her hand off him. “Besides, who cares if Koschei doesn’t like you? You’ve got Ushas on your court, and it is no mean feat to get her to like you. I can’t imagine sharing a room with her. I’m not sure I’d get a wink of sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes I do worry she might try and kill me in my sleep.” Mortimus scoffed. “It’s yet to happen though so I’m thinking I might be in the clear.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t let your guard down. That might be what she wants.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta delicately twisted two wires together, and put a tiny bit of solder on the end. The smell filled the room, but Theta didn’t mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She liked the smell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the hell’s going on in here?” Drax scoffed as he entered the lab. Theta glanced towards the door and smiled at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m testing a sensor design. I’m also fairly certain it won’t work, but after this I’m kind of out of ideas.” She admitted. Drax stepped towards her and put a hand on the back of her chair, glancing towards her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How does it work?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you should just be able to point it at the air, think about an element you want to know is present or not, and then you scan it. And it should tell you. But I don’t think the telepathic circuits are secure enough.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give it a go, you never know. It might surprise you.” Drax stepped back, and Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She held the wiring in the palm of her hand, and the sensor in the other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Scan for nitrogen,” he said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded and thought about trying to find nitrogen in the air. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her little circuit lit up, surprisingly, and the sensor blinked. She glanced at it, and scoffed in disbelief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thirty-four percent.” She looked at Drax. “That’s accurate to a one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It worked!” He grinned at her. Theta laughed in disbelief and gently put down her circuit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did it!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I told you you were smart enough.” He beamed. Theta stood up and smiled widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m so talented.” She sighed over dramatically. Drax just scoffed. “I’m a gift to this world quite honestly. Come on, let’s go tell my Underlings of my immense success.” Really, she just wanted to tell Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was good. She still wanted to share her successes with him. That meant she still cared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta barrelled down the stairs, Drax marching her energy flawlessly. She appreciated it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have an announcement!” There proclaimed, as she marched into the living room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon, Koschei and Vansell were sat in there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am of peak intelligence!” She sniggered. Drax rolled his eyes and shoved her into the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Peak might be a stretch.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you do?” Rallon asked. Theta righted herself and sat down on the side of the sofa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I made a scanner!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They glanced at each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No offence Theta but that’s not very..um..high tech?” Rallon tried politely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes it is, because it’s a telepathic one, and it can tell you the exact percentages of elements in the air.” She explained. “And it fits in the palm of my hand.” Theta glanced at Koschei for his reaction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked casually impressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s really cool!” Rallon smiled widely. “I don’t have the brain for that kind of thing. I don’t know how you manage to even begin to conceptualise that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Talent.” Theta joked. Drax shoved her off the arm of the sofa and sent her crashing into Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Watch it Drax.” He grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, watch it Drax.” Theta giggled and made a mad swipe for his crotch with her foot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus! Watch where you’re swinging that Thee’.” He narrowly dodged it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was.” She grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oi,” she threw a paper butterfly at Koschei’s head. “Oakdown.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lungbarrow.” He didn’t look at her from where he was reading. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think my sensors cool?” She asked, flopping over his outstretched legs on the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I do, my darling. I think it’s very cool.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you proud of me?” Theta pressed, poking his thigh over and over in hopes to get his attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Always.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta huffed, and sat up, moving to look over his shoulder. Koschei tilted the book away from her, and she frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you reading?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” He said, finally glancing at her. Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re lying, lemme see!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He snapped the book shut and held it away from her. Theta moved to try and reach it, but Koschei held her back with the other arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! It’s a surprise!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For me?” She asked, stopping her attack for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t like surprises!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know? You’ve never had one before!” He argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just let me see the book!” She whined, reaching for it fruitlessly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, because then it won’t be a surprise.” Koschei pointed out. Theta sat back and huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you giving me a surprise?” She asked. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I fancy it. And I think you’re going to really like it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little, and shifted to lie down. She put her head on his shoulder and a hand on his chest, before glancing up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos? Are you trying to make up for upsetting me?” She asked softly. Koschei looked down at her, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I’m trying to be a good boyfriend. I was being stupid, and taking you for granted. And I should’ve never done that. Taken you for granted? I mean- come on. What the hell was I thinking? Someone as wonderful and beautiful as you loves me and I have the audacity to take that for granted?” Theta kinda wanted to argue that. She didn’t think she was that great. “I’m just treating you how you deserve to be treated, my love. I don’t know when, or why I stopped doing that, but I don’t deserve a second chance. You’ve been good enough to give me one, so I’m not going to waste it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He did love her. She could see it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And maybe that was enough for now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” She said softly. Koschei put the book down and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her hair again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. And I love you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Nineteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta trudged her way up to the tram line on her own, in the chill of the morning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She yawned and shivered, rubbing her eyes a little as she shuffled up to the letterbox. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pushed her letter to her brother in there, then turned around and began the long walk back to the house. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t entirely sure why she’d chosen to get up and walk when the suns were hardly up, especially when it was still that cold, and the dew drops clung to her shoes, but Theta kind of regretted it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It just made her want to climb back into the warmth of bed and Koschei’s arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was wondering if this was going to be a new chapter for them. A second chance to iron out all of their flaws before it got too bad again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought they could do it. They both wanted to, and Theta would’ve rather gone through anything than be without or break up with Koschei.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s mind didn’t dwell on the subject for too long. It was far preoccupied with the logistics of her multi-purpose thing that she didn’t have a name for yet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought that was good. She’d rather think about making things than breaking what she already had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rubbed her tired eyes as she kicked off her shoes in the hall, before padding into the kitchen. Theta grabbed herself a drink, and had a few large gulps, before putting the glass in the sink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, she shuffled her way back upstairs, and clambered into bed again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was half awake, and immediately shifted to wrap his arms around her again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wher’dyou go?” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just to put my letter in the box.” She yawned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“D’you have to do that before the suns comes up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I got the urge to walk.” Theta explained. “But it made me cold so I’d appreciate if you could warm me up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei tangled their legs together and shifted the covers to fit more snugly around them, lazily. He rubbed his arms up and down Theta’s arms and back, and she smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was a joke, Kos’. But thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re welcome.” He mumbled. “Now go back to sleep. I’m knackered.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta agreed, and closed her eyes again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta munched on her breakfast, and glanced up the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus and Magnus had gotten in a heated debate about a Quantum Physics equation, and surprisingly, it was very interesting to listen to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed that was the curse of all being intelligent. Their fights were embarrassingly nerdy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta finished her breakfast, and stood up, collecting up plates and bowls of her friends who had finished, and setting them by the sink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then there was a knock at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Over the yelling, only Rallon and Koschei noticed, but Theta waved them off, as the only person that was standing up, and not in a heated debate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll get it.” She reassured, and padded her way out to the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered who it was. They hadn’t had any visitors since they’d lived there, all messages and deliveries were automated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed it would probably be Borusa. Which was good. She hadn’t heard from him for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened the door, and blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t Borusa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know who it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He asked who she was, and used her proper name. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...yes..?” Theta narrowed her eyes. “Who are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He laughed, and smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Brax.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt her stomach drop. She wasn’t sure why. She just wasn’t a fan of this all of a sudden. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She ushered him out of the door and followed him, closing it behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing here?” She asked. “I only sent my letter this morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I haven’t got it.” He waved off. “Is that really how you’re going to be? I haven’t seen you since you were eight.” He grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I know.” And she’d wanted it to stay that way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You look so grown up now.” He smiled genuinely at her. Theta felt a little bad for not wanting him around. “You’re beautiful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look, Brax, you can’t be here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">..why?” He looked crestfallen. Theta ran a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Be- because this is unexpected and..I don’t know what to say and we’re working really hard.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, I didn’t want this to be unexpected. It was just the only day I could get off, and I thought I’d come see you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta chewed on her lip for a moment. He was making way too much of an effort for her to turn him away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She huffed and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright fine. But don’t use my name.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Why not?” Braxiatel frowned and followed her as Theta opened her door again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I don’t like it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What am I supposed to call you then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, like everyone else does.” She said over here shoulder, before opening the door and almost jumping out of her skin. “Christ!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” Koschei eyed her brother behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were taking a while. Who’s this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Braxiatel.” She gave Koschei a look that betrayed how uncomfortable she was. But no one would know. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put on a large smile as her brother stepped into the house, and shook his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh! It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Braxiatel seemed a little taken aback. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you. Sorry- you are?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, right. I’m Koschei. I don’t know if Theta would have mentioned me?” Braxiatel lit up in understanding and nodded, putting a hand on Koschei’s upper arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course! She talks about you all the time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei glanced back at Theta, and faked a smile. He turned back to her brother, and lead him inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please, you have to meet the others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure? I know it’s early, I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Braxiatel frowned. Koschei waved him off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, don’t worry. Something needs to break up their shouting match. I didn’t realise Quantum Physics was so controversial.” He laughed. Braxiatel chuckled, as the two of them appeared in the doorway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hung back behind them in the hall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys!” Koschei called. “We’ve got a guest.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Ushas said. That was it. She clearly didn’t care. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is Braxiatel, Theta’s brother.” Braxiatel was immediately pulled into a kerfuffle of introductions and questions and greetings. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei turned back to look at Theta, and took her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘What’s wrong?’ He put across gently. ‘Why don’t you want him here?’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I don’t know.’ Theta let out a little bit of frustration. ‘He’s a stranger Kos’. I don’t know him.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Do you want him to leave?’ He squeezed her hand. Theta bit the inside of her cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I don’t know.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘How about, you give it an hour. If you’re still uncomfortable then, I’ll tell him to leave for you.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you sure?’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Positive.’ He sent across as much reassurance as she needed. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ok.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Braxiatel finally made it out of the pile of introductions and questions that mainly Drax was throwing at him, and made his way back towards them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, anywhere we can talk?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They ended up in the common room, Theta sat on the sofa the furthest away from him as possible. Her brother didn’t seem to notice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure why she was being so wary of him, and she felt quite bad for it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But finally seeing his face brought back things Theta didn’t want to think about, childhoods of tears and fear and loneliness, before she’d found Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, you’ve made quite the job for yourself here, huh?” He smiled a bit, glancing around the room. Theta shrugged tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hardly anything compared to what you do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Different jobs don’t make one bee less important than the next. We’ve all got to keep the hive going.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided not to mention that she was very much of the mindset that the ‘hive’ was an unfixable, corrupt system that forced ideals and roles onto innocent children, and that she planned to get away from it at the first possible opportunity. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” She cleared her throat. “So..um..how is work?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As tiring as always.” He hummed. “But, interesting. I enjoy it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” Theta wanted to say more, but she was struggling to think of what to say. “Can you tell me anything about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Still confidential information, I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just nodded. They were silent for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I went off planet for the first time the other day.” She said, realising that he hadn’t seen her letter yet, which explained that. Braxiatel glanced at her, and raised his eyebrows in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We all pitched in a bit of our money and bought a TARDIS. So we went to Gevova.” He smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you think?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I loved it. The people were kind. And they were celebrating. It was beautiful, to see all the dancing and hear the music. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.” She said genuinely. Her brother smiled at her widely for a moment, before glancing down and nodding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, well, you have to be careful going off planet. You have to remember the important things. The rules and the etiquette, that you learnt in your non-Intervention class.” Theta was hesitant to tell him she’d only been to about three of those classes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..what do you plan on doing after the Deca?” Braxiatel asked. Theta rubbed the back of her neck, and shrugged meekly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I..want to travel for a bit. I think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like the drylands? That’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No like- off planet travelling. I want to see the universe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, that’s a good idea too. As long as you don’t do it for too long.” Her brother encouraged. “We need people like you working here. At the Citadel.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you’ve worked so long and hard to be a Time Lord. You shouldn’t waste all of that training to be part of such a noble rank.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Noble?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course. They are.” He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For some reason, Theta didn’t believe that he thought that way. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Twenty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, how have you been dealing with the war?” Braxiatel asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How had she been dealing with the war? Quite honestly Theta couldn’t keep up with when there was a war on and when there wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Fine, I suppose. You’re not really touched by it all the way out here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I imagine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you dealing with it?” She bounced back. she preferred it when he talked about himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, I suppose. It’s easy to forget it’s going on when you’re not on the planet. But the Citadel has frequent attacks, and I know they’re trying to protect the Academies.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that was why Borusa hadn’t come to see them. Theta wondered if he was alright. She hoped he was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could kind of do with him being around at the moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. The Academy attacks are pretty bad.” Theta nodded. Her brother raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were you ever in the midst of one?” He asked. Theta frowned, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could’ve sworn she’d told him that when it had happened. Had he forgotten? Or had she not? It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility to imagine Theta not mentioning it at all. She didn’t like to relive it. She did that enough when she was asleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. They went for the professors building, and we had to try and get them all out, because we were senior students at the time. Afterwards, they sent us all to this military training shit, where we had to learn to fight and stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s useful.” He considered. “I had something similar when I was at the Academy. My mentor taught me how to shoot down a whole flock of Pazithi bats in one shot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That entire sentence hurt Theta’s hearts, and she actually winced. Those poor bats, they didn’t deserve anything like that. And why was everyone so obsessed with guns and violence? It drove her insane. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, Theta swallowed down any arguments she might’ve had, and focused on what she thought was the least important part of that phrase. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s a mentor?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t have one?” He asked. Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I had a Jurist?” Her brother chuckled at her, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no, they’re different. A mentor is someone they assign to the most fast moving students at the Academy. Y’know, just to give them extra work to challenge them, and stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Theta wouldn’t have any of that. She’d hardly budged the needle at the Academy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was seriously starting to wonder if she and Braxiatel were related. They didn’t seem to have anything alike, except for the view of wanting to see the universe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure you would’ve heard of mine- if you read. You do read, don’t you Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. Of course.” Theta’s tongue bordered on sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Danna Dementara?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh, Theta had heard of her. Probably the best Military strategist Gallifrey had ever known. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure they’d get along. Pacifism was most likely not something Danna agreed with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve heard of her.” Theta nodded. “Is she nice?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s not payed to be nice, Theta, she’s payed to win.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t mean she can’t be nice.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s good at her job. And she helps me be good at mine. I owe her a lot.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just nodded. This conversation seemed to be sucking the life out of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was everyone obsessed with war? Did everyone want a fight? Theta didn’t understand why there couldn’t be more people in the world who believed in pacifism.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And really, war went against everything the Time Lords stood for. There wasn’t bigger intervention than engaging in war. Honestly, people should’ve been like her. Pacifism was made for not intervening, it sit hand in hand with everything the Time Lords were meant to believe in. So Theta didn’t understand why so many people judged her for not wanting a war. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed it was just another example of how twisted the narrative the Time Lords forced upon their children was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Brax, do you want a war?” She finally asked. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I’m not sure anyone wants a war.” Theta would protest. “I want the Dalek’s gone, I want them to stop killing our children. If that means war, then I am more than happy to go to war.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But when does it end? We never get rid of them, we only push them back to Skaro. None of our wars are ever justified, because they just come back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I imagine, something is in the making. Maybe- I don’t know- like- like a bomb, or something. To blow up the planet.” Her brother suggested. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that’s a complete guess. We have no way of knowing if anyone is working on that. If they’re not, then what? What’s the High Council’s plan to stop this cycle?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How should I know Theta, I’m not on the High Council.” He shrugged helplessly. “I would hope they’d be working on something to wipe out the planet, at the very least.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At the very least? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if she felt the same way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bombs were easy. They didn’t have a conscience. There was no one there to tell you to think about what you were doing. You just had to press a button and run. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if whoever ended up having to use such a bomb would’ve been better off having to kill each person individually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That would make them think about it more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It would be what they deserved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That seems pretty interventional.” She pointed out. Braxiatel shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What choice do we have? We can’t just sit back and take it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a knock at the door, and Koschei poked his head around it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” Theta smiled tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” Braxiatel ushered him in, and he blinked, sitting down next to Theta, who took his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed to notice the sweat between her fingers, and squeezed tightly, sending as much reassurance to her as he could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She appreciated it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think of war? I was just saying, I think someone needs to make a bomb, to wipe out the Dalek’s.” He explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei clearly seemed confused as to how the conversation ended up there, but he hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..” he shifted in his seat. “I think that a bomb would eradicate the history of the wars, but if there was no other way, there’s no other way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean by that? Eradicate the history?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, how are we supposed to justify the fight to future generations if there is no evidence to prove what we did to the Dalek’s. It’d probably be better to keep them alive, and make them suffer, as a reminder to everyone of all that we’ve lost. They deserve it anyway.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was in no way a Dalek sympathiser, she hated them as much as the next Gallifreyan did, but she would rather a bomb. Being the cruel ones is not how she wanted them to come out of the war. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She let go of Koschei’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true. I’ve never thought about it like that.” Braxiatel smiled at him. “You’re dating a very smart man, Theta.” He laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” Theta said quietly. Koschei scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have a very smart sister.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, of course. She had to be doing something right to get a place in a Deca.” He laughed. “What are you working on at the moment?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei started explaining, in depth, their experiments, and Theta allowed herself to zone out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s been great to see you Theta.” Her brother smiled fondly at her. She offered a tiny one back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll let you know when I’m on the planet next, maybe we could meet up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That would be nice.” She lied. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He paused for a second, before pulling her into a short hug. Theta awkwardly patted his back, and he pulled away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’ll see you soon.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stay safe Brax.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed the door as he walked away, and ran a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was leaning against the door to the common room with his arms over his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That could’ve been worse.” He considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled a face at him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Twenty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just hummed. She felt the bed dip beside her, and Koschei wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” He asked. She shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed the problem was, the more she talked to the people in her life, the more alone she started to feel. They never seemed to think the same way as her, and it made Theta feel like, if she needed help, or wanted to talk to them about something, she might not be able to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">People who thought the same way as her seemed to be in very short supply, and that only made Theta wonder if she was the one in the wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she should want a war. Maybe she should want to fight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m ok.” Was what she ended up whispering. Koschei moved his hand to gently stroke some hair from her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you disappointed?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta lied. Maybe she was, just a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she’d had a little bit of hope that he’d be exactly like her, that she’d finally have someone who understood. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like a fool for thinking that now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok if you are.” He reassured. “He’s your big brother. Of course you thought he might be someone you could look up to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does everyone want a war?” She asked quietly. “Is it wrong for me to not want one?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was quiet for a long time, and he moved his hand back down to her waist, where he traced gentle Gallifreyan over the dip. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I don’t think anyone wants a war. I think we just know it’s necessary.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus wants a war.” Theta pointed out as an example. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because he wants to prove himself Theta. If you actually sit down and talk to him about it, he has completely selfish motivators. They all do. Selfless people don’t want war.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just tired of everyone talking of violence. And- and it frustrates me.” Theta knew she had a point to make, so she rolled over to look him in the eye, inches from his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Theta grabbed the covers and threw them over their heads. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was still the afternoon, and there was still light flooding through their window, so Theta could still see Koschei raising his eyebrows at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She took one of his hands in both of hers and began to fiddle with it, feeling over the lines of his palm with her thumb, and separating his fingers, before putting them back together again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It frustrates me to see all of these people, yelling about how we have to go to war, and how they’ll be noble, and fight for their planet. But there is nothing noble about war.” Koschei scanned her face with a small frown between his brows. “They run about, swinging their dicks around, talking about how they’ll massacre an entire Dalek fleet on their own. But none of them know what it’s like to take a life.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s expression cleared into one of understanding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know it’s easy to kill Dalek’s, because you can’t actually see them, and their lives don’t really compare to Gallifreyans. But no one knows the damage you do when you shoot. Things go wrong in war, and people are displaced. It would be so easy to get cocky, and be the reason a child dies. That would be on their hands for the rest of their twelve lives, and I know how it sits in the hearts. It is something I will never be able to take back or be over,” she felt tears brimming at her eyes, and Koschei took his spare hand and gently wiped them away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It makes me so..so fucking angry.” That seemed to perk Koschei’s interest, automatically. Theta didn’t notice. “So angry, to see all of these people talking about how noble war is, how they’ll come out hero’s. But it’s not noble. Murder isn’t noble, it never has been. And quite honestly it makes me sick that people even think that way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t say anything for a long moment, only gently wiping her tears away, as Theta squeezed his hand in a sequence of three. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t want them to have it on their hands. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, my love. I know.” Koschei pulled her close and Theta sniffed, eyes watering as he rubbed slowly up and down her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just want to scream at them. But I can’t.” She mumbled. “They wouldn’t take me seriously unless they knew what I’d done.” Koschei pressed a kiss to her hair. “And it just seems to be so many people. Am I in the minority for thinking war isn’t a good thing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure, my darling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I wrong for not wanting to go to war?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. You’re just selfless.” He explained, stroking through from her scalp to the ends of her hair. “Perhaps to a fault, but no one can say you don’t empathise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you see where I’m coming from though? You don’t think I’m being irrational?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He reassured. “I think you’re being emotional, but no one ever said that was a bad thing. Better than being completely un-empathetic.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. She wasn’t really sure whether that meant he agreed or not, but she’d take it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think, maybe you should try and ignore Magnus. I don’t know.” Koschei wasn’t the best at coming up with solutions to emotional problems. Theta still appreciated it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will. It’s just hard.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, my dear, but you don’t have much of a choice. You can’t tell him the truth.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be ok. You can always vent to me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Kos’. You can vent to me too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm?” She opened her eyes and looked up at him, from where she had her head on Koschei’s chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had her arms around her, and a book propped up behind her head that he was reading. Theta had been more than happy to just lie there and think for a while, and listen to Koschei’s hearts beneath her ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you hum?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She shifted a little to put her hand on his shoulder, and gently trace circles into the fabric of his shirt as she hummed quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed deeply and turned the page in his book over, obviously not paying as much attention to it as he was before. He listened intently to Theta’s humming, and eventually put the book down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up to see that Koschei had closed his eyes, and was gently tapping the beat of four onto her shoulder blade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shuffled a little bit to sit her head just below his jaw, and hummed softly into his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s face shifted minutely, and the tapping on her shoulder eased off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved her arm up to push some hair back from his face, and press a kiss to his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” She said softly. Koschei sighed deeply, and opened his eyes to look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was a little taken aback. She thought about it for a long moment, and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever wonder. Like, maybe, if we’d been born together on another planet. Or maybe even in another time, we might be ok. We might be normal, and might be able to sleep at night.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She admitted. “Is there any point in yearning over what you could never have?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought I could never have you.” He pointed out. Theta rolled her eyes fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wishing to be with someone and wishing to have been born on a completely different planet are two very different things, Kos’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, really, who’s to say we came from Gallifrey. We don’t remember being born.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because we have the biology of a Gallifreyan?” She sniggered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Got me there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were silent for a while, and Theta made sure he could hear her breathing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know,” she glanced up at him as he frowned. “This is gonna sound crazy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure it won’t.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just- we looked. We searched for every answer. About the noise in my head. And we found nothing. I mean- for gods sake there’s studies and books on how the Untempered Schism shouldn’t be able to mess with your hearing.” She nodded in agreement. “So..maybe it wasn’t just the Schism.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Theta frowned. “I thought you said you didn’t have the noise before you looked into it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t.” He shook off. “But, what if it wasn’t just part of the process. I’ve been thinking this for a while now but- I don’t know- what if it was intentional?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Like someone wanted to make sure you had that noise in your head?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would anyone do that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Koschei admitted with a deep sigh. “But it shouldn’t have been able to happen on it’s own- it’s not possible. So I must have it for a reason. Someone must have put it in my head.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is anyone cruel enough to do that to a child?” Theta frowned in anger just at the thought. Koschei shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. But I can’t stop thinking about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does that make sense though?” Theta asked gently. She didn’t want to seem like she didn’t believe him. “What reason would someone need to put a sound in your head that only you can hear?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe they want me to go crazy.” He scoffed dryly. Theta almost winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not crazy, Koschei.” She put a hand on his cheek, and he glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Course not, you’re right.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She grumbled, smushing her face into the pillow even more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, come on, get up.” Koschei shook her, and she groaned, lazily swatting him away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why? It’s too early.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, I have a surprise for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t it wait until later?” Theta’s curiosity was already waking her up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, come on.” Koschei hauled her upright and she huffed, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, ok, fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Twenty minutes later, dressed and with some food in her, Koschei took her hand and lead her outside to the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you taking me on a trip?” She asked as he closed the door behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure am.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a surprise.” He explained, making his way over to the console. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do the others know we’re taking this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, and they won’t. We’ll be back in two minutes. Why do they need to know anyway? I don’t need permission from any of them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s fair.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Besides, some of them go on trips too. Rallon and Millennia went on one two days ago. And Ushas, Magnus and Mortimus.” He explained, moving around the console with a grace that Theta could never possess. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know?” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I pay attention.” Koschei set them off, and Theta made her way over to stand next to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me where we’re going?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will I like it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, you’ll hate it.” He deadpanned. “Yes of course you’ll like it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta groaned. She hated not knowing things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you at least tell me what galaxy it’s in?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, fine. But you probably won’t believe me. The galaxy has a stupid name.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Milky Way.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Twenty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just keep them closed.” Theta shuffled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m gonna fall over.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No you’re not, I’ve got you.” Koschei reassured. “Ok, step.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stepped off and into an entirely new atmosphere. She could feel a breeze around her. The air felt slightly lighter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I open my eyes yet?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not yet, come forward a little bit.” Theta shuffled forward a little bit, and Koschei let go of her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, ready?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so. I don’t know. Maybe not? What is the surprise?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just open your eyes Theta.” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She opened her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was obviously on another planet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In front of her were lots of buildings, mostly grey and brown. People walked past, who looked just like them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And the sky was blue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The sky was actually blue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not a dark blue, or a mourning blue. But a light, bright blue, and it was beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky’s blue.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep.” Koschei grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed in disbelief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky is actually blue. Like properly blue.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tore her eyes away to beam at Koschei, and flung her arms around him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky’s blue!” She practically squealed. Koschei laughed and squeezed her tightly, as Theta stared at the sky behind his shoulder, with wide eyes. She felt like crying. “It’s so beautiful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You like it?” He asked gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled back and nodded, sniffing slightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aw, come on Thee’, don’t cry.” He smiled softly, putting a hand on her cheek to wipe away her tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just so beautiful.” She smiled with watery eyes. “I’m so happy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” Koschei smiled, putting his hand on her jaw and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Do you want to explore?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok!” Theta grabbed his hand and pulled him away from their TARDIS, that was helpfully disguised as a tree. “What planet is this?” She asked, as they walked along and Theta tried to take it all in at once. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Earth. Twenty-nine thousand light years away. Twenty-first century.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does such a nice planet have such a shitty name?” Theta asked, stopping short to watch something go by. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked a little bit like a tram, but it only seemed to hold four people, and it didn’t hover. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought that was really strange looking. But they were everywhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Koschei admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spotted something and veered to the left, Koschei stumbling after her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a bench, and under that bench, was a small patch of grass. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But the grass wasn’t red. Or yellow, or blue, or white, or black, or orange, or pink, or purple, or any other colour she’d ever seen before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What colour is this?” She whispered. “Have you ever seen this colour before?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He admitted, and sat down on the bench to bend down and pluck a blade of it. Theta followed his movement and looked at the blade of grass between his finger and thumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s beautiful.” She smiled. Some man walked past, and so Theta called out to him. “Um-excuse me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stopped and turned to look at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um..what colour is this?” She pointed at the floor. He frowned at her for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What colour is grass?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you on drugs?” He glanced between them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..no. We’re just um- from a place with no...grass.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Middle East?” He guessed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Theta had no idea where that was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, grass is green, love. Welcome to England.” He turned away and Theta looked back down at the ground with large eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..green?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Green.” Koschei repeated, twirling the blade around between his finger and thumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like green.” Theta decided. “It’s a pretty colour.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, it is nice.” Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s England?” She asked him. Koschei put the grass down and took her hand, standing up again. Theta trotted along side him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A country.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s a country?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, from what I can gather, this planets landmass is separated by huge masses of water, and they’re called oceans. So..each separate land mass, is a continent. And in those continents, there’s a group of countries. Countries are like little bubbles for everyone to live in. They have their own leaders and everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do continents have their own leaders?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so.” He shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And Earth doesn’t have a leader?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..how do all of the leaders ever agree on anything?” She frowned deeply. Koschei just shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if they do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds very unorganised.” Theta considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They walked along the streets for a while, Theta still spending a lot of that time craning her neck upwards, shocked at the concept that the sky was actually blue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look Thee’.” Koschei stopped and pointed across the street. “They have libraries too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we go? Just to have a look at the different sections?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei rolled his eyes fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a massive nerd.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You want to do it too, don’t lie.” She huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta dragged him around the library. She found out so much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She picked up a biology book. It turned out the natives were not called Earthians like she had been expecting, but humans. She found out that they did not have a respiratory bypass system, only had one brain stem, and the single heart, which kind of blew her mind. Their lifespan was only up to about ninety years too, which she thought was a little bit sad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She picked up history books, and learnt that they’d had two ‘world wars’. But it wasn’t against aliens, it was against each other? Theta didn’t quite understand that either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei found a Geography book, and had shown her a picture of the Earth. It turned out, from space, the entire planet was blue and green, which Theta just thought was the best thing ever. They were definitely her two favourite colours. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After that, they went wandering again, and Theta looked at the people. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt strange to know that they had such short lifespans. She almost felt like telling them to go and do whatever they had always wanted, because they were all seriously running out of time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had pulled her into a café (they had those in the Citadel) and the two of them sat down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at the menu, which the TARDIS had helpfully translated to circular Gallifreyan for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know what any of this is.” She admitted over her menu, and Koschei looked up at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I haven’t got a clue. Let’s just order something random and see if we like it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The person serving them came back over, and Theta looked back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um...please can I have a...slice of Victoria Sponge, and..a..Diet Coke?” Theta knew she probably sounded crazy. She was saying a lot of words that had never come out of her mouth before, so she was being quite slow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The lady smiled at her and wrote it down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course. And for you?” She glanced at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll have a..” he frowned. “Millionaires shortbread?” He guessed. “And a...coffee.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure thing, I’ll get that sorted.” She smiled and took their menus, before walking away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned across the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we have to pay for this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course we do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you have money?” She raised an eyebrow. Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“TARDIS gave me some. The currency is called pounds apparently. But every country has a different one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I see it?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei nodded and put his hand in his pocket, coming out with a few coins and what looked like a rectangle of plastic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put each coin out on the table in front of her and looked them over, before she examined the note. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a lady on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s this?” She asked him. Koschei shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The lady came back over with their food and drink, and set it in front of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” Theta smiled at her. “Um..sorry but- do you know who this is?” She asked, pointing at the lady on the note. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not from around here, huh?” The lady smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not exactly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that’s the Queen.” She answered good-naturally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Queen.” Theta repeated. “Is that like..like a Lord President?” She asked. The lady frowned a bit in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t know what that is but, she’s not like a President. We don’t have one of those, we have a Prime Minister.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” the lady shifted. “The Queen is the head of the Royal Family, and they used to run the country. But then we decided we wanted to be able to vote in our leaders. So we vote for the party, and the Prime Minister and his cabinet runs the country now. The Queen doesn’t really do much anymore, apart from sign off on laws. The Royal Family are more there for performance and tradition.” She explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh. Right.” Theta nodded. That sounded very complicated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So where are you guys from then? You don’t sound American.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re from..” Theta glanced at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Middle East.” He smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, thats so cool.” The lady chirped. “What’s it like?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...not very grassy.” Koschei supplied. She laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I can imagine. Well, I’ll let you get on with your food. Have a nice day!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” Theta smiled at the woman as she walked away, and then back at Koschei. “This place is really complicated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can say that again.” Theta looked down at her Victoria Sponge. “Y’know, I reckon I’d be a good Prime Minister.” Koschei said, examining his food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d be a shit Prime Minister.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Twenty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s it like?” She asked, glancing across the table as Koschei took a bite of his Millionaires’ shortbread. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He chewed on it for a moment, and swallowed, before nodding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sweet. A lot sweeter than anything we have at home.” Sweet wasn’t really a thing on Gallifrey. The sweetest food anyone could get was probably fruit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nice though?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, you wanna try a bite?” He passed it to her and Theta took a hesitant bite out of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wasn’t lying. It was so sweet. And there were so many different textures, Theta didn’t know quite what to do with herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it was good. It was really good, Theta wanted to eat more sweet things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You like it?” Koschei asked as she gave it back. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Lots.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well try yours. It might be sweet too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded and picked up a fork (forks were a universal invention), and took a little bit of it off. She tried to get all the different textures on, and then took a bite. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta chewed on it for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was delicious, and slightly overwhelming. Theta had never eaten anything like these two things before, and her tastebuds didn’t seem to know what to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it good?” Koschei asked. She nodded enthusiastically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Try.” He pushed the small plate towards him and Koschei took the fork off of her, slicing a little bit off and putting it in his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched expectantly, and he nodded back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isgood!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them finished their food, and drink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was a very big fan of coffee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hadn’t been expecting her drink to fizz in her mouth, and some had definitely gone up and out her nose. But after she got used to it, Theta found that she quite liked it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei payed and they got their change, before heading out onto the street again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was slowly getting dark, and Theta frowned as she took his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why’s it getting dark?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They have shorter days here.” Koschei explained. “Most humans are only awake for like twelve to sixteen hours. They have to sleep for eight.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” She frowned. “That’s a lot of time sleeping.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, it is. But maybe we should head back to the TARDIS before it gets super dark. I’d rather not get lost on a planet we don’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I still want to see stuff.” Theta whined, looking up at the sky which had now gone a dark navy. It was beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My love, it’s a time machine. We can just hop forward to the morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, the two of them wandered their way back to the TARDIS, and skipped ahead about twelve hours. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When they stepped out again, the sky was grey. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong with the sky?” She asked. Koschei shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He admitted. “But no one seems to be bothered so it’s probably normal.” He reassured, and stepped out onto the ground. “What else do you want to see?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed and took his hand again, the two continuing up the street. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure. Let’s just walk, and I’ll tell you if I see something.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They wandered up the streets again, and Theta saw lots of strange things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She saw someone on some kind of metal frame, with two big wheels. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She saw someone with another small creature on a rope. Theta wondered if the animal was ok with that, or whether the humans were enslaving them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She saw birds in a pond, which Theta didn’t understand. Birds were meant to be in the sky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Quite honestly, Theta was a little overwhelmed by it all, but in a good way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They wandered along, and Theta felt something on her shoulder. She glanced at it, but there was nothing there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then she felt something hit her again, and then again. She stopped short and frowned down at herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you feel that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Koschei frowned, putting a hand out. They both watched as a drop of translucent liquid splashed onto his hand. “What is it?” He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her own hand out and got a dot of liquid too, which she then licked off her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! That’s dangerous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just water.” Theta frowned, looking up at the sky and squinting as more of it fell onto her face. “There’s water coming from the sky.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?” Koschei frowned. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think it’s safe?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just water,” she repeated, and looked back down at him. “No ones running from it either. They just have,” she frowned as someone walked past. They had a big, angular, colourful..thing, on a pole, that was shielding them from the water. “Those thingies.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I want to get wet.” He grumbled. Theta took his hand and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s fine! We can dry off! Live a little Kos’, there’s water coming from the sky! That’s insane!” She grinned at the sky, and felt the water get heavier and more insistent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked at her, hesitant, but then looked up and closed his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt the water soak through her hair and down through her clothes. It made her shiver. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it was worth it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt so alive. And so free. She’d only been on this planet for less than a day, and it had surprised her every time she thought it couldn’t. There was so much more she didn’t know, and Theta wanted to learn about it all. She wanted to learn about the Royal Family, and the colour green, and the creatures on ropes, and the water falling from the sky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to spend so long here, on a planet with a blue sky, and Koschei at her side. She loved it, she was so happy. She felt so free. Almost weightless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked down at Koschei, who was relatively soaked through by now. Theta was sure she looked the same, she could feel her hair sticking to her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she was smiling, and so was Koschei.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grinned and grabbed him by the shoulders, yanking him close and pressing a kiss to his lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t a particularly good one, because everything was wet, and slippery, but Theta didn’t mind. She thought every kiss with Koschei was a good one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled at her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” He reminded her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I love you too.” She smiled widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then there was a loud noise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both jumped a little bit, and Theta looked over her shoulder to try and figure out what it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It sounded like a loud rumble. It wasn’t sharp. It sounded a bit like it was rolling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Koschei admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little, and looked at the people on the streets. They seemed to be speeding up a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe we should go back to the TARDIS. She’ll be able to tell us what it is, and then we’ll know wether it’s safe or not.” Theta decided. Koschei nodded and pulled away to take her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good plan.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them made a start back to the TARDIS, a little faster then they had the night before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta jumped again when there was the same loud noise, a little closer now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stopped and Koschei was yanked backwards, as she turned around to frown at it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, come on.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s the sky.” She said softly. “The sky’s making the noise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky doesn’t make noises Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not on Gallifrey it doesn’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then the sky flashed. It went a bright white, and they both jumped.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was terrified, but fascinated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Woah,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Less woahing more going back,” Koschei pulled her along and Theta finally picked up her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky’s flashing.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes I can see that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does it do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He opened the door to the TARDIS and pushed her inside first, before getting in and closing it behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta bounded over to the console and pressed a few buttons down, before looking at the monitor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s called a storm. The noise is called thunder, and the light is lightning. The water is called rain. If you get struck by lightning you could die, but the chances of it happening are one in seven hundred thousand. It can’t get us in here though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s fine then, we’ll just stay in here until it passes. How long do they usually last?” Koschei opened the doors again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um..not sure. Varies.” She looked through a bit more information. “Ohhh, that makes sense.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The sky isn’t grey, it’s still blue. It’s just covered by clouds, and they’re grey. That’s where all the water is stored.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s all a little complicated.” Koschei frowned, sitting down on the floor at the doors. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thunder is the sound caused by lightning.” She said aloud, before reading some of it in her head. “This is so interesting!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah Thee’, read about it later. Come sit or you’ll miss it actually happening.” Koschei patted the ground next to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was good advice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta made her way over, and sat on the floor beside Koschei, where they watched the rain, and the lightning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Now that she knew what thunder was, it was a little less scary, but Theta found that she still hated the unpredictability of it, and every time it happened it still made her jump. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t make Koschei jump. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Despite that, Theta found it oddly calming. There was a smell in the air that she enjoyed, and the TARDIS was quickly warming them up and drying their clothes off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She flinched again and Koschei took her hand, drawing it to his lips and pressing a small kiss to the back of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He put it back down on her lap, but didn’t let go, rubbing over it with his thumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It made Theta feel a little bit better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever wish our lives were as short as humans?” She asked. He didn’t look at her, watching the way a tree blew in the wind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Do you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes. I mean, maybe everything would be more compact. We’d do all the things we’ve ever wanted to, told whoever we loved that we loved them, and cram as much life into our age as we could, because..we don’t have long.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but with a life as long as ours, you’re inevitably going to see more.” Koschei pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But I wonder if..maybe, you start to live so long that the novelty wears off. When do you stop trying to fulfil yourself, seeing everything the universe has to offer, and just say enough is enough, it’s time for me to go?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When you have nothing to live for anymore.” He considered. “When you’re exhausted, and it hurts to care about people, because you know you’ll lose them eventually.” He glanced at her, and Theta looked back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That sounded so sad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But as long as you’re alive, Thee’, I’ll have something worth living for. It’s the only reason I like being a time lord.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, all these years. Just gives me more time to love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what are you going to do after thousands of years when you finally get sick of me?” She scoffed lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh Thee,” he smiled, and pressed another kiss to her hand. “I’m already sick of you. You’re absolutely insufferable. But I love you more than life itself, and that’s not going to change. No matter how our relationship shifts, that’ll be the constant. You know that don’t you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta admitted. And it was true. “But insulted that you think I’m insufferable though.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Thought it was your middle name.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Twenty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They got back to Gallifrey a few hours later. Theta had collected a few souvenirs, one of them being a leaf from a tree, that she was planning on suspending in a time loop when she didn’t feel as sick, so she could show her friends the colour green. The other was a coin, which Koschei said was a single pound. She thought the shape of it was cool. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stumbled out of the TARDIS and felt the planet spinning on its axis. Theta groaned and steadied herself on Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least she knew it wouldn’t last as long as the last time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They wobbled through the house, avoiding questions from their friends, and went to bed, curling up respectively and closing their eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a while, about an hour, in which Theta dozed and started to feel a little better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After that hour, Theta opened her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?” She said, hardly raising her voice above a whisper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?” He still had his eyes closed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for taking me. I loved it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He opened his eyes slowly, and the corner of his lip twitched upward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You feel better?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She shuffled a tiny bit closer, and put her hand over Koschei’s, where he laced their fingers together. “It made me feel like before. When it was just the two of us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you miss it?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes.” Theta nodded. And it was true. But, also, she felt that that was probably because in her head, it was a lot different to the reality of the time. She was yearning for a time that in her head, was perfect. But Theta knew that in actuality, it wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta really should’ve stopped yearning for times that weren’t the present. She could do so much in the present, it had far more potential than the past or the future. And she was happy. Relatively. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She struggled to be ever truly happy, but was anyone ever? She had a home, friends that she liked, and she and Koschei were both trying to work at their relationship- it was going well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed now, things had become more complicated. Maybe that’s what she missed. The days when things were cut and dry, and she knew Koschei inside out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think in my head, that time is a lot better than it actually was. It likes to block out the part when we were being hunted by the police.” Theta scoffed a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was nice to only have each other though.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were silent for another long time. Sixteen minutes and forty two seconds. Theta wasn’t sure why she’d decided to count. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you feel like you know me?” Theta asked. He opened his eyes again and frowned a little in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- it’s difficult to explain.” She sighed. “When we were younger, I felt like I knew you inside out. I thought I could probably predict how you’d react to any kind of situation, I could see the thoughts and their contents going through your brain.” She paused. “But now..I feel like I’m not sure. You always surprise me, and do the opposite of what I think you’re going to do. I struggle to predict you anymore. And I just wondered if that was mutual, really.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was quiet for three minutes and twelve seconds. Counting helped Theta stop focusing on the spinning of the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think now you...do what I..hoped you wouldn’t.” He said slowly, clearly making an effort to not offend her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t work. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I- y’know, sometimes something will happen, or someone will say something, and I’ll think ‘I wish Theta would react like this, that would be appropriate’. But you never do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you saying I disappoint you?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Koschei shook his head as much as he could, and wrapped his hand around her arm gently. “No, I’m not saying that Thee’. I just- y’know- I Uh- I want to feel like we’re similar. Close.” He explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You want me to react like you would then?” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I suppose. Similarly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Theta frowned a little. “I’m not you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, my love, I know.” He quickly righted. “Maybe it’s a, taking comfort in what I know, type thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” She said softly. Theta didn’t really know what to say. What it sounded like he was saying, was that he wanted her to get angry in certain situations. Theta was scared to confront that thought. Last time it hadn’t ended well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, she clipped it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, do you think you’d love me more if I got angry?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed a little taken aback, but he shook his head after a touch of hesitation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, of course not. I love you more than anything already. I’m not sure I could love you anymore.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you think my fury would bring me closer to you. Are you angry?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A lot. The High Council. Our friends, sometimes. Gallifrey. The universe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How can you be angry at the universe Kos’? How do you have the energy for that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t feel like it’s been kind to us. To you and me. All I’ve ever wanted to do is be with you, keep you safe, and keep you happy. But the universe hasn’t made you happy, and I hate it for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Darling, the universe doesn’t owe me that.” She said softly, putting a hand on his cheek. “You shouldn’t be angry at it. It’s not worth it, you can’t change the way the universe works.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he put his hand over hers. “I let you keep your ways, let me keep mine. You can’t change my mind on the way I view the universe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But being angry isn’t worth it. Anger hurts people, no matter what it’s born from.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, my love, anger is beautiful.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it, as she frowned. “Your fury is the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, and all I want is for you to understand that it’s ok for that to be true. You have a right to be angry. After everything that Gallifrey has done to you, the hand the universe has given to you, you should be angry. I want you to be. I want you to know we can be angry together.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what to say. So she swallowed tightly, and tried not to frown at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But, Kos’, what would be the point?” She said softly. “What would we ever achieve by living our lives, constantly furious at the universe?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatever we wanted, my darling.” He said gently, and traced the back of his hand down her cheek. “Fury can get you a long way, especially when you’re as smart as we are.” He smiled softly. “You could have whatever you wanted, and I’d get it for you. Whole planets if you wanted. If you told me you wanted to rule Earth, I’d make that happen for you, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t want to rule Earth.” She whispered. “I don’t want to rule anything. I just want to see it. I don’t understand why just being a part of it isn’t enough for you. Why do you feel you have be in charge of it all?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because it’s what we deserve.” He tried to convince her. “After everything we’ve been through, don’t you think the universe owes us just a little something in return?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t think that was why he thought that at all. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that why?” She put her hand over his, and squeezed. “Or do you just want control?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would I want that?” He immediately frowned defensively. Theta rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, and kept her voice as soft as possible. She didn’t want him to pull away. She just wanted to understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because we’ve never had control of anything?” She guessed quietly. “We had our entire lives set out for us before we were even created. Where we would go for our education, what our titles would be. Hell, we can’t even control when we regenerate. We can’t stop our entire body from changing, and that’s terrifying.” She said softly. “And..you can’t control the noise in your head. I don’t blame you at all for wanting control over something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was quiet for fifty six seconds. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe you’re right.” Koschei said. “But why is that bad? Why shouldn’t I have control over things?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because they’re not yours to control, Kos’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why? Says who? Who’s going to stop me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want to tell him the answer to that, so she didn’t say it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed deeply and wound his arms around her too, letting Theta gently run her fingers through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What I would give to quiet the noises in your head.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you like me more then?” He mumbled. “Would I be more of what you wanted?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta winced. Apparently she’d said something wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I don’t have ulterior motives. I just want you to be able to make sense of it all. I don’t want you to not have control over these things. Everyone has a right too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was quiet for four minutes exactly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Theta felt something wet on her collarbone. She frowned and looked down at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?” She said quietly, concerned she might’ve said something wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Things would be easier if you weren’t so selfless.” He muttered. Theta didn’t really know what that meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pressed a kiss to his forehead and held him closer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” She reminded him. “And I’m not going to leave you behind. Even if we do have different ideas of what we want.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how to feel about that. On the one hand, they had technically talked about it, like Millennia had told them to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But nothing had been solved. They still stood so close, and miles apart, neither budging on the issue. And Koschei now cried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Theta didn’t know why. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Twenty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta worked on her suspension chamber in privacy for two reasons. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The first, being that she didn’t want her friends to see it before it was done. She wanted it to be a surprise, and she wanted them all to see the colour green at the same time. Maybe it would save her from having to answer the same questions eight times. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The second, being that she wanted to think about what Koschei had said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t entirely sure what to do. She knew that neither of them were going to budge on the topics they’d talked about that morning. But one of them had too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta liked to pretend that their relationship could survive the difference in opinions, but she was starting to think that that wasn’t the truth. Maybe it would’ve been able to if the difference between them wasn’t so massive. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One was a pacifist, and one was willing to burn planets to the ground for control. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not only that, but they were both entirely too stubborn. And they were going to keep having this argument. And someone was always going to end up crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta didn’t know what to do. She was stuck at a crossroads. On the one hand, she obviously didn’t want to fight with Koschei. She didn’t want him to cry, and she didn’t want to cry either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But on the other hand, she just couldn’t give up her morals. They were too important to her, too integral to the way she thought, and the way she acted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed, technically, there wasn’t anything bad about them being opposites. Of course, she would’ve preferred it if people didn’t think like Koschei was- it was scary, and violent. But, Theta knew it was natural. Every action had an equal and opposite reaction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just wished her opposite reaction wasn’t the person she loved more than anything else in the world. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hissed in pain, as she pricked her finger on an exposed wire. She should probably be paying more attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked down at her finger and put it in her mouth for a moment, until the bleeding seemed to stop. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finishing her suspension chamber took about half an hour more, in which Theta payed more attention to it, since it was the fiddliest part. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thirty minutes later, she had a leaf, suspended between two cells of metal, and spinning slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled, and flicked it gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It whizzed around on an axis of top and bottom, slowing as all natural, spinning things do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Even in her suspension chamber, it was true.The gravity and magnetic fields keeping the leaf suspended where it was were opposite actions and reactions. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was everywhere Theta looked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Only problem was, she knew it would still be there if she closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After dinner, when the others all sat in the common room, Theta said she had something to show them from Earth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it dirt?” Ushas drawled. “Stupid name for a planet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s not dirt.” She huffed, before bounding out of the room to grab the chamber. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She picked it up from upstairs and headed back down, before grinning to herself and placing it slap bag in the middle of the common room, on the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Woah.” That seemed to catch Ushas’ attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that a..” Rallon sat up. “Like..a new colour?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup!” Theta grinned, proudly. “It’s called ‘Green.’”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Green?” Ushas repeated, pulling a face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Green.” Theta said again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s beautiful.” Millennia said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s everywhere on Earth.” Theta explained. “Their leaves, their grass. From space, most of the land mass is green.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should go.” Millennia nudged Rallon. He seemed excited by the prospect. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where does it sit on the colour wheel?” Mortimus frowned. Theta shrugged a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not sure. Maybe somewhere..near yellow?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could I maybe do some tests? On your leaf?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta huffed, “get your own leaf.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, fine, I will.” He glanced at Millennia and Rallon. “Can I come with you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure Mort’.” Rallon smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s kind of hurting my eyes.” Drax considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You might be staring at it a bit too hard then.” Theta teased. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m coming too.” Ushas suddenly announced. “I want to know if I can chemically recreate this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Christ- why don’t we all just go?” Magnus scoffed. “Group trip to Earth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might leave it a while.” Theta considered. “Still not feeling one hundred percent.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither.” Koschei said shortly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the end, half of the group went the next day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia, Rallon, Mortimus, Ushas and Magnus left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, Koschei, Drax, Jelpax and Vansell stayed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most of the day was spent in the lab, working on their latest experiment. But by afternoon, they’d all had enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was still not in a good mood, Jelpax and Drax has gotten pretty bored three hours beforehand, since there was nothing to blow up, and Theta had the attention span of a goldfish. Vansell couldn’t really do it on his own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So they split up, and Theta tucked herself away in the library, finding a book on Earth specifically, and beginning through it excitedly. She was a bit disappointed that there were no pictures. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Half way through this reading session, Vansell appeared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” She smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I interrupting?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, don’t worry.” Her friend nodded, and sat down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” He sounded off. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got a cold.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I get them a lot. I think this body has a weak immune system.” He considered. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well hopefully your next ones a little kinder to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re kinder than I thought you’d be.” She frowned deeply. The hell did that mean? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry?” She frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When we first met you lot, you were loud. You laughed loudly. It put me on edge, and I thought I wouldn’t like you.” He explained. “But I do. You’re kind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you?” She ended up saying. “I like you too Van’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed deeply, and glanced at the shelves full of books. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything ok?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He chewed on his lip for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever have to do something, and you know you have to, but you don’t want to?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta nodded. And it was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there an alternative?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so.” She admitted. “Is there one for you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. It’s already done anyway. I’m already doing it.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Theta said. “Do you feel better about it now that you’ve made a decision?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He considered. “Because I made the decision before I saw the other option. And now I’m regretting it.” He muttered. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you can’t take it back?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were silent for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love Gallifrey, and I trust our leaders. But sometimes I feel I was lied to.” He expanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Like at school?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He said quickly. “They tell you all these things, and you believe them because you trust adults. But when you actually come face to face with the things they talk about, you realise you’ve been fed complete lies. That not every alien is a monster. That they don’t all have ulterior motives. And you start to..pity them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know of pity is much better then hatred.” Theta sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell glanced at her, and frowned so deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re taught that they have a plan. That they know you’re out to get them, that you have to corner them. But, really, they’re oblivious.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘They live their life as anyone else would. They hurt, and they love people, and they’re so...alone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was seriously beginning to not know what he was on about. This didn’t sound like anything she’d ever been taught. Then again, she hadn’t been in class for a lot of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And they have hobbies. They sleep, and they eat, and they see wonder in such small things. And I just start to wonder, how I was ever taught that they were something to be feared? Something that had to be contained.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell I’m sorry if I’m meant to know what you’re talking about because..” he let out a small laugh, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s ok. I wasn’t expecting you to.” He reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean..do you want to explain it to me? I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s alright Thee’. Thank you though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” She reassured. “Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yea-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys! The others are back!” Jelpax yelled up the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on, let’s go see what they brought back.” Vansell stood up and left the room. Theta blinked in confusion but followed him after a moment, down the stairs and into the hall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you guys do?” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The hells up with your voice?” Ushas raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got a cold.” He grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ew. Go to bed, Nosebung, no one wants your germs.” She jabbed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll cough on you if you call me that again.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Twenty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up, and smiled a little at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Still trying to learn Ancient Gallifreyan.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s it going?” He asked, sitting bedside her on the window sill. Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s..hard. It’s not as simple as some of our symbols converting to letters. It’s more complicated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How far have you got?” He asked. “You work out any letters?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but not enough to be able to figure out any words.” She muttered. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know, I didn’t think you had the attention span for this.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither did I.” Theta admitted. “That’s why I’m doing it so slowly I think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’re proper serious about seeing what’s on that letter, huh?” He wrapped an arm around her waist and traced small Gallifreyan onto her hip. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I am. I just want to make sure it’s not about me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would it be about you?” He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because the only other thing locked in his drawers was my file? I don’t know for certain, but I want to make sure it’s not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if it was?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I’d feel..I don’t know.” She admitted. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I doubt it’s about you, my love.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and stood up. “Remember to take breaks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax and I have a proposition.” Drax suddenly announced over the dinner table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most of them glanced up, raising at least one eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas didn’t look up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We were in the library today, and we found this.” Jelpax pretty much slammed a huge book down on the table, which Theta wasn’t entirely sure where he’d pulled from. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Watch the table, man.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah? It’s a mountain.” Magnus nodded, after glancing at the page. “What about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not just a mountain, it’s Mount Cadon.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..ok?” He raised an eyebrow. They all knew it. It was the tallest mountain on Gallifrey and was within eyeshot of the Academy. Theta didn’t see why they were bringing it up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, turns out, no ones ever been able to reach the peak. And we want too.” Drax grinned. Ushas finally looked up. She looked incredibly unimpressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would we ever help you in that entirely fruitless activity?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because there’s stuff up there that can help us. We can get samples of stuff that can help us in experiments. The hallucinogenic snow, Theta you could get some of the blue flowers and suspend them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ouch, he was twisting her arm there. Theta thought playing to her love of nature and the colour blue was a little low. Especially after he’d mentioned that no one had reached the peak. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why can’t you just go and bring these things back?” Magnus asked. “It’s probably unsafe for us all to go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, maybe. But it’ll be fun! We haven’t been on an adventure since we got to this house.” Drax argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess going to other planets doesn’t count as an adventure?” Ushas asked. He rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know what I mean. Just a challenge.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You all don’t have to go.” Jelpax pointed out. “We just thought it’d be fun.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come!” Theta readily agreed. It would be fun. Koschei glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Why?’ He put across. She sent back a metaphorical shrug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘It’ll be fun.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come.” Koschei sighed. Theta grinned at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll go.” Millennia offered. “Make sure no one does anything unbelievably stupid.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come too.” Rallon agreed. The six of them glanced at the other four. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” Mortimus grinned. “I’ll come too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They glanced at Vansell, and Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I’m coming, Nosebung has to come too.” She jabbed across the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come if you stop calling me that.” He scowled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Family outing!” Drax beamed, grabbing the book and taking it back up the stairs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you agree?” Koschei asked her, when they were alone in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you did first.” He argued. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to come everywhere I go.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, but I’d rather you didn’t go up a dangerous mountain without me, when you’re as clumsy and easily distracted as you are, Theta.” He pointed out. Theta huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not clumsy. Or easily distracted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm, of course not my love.” He smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be fine! It’s exciting!” She argued. Koschei hummed, and nodded a little in consideration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exciting? Or near death?” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Same thing, aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do things only stop being fun when someone actually dies?” He asked expectantly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. That’s a very low bar.” Theta huffed. “I only like near death experiences if they’re near my death. I don’t want to put anyone else in danger.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, of course you don’t,” he hummed. “But you do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at him and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whenever you introduce yourself.” Koschei shrugged. Theta frowned again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You, Theta, you have one of those faces that makes people want to trust you. And help you. I don’t know if you do it on purpose or not, but a lot of people are willing to put their lives on the line to save you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I would make sure they never need to do that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, so, question?” She nodded. “You want to help people, right?” She nodded again. “So, let’s say you’re in a situation where you’re going to die, but someone else is willing to take that fate for you. Your options are: one, you refuse, and die, meaning you saved one person. Or, two: you let them die, so you can go on to save hundreds more people. What do you choose?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re asking me the trolly problem?” She pointed out. Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes I am.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I don’t know. No one has an answer to the trolly problem.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.” He shrugged. Theta raised her eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go on then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Never get yourself into it in the first place.” Koschei shrugged. “If you don’t become someone who saves others, you’ll never find yourself in the situation where you have to choose between the lives of a few, and the lives of many.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t that a little selfish?” She asked. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can still be selfless without devoting your life to saving the universe, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, but I’d always feel like I could do more.” She explained. Koschei just shrugged, and she frowned. “So what is your big life plan?” She asked. “Since you’re so sure you’re made for more than just Gallifrey, and you don’t want to help the universe, what do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatever I want.” Koschei smiled at her. “You could do that too, if you like.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That was the plan.” She nodded. “We could go together. Do both. Whatever you want, and help people.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We could do that.” Koschei looked up at the ceiling. “Do you think it would work?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t see why not.” Theta frowned. She thought that had always been the plan anyway. Had Koschei decided something different? “I’m willing to compromise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thee’, I don’t know if you could travel with me, when I’m not who you want me to be. It would drive you crazy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked. That wasn’t true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But...you are who I want you to be.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shot her a look. He clearly wasn’t convinced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t lie to me Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not lying!” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oi!” Mortimus hung his head around the door. “Borusa’s here, can you,” he waved a hand at them. “have this domestic later?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up and stepped past him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not a domestic.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had no idea what was with people just rocking up to the house without warning, but it was starting to get kind of annoying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stepped into the hall, and Borusa caught sight of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ok, maybe there were worse people to randomly turn up. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Twenty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, how is everyone?” Borusa glanced around the common room. They all let out various answers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We bought a TARDIS.” Drax put forward. Their former Jurist’s eyebrows raised, and he glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you? Have you been anywhere?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We want to Gevova first. And we went to Earth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah,” he nodded. “Good planets to visit and start with. Earth’s the blue and green one, isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That seemed to cause an uproar. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You knew green existed this whole time and you didn’t tell us??” Mortimus demanded over other yells of similar things. Borusa put his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I’d told you it existed it wouldn’t have been as amazing when you encountered it.” He argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered what else he was yet to tell them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Because no one was talking about the fact that he was covered in bruises, and had a scratch down his face a little before his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered if he was ok. She wondered what had happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying your time off planet.” Borusa glanced at her, and she shot him a tiny smile. “So what experiment are you up to at the moment?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At the moment we’re investigating the elasticity of a space. How far you could push it before the dimensional engineering snapped.” Magnus put forward. Borusa nodded thoughtfully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds interesting.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not bad.” He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It gets a bit boring though.” Theta put forward. “Going to the lab every day, and yelling at each other.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa chuckled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought you might be the one to say that Theta.” she shrugged a little. “Well, there’s other things you can do. No one says you can’t take days off.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We do.” Drax reassured. “We’re gonna take one soon, and go up Mount Cadon.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa frowned at him, and raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Going to go up Mount Cadon.” Drax repeated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What for?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, no ones ever reached the peak before, and we just thought it would be fun to try. Also, we want to collect some samples of the stuff up there. Like the snow.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you all understand that it’s really quite dangerous, right?” He looked around the room, and got a few averted gazes or shrugs back. “The snow is nothing to be underestimated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we’re not going to risk life and limb.” Jelpax reassured. “If it gets too bad, we can just go home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you planning on bringing?” Borusa asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The necessities.” Jelpax continued. “Food, water..hiking things.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll need to bring things for anyone that might get injured.” He advised. “And you can’t let the snow get it any wounds. It could do you serious, serious damage. Ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This sounds like you’re building up to try and stop us.” Ushas challenged. Borusa shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, there’s no point. You’ll do it anyway. So, if you are going to do it, I want you to be as well equipped as possible. Injury control is important to have with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll bring it.” Rallon reassured. Borusa glanced at him and chuckled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I trust you and Millennia the most, so your word is fine, Rallon.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” He grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sir?” Theta glanced across at him as she made him a drink, to where he was sat at their kitchen table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta you don’t have to call me that anymore.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah.” She still would. Theta picked up the drink and made her way over, sitting opposite him. “What happened to your face?” He raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t mind me asking.” Theta tacked on the end. He chuckled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re very remote out here, aren’t you Theta?” She nodded. “The war still rages. Worse and worse each day. Attacks on the Academy and the Citadel. These,” he gestured to his face and the bruises. “Were from a tram ride, that got blown up. Miracle I didn’t have to regenerate really.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t realise it was that bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would you? You don’t talk to anyone that’s not here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I talk to my brother.” She pointed out. “He came round a few weeks ago. He didn’t make it out to be that bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, that’s older brothers for you isn’t it?” Borusa shrugged. “Always trying to protect you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe he was right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was kind of Brax. Theta wasn’t sure she deserved his kindness after the way she’d reacted to his reception. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she should apologise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you still stay?” She asked. Borusa sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s still children to teach. Protect.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why isn’t anyone sending them home?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because of the regime.” He explained tiredly. He looked tired. “The High Council forbade sending them home for the time being. We still have Time Lords to produce.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s heartless.” She frowned. Borusa shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps. But even if we did send them home, what about the other kids? People like you, Theta. Where would you have gone?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Back to the barn she supposed. Theta didn’t know how safe she would’ve been there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’d have to protect them. Or, I would, as a Jurist.” Borusa explained. “I have a duty of care.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a good man, sir.” She said softly. Borusa smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” He cleared his throat and sipped his drink. “Anyway, enough about me. How are you holding up Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Good question. How was she holding up? Well, it was a mixed bag honestly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was in a good house, with friends she liked, and access to anywhere in time and space like she’d always dreamed of. But her dream was also crumbling around her. Every day she felt further and further from Koschei, no matter how much they tried to drag themselves back towards one another, and she was terrified of losing him. He was what she loved more than anything in the universe and Theta could feel it slipping through her fingers like sand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.” Was what she ended up saying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa clearly was not convinced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you like everyone here?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Theta said truthfully. “They’re kind. We argue sometimes but they’re sweet. I think we all care about each other deep down.” She explained. Borusa nodded and smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’m glad you’ve found yourself a good group of friends.” She nodded a little. “Did you like Earth?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Theta practically lit up at the word. “It was the most wonderful place I’ve ever been. The sky is blue and everything’s so complicated there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should go back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will. I’ll go back so many times. Until I know everything there is to know about it. And I’ve met every type of person I can.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you might be doing that for a long time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t mind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa paused, and his voice dropped a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And how are you and Koschei? I heard you having an argument when I arrived.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced away, and frowned immediately. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t an argument. Just a..disagreement.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About what?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About things we want in the future. Who we want to be.” She explained quietly. Borusa raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to explain it to me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I barely understand it myself.” Theta sighed deeply and ran a hand over her face. “I want to help people. I want to see the universe and I want to help people, that’s it.” He nodded. “But Koschei..doesn’t. He’s not content with only watching the universe. He wants to have control over it. He’s offering me planets on a platter but I can’t seem to get him to understand that I don’t want that. I don’t want to rule anything. I just want to stay with him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa hummed in thought for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And..” she continued. “He has this..infatuation with us being the same. He tries to make me angry. Pokes me and prods me till I get fed up with him. He wants be angry, because..he’s angry- angry at the universe, at everything, and he wants me to feel the same. I think..maybe he thinks that if I’m as angry as him, I’ll want to help him control the universe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘But it never makes me angry. It just makes me upset. Like I don’t know who he is. Like he doesn’t care about me. It..it frightens me. Sometimes.” She said, voice hardly above a whisper. He frowned deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, Theta, you should never be with someone who frightens you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no,” she quickly backtracked. “He doesn’t frighten me. Just..his thought process..sometimes.” She explained. “I’m just worried he might do something he regrets.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something he regrets or something you regret?” He asked. Theta opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She didn’t know how to answer that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would hope he’d regret it if she did. She would hope he had some form of moral compass. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Borusa said, surprisingly gently. She didn’t like it. “You’re young. And sometimes..things like this just don’t work out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s not like that.” Theta immediately shook off. “He’s not just a boyfriend I can dump. I need him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you?” He asked. She nodded. “Why? What does he give you that others can’t?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- he-“ she stumbled for a moment. No. Don’t get flustered. Theta knew what Koschei did for her. He was a good boyfriend. He took care of her. “He’s my best friend. He makes me feel safe, and valued and smart. He knows things that no one else knows, that no one else can ever know. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘And so do I. He needs me as much as I need him. He’s a good person. I know he is, in my heart. He’s just.. hurt. He’s hurt and he’s angry. And..I don’t know how to..fix him. I want to help him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa observed her for a long moment, and finally frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why doesn’t he want you to help others?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean..he’s never tried to stop me. He just thinks it’s sanctimonious. That I have a Saviour complex. He thinks I do it to put myself above others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And he wants you to be equals?” She nodded. “So why would he want you to help him?” He asked. Theta blinked. She’d never thought about it like that. “You can tell him your equals all you like but if you’re treating him like something that needs to be fixed, he’s never going to believe you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was quiet for a long time, as she let the information roll over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..what do I do then? Because I can’t leave things the way they are. Sir, he’s told me he’s willing to burn entire planets to the ground for me. I can’t just leave things like that alone. It’s dangerous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But why is it your job to fix that?” Borusa asked. Theta frowned deeply, verging on a glare. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because everyone else around him has failed him.” She said, bordering on sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He regarded her for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I won’t.” She muttered. “I refuse to let him down and leave him behind. Because he’s not perfect but I love him, and people are going to get hurt if someone doesn’t do something. But since everyone else our entire lives who was meant to help us has failed, I’ll just have to do it myself.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Twenty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to take what Borusa had said on board. But it was hard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t really figure out where the best balance was. She understood that she couldn’t keep making Koschei feel inferior to her with her incessant need to help. But at the same time, she couldn’t just leave him to plan world domination. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what to do really. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sat alone at the dinner table, long after Borusa had gone to find and talk to Magnus about whatever he needed too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up as Koschei stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a drink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” She said softly. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up and made her way over to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned and put his glass down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For ever making you feel like you weren’t equal to me. Making you feel unimportant.” She explained. “I just want to help you, and make you happy, but I realise that makes it feel like I’m trying to be better than you. And I don’t want that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched her face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what are you going to do about it?” He asked. That was the part Theta hadn’t quite figured out yet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure yet. But..I’m aware of it, and I’m going to try and be better.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded a little and smiled tightly, pulling her into a hug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed her eyes and sighed into the crook of his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry about the domestic earlier.” He murmured over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” They stayed there, hugging one another for a long time. Theta was slightly on her tip toes but her mind was racing through too many things to think about that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei traced Gallifreyan on her back. He wrote ‘butterfly’, and her actual name. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I love you.’ Theta pushed across gently to him. Koschei brushed against it with acknowledgement and affection. But it felt hung back, like he was keeping other things out of sight and out of mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I love you too.’ He reminded her. ‘Tell me we’re going to be alright Theta.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pulled back and put both hands on his cheeks, pressing her forehead to his gently, but not enough for anything to accidentally drift across. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re going to be alright.” She said softly. Koschei was as afraid of losing her as she was of losing him. That had to mean something important. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” he nodded. “I believe you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I promise my next visit won’t have such a large gap between it.” Borusa laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And if it does, just send us a letter so we know you’re not dead.” Magnus advised. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll definitely do that.” He scoffed. “Well, I’ll see you all soon. Stay safe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” Was the general chorus back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa glanced at Theta and shot her a smile. She returned a tight one back, and let it slowly drop as he closed the front door behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right!” Drax clapped his hands together. “Everybody pack what you need. We’re getting the first tram ride out of here tomorrow morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t very well versed in what was needed for a trip up a mountain, but she thought she could probably think of something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apart from clothes, Theta helped pack the food and water bag. Then she loitered about the lab for a while, thinking of any scenarios where she might need to use something from there- since no one else seemed to be planning on using them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the end, Theta threw a sonic wrench into her bag, a hammer (she couldn’t think of any situations where it would be necessary, but Theta thought hammers were useful to carry), some twine (she also didn’t know what this would be used for, but thought it was shiny), and a pair of pliers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta then took her bag back up to her room, and found Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you packing?” She asked. “Feel like I’ve got nothing important.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Clothes. Boots.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I forgot about shoes!” Theta gasped, and flung herself under her bed to grab her only pair of shoes. They were pretty heavy duty boots though, she was sure they’d be fine. “Anything else?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh, not really. Thought some paper and a pencil might be useful. In case we need to draw a map or something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s smart.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s me.” Koschei glanced at her bag. “What are you bringing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- a sonic wrench,” she held each item up as she said them. “Some twine, pliers, and a hammer.” She grinned. Koschei raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s brains are you bashing out with that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled a rather offended expression as she dropped the hammer back into the bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No ones! You just never know when you might need a hammer. Maybe we could use the pointy end as an ice pick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei grinned and stepped around their bed, pulling her close by the waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or maybe you can take someone’s eye out.” He teased. Theta rolled her eyes and pushed him away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shut up,” she smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably take your own out.” He hummed, moving to stand behind her and wrap his arms around her waist from there. Koschei put his head on her shoulder and slowly rocked too and fro. Theta smiled and put her hands over his, but let the motion happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not that clumsy.” She argued. Koschei made a noise. “I’m not!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’ll just have to look at how pretty your eyes are whilst you’ve still got them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not going to lose my eyes. I’m very trustworthy with tools.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Prone to breaking things though, aren’t you?” He hummed. “I wonder what’ll be next.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram felt a little different. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The atmosphere had changed- it was more tense. The few people who were on it with them kept their heads down, and didn’t speak to one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If Borusa hadn’t told her how bad the war apparently was, Theta probably would’ve thought something really weird was going on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, at the very least, it kept them quiet. They were rowdy kids, but they all knew when to shut up and speak quietly and respectfully to one another- or, at least, as respectfully as Ushas could get. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So can we just go up it?” Millennia asked. “There’s no one..I dunno, telling us we can’t?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I mean it’s public property.” Jelpax shrugged. “So I don’t see how anyone’s going to stop us. Or why they would?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do we do if there’s a Dalek attack?” Vansell asked, pulling his head into the loose huddle they’d made. Theta frowned at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you told us that Borusa said they were still going for the Academy. And this mountain is in eyeshot of the Academy. So what if we’re at the peak and the Dalek’s decide to attack? They’ll see us from a mile away.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well yeah, but it’s pretty unlikely isn’t it?” Magnus pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Unlikely is not impossible.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If the Dalek’s decide to show up, we’re fucked no matter where on the mountain we are. I’d say we just huddle down and wait it out.” Mortimus put out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well running is the only other option, and I don’t fancy making ourselves a target.” Magnus agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t it harder to hit a moving target than a stationary one though?” Theta pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If this conversation had actually been broken down, maybe they could all see how insanely messed up it was. A group of young adults, hardly out of school who just wanted to go on a hike, discussing wether it was better to hide, or to run if and when they were shot at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The High Council had seriously screwed over Gallifrey, Theta thought. Why couldn’t they get it right?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look, if some of you want to run, it’s your own funeral.” Magnus wiped his hands of it when he put them up and sat back. Theta followed and crossed her arms over her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I just think we’ve got a better chance, if they did see us. But if we found somewhere to hide where they definitely couldn’t see us, that’s fine.” Theta expanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Unless they decide to just shoot the mountain and it all falls on us.” Vansell put forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would they shoot a mountain if they thought there was no one on it?” Koschei raised an eyebrow at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Cuz they want to destroy things we like?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If they came for anything, they’re not going to waste time on a mountain. They’re going to go to the Academy to go after all the kiddy-winks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta rolled her eyes. He didn’t have to phrase it like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dark, but true.” Ushas sat back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” Koschei followed her movement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think we should just hope the Dalek’s don’t come.” Millennia put forward. “Let’s not manifest things like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ever the optimist. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Twenty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The climb to the base of the mountain was difficult itself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hadn’t done any exercise in a while, and she was starting to regret it. Then again, apparently the others hadn’t either, because they were as out of breath as she was when they finally made it to the base. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m starting to seriously think this is a shit idea.” Ushas grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I never said climbing a mountain was going to be easy.” Drax huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no rush.” Millennia reassured them. “We can take as long as we need.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nia’, we have jobs.” Rallon pointed out gently. She smiled at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon, we have a time machine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we be in two places at once on the same day? Does that not count as a paradox?” Drax asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well no, as long as we don’t run into them.” Millennia shrugged. “We make sure no ones outside when they come back to take the TARDIS.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All well and good, but we didn’t bring anything to sleep on or in.” Magnus pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You might not have, but I find myself ever more prepared than you Magnus.” Millennia patted the bag on her shoulder. “Four tents and ten sleeping bags.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus scoffed in disbelief and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where the hell would we be without you Millennia?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dead, probably.” She shrugged, stepping up onto a large ledge. “Come on.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The group glanced between each other but followed her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found the trek quite fun. It was slow, and sometimes small arguments broke out over the next few hours. She was sweating and out of breath more than she wasn’t, but she couldn’t say she wasn’t having a good time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta liked looking at Gallifrey from high up. It put things into perspective for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she liked the mountain. It was a little less reddish than everywhere else, especially the more they trekked upward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” Millennia called to the back of the group where she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The flowers are here.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oo!” Theta clambered her way to the front of the group, and tottered over to the flowers, where she knelt beside them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think we should stop for lunch.” Jelpax put forward, as Theta took her bag from her shoulder and rummaged around for the thing she’d remembered to put in last minute. Ever the forgetful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, she found the small preservation chamber she’d grabbed from the lab that morning, and opened it. Theta felt quite bad about picking the flowers, but she was going to replant them back at home, and put them with everything they needed to photosynthesise. They’d be ok. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, Theta picked four of the beautiful, bright blue flowers, and put them in the preservation chamber, before she twisted the cap on and held it up to look properly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They are very blue.” Mortimus commented, seemingly splitting from the group to speak to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They are, aren’t they?” She smiled, standing up to hold them to his face for him to look at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re beautiful. For a colour so sad, and alone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think it’s a lonely colour.” She shook off. “I think it’s a hopeful colour.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe it’s both.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” they glanced back at the group. Koschei was holding out a sandwich. “Come get some food before we all have to wait for you finish.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta hopped past Mortimus, and put the chamber back in her bag. He followed her back over, and Theta sat beside Koschei, taking the sandwich off of him. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei leant forward and pressed a kiss to her temple as Theta unwrapped her food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” She asked, glancing at him. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. Just love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, ok.” Theta looked back down at her food and took a bite. “Well I love you too.” She smiled at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them ate in relative, comfortable silence. Theta was more than happy to just sit with her friends, feeling the breeze wash through her and watching Gallifrey move below them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This place is cool.” Drax finally conceded. There was a general consensus around him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’d go up here again. I mean- as long as we all get down and no one dies.” Rallon scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d especially go up here if we all get down apart from Drax.” Ushas grinned. Drax threw a biscuit at her. “Ew.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bitch ass.” He jabbed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ladies, do you maybe want to fight when we’re not up a mountain and someone could fall?” Magnus asked, not looking up from his food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I think we should definitely fight when we’re up a mountain and someone should fall.” Ushas shrugged. “In fact, let’s get to the peak first. A fitting end to Drax‘s existence.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave him alone, Ushas.” He said, with no real anger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Got to protect your boyfriend, right?” She teased. Jelpax didn’t seem to let it bother him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s not my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” She asked. “Cuz you both act like you are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a silence. Theta hated it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s keep going!” She decided, jumping up and slinging her bag over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wonderful idea, Theta.” Millennia followed her movement hurriedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Best you’ve had all day.” Koschei stood up as well. Theta pouted at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They wandered for another few hours, until about the peak of the afternoon. Magnus called a stop to go to the toilet and the ten of them dispersed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t need the loo, so she followed Koschei and waited on a large rock whilst he wandered a little way away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hummed and looked at the world around her, swinging her legs. Theta felt pretty carefree. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Koschei came back over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Done?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t go.” He hissed. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because there’s a man over there.” Her frown deepened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There is a man. Over there.” He pointed back in the direction he’d come. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well is he ok? Did you talk to him?” Theta stood you. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I saw him and came back here, I’m not about to talk to a random man on a mountain. He might be crazy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or he might be hurt and lost, Kos’, don’t be a pussy.” She walked back the way Koschei had come, her boyfriend slightly behind her, as she rounded a natural made corner. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a man, he was right. He looked old, but not hurt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was sat in a little alcove, eating what looked like flowers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um..” Theta said. “Hello?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced up, and smiled in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright?” Theta asked. He nodded contentedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. Are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She nodded a little, “what are you doing on the mountain?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you?” He asked. “Are you lost?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Theta knelt down in front of him, getting to his level. “My friends and I are on a hike. Are you lost?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he chuckled warmly. “I live here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“On the mountain?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All on your own?” She sat down, cross legged opposite him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not alone. How can one be alone when nature surrounds them?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled a little. Then she had a thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not..trespassing or anything are we?” He smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, not at all. I like it when people venture up here. I wish to share its beauty.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta really liked this old man. Maybe she should live on a mountain one day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t planning on moving any time soon- this man was far too interesting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Koschei left to go and find the others and tell them what was happening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The nine of them returned about ten minutes later. Some stayed to listen to the man. Some left to go and wait grumpily somewhere else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was full of questions, and the man answered them patiently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long have you lived here?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s to say? Longer than I can count.” He chuckled. “If I had to guess, maybe..eight hundred years.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eight hundred years. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t even know if she could imagine spending that much time anywhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t you want to see things through?” Jelpax asked politely. “More then this mountain.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have.” He smiled. “I’ve spent my last twelve lives seeing things. Beautiful things. But now, I’m tired. Where better to rest?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Woah. Theta had never met someone on their last regeneration before. She couldn’t imagine it. With twelve more lives ahead of her, Theta almost felt invincible sometimes. She wondered what it was like to know death was imminent. A proper death. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How old are you then?” Jelpax asked, with wonder in his eyes. The old man laughed gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve lost count. If I had to guess, perhaps, three thousand?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It put things into perspective. Theta was a child. She wasn’t three thousand, she couldn’t even imagine being three thousand. She couldn’t imagine having a life that long. She wasn’t sure she wanted too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you’re not lonely?” Millennia frowned gently. He shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. There’s a difference between alone and lonely. The key is to not let yourself become the latter.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta could’ve listened to him speak all day. It was fascinating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s your business on the mountain?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We want to get to the top.” Mortimus said. The man smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah, I should’ve guessed. As young as you all are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You must’ve done it. Eight hundred years up here, you must’ve reached the peak once.” He suggested. The man shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Firsts are for young people like yourselves. I’ve had more than enough firsts. It would be cruel to take it from people like you.” Theta smiled at the man. He was kind. He was what she wanted to be at his age. “If you do make it, you’ll have to come and find me and tell me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We will.” Theta reassured.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be one of my happier lasts.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Thirty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took Koschei’s hand and let him haul her up onto the ledge. They stopped to catch their breath for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think this is a good place to stop. It’s pretty flat.” Millennia pointed out. Magnus glanced around, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good plan. Let’s set up some camp.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The next forty five minutes consisted of the ten of them trying to pull up tents, and deciding who would be in which. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the end, it was decided that Rallon and Millennia would have their own tent, Ushas, Magnus and Drax would be in one, Vansell and Jelpax in another, and Theta, Koschei and Mortimus in the last. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After they’d set up the tents, which were each big enough for four people, so it wasn’t that much of a tight squeeze, they put their bags and sleeping bags in there, and then sat outside, to eat some of the food they’d brought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was quite cold up there on the mountain, but not cold enough to make them shiver. Theta imagined it would get a bit worse when they reached snow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The evening was fairly quiet. Most of them had kind of run out of their social battery, and at that point just kind of wanted some time on their own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So some of the more quiet, or, grumpy members of the group, like Vansell, Ushas and even Magnus, retired to their tents early. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta went to bed shortly after Millennia and Rallon, leaving only Jelpax, Drax, Koschei and Mortimus up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She clambered into her sleeping bag and found immediately that she didn’t like it. It was too restricting. Luckily, there was a zip on the side, so Theta undid that. Then it felt more like a duvet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She curled up into a ball like she usually did, but was aware that she wouldn’t be able to sleep until two things happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One, the boys outside went to bed and stopped talking, and two, Koschei came to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Luckily, about half an hour later when Theta was dozing in and out of a light sleep, Koschei clambered into the sleeping bag next to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked her eyes open blearily and shuffled towards him. Koschei seemed to glance down at her sleeping bag and get the gist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So he sat up a little, pushed their roll up mattresses together, unzipped his sleeping bag to let Theta’s arms wrap around his middle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He pulled her closer and stroked through her hair, bunching it at the back of her neck like always. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok?” He asked. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Night Kos’.” She mumbled. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sleep well, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta began to doze off again as Koschei traced circles into her skin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Until she heard a noise. And then it happened again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned blearily and pulled her head up off of his chest. She glanced down her tent, as if that would give her the answers to the mystery. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She only found Mortimus, half sitting up, looking equally as confused. That might’ve been because he didn’t have his glasses on though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned and rubbed at her eyes, glancing up at Koschei, who looked equally as confused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s still out there?” Theta whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just...oh.” Koschei almost laughed, and she frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Who is it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax and Jelpax.” He whispered back. Her eyes widened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are they kissing?” She hissed. He laughed breathlessly, and Theta felt it in his chest underneath her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It sounds like it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did they have to do it when we don’t have actual walls between us?” Mortimus huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s sweet!” She argued quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It won’t be if they start banging out there.” Koschei pointed out. Theta scrunched her nose up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re not going to do that. And if they do...then you’ll have to go sort them out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I don’t want too.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will, Thee’,” Mortimus scoffed under his breath. “I’ll just throw my shoe at them or something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks Mort’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Took them long enough.” Koschei muttered. “Thought they’d never get on with it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s sweet.” Theta yawned, and put her head back down on Koschei’s chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was hard to sleep though, with people kissing metres away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She huffed and Koschei laughed at her petulance breathlessly, leaning down to press a kiss to her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’ll go to bed soon.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax? Jelpax?” Millennia’s quiet voice came from two tents over. “Are you still up?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a pause. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..yes.” Drax said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should get some sleep boys, it’s a busy day tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For some reason, wether it was just because it was so late at night, or because they were all half asleep, but that just sent the three of them in Theta’s tent into breathless hysterics. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Was Drax’s defeated reply. The tone he used only made Theta laugh more, as she heard them shuffling to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had to sit up a little to try and catch his breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus made a strangled, wheezing sound and Theta laughed harder, stomach aching with the attempt to keep herself quiet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei snorted and Theta attempted to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes. She didn’t really know why she was laughing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus, Theta, Koschei.” Their laughter stopped abruptly at Millennia’s soft but firm tone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...yeah?” Koschei replied. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should get some sleep.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..ok.” Mortimus flopped back onto his mattress and Theta lay back down to Koschei’s chest, still giggling to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed her eyes, smile still on her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei adjusted to pull her closer, and stroked through her hair again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” The smile was obvious on his lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” Mortimus whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That set Theta off again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It would be a long night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The next morning, Drax and Jelpax avoided almost everyone’s eyes, and scowled off the few sniggers and giggles that come their way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only silver lining, if there was one, was that Ushas apparently had been asleep when everything had gone on, and either hadn’t noticed that everyone was acting weirdly, or just didn’t care. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Those who knew, were all too merciful to tell her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax, at least, seemed to appreciate that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After some breakfast, and an hour trying to figure out how to dismantle a tent, the ten of them were on their way again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wandered along at the back, mostly due to the fact that she kept stopping and looking at things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She saw a butterfly, for the first time in a very long time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It left Theta beaming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell was the only other at the back- Theta wasn’t sure hiking was his thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To be honest, Theta had absolutely no idea how Vansell had come to hang out with Millennia, Rallon and Jelpax in the first place. He really was, nothing like them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was a devoted rule follower, someone who seemed to take no pleasure in going on adventures- much preferring to read about the places they were adventuring to, instead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if he even liked half of them. She’d never really seen him interact with people, other than the three he’d arrived with, or her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew Koschei was wary, and to be honest, Theta didn’t blame him. She liked Vansell, she knew he was sweet and had a good pair of hearts, but if they’d never spoken, perhaps she would’ve thought he was intimidating, and too grumpy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think of the hike?” She asked him, stopping to let him catch up a little. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. I’m not a big fan of heights.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But the views are nice.” She pointed out. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, they are. I just wish there was a way to see such views, without having to go so high up.” He explained. Theta laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can understand that. I like heights!” She shrugged. “It puts things in perspective.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you lack that?” He stepped up onto a ledge. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes.” She stepped up after him. “I get bogged down in..feelings.” She grumbled the word. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well there are a lot.” He nodded. Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes there are.” She agreed. “Do you not struggle with that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Feelings?” She nodded. “Sometimes. I like to sort them out logically if I can.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know for some reason I saw that coming.” She smiled. Vansell shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it just makes sen-“ the rock he’d stood in shifted and Vansell shot downwards, crying out in either surprise or pain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta gasped, and ducked down to the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my god, are you alright?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He looked downward. “My legs stuck.” He wasn’t wrong. Vansell’s leg was well and truly stuck, lodged between two slabs of rock. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, just hang on.” Theta looked up. She couldn’t even see the others. So she huffed and found Koschei. ‘Vansell’s leg is trapped. Come back and help, quickly.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Coming.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you pull it out?” Theta asked. Vansell shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t move it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, just hang on. The others are coming, we’ll figure something out.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Thirty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’ve got nothing.” Ushas shrugged, as the ten of them crowded around Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you Ushas. I’ll add that to the very long list of everything helpful you’ve ever said.” He snapped. Theta could tell he was in pain, and put a hand on his back as Ushas rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok, we’re going to get you out Van’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We might have to break his leg.” Koschei put forward. Vansell went paler than he’d already been. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” He hissed. Theta looked up at him, and set Koschei a hard stare. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not breaking anyone’s leg, Koschei. Stop scaring him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I don’t see any other way.” He defended. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We need a lubricant.” Mortimus put forward. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you Mort’, for your less violent ideas.” Koschei rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, Mortimus, everyone knows we need a lubricant, but I don’t see one around here, do you?” He snarked. Mortimus seemed annoyed at Koschei’s tone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well at least I was being more helpful than just suggesting we break his bones.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you all shut the fuck up?!” Vansell demanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They went silent, and looked at him. Vansell never swore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My leg is trapped and in a considerable amount of pain right now, so I’d appreciate it, if you could sort your testosterone levels out and fight over Theta later.” He snapped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fighting over her? They weren’t fighting over her? What would they be doing that for? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced at them and frowned in confusion. Mortimus glanced away, and Koschei shot a forced, sarcastic smile in her direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But they didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We must be able to make a lubricant from something.” Rallon finally broke the tense silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What about the flowers?” Ushas finally sighed. All ten of them looked at her, surprised at the prospect that she might be about to say something genuinely helpful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Drax asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The flowers Theta collected. They’re sapphire sap daisies. You crush ‘em up, put some water in there, you’ve got a lubricant.” They blinked at her, and she shrugged. “What? It’s just chemistry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took her bag from her shoulder and heard Millennia doing the same. She rummaged around for a moment, and found the flowers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sad about using them for this- she would’ve given more than just this up in order to help. Besides, she could always get more when they went back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia passed her a bowl, with some water in, that Theta dumped the flowers into. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell whimpered in pain beside her, and Theta winced in sympathy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ve not got anything we can use for a pestle. You might just have to use a spoon.” Millennia frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah!” Theta pointed at her. “You might not.” She ducked into her bag again, and pulled out her hammer. She figured the end of it would make for a good pestle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was right, of course, and she started to crush up the flowers with the flat end. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, why are you carrying a hammer?” Magnus asked. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For situations that might need a hammer. It’s a good thing I did, or we wouldn’t have been able to crush up the flowers as well as I am right now.” She pointed out. “Ushas, how crushed do these have to be?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas stepped around Vansell and crouched in front of her, dipping her finger in, and raising it above the bowl a little, to watch it drip back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had the consistency of golden syrup. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It needs more water.” Millennia hurried over, and sat next to the two other women, pouring a little bit more water in. “Stop.” Ushas said. She stopped, and Theta kept crushing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The men watched on in either relative awkwardness, or uselessness. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a work out for her right arm, Theta would give it that much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, how’s this?” She asked. Ushas repeated the same trick. The mixture had the consistency of water, that had been mixed with some quite dry glue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a little gross, but it smelt nice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, that’s good. Nice one, Blondie.” She nodded, and took the bowl towards Vansell. “Right, I’ll pour, two people pull.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax and Jelpax, who had already been stood behind Vansell, stepped up and wrapped their arms under each of Vansell’s armpits. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s this going to hurt?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you’ve broken anything, yes. Like a bitch.” Ushas nodded dryly. “Ok, three, two, one.” She poured the mixture down all sides of Vansell’s trapped limp, and the boys nodded at one another, before pulling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell cried out in pain, as they hauled him out of the gap, laying him on the ground beside it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve broken my leg, haven’t I?” He groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably.” Ushas nodded. “Not sure though, I don’t know much about broken bones.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do, it’s ok.” Theta stood up and stepped towards Vansell. She knew reading that book on bones would be helpful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, people break them. How are you supposed to help if you don’t know about the breaks?” She asked, crouching in front of his injured leg. “Anyone got scissors?” She mainly looked at Rallon and Millennia when she asked that, but they both shook their heads. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” Millennia offered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s ok, I’ll just use my pliers.” She got her pliers out of her bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The fuck are you going to do to me??” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just cutting off your trouser leg, don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“With pliers???” He demanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! I’m making a hole with the pliers, and then I’m going to rip the rest off, carefully. Now shut up and let me get on with it.” There wasn’t any malice in her tone when she said it. She could understand his worry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved to gently touch about half way up his thigh, where she opened the pliers and pinched the fabric. Theta worked the pliers into the spot, and eventually they pierced the thin material. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then she put both points in the hole, and opened the pliers. This ripped more of it, and made the hole bigger. When it was big enough for Theta to put both hands in, she ripped the rest of the fabric, and eventually got a haphazard line, where the trouser leg came completely detached from the rest of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Millennia, can you take his shoe off? You’re the gentlest.” Theta was sure she could do it, but she didn’t trust herself to be as gentle as her friend could’ve, with her hands shaking as much as they were. Pressure seemed to make the tremor worse, and it was clear it was something Vansell was already worried and aware of. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia nodded, and moved to his foot, gently untying and prying off his shoe, with not much more than a wine from Vansell. Theta pulled off the remains of his trouser leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta nodded down at his now bare leg. Nothing looked horribly wrong- and by that she meant there was no bone sticking out, so Theta considered that a win at least. “Right, so, tell me if it hurts where I press.” She pressed half way up his thigh, and Vansell shook his head. “Here?” She pressed the side of his knee, and his hissed a wince. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She pressed half way down his calf, and he nodded, wincing. “Ok, and here?” She pressed at his ankle and he nodded violently. “Right.” Theta sat back on her heels. “Ok, do you want the good news or the bad news first?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s bad news?” His voice cracked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve broken your leg in three places.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What??” Was the general chorus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t ask for the bad news!” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But now I can give you the good news!!” She explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you say that it’s good news because I’ve not broken it in four places, I’m going to kill you, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” She huffed. “The good news if that I can fix it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am not staying up a mountain with you all whilst we wait for however long it’s going to take his bones to heal.” Ushas argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to.” She rolled her eyes and got out the lengths of twine, and the sonic wrench from her bag. “Tada.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...I don’t get it.” Ushas crossed her arms over her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, Theta,” Drax grinned at her, and she turned to look at him. “That’s very good. Why did you think to bring them?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, just in case we needed them. And we do!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can someone fill me in?” Koschei asked, probably a little too sharply. “Feeling pretty out of the loop here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can make an artificial time bubble. A pocket dimension.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds painful.” Vansell whined. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s a pocket dimension?” He asked. “I want to know what you’re doing to me before you do it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” she sighed a little. “A pocket dimension is a dimension that just forms spontaneously- its an echo of our own, and they never last long. I could probably explain it better with balloons, but I didn’t think to bring those, which is very stupid of me. Everyone should bring balloons on a hike.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” She nodded. “So, in pocket dimensions, or time bubbles or whatever you want to call them, time moves differently- often faster, or slower. So, I’m going to make one, and put you in it. Your leg will heal, and you’ll be out of there within minutes!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..will I be trapped there, on my own, for however long it takes to heal? Will it just feel like minutes for you guys?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’ll be a couple minutes for all of us. It’s very complicated and time consuming to explain, but if I had balloons, I could save us some time.” She groaned, annoyed at her own neglogance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, can you fix his leg in five minutes or not?” Ushas rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes!” She stood up and handed Drax, who she’d decided would be her assistant in this, the sonic wrench. “Hold that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took it, and she ushered the group backward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They watched as she made a shape around Vansell of twine, cutting and twisting it together with the pliers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took about ten minutes for her to make her little dome type shape. It was wonky, but it would do the job. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she beckoned him over, the tallest as he was, and he came to stand next to her. “I need to go on your shoulders.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Less questions, more doing.” She huffed. Koschei sighed and crouched on the ground. Theta sat on his shoulders and he put his hands on her legs as he slowly stood up again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put the pliers in her mouth, as she wrapped a couple cords of twine around the point where all of her dome twine lines met at the top. She then cut the twine with the pliers, and squeezed them together, to make sure it was secure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Done.” Koschei let her back down to the ground and she ushered him back out of the dome. Theta then grabbed the sonic wrench from Drax, and tightened each fastening with it, creating the actual points of time that would create the bubble. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she got to the last one, she glanced at Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ready?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this going to hurt?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta reassured. “Probably not...maybe. I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck me.” He muttered, before nodding. “Go on then.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And so, with no clue wether it would work or not, but a hope in her heart, Theta tightened the last joint, and a time bubble wrapped itself around the dome, with Vansell laying inside. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Thirty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know it’s working?” Magnus asked. Theta chewed on her nails, and watched the dome. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t.” She admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did everything right Theta.” Drax reassured. “It’ll work.” She nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax knew about these things. He was probably right.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The group fell into silence again. Now waiting, and without imminent danger to one of them, everyone seemed to remember the tension between Mortimus and Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was, quite honestly, baffled by it. She didn’t understand why Vansell had said they were fighting over her. She hadn’t even been mentioned in the conversation. And why would they be doing that anyway? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced at both of them. They’d taken to sitting as far away from each other as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was sat on a rock about half a metre from her. Mortimus was on the floor on the other side of the dome, picking at grass and staring at the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know whether it was worth risking saying anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you ok?’ She gently brushed against Koschei’s mind, trying to gauge his feelings. He kept her mainly on the outskirts, but sent her a tiny tumble of reassurance and affection. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Yeah.’ He confirmed. Theta tried not to send across her doubt. ‘You’re so smart, my love. You’ve got a real skill for thinking on your feet.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Thank you.’ Theta decided not to mention that she knew he was changing the subject on purpose. ‘I just hope it works.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘If Drax has faith, then so do I.’ He reassured. Theta sent across a small wave of gratitude, and pulled herself out of her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s almost done.” Drax said. Theta stood up, as did some of the others, and bounced impatiently on the balls of her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hated waiting. She couldn’t do it. Waiting sucked. What was the point in waiting when she had a time machine? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta paced her way over to Drax, who was watching the dome intently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really think this’ll work?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Drax shrugged. “So unless your maths is wrong...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s maths was never wrong. It would be fine. She was sure. Unless now was a time where her maths was wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The field around the metal framing of the dome suddenly disappeared, and Vansell became visible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was lying where he had been a few minutes earlier, with his eyes closed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta ducked into the dome and knelt beside him. The others followed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell?” She asked. There was no reply. He was definitely breathing so at least there was that. That wasn’t really enough though. She shook his shoulders lightly. “Van? Vansell?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nosebung, get up.” Ushas kicked his good leg, and Vansell groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not my name.” Theta breathed out a sigh of relief, and rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok? Did it work?” She asked. He cracked open an eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. You tell me. Are my bones healed?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh yeah. Theta shuffled down to his leg and pressed the inside of his knee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hurt?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She pressed both other spots, and Vansell shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re all good.” She grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a general sigh of relief, as well as a few whoops (mainly from Drax), as Vansell smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He held a hand up and she laughed out a sigh of relief, slapping her hand to his and squeezing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did it work?” Drax asked. Now that Vansell was fine, he seemed intent on getting answers. “Were you only in there for five minutes?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was there a possibility that I wouldn’t be??” He demanded, glancing at Theta, who shrugged meekly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anomalies.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus.” He groaned, and sat up slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did it feel like?” Drax asked, as he looked down at his leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like..I could feel my bones repairing. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax,” Millennia cut him off gently. “Maybe you should ask these questions later, when we’ve stopped.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Ok. Sorry.” He nodded, and took a step back. Millennia moved to stand at Vansell’s feet, and took his hands, helping him slowly up onto them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched the muscles in his leg as he did it. Everything seemed to be working fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“These are the only trousers I brought with me.” He grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got a spare pair.” Rallon said, because of course he did. He rummaged in his bag for a moment, before bringing it out and handing it to Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” Vansell wandered, still a little wobbly, behind a big rock, to change. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up, and got a slap on the back. She jumped a little and glanced behind her to see Drax, positively beaming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are very good Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a little. That felt nice to be told. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Drax.” She ducked close to his ear. “Bet you’re just happy to have the attention off of you and your boyfriend.” She grinned. He flushed and shoved her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Piss off.” He scoffed. Theta glanced back at Jelpax, who’s eyes were raking over the dome. She looked at Drax and smiled, before giving him a thumbs up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She liked to see people in love. Maybe she was a romantic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell reappeared, trousers on and leg working, so they slowly set off again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was still quite slow, so Theta stayed at the back with him, whilst his leg got used to working. She practically carried him up any steep ledges. Theta noticed that her upper body strength wasn’t what it used to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She should work on that. Theta liked exercising. It was a good outlet for..sticky emotions that she didn’t really know how else to deal with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up the group at her friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus and Millennia led the group. Rallon and Ushas had apparently found common ground to talk about. Magnus and Koschei were talking, and Drax and Jelpax were hung about just ahead of Theta, subtly and nervously holding hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was sweet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She waited for Vansell to tie his lace, and glanced ahead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Contact.” She murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a start of confusion, before hesitancy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Contact.” Mortimus replied. ‘Theta?’ She could practically feel his frown. ‘Why are you doing this?’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Well you don’t get much private time on a hike up and mountain. I just wanted to check on you.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Thanks Thee’, but I’m ok.’ Mortimus was being short with her, but she could tell by the way his emotions were scattered that it wasn’t because she’d done anything wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘What did Vansell mean?’ She asked, after a moment of hesitation that he must have felt. ‘You and Koschei weren’t fighting over me. I don’t understand it.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I think that might need to be a conversation you have with Koschei.’ She felt the sigh he left out. ‘Then again, he’d probably twist a narrative that’s complete bullshit.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ok. There seemed to be a lot of tension here between the two of them, that Theta had never noticed before. That was interesting. She thought it best to try and tiptoe around them a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ok. I’ll keep that in mind.’ She reassured. ‘Can I ask you about it after Koschei?’ Mortimus seemed surprised that she was asking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘If you’re open to my side of the story.’ There was a story? How had Theta not noticed any of this? Was she stupid? No. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Probably just slow. She could be very slow sometimes, and Theta wouldn’t lie by saying she didn’t beat herself up about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Of course.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Thanks.’ And Mortimus gently cut off the connection. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked for a moment, and frowned deeply. Vansell finally caught up with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you frowning about?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” She shook off. “Just thinking, y’know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They walked in silence for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s the leg?” She asked. He nodded down at it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better. It feels less wobbly now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” Theta smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” Vansell glanced at her, and she looked back, shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. I know you’d do the same for me.” And suddenly there was such a sorrow in his eyes. He looked at her like she’d just told him something awful. She frowned in worry. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” He looked away quickly. She opened her mouth to say something, before deciding against it, and just frowning. “Theta, you know something?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She asked quietly, honestly a little scared of what he was going to say next. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a good person.” He looked at her. Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And..I’m sure that in the future- things will happen to you. And you’ll start to question that. But you are. And you need to remember that, even if the people around you forget.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She swallowed tightly. Theta couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a warning. That maybe Vansell knew more then she did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She said quietly. “Is everything ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” He quickly nodded. “I just don’t want you to forget your roots, y’know? The years where you really became who you are. Because these are the important ones. Not the ones before or after.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you should remember that for others too.” He continued. “That decisions they made before these years might have been wrong, and perhaps now they’re tying to be better. A good person, like you. And that good people are forgiving.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure you’re ok Van’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.” He nodded, and glanced away. “Just..trying to be better.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Thirty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus made up some excuse, that got him a free pass into Millennia and Rallon’s tent that night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want to say it upset her- she knew why he’d done it. But seeing her friend distance himself from her, did make her a little sad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, it gave her a opportunity to speak to Koschei.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So when they’d all gone to bed (Koschei was the last, and Theta had the feeling he was trying to avoid her), she cornered him, as he pulled off his shirt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was that about today?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was what about?” He played dumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What Vansell said. About you and Mortimus.” She asked, as he avoided eye contact and rooted around for a clean shirt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How should I know? I’m not Vansell.” He pointed out. Theta pulled a face at him, which he missed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, there seems to be a lot more going on between you two, which I don’t know about.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No darling, there’s not.” He finally found a shirt and pulled it on. Theta frowned. It was clear that she didn’t believe him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you lying? Tell me what’s going on.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Even if there was anything going on, I think it’s a conversation we should have back inside the walls of our house, don’t you?” Theta didn’t know. Was it? She was out of the loop. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply at him, clearly frustrated. Koschei ran a hand through his hair and glanced up at her, before leaning across to take her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s nothing, my love, I promise. Just a tiff.” Theta didn’t believe that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you tell me about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, it’s inconsequential. Just a bump in the road, I’ve got it under control.” Theta set her jaw, and regarded him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was it about? The tiff?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If it’s not resolved by then, I’ll tell you when we get home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why won’t you tell me now?” She pushed. Koschei sighed out sharply. Theta could tell that he was really stretching his patience to avoid confrontation, and knew she was probably not making it any easier to stay calm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because,” he said slowly. “We’ll keep the others awake if we talk about this now, my dear.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t happy about it, and she was sure that if she pushed much further, Koschei would snap and tell her what she wanted to know. But Theta didn’t want him to snap, for her sake and her friends’ sake. So she nodded a little, and fell back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She mumbled. Koschei sighed out a breath of relief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shuffled over to him, and he pulled her close by the hand. She smiled tightly as he wrapped an arm around her, and pressed a kiss to her temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked softly. “It’s not upset you or anything, has it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No Thee’. My skin’s far thicker than that.” She nodded a little bit. She just wondered if Mortimus shared that sentiment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” They were quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were brilliant today, y’know.” Koschei finally said. Theta glanced up at him, and smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who knew the hammer would come in handy?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me.” She lied. “There’s a method to the madness.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Apparently so. Maybe you’re the crazy one.” He scoffed. Theta pouted a little. “I’m kidding.” Koschei said fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a long moment. Considering everything, Theta wasn’t all that tired. She had too much on her mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei seemed to share the sentiment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know,” he finally said. “I do wonder if you’re doing it on purpose.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doing what?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Paying me so much more attention when I’m being destructive.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What did that mean? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was she doing that? Theta didn’t think that was true. It might’ve been, she’d never noticed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei watched her fumble for a moment, completely caught off guard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-“ she closed her mouth, and tried to form words. “I don’t-“ was as far as she got, before giving up. Theta thought that might be one of those questions she had to mull over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei scoffed quietly and glanced away, shaking his head a little, before turning back to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t even realise you’re doing it, do you-“ Theta cut him off by pressing a sound kiss to his lips. She wasn’t sure why she did it. Maybe to try and stop her own mind racing. Or to stop words spilling out of Koschei’s mouth that she didn’t like, because they meant confronting parts of herself that Theta didn’t understand, and didn’t like. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei blinked at her for a moment, and for a second she thought he might be angry at her. Until he kissed her back, just as deeply as she had him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know why they didn’t do this more often. It was so much easier than talking. And so much simpler. She knew what she was doing here, this was old territory. She didn’t have to think about unknown’s here. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It solved things. Albeit, temporarily, but that was better than not being solved at all, Theta figured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she held onto that, as she shifted her way onto Koschei’s lap, and decided not to think about things for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The temporarily part was the kicker.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As Theta found out, early in the morning, when she was pretty sure she was the only one awake for miles, if her friends presence’s were anything to go by. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She gingerly sat up, and groaned under her breath, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta yawned, put her hands on the ground behind her, and stretched out her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked a couple times, and looked back at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was sleeping, completely soundly by the looks of things, one arm still slung around her waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at his face. It looked almost, a little bit sad. Maybe it was the eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She leant back down and pressed a tiny kiss in the space between them. They looked a tiny bit less sad after that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was notoriously bad at not thinking. Staying still and thinking about things she didn’t want to did not sound like a good day to her, so she busied herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She got up, got dressed, made a mess of trying to silently slip into Millennia, Rallon and Mortimus’ tent in an attempt to get food, although somehow none of them woke up when she fell over, lit the fire and sat outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tucked into a small tin of soup, and watched birds soar over the peak of the mountain. They weren’t far now. If they were going to make it to the peak, it would be that day. Just so long as no one else broke any bones. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus was next to appear, about forty-five minutes later. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed pretty tired, as he slowly began to eat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you liking the hike?” He asked. Theta looked up at him, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like it. It’s been a bit more eventful than I thought it would be, but I think considering all that, it’s gone well.” She considered. He nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true. What you came up with for Van’s leg was pretty impressive.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She smiled a little. “I think it’s probably best that everyone tries not to break anymore bones though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably.” He scoffed. “We’ve just got to make sure we get through this hallucinogenic snow, and we should be good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are we going to do that, exactly?” Theta asked. Magnus usually had good ideas about this kind of thing. He sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure. Just try and stay together I think. Try our best not to get lost.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It should be easy. I mean, we’re just walking in a straight line, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” Magnus nodded. “What could go wrong?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Thirty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ve got our first snow.” Magnus called to the back of the group as they trudged forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it all hallucinogenic?” Jelpax asked. Magnus shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno man. Better to be safe than sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax nodded, and they continued upward. The plan was pretty simple. There was ten of them, and they’d each have a partner to hold hands with. In theory, it was going to stop people from getting lost. And if they did, they’d have someone with them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As soon as Magnus pitched the idea, Koschei had taken her hand. That was fine with Theta. Just meant she knew where he was, and knew he was safe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some people were not too happy with having to hold people’s hands, but Ushas only grumbled about it, and still took Mortimus’ hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta could see the snow becoming more prevalent, so she glanced at Koschei, who squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be ok.” He told her. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She wasn’t really worried about it. She was sure it would be weird, but she just had to be able to ignore what was around her, that wasn’t Koschei. And it would be fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta saw something out of the corner of her eye, and she glanced at it. There was nothing there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ok. That was a little more creepy than she’d imagined it being. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we have any idea what we’re going to see?” Theta asked. Koschei shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I mean, it’s supposed to tap into the subconscious, so I imagine, whatever you spend a lot of time thinking about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure. She spent a lot of time thinking about lots of things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hand tightening around Koschei’s, Theta decided to keep her eyes forwards. On the prize, and all of that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.” She glanced at Koschei, who was looking off to the side. She squeezed his hand and he glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you say my name?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He squeezed tightly. “Just don’t let go of me, ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she nodded slowly. “Ok.” Theta looked forward again, and ignored the next few things that she saw out of the corner of her eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Something appeared to the side of her so suddenly, that Theta had to look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was so strange. It looked just like Mortimus, down to the mannerisms and all. Theta supposed that that made sense, since it was taking a picture from her subconscious. Still, seeing Mortimus wasn’t all that bad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They continued onward. Theta saw Rallon and Millennia, Ushas smoking a blunt on a roof, Drax and Jelpax working on something together. She saw Magnus pacing up and down. She saw Vansell, with his head in his hands. Theta stopped short for that, and accidentally yanked Koschei backwards. He pried her away from the image. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta continued onward, stopping only to pull Koschei on, away from whatever he was seeing that she wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get away from me!” Theta jumped and winced hard at Sanfej’s voice. “Theta, please-“ she didn’t look over her shoulder. “Please don’t kill me.” He wailed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed tightly, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was an explosion to her left. It was deafening. Theta squeezed her eyes shut, but could still hear the screams, and pleads of children. She could feel the smoke itching under her eyes and making them water. She could smell bodies. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her hands over her ears, and squeezed her eyes tighter shut. It wasn’t enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt a splash of water on her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s hearts picked up, and started to race. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she whispered. “No, no, no, please leave me alone. Please leave me alone, please. Please.” Theta crouched to the ground and curled up in on herself. Her whole body was trembling. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t run. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She heard the thrashing, and muffled screaming, and Theta put her hands over her head, to cover up her own cries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No no no no no, please, please.” She cried. It continued, filling her ears and clogging her nose. Theta couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t get out. Tears were streaming down her face and there wasn’t a way out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Make it stop,” Theta sobbed, knees giving way to the cold, wet snow, as she curled up into a ball, plugging her ears with her fingers and putting her head against her knees, as her entire body shook. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry please- please.” Her diaphragm ached with pain as she trembled, with loud, convulsive sobs. “Please make it stop.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” she felt hands on her shoulders, and she looked up, terrified that she might be about to face Torvic. But it wasn’t. It was Koschei. Real Koschei. Feeling and smell and voice and all. Theta wasn’t sure when she’d let go of his hand. “Are you ok?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you see?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Death.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did it feel?” He asked, putting both hands on her cheeks. That was a weird question. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Painful.” Theta answered shakily. She wanted to leave. “It hurts. It’s so loud.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, now you know how I feel.” He sighed, and took his hands from her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wh..what?” Theta whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s only what you deserve.” Koschei crouched closer, and Theta felt tears start to fall down her cheeks again. She didn’t understand. Why was this happening? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You, are a despicable excuse for a person Theta.” He muttered. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to lean away. Koschei followed her. “You’re a piece of shit, who doesn’t deserve anything good that’s ever happened to them.” He hissed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta let out a small cry and moved to try and cover her ears. Koschei grabbed her wrists and stopped her. If he was touching her, then it must have meant that this was real. He was really saying this, this was how he felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please stop.” She cried. “Please- Kos’- I’m-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re worthless.” He muttered. “Only reason I was ever with you in the first place was because I felt sorry for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” Theta whispered. Koschei laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that’s just too bad, darling. Because I have never felt a thing for you in my life.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Someone grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. Theta opened her eyes and yanked herself away, letting out a small cry of fear as she fell back into the snow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, hey, it’s ok. It’s just me. It’s just me.” He slowly crouched down in front of her. “We’re gonna go back down to where there’s no snow, Thee’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched his face for any signs of malice. Any signs that this wasn’t Koschei. He looked like he’d been crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you love me?” She asked wobbly. He blinked, and leant forward, gently taking her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I love you, Theta. More than anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do I know if you’re real?” She whispered. He frowned a little, before leaning the rest of the way over and gently wiping a tear from her cheek. He showed her the droplet, still on his thumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I wasn’t, could I have done that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed, logically, no. She could very easily have moved her arms, and stopped herself from putting her fingers in her ears, under the guise that someone else was stopping her. But a hallucination couldn’t take something from her cheek. Because her tears were real, she knew that much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta nodded slowly, and stumbled upright. Koschei took her hand and squeezed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t let go of me, ok?” He said. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She and Koschei headed back down the way they’d came, not stopping until they were about half a mile from any snow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was still shaken, and she sat down on the ground, pulling her trembling hands close to her chest and closing her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sat beside her, and didn’t say anything for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know wether the others had gotten past the snow, and part of her wanted to go and find them. But she imagined, she wouldn’t be much help if she couldn’t block out her own demons. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, about ten minutes later, some of the others began to trickle back down to sit beside the two of them. No one said anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not even when the ten of them had been sat in silence, for nearing two hours. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Looking back, Theta wasn’t sure what she’d expected. Ten kids who had grown up surrounded by war, and violence. Ten kids who were all scared of loud noises, and flinched if someone came up behind them too suddenly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This kind of thing was bound to happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Even miles up in the air, on what was just meant to be a fun hike, violence and suffering still followed them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe we should throw in the towel.” Rallon finally said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They all seemed to think that was a good idea. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Thirty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They only stopped once on the way back down, and it was at the request of Theta, who just wanted to check on the old man. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They couldn’t find him about, so she assumed, perhaps he was sleeping somewhere. Theta wrote a small note on the paper Koschei had brought, telling him that they hadn’t made it to the top, but that they had looked for him. She said that she wished him well, and maybe they would come back up soon to see him again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta left it poking out under a rock, hoping that that would stop it flying off into the wind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram ride back was quiet, even if the group were slowly starting to recover from whatever they’d all seen on the mountain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had been particularly bad on the way back down, tapping or muttering a count of four under his breath. Theta took his hand with one of her trembling ones, and squeezed in beats of three. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hid her other hand in her lap, putting one leg over the other to hide it. It wasn’t that the others didn’t know or anything, she just thought it was embarrassing. Theta didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable around her friends at that moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Once they’d walked the long way back home, most people dispersed, clearly wanting to be alone, and having spent way too much time around others. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta stuck with Koschei. She knew he probably couldn’t face being alone right now, and Theta didn’t really want to be left alone with her thoughts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she followed him around. Koschei ended up in the library, reading some kind of book out loud to himself, to fill the silence, or lack there of, for him. So Theta sat beside him, curled up into his side, and listened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She still wanted to ask about things. She wanted to ask what Koschei had seen. She wanted to ask about Mortimus. But Theta was kind enough to leave it for now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure she had the energy for an argument anyway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They lay in bed that night, Koschei tapping four onto her shoulder. Theta gently moved her hand up to cup his cheek, and began to tap three right next to his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stopped tapping her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?” He didn’t reply. Theta wasn’t sure if he could hear her. “What did you see? On the mountain?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t say anything for at least seven and a half minutes. Theta didn’t think he’d heard her, or didn’t want to talk about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You,” he eventually murmured. “Telling me all kinds of shit. That I wasn’t good enough for you, that I wasn’t worthy of your love. That every day I disappoint you just a bit more. That we’re not equal. That we never have been.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shifted to prop herself up onto her elbows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you know none of that’s true, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Consciously, yeah. Subconsciously, apparently not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed deeply, and pressed a kiss to his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish I could quiet the noises in there.” She said softly beside his ear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Up in the snow.” Koschei murmured. “The drumming was..so loud. All I could hear. I mean- it’s still pretty loud now but up there. I thought my head might explode. I thought I might pull my brain out myself. It was so painful. Never been that loud.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” she said gently, and ran a hand through his hair, pressing a kiss to his temple again. “It’s over now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d think- y’know- maybe it would get easier. Maybe over time I could just learn to block it out, but I can’t. If anything..it gets worse.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned worriedly at him. She leant up and peppered kisses over his forehead and the space between his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m gonna fix it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei scoffed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I resigned myself to that fact being false a long time ago, Thee’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you shouldn’t have. Because I made a promise and I don’t break them. I’ll figure it out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched her face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I bet you will. Fix what’s broken.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not broken.” Theta took his face in both hands. “You are so far from broken, Koschei. Broken things don’t have anything else left to give, and you have so much. So much promise and light and beauty you can bring to this world. You, are, beautiful.” She said gently. “So beautiful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you find beauty in me, Theta, perhaps I’m not the broken one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If finding beauty in someone as wonderful and mesmerising and intelligent as you, means being broken, I will happily take being broken.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You would.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta Sigma?” He replied, folding clothes back into drawers. Theta chewed on a nail for a moment, contemplating what she was about to do. Koschei seemed to be in a very good mood, as he glanced up expectantly. Maybe, if she was careful, she could keep it that way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just- do you want to talk about..uh..Mortimus?” She asked. Koschei immediately sighed. So much for keeping him in a good mood. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Must we?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better to get it out of the way I suppose.” Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or, I could just not tell you and you can live in blissful ignorance for the rest of time.” He suggested, tapping underneath her chin as he walked past. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I like blissful ignorance.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No?” He asked. She shook her head. “That’s a shame. It looks beautiful on you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how to take that. How much did she not know? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does knowing what’s going on, not look good on me?” She frowned. Koschei stepped past her again, and stopped to tilt her chin up to look at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes. But it makes you frown.” He put the pad of his thumb between her brows and gently smoothed out the crease there. “I don’t like it when other people make you frown.” He kissed the space his thumb had been and walked past again, putting more clothes away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I promise not to frown will you tell me what’s gone on?” She asked. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean it, Theta. It was just a little tiff. It doesn’t even matter.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus seems to think it does.” Koschei finally glanced up at her at that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does he?” He said. “What did he say to you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That there was a whole story.” She explained. “That you might..try and downplay it.” That was not what Mortimus had said, but that was what Koschei was doing. Theta thought, perhaps if she said he was doing the thing his apparent enemy had thought he might, Koschei might do a one-eighty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And it seemed, Theta had played her cards right, because he sighed deeply, and sat down on the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s his own fault. He had it coming.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked again. Koschei sighed out sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” she couldn’t tell if it was a warning, or a plead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.” She wasn’t about to back down now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For gods- because he has a crush on you!” He finally snapped. “Because he’s in love with you and he has been since the first day we met them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, expression blank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..Huh?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei groaned, and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everyone knows, all nine of us. You’re too caught up in- whatever the hell you think about all day, to notice.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..” she blinked. “Why does that matter?” Theta asked slowly. He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does it matter that Mortimus has a crush on me?” She expanded. Koschei stared at her blankly for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because- I mean, it just does.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes!” Theta raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. Koschei sighed and ran a hand over his face. “It matters,” he said slowly. “Because..maybe if..if he had a crush on you, and you knew, you might start to..wonder if..y’know- if he’d be better than me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had no idea what to say for at least half a minute. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry?” She finally asked. “Koschei- I-“ she closed her eyes for a moment. “What??” Theta opened her eyes again, to watch him shrug, and glance down. “Do you really think I’m that easily led?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- it’s not that. I just- he’s nice. He’s smart. Thinks a lot more like you than I do. You’d probably argue less.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t love him.” She said, like it was obvious. Because it was. “Are you that insecure in our relationship that you think I’d run off with the first person to show me the slightest bit of interest?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he said sharply. Theta raised her eyebrows expectantly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Cuz that sounds a lot like what I’m hearing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not insecure in our relationship.” Koschei argued. She opened her mouth but he cut her off. “I’m just insecure about me, ok?” Theta closed it, and blinked. “There, I said it. Happy?” She swallowed. “It’s not our relationship I’m insecure about Theta, not everything is about you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t say anything, and he sighed deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know this, I’ve said it before. I love you more than anything, and you’re just...so much. You are more than anything I have ever known, and I will, never, ever, feel like I am your equal in that. I will never feel like you love me as much as I love you, because I- I- I love you, so, so much.” He closed his eyes. “So fucking much, Theta. You have so much love to give to so many, and all of mine is given to you.” Koschei opened his eyes and set her with a hard stare. “So, yeah. I’m sorry if I’m scared of losing you. I’m sorry if I want to protect you, and maybe keep you to myself, because you are all I have, and you are so, so, precious to me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up, and moved to sit on the bed beside him. She took his hands, and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, we’ve always solved each other’s problems together. And- and if we want this to work, we have to start talking to each other again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Because I want to help you.” She searched for eye contact, but Koschei didn’t give it to her. “But I’m not a mind reader- especially when you block me out. I will never be able to give you the words you need to hear, if you don’t point me in the right direction.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. Y’know what I’m thinking?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m thinking- I always tried to be nice, and civil to Mortimus. I never went after him, I was never mean, and I never hurt him- even if I wanted to. But you didn’t say anything. And then- I- I get angry once, maybe twice, and suddenly you want to hear all about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You want me to be like you Theta, but you’re not giving me a reason to. Because I don’t work like you. I don’t want to do ‘good things’, to feel like I’m a ‘good person’. The only reason I would ever do those things is to make you happy, and get your attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘But you only give me what I want when I do something you don’t like. So why would I do the nice thing, when I don’t get anything back from it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked. There was a lot to say to that, that she knew she’d probably have to unpack later, when she was alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For now, she supposed she should just focus on saying the right thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I’d known you were doing those things, I would’ve..given you attention for them. But I didn’t realise Mortimus had a crush on me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it wouldn’t have mattered if you did. Because no one gets rewards for doing good things- because it’s expected from you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For once, Theta had no idea what to say. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Thirty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..what was the catalyst?” Theta asked. “Because you said you were leaving him alone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was.” Koschei sighed. “But- it was late one night, my temper was short. It was the night you got sick and he came to the door.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded. Theta remembered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He was asking if you were ok, and- I dunno why I got angry, but I did. I told him to leave you alone, because you’d never want anything to do with him romantically, and that he needed to back off, or next time I wouldn’t be so nice.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she put a hand over her face and fell back onto her back. “You can’t do that, man.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” he huffed. “I was just angry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, did you apologise for it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...no.” Koschei admitted. She propped herself up onto her elbows, and stared him down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Koschei stood up and began to try and busy himself. “Absolutely not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I don’t apologise to people. Have you lost your mind?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have to.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I really don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this a pride thing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, it is most definitely a pride thing, but that doesn’t make it not important.” He argued. Theta huffed and sat up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please, Kos’. We can’t live in a house with hostility.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not apologising so you can feel better about yourself for being wrapped up in it.” He shook his head. Theta pursed her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she said. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry. How’s that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t need to say it to me.” Theta pointed out. Koschei huffed and slumped down at the foot of the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you pass it on?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s it going to hurt? It’s just two little words, and this’ll all be over.” Theta shifted to put her head close to his ear. He hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it won’t, will it?” Koschei leant an arm back to put a hand on her cheek and stroke his thumb over her cheekbone. “Two little words won’t magically make him forgive me. And they won’t make him forget either.” He paused. “I mean...I could do that..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely not.” She frowned sternly. Koschei put his spare hand up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Joke, it was a joke.” She sighed, and moved slightly downwards to press a kiss to his own cheekbone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” Theta said quietly. “Apologising doesn’t make you weak. It takes a great person to admit fault, and take responsibility for it. No ones going to make fun of you, for righting your wrongs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on lady, just let it go.” He complained. Theta rolled her eyes. “Can’t I just, not say it out loud?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, yeah, and make sure he knows you don’t really mean it, and that I had to take twenty minutes to convince you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m annoyed that you think I’m that bad at putting walls up for my emotions.” He argued. Theta hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Darling when you aren’t happy, you are an open book.” She sighed. “Just apologise, Kos.” Theta asked softy, putting her other hand on his shoulder and squeezing a little. “Who does it hurt?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My ego.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...who does it make happy?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus.” He huffed. Theta pressed a kiss to his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“....you.” Koschei grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm.” Was all she said. “Y’know, I’ve always found it very attractive when a guy can let go of his ego and do the right thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, alright, you don’t have to appeal to my libido.” He scoffed, and Theta grinned, as he sat up. “Fine. I’ll apologise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For you, not for him though.” He pointed out. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I gathered.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He leant forward and put a hand under her chin, tilting it up gently for a kiss. Theta closed her eyes for a moment, and sighed out gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Considering, that could’ve gone a lot worse. It wasn’t ideal, and they still had a lot to unpack. But neither of them were walking away from the conversation, angry or in tears, which seemed to be where the bar was now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei kissed her again, and hummed, moving closer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or I could just not apologise, and stay here with you.” He pointed out. Theta rolled her eyes and pushed him off, not with any real force. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go.” She said, and pointed out the door. Koschei groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” he put a finger up at her, and narrowed his eyes. It clearly wasn’t serious. “Dont treat me like a child.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then don’t act like one.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pouted, before huffing and dragging himself out of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta followed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei, rather threateningly, cornered Mortimus in the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sit down.” He said. Mortimus blinked, and glanced at Theta, stood behind him. She smiled a little and gave him her best reassuring thumbs up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..ok?” He put the book he was holding back on the shelf, and sat down on one of the sofas. “What is happening right now?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say anything, you’re making this a lot harder than I want it to be.” Koschei huffed, waving him off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus blinked, and opened his mouth. Koschei shot him a look, and he closed it again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched her boyfriend take a deep breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus...”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...yeah?” He glanced at Theta, who was staring expectantly at Koschei. He huffed, and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For god- fine! I’m sorry I threatened to stab you with a kitchen knife at three in the morning a month ago.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You what??” Theta demanded, stepping forward to face him. “That was not what you said you did!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t mean it!” He argued. “I was tired!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t threaten to stab people, Koschei!” She pointed out. He groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I knew you’d do this- this is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t mean it!!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then why did you say it??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I was angry!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I forgive you!” Mortimus said loudly above the two of them. “Can I go now?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes!” Koschei waved him off, at the same time Theta put a hand out to stop him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Mortimus, stay there. Koschei’s not done.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I not?” He huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Apologise for trying to intimidate him and just being a dick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that not what I just did??” He demanded. Mortimus tried to stand up again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- really, it’s fine.” He tried. Theta shot him a look and he sat back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not fine!” She argued. “We’re supposed to all be friends- we live together! No one one us should have to tip toe around the others because someone was being an asshole.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei raised an eyebrow, and she frowned. “You’re not giving me a reason to apologise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She huffed out. He was right. She had to be calm, it was the only way to get through to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’, could you just apologise again please? For me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stared her down for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Then he sighed deeply, and turned to Mortimus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mort’, I’m sorry I was a dick. My fault, not yours. It was late, and I was tired- so, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus seemed pretty bewildered, but just nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, Koschei. I appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank god.” He grumbled, immediately turning away and striding out the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry, about him. And that. And I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner- I had no idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” Mortimus nodded a little. “Just- thought you might be on his side, or something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus, no. I’m not going to side with him when he’s being a dickhead. He’s just...” she waved a hand. “Protective.” Maybe that was the wrong word. “It’s a- it’s a him problem, not a you problem.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if it’s any consolation,” he said, rather dryly. “I’m not planning on stealing you from him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Thirty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wandered through the halls of her home, with no real direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was thinking about a lot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a little overwhelming honestly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta thought that, to some extent, she had gotten somewhere with Koschei. It seemed to her that he had been completely honest about it, and about why he would ever consider being a good person. Theta didn’t really understand the thought process, but she knew she could pander to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei could do good things, and she would be that incentive. Wether the thinking behind it was well intentioned or not, other people didn’t need to know that. Because Koschei had told her how to help him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she gave him what he wanted, and the attention that he craved, perhaps she could stop this path he was going down. Perhaps everything would become a little less violent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found herself in the kitchen, watching Millennia. She seemed to be baking something. It smelt good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatcha doing?” Theta asked. Millennia turned to smile at her, before looking back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I, am making cupcakes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What for?” Theta frowned a little in confusion and came to stand beside her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, just because.” Millennia shrugged a little. “I just feel like everyone needs a little boost after going up the mountain. Some of the others are bummed we never got to the top.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, they can try again all they want, but I’m not coming.” She scoffed. Millennia hummed a little, and smiled at the batter she was mixing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps it was silly of us to try something like that, when we all have our demons.” She considered. Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe. But how were we supposed to know it would show us all the bad things?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, the two facts that: no ones ever gotten to the top, and there’s hallucinogenic snow at said top, maybe should’ve been ringing some alarm bells.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled a ‘yeah that’s true’ face, and watched Millennia put the bowl down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t it your lab day today, Thee’?” She asked. Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope. Tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah. Well then, do you want to help me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure!” Theta beamed. She’d never baked anything before. She wondered if it would be difficult. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia taught her how to put the batter in the cake cases, as neatly as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, with her trembling hands, was entirely awful at this, but Millennia only told her she was doing a good job, and cleared up the mess when Theta wasn’t looking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, they put them in the oven, and Millennia got another bowl out, and started to make icing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s job was to stir- Millennia said her arm strength was better than her own- and so, Theta stirred, as her friend cleared up everything around them that they didn’t need again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So how are things?” She asked. Theta glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Generally?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I was more referring to Koschei, since he and Mortimus had that little bump in the road.” Theta shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think he’s ok. We talked about it a lot actually, like you said to. I think I know how to help. And I made him apologise to Mort’. So, I dunno. I think we’re all good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” Millennia smiled widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm,” Theta nodded, looking back down at the icing. “What about you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, y’know. Same old, same old.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All good with Rallon?” Theta didn’t like to assume, but their relationship seemed to work flawlessly. She didn’t want to admit that she might’ve been a tad jealous. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re good! It’s funny really,” Millennia stood beside her. “Rallon was really worried about joining this because he thought he wouldn’t make many friends. But I think he’s settled a lot now. He likes almost everyone, he likes you. And somehow he and Ushas got close.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did not see that pairing coming.” Theta admitted. Millennia shook her head, and shrugged at the same time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, neither did I. Funny how things work out.” She looked into the bowl. “Ok, that’s good. Let’s put some colouring in it.” She grabbed a small bottle of something, and poured a little into the icing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, and started stirring again. The liquid made it all blue. That was cool. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nia’, I don’t understand how your relationship works so perfectly.” She admitted. “I mean, you and Rallon just seem to always be in sync.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not,” her friend insisted. “I hope you don’t mind me saying, Theta, but you and Koschei are..quite loud. Louder than me and Rallon. Your arguments and tiffs are quite obvious. But Rallon and I- we tend to hide them from the others. And they rarely end up in yelling, because that’s just not who we are. It doesn’t mean that they don’t happen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” Theta sighed, attempting to get rid of the white in the icing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No relationship is perfect Theta, I promise you that. And if it’s any consolation, I think you and Koschei compliment each other. It’s obvious that you make each other happy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it?” She asked, in sort of surprise. Millennia put a hand on her shoulder, and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Focusing on the negatives of anything is how it turns sour. You have a wonderful thing with Koschei, he loves you a lot. Surely that very fact is more important than a couple arguments.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Arguments came and went, but the feelings they had for each other didn’t seem to fade, no matter what happened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was wonderful, actually. It was a constant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. It is.” She nodded, and smiled a little at the icing, before clearing her throat. “Icings done!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Brilliant,” Millennia smiled into the bowl, before ducking down to grab the cakes out of the oven. “These look good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They did. And they smelled amazing too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia let them cool, and then told Theta that maybe it would be better if she did the icing. Theta agreed, and watched her friend delicately pipe icing on top of the cupcakes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, she got some sprinkles, which Theta had no idea that they had, down from a cupboard, and told her that she could do the honour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, taking her job incredibly seriously, gently shook the sprinkles over the cupcakes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were not even, and her hand had trembled so much at one point that the sprinkle shaker clipped the top of the icing on one of the cakes, but Millennia didn’t mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She said that one was just unique. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” He glanced up from his book, and shot her a small smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Mortimus said. Theta handed him a cupcake, and he frowned. “What’s this for?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing. Millennia just wanted to make some cakes. I did the icing.” She sat down beside him and peeled back the casing of her own cupcake, taking a bite into it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia sure did know how to bake. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus closed the book, probably to avoid getting crumbs on it, and took a bite of his own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm. This is good. Your icing is exemplary.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. I did try my best.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They munched on their cupcakes in silence for a few minutes, before Theta glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mort’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know I’ve said it before, but I really am sorry about Koschei. He shouldn’t have acted that way over something you can’t control.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed a little, and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. Looking back I can kind of see why he got angry. I was hanging around a bit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you are my friend. That’s what friends do. And we live together, so I don’t know what he expected.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think Koschei’s ideal world consists of just the two of you.” He glanced at her, and Theta sighed, glancing away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- that’s not possible. So maybe he needs to start realising that, and letting other people in.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I get the feeling he’s prepared to do that, just as long as they’re not interested in you.” He scoffed dryly. Theta bit the inside of her cheek, before looking back at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If it means anything- I don’t..mind. That you have a crush on me, I mean. It doesn’t, like, weird me out- or anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s actually reassuring.” He nodded. Theta frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked. Mortimus frowned at her a little, in apparent confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What would’ve been the point?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fair enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..maybe I could’ve caught Koschei’s behaviour early. I could’ve stopped him being a dick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus scoffed, and smiled at her a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Theta. But I’m pretty sure I can fight my own battles. Most of the time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” she said quietly. “I just want to help. I don’t want him to be mean to anyone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He put a hand on her knee, and squeezed. “But you cant always be responsible for him. He’s your boyfriend, not your child. You shouldn’t have to run around after him, clearing up his messes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at the floor a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He does the same for me.” She argued meekly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He would, if you made messes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.” Theta sighed. “Or- I did. He’s took the fall for one too many mistakes of mine. It’s only fair I return the favour.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wonder..” Mortimus said slowly. “If relationships are about repaying your debts?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if she was happy or not with the level of involvement everyone around her had on her relationship. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">These mixed signals were starting to get frustrating. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Thirty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Kos..?” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. Where was Koschei? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The bed was cold. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” She asked again, sitting up and glancing around the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was no one there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta yawned, and pulled herself out of bed, shivering. It was really cold. She glanced towards the window, and found it open. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So either, Koschei was on the roof, or had been kidnapped by a home intruder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stuck her head out of the window, and heard the whisper of a count to four above her. She pulled back inside and grabbed one of his jumpers, in an attempt to keep herself warm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then, trusting that her upper body strength hadn’t failed her that much yet, she twisted herself around, and hauled her way onto the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was turned away, but glanced behind him when he heard her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He put an arm out and Theta padded along the roof, sitting beside him as he wrapped the arm around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry, my love, did you have a nightmare?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She reassured, shuffling close. “I just got cold.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” He said again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Theta reassured. “Why are you up here?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I couldn’t sleep.” Koschei sighed. “Too loud.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How is it now?” She put a hand on his knee, and he shrugged a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a little better now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like it here.” Theta finally said, looking up at the dark, maroon sky. “No light pollution. The stars are so bright.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mmm.” He hummed. “It’s beautiful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta yawned again, and curled up a little tighter, putting her head on Koschei’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He said gently. Theta shook her head, as much as she could with it touching his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. I’d rather be up here with you.” Koschei hummed, and put his head on hers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” He asked quietly. She hummed. “I’m not saying I’m going to do this, and I’m just hypothesising, so don’t get worried,” that sentence already had her worried, and she frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” she said slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think...maybe our relationship would be better off, without a label?” He asked. Theta would have taken her head off of his shoulder to look at him if his wasn’t on top. Maybe that’s why he’d done it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What made you think that?” She eventually asked, slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I was just thinking,” Koschei fiddled with his hands. “Maybe we’d feel less pressure to have a perfect relationship, if it wasn’t..technically..a relationship?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pushed her head up, forcing Koschei’s up too, and frowned worriedly at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you breaking up with me?” She asked. Koschei immediately tried to right himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! No, I’m not, Theta. I’m just hypothesising. I’m not saying I want it to happen, or that it will.” He reassured. Theta frowned a little in worry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘No labels’ really meant it was over, surely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because we could be together,” Koschei continued. “But we don’t have to be in a labelled relationship. Maybe then we’d feel less pressure to not fight all the time. Maybe then it would feel more natural.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..but then if someone asked, I wouldn’t be able to tell them you were my boyfriend.” Theta pointed out worriedly. “Does that mean we’d do other things with other people?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I wouldn’t.” Koschei shook his head. Theta followed frantically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither would I.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you could still tell people I was your boyfriend. But to us, maybe without labels, it would feel more fluid and loose.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if she wanted fluid and loose. She couldn’t fully wrap her head around the concept of Koschei not being her labelled significant other. It would’ve felt wrong to not call him that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She frowned. “I like you being my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I like you being my girlfriend, but it’s just titles, my love. It wouldn’t change the way we feel about one another. And we’d still sleep in the same bed, and kiss, and do all the things we do now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just-“ Theta chewed on the inside of her cheek for a meant. “I dunno, Kos’. That sounds scary.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we don’t have to do it. I was just spitballing.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt to have a think about it.” Theta knew he was doing his best to save, and salvage the relationship, just like Theta was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She just didn’t know if his plan would make much of a difference. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her head back on his shoulder, and shivered. Koschei rubbed her arm in an attempt to warm her up, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll figure something out, Thee’. It’s a good start that we can even admit there’s something wrong with it. It would be worse if only one of us thought that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she agreed slowly. “And it’s good that we’re talking about it too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm. Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t say anything for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think they have relationship titles in space? On different planets?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe some version. But in the time vortex we don’t have to have any labels.” He hummed. “We can be just us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What you up to?” Theta asked, when she’d found someone else to pester. Drax glanced up from what he was working on, and then shined a light from the end of it at her face. “What the-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A sonic..something.” He explained. Theta frowned, and sat down beside him in the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your trick with the sonic wrench the other day got me thinking about how cool sonic things are. So I thought I’d try my best to make one.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re making a sonic wrench?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m making a sonic-something-or-other. I’m going to try and specialise it towards what I make and engineer.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s cool.” Theta smiled. “How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, I think.” He nodded. “I’ve just got to put a few more functions on it and I’ll be good to go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the light for?” She asked, looking at the little device in his hands with what was really, blatant awe, and curiosity. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, to shine a light into complicated circuits and stuff. Just to see what I’m doing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I see,” she nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your little thing coming along?” He asked. “What was it called?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t have a name. But I’m thinking I might call it a sonic-something cuz that sounds way cooler than ‘multipurpose tool.’”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It kinda has to be sonic though, if you want to put sonic in the name.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is sonic.” She frowned. Drax looked up, and frowned back at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The tool I’m making. I was always going to make it sonic, it’s the only way it would work.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..sonic things are really hard to make.” Drax pointed out. “And you’ve never made anything like this before I mean- don’t you want to start small?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Starting small’s not really my thing.” She scoffed. “I mean- if it goes wrong, I’ll just try something different. Keep trying until it doesn’t go wrong.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax put his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatever you think’s best, it’s your project.” He smiled a bit, and turned back to his sonic-something-or-other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you feeling ok?” Theta asked, pulling up her knees to her chest. “About not getting up the mountain?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, of course.” He nodded. “To be honest I feel more guilty about it than anything else. Kinda fucked everyone up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t say that.” She reassured. “You didn’t know what the snow would show us.” She decided not to mention what Millennia had said, about putting two and two together. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe I should’ve done better research though.” He considered. Theta shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, it’s done now. And it’s not like it was all bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell broke his leg in three places, Koschei and Mortimus had a fight, and we all got PTSD attacks.” He glanced at her. Theta pulled a face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...this is true. But! I got some nice flowers, we met a friendly man, and you got with Jelpax.” She elbowed him, and Drax rolled his eyes with a smile, looking down at his work. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not together.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” She pursed her lips. “Friends with benefits?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not putting a label on it at the moment.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Huh. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked. Drax shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just less pressure I guess. Means you don’t have to rush into anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Smart.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Thirty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt arms wrap around her waist, and she put a hand over his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello,” Koschei pressed a kiss to her temple. “What’re you doing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Working on my..sonic thingy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She gestured to the parts in front of her, and Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I see. Is that its official name?” Theta rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I just haven’t got a proper one for it yet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did Drax end up naming his?” Koschei asked, shifting behind her. Theta hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t remember. It was a kind of complicated name to do with engineering or something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fair enough.” Koschei pecked her on the jaw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is Rallon’s mum still here?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup.” He confirmed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She seemed nice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. But I think Rallon got the quiet thing from his dad.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are they his actual parents then?” Theta asked, finally moving all of her work off of their bed, and twisting around to see Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not sure, I haven’t asked. She looks like they could be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, good for Rallon.” She shrugged, ss Koschei took her arms and lay on his back, bringing her with him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shifted in between his legs and put her head on his chest, one hand coming to feel his right heart. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is your dad planning on making a visit?” Theta could’ve already guessed the answer. Koschei scoffed, and Theta moved with his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I highly doubt it. I’m starting to think he’s not got the balls.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you even want him here?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not particularly.” Koschei ran his fingers through her hair, and Theta closed her eyes. “He has the tendency to make me feel like utter shit about myself when talking about literally anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little, eyes still closed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anything? What about the weather?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’d probably say something like, ‘its so dark and dingy here. Back on the estates it’s always sunny. You’d know about that if you’d gotten where I wanted you to. If you’d done everything right you wouldn’t have to stay here. You could be reclining in the estates right now’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He sounds like a ray of sunshine.” Theta considered. Koschei shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can deal with the comments in letters. I just know if he was here it would be constant. And he’d probably say shit that really pisses me off too.” He sighed, and began to gently put a plait in Theta’s hair. He was a dork. “It just wouldn’t go well really.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m glad you’re not back on the estates.” Theta said. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You and me both.” He scoffed gently. “I’m glad I’m associating with ‘the rough end of our class’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that what he calls us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I can only imagine the kind of things he’d say about you if you met him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does he not know I exist?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He thinks I’m dating a lady of propriety.” Koschei tried to sound as posh as he could, and Theta opened her eyes, taking her head off of his chest to laugh at him. “Hey, head back down, your plait’s not done.” He put a hand on her head and pushed it, with no real force, back onto his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you tell him the truth?” She asked, after a huff. “What’s he going to do about it all the way from your estates?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Chew me out.” Koschei considered. “If he even suspected you were a Lungbarrow he’d disown me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you not want to be disowned?” She guessed. Koschei scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not top of my priorities, darling, no.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But he has no way of knowing. Only you and I know, so no one else here can rat us out. How is he going to know?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’ll find a way.” Koschei considered, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her head. “And I don’t want him being horrible to you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok, I can take it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I can.” He hummed. “Beat him to death before he got the chance to go back to his stupid estates.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are not beating anyone to death, Koschei.” She rolled her eyes amusedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Never let me do anything fun.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is my plait done?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Theta sat up, and felt her hair. “I feel like I look stupid.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed in consideration, before shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if it’s your look. It looks really weird to see anything done with your hair.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you even know how to plait?” She frowned down at him. Koschei put his hands up.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Skilled in many areas. Great with my hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do your hands know how to take a plait out?” She asked, rolling her eyes at the implication he was making. Koschei feigned hurt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You wanna take it out already?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If Ushas sees it I’m never going to hear the end of it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He chuckled and patted his chest again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine, fine. Come here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been thinking,” Theta announced, as she stepped into their room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s a surprise.” Koschei didn’t look up from his book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you should invite him round.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who are we talking about, my love?” He turned the page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your dad.” Koschei finally looked up at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your dad,” she pointed at the floor. “Here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...why would I do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, if you just got it over and done with you would stop thinking about it all the time. And you haven’t seen him for like ten years, so, if you did it, he’d stop bugging you about coming to the estate, and you wouldn’t have to see him again for another ten. By which point, we’re off planet.” She concluded, slumping down onto his lap. Koschei moved the book to his right hand so he could wrap his left around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I still think it’s an awful idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But if you invited him here, you’re around your friends, and it’ll feel less..daunting.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t want to see him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Theta moved a hand to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck. “But you and I both know he’s going to keep bugging you until you do. It’s like..like a piece of work that you have to do. You can keep putting it off but it’s always going to be at the back of your mind and a weight on your shoulders until you just get it over and done with.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I’ll be here!” She argued positively. “I won’t leave your side of you don’t want me to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what about when he’s horrible to the others and suddenly they don’t want anything to do with me anymore?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta pursed her lips. “We can warn them beforehand. And they’re better than that Kos’, they can separate you and him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if he says something horrible to you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can take it, don’t you worry about me.” She patted his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what if he says something about me?” He asked. Theta frowned. “Might tip me over the bloody edge.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then I’ll kick him out, and tell him that if he ever comes back here, I’ll punch him in the face.” Theta was, not planning on doing that. But she was sure she could make the threat convincing enough. And it seemed to get Koschei’s attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you?” He blinked at her in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If he deserved it.” Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled a little at her. Theta decided not think about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. I’ll pick a date.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright, listen up.” Koschei stood up, and the others looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you about to propose?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He rolled his eyes. “If I was going to propose, I wouldn’t do it in this shitty room with you assholes around.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure when proposal had become part of the deal, but she couldn’t say she was opposed to it. Logically, there wasn’t any point in marriage on Gallifrey- it wasn’t necessary for children or anything, since couples couldn’t technically have children together, but Theta wouldn’t mind. Marriage for love was good for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ouch.” Magnus deadpanned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, anyway!” Koschei huffed. “My...dad is coming round.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“His Lordship is visiting our humble abode?” Ushas mocked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we have to get the red carpet out?” Drax tacked on. Koschei shot Theta his most ‘this was a terrible idea and I hate you’ expression. She just gave him a thumbs up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m telling you,” he said slowly. “Because my dad, is a royal asshole. And he will insult every aspect of your life and our home. So if you’re insecure, or have a particular flaw that you don’t want being pointed out, I would recommend, not being around him when he gets here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you just tell him not to do that?” Jelpax frowned. Koschei sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been dealing with this man for a very long time- trust me, nothing you can say will stop him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we have to call him something special?” Millennia asked. “Does he like..have a title?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhhh..” Koschei frowned. “Maybe just don’t call him anything. Might be the safest bet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He sounds kinda terrifying.” Jelpax scoffed. Koschei sighed deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not his kid.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Can yall see my tumblr posts or am I being dumb</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Forty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched him pace up and down, again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is such a bad idea.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be fine, Kos’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It won’t. This is going to go so badly.” He groaned. Theta stood up. He’d been at this for forty minutes, and Theta knew nothing she could say was going to make his nerves go away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her hands on his shoulders, and he looked at her, so Theta moved her hands to his cheeks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m right here, Koschei. So even if it’s not fine, you don’t have to do it alone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t want him to rip things apart. I know I shouldn’t but I just- I let things he says get to me, a lot more than I would anyone else.” He explained quietly. Theta ran a thumb over his cheek bone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course you do. He’s your dad, you’re going to care about what he thinks. But, if he says something you don’t like then, you just have to let me know, and I’ll get rid of him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I want to cause a scene.” He sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?” Theta raised her eyebrows. “Who’s it going to impact?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Him?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck him. If he makes you feel like shit I couldn’t care less if I hurt his feelings. You might’ve been conditioned to put up with shit for the sake of the assholes that are giving it to you, but I haven’t. And I’m not about to start now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled at her a little, before leaning down to kiss her slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” He reminded her. Theta smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I love you too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei tensed when there was a knock at the door. Theta squeezed his hand as he took a deep breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them made their way to the front door, Theta letting go of his hand and standing back, just a bit, making sure she was in Koschei’s peripheral when he opened the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up at Mr Oakdown, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was tall, taller than Koschei even, which was saying something, and had a face that looked like it had never smiled in its life. He regarded his son with a twisted expression, that kind of looked like he was already disappointed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Father,” Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” he reached out and shook his sons hand. Theta hadn’t a clue how Koschei had managed to convince his dad to use his nickname instead of his real name. Maybe he’d spun it being a security risk. “This is your home?” He searched the hallway for anything lavish. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. It’s not much but, y’know, we just get what we’re given.” Koschei explained. Mr Oakdown hummed, before his eyes landed on Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who is this?” He asked, glancing her up and down. Koschei turned to face her a little, and smiled tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- this is my girlfriend, that I always talk about. Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta what?” He asked, only glancing at the hand she’d put out. Koschei opened his mouth to stumble, but she caught it before he managed to mess it up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta Sigma. Pleasure to meet you.” She smiled. Mr Oakdown tightly shook her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve never heard of the ‘Sigma’s.” he clearly suspected that she wasn’t telling the truth. Theta just wondered why he was so obsessed with family names. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, it’s actually the surname of the people that looked after me as a child. I don’t actually know my real surname, but I imagine it was a poor name similar to ‘Sigma’.” Theta told a half truth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed to be enough to satisfy him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are from a poor family?” His lip twisted. She shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure. I might be. But I also got into the Academy for the wealthier so who really knows?” She tried to laugh it off. This dude was seriously not holding back on the interrogation, and they were still in the hall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Father, I can introduce you to the others. They’ll be in the kitchen.” Koschei tried to steer it away from Theta, and did so successfully, even if Mr Oakdown narrowed his eyes at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You cook your own food?” He seemed unimpressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, science must have sacrifices. It’s good to have life skills.” Koschei tried, pushing open the door. “Guys,” the other eight glanced at the doorway, some straightening or tensing. Mr Oakdown seemed unbothered, only looking at their clothes, and then the whole room. “This is my father. Father, this is: Magnus, Jelpax, Vansell, Rallon, Drax, Millennia, Ushas and Mortimus.” He went around the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown regarded them with steel in his eyes. Theta couldn’t tell what he was thinking. She imagined it wasn’t very nice.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s dad just walked away, as Millennia was speaking about how nice it was to have him here. Koschei just shot her a look, and sent across what Theta imagined was a ‘sorry.’ She just smiled. Theta could tell they were speaking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei and Theta followed Mr Oakdown as he took himself for a tour around the house. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed almost disgusted, which Theta didn’t think was fair. It wasn’t much, but they </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">took great care of their home. They had an organised cleaning schedule, they were on top of things that needed to be fixed. Theta didn’t know what he was so annoyed at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not much, is it?” He sighed, as he walked up the second set of stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. We get by in it just fine. It’s a lot better than our dorm rooms.” Koschei said, following him. Theta took up the rear.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Academy is elite, Koschei, it has everything you need.” He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned, looking down at the both of them. “And at least it’s clean.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t even try and argue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which room is yours?” He asked, looking about at the five doors. Koschei pointed to the one on the far left, and Theta thanked any God that might exist that she changed the bedding that morning. He might’ve had a fit if he’d seen it how they usually left it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not that they didn’t make it. It just never looked very professional. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s father opened the door, and regarded the room. He stepped inside, and they followed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Why is he looking at this stuff?’ She asked, trying to make it not obvious that the two of them were communicating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘He’s looking for flaws.’ Koschei explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You two share a bed.” Mr Oakdown rounded on Theta, who nodded a little. Was that a problem? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long have you been seeing my son?” He narrowed his eyes. Theta glanced behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..a bit. I think about..seventy years?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” He turned to Koschei. “What happened to the other one? I liked her.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lareth?” Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t happy with her.” He explained. “I’m happy with Theta.” Koschei’s confident tone was dying by the second. Mr Oakdown looked at her again, from the end of his nose. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s not the woman of propriety you were describing in our letters.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t like propriety.” Theta shrugged. “I find that it turns you into a judgemental, classist, mean person.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He raised an eyebrow in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you insulting me and my son?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, not your son. Never. I can thankfully say I think Koschei is more of a man built around his nurture, and not his nature.” Theta knew that saying this kind of thing could get her in serious trouble with this man. But what could she say, Theta never had been one to back down from a bully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown stared at her for a long moment, in shock or disdain, she couldn’t tell, before pursing his lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think you know my son better than I do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Most definitely.” Theta didn’t know if she liked how calm he was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think you have shaped him into who he is?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I think you’re of the mindset that you have influenced who he is, but I don’t find myself entertaining the fanciful idea that I am brilliant enough to have any impact on how Koschei leads his life. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Because your son is a force of nature on his own. You have nothing to do with the way he turned out, and you certainly have nothing to do with the fact that he turned out to be kind, and loving, because I am pretty damn sure he did not get it from his father.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown stared at her for a long moment, before glancing at Koschei, clearly wondering if he might say something to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he was staring at her, like she’d hung the moon and the stars for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew why. She’d lost her temper, and Koschei liked it when she did that. It was probably wrong of her, this would’ve probably gone better if she didn’t do that, but some people deserved it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was nowhere in the rules of pacifism that said she couldn’t get angry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was pretty sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d never read the rules. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I love you.’ Koschei spilled across before he could stop it. They were the kind of words that were filled with desire and admiration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pushed her doubt back from him, and only sent across reassurance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I love you too.’ </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all! So I’m going on holiday today, so I’ve decided to take the week off of writing. I’m kind of forcing myself to, because as much as I love doing it, I haven’t had a proper break from this story since I started it six months ago, so I feel I deserve it lol. <br/>If you wanna chat in the meantime, hit me up on my Tumblr ( thas-me-bayeee) !<br/>Love you all 💕</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Forty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all! I’m back!!<br/>Well, partially. This week I’m getting important exam results back and I’ve got kind of a busy week because of it, so there might not be as many as there usually is this week. I missed yall 🥺</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown demanded that she leave them alone for a while. Theta refused, until Koschei put a hand on her back and sent across reassurance, telling her that it was ok, that he’d be fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So, begrudgingly, Theta went and sat in the kitchen, and wondered what they might be talking about in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed a little, and stirred her tea with a spoon again. Theta then put them spoon down, and watched the movement of the liquid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up as Jelpax walked into the room, moving to the cupboards to grab snacks and drinks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s it going?” She asked. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not bad. No ones been blown up yet.” He smiled, and Theta pulled a face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that where the bar is?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Apparently.” He shrugged. “What are you doing out here? Banished from the posh conversations or something?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I kinda..yelled at his dad. Basically called him a prick.” Theta murmured, fiddling with the mug. Jelpax raised his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, that sounds like a wonderful way to introduce yourself to the future in-laws.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not my fault!” She put her hands up and slumped into the chair. “He was being a prick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just surprised he didn’t give you a scolding. Call you a bad dog or something like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’d do worse than that if he knew other things.” She muttered. Jelpax walked past her and smacked her on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I hope that all goes well and no one gets disowned.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks for the words of encouragement.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anytime.” Jelpax disappeared back up the stairs. Only when the conversation was over, could Theta heard the loud conversation coming from next door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned, and tenderly reached out to Koschei. All she got back was fury spilling out over his walls. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta got up and hurried across the corridor. She put her hand on the doorknob, and bit her lip. She didn’t know if it was her place. But she had said she’d be there for Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided to poke her head around the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was stood up, and yelling at his father, who was sat down opposite him, but looking pretty furious himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If Koschei noticed her, he was about to finish his argument first. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have no idea what it’s been like. What I’ve had to go through- and not once, never did you ask if I was alright. You never reached out.” Koschei said loudly. “When the Dalek’s came to the Academy, I could’ve died. And I told you that and you didn’t even ask if I was ok! All you talk about is strategies, and who I should become to further the success of Gallifrey.” He continued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Well news flash, Dad, I’m a person. Not a pawn in your stupid war chess game. So whilst you were off swinging your dick around and yelling about military strategy, Theta was saving my life.” He pointed at her, and suddenly Theta felt quite thrown into this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown opened his mouth to speak but Koschei stepped closer and continued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta has been there since day one, and she has done a lot more than you ever could for me. She has saved me more times than I can count, and whilst you were up in the Citadel, with your expensive robes and your stupid headpieces, Theta was saving my life, in the ruins of a school, filled with the bodies of children, and it still keeps us all up at night.” He spat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘If you’re going to criticise Theta, at least do it right. Because she is not lazy, or good for nothing. She’s not bad for me, and she’s certainly not stupid, just because you don’t think she’s of the right class for me to hang around- which, newsflash, she is! </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I will not sit here and listen to you say those things about her, because she has done a lot fucking more, than you ever have, for your son, and if the time came where I had to pledge my loyalty to you or her, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.” He hissed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened, and closed her mouth. She didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, neither did Mr Oakdown, who’s mouth twisted into a scowl, and eyes narrowed. But he didn’t say anything for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You would choose a crush over your father?” He said slowly. Koschei scoffed, and ran a stressed hand through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would choose anyone over you.” Theta had no idea what had brought on this confidence to stand up to his father, but if the little context she had to go on said anything, it looked to be related to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m your father.” He said sternly. Koschei scowled back at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you know nothing about me!” He said loudly. “You have no idea the kind of thing I have gone through. I did not put up with the shit I have had to put up with my entire life for you to criticise me.” He hissed. “You have no idea what it’s like to have to pull little children out of the rubble of the place you called a home, and have to see kids, missing arms, or crying over their dead friend, or their big sister. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Because the truth is, the people who start wars, don’t know what wars are like. They’re sat, in comfortable rooms, wearing expensive fabrics and turning the news off whenever it shows something distasteful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘So no, you don’t get to criticise me for being real. For being a person who has been shaped by war, because that’s real life. The only thing you have ever been shaped by, is money, and comfort. And I don’t want anything to do with someone like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown stared at his son for a moment, eyes of surprise quickly turning into fury. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stood up slowly, and Koschei’s hand twitched, but he held his ground.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His father took a step towards him, but Koschei didn’t back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That apparently made Mr Oakdown even angrier, and his face twisted into a scowl of what Theta could only describe as hatred. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then he raised his hand, to hit him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was across the room in half a second, and clamped her hand around the man’s wrist, digging her nails in painfully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t touch him.” She spat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked at her, and narrowed his eyes. He glanced her up and down slowly, and Theta held her ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei’s right.” He said, after a long moment. “You are of the right class.” His face twisted again. “I know a Lungbarrow when I smell one.” He hissed, coming way too close to her face for Theta’s liking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Suppose it says a lot about you, when your son loves a Lungbarrow more than you, doesn’t it, Mr Oakdown?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His jaw set, and he glanced again at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps I have failed you.” He sighed. “Perhaps it’s my own fault for sending you to that Academy. Maybe if I hadn’t, you wouldn’t associate with such scum.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t call her that.” Koschei argued, albeit quieter than the start of the conversation. Almost getting hit had apparently made him go paler. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t let go of his fathers wrist, more just to give Koschei some reassurance that he wasn’t going to be punched. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then again,” Mr Oakdown ignored him. “You only are, who you associate with.” He stepped towards Koschei again, getting into his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s spare hand latched around Koschei’s. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you wish to associate with these people, then I no longer have a son.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s eyes widened slightly, before he swallowed and leant in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s fine by me.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Mr Oakdown had wanted, and his lip twisted into a scowl so hard Theta thought it might snap off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are a disappointment, boy.” He practically spat the word. Koschei closed his eyes for a moment. “And I hope, when she leaves you for someone more her intelligence, that you don’t come crawling back to me. Because I want nothing to do with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I won’t.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope you know how distraught this will make your mother.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope she knows that this is your doing.” Koschei argued slightly louder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is your fault!” Mr Oakdown yelled. “You brought this upon yourself when you let someone like that into your bed!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta yanked him backwards, and around to face her, away from Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her blood was boiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How dare he speak to Koschei like that? Who did he think he was?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get out.” She hissed. He blinked, surprisedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get out of our house.” Theta said. “Get out of Koschei’s house. The one he worked for, without your help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown laughed dryly, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know who you’re speaking to? Don’t you have any respect for those above you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not if respect is grovelling at their feet,” she argued. “And I don’t give a fuck who I’m speaking to. If they hit their children, they don’t deserve an ounce of respect. Now, get out, of our house.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed to tremble with rage. Theta thought he might explode. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are the most disrespectful, little-“ he began to scream at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, yes, Mr Oakdown, I’m sure that works!” Theta said over him loudly. “Yell at us. Because loud equals right. Well, if that’s the case, we can do loud,” she grabbed him by the lapels of his stupidly expensive coat, and dragged him inches from her face. “Get the fuck out!” She yelled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In his moment of surprise, Theta dragged him out of the room, down the corridor, and opened the door, before throwing him outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, she hadn’t lost all of her upper body strength. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei came to stand beside her, and took her hand tightly. Emotions were spilling over his walls, so many that for Theta it was almost dizzying. She couldn’t imagine how he felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown stumbled, and righted himself with as much elegance as he could manage. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned, and looked at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t come to me, when you decide you regret your decision.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t come to me, when mother leaves you.” Koschei rebutted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mr Oakdown held his tongue, and walked away. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Forty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood at the doorway, and chewed on a nail. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was lying on their bed, curled up away from her, tens of emotions still spilling over his walls. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Theta wasn’t sure where to start. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She decided to cross the room slowly, and sit down on the other side of the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” She asked quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you feeling?” That was a stupid question. Why had she asked that?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He murmured. “Sad. Happy. Relieved. Angry. Probably more than that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta said slowly. “Do you want to talk about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is there to say?” He asked, dryly. “It’s over.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned sadly, and moved to lie down, moving a hand over his waist to hold one of his. She propped herself up on the other elbow, and stroked through his hair with that hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know this doesn’t make it any easier, Kos’,” she said slowly. “But I think you’ll be better off not having him in your life.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei rolled onto his back to look at her, and Theta saw tears filling his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But he’s still my dad, Theta.” She sighed and put a hand on his cheek, stroking over the bone with her thumb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She said softly. Koschei looked up at the ceiling, and avoided her eye. <br/>“All I ever wanted to do was make him proud, when I was a kid. Just wanted him to, just once, look at me and tell me I did a good job, or that he was proud of me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little, and wiped the first tear away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean- am I that much of a fuck up? Is there something wrong with me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta shook her head, and leant down to press a kiss to his forehead. “Koschei, no, this is not your fault. He is a horrible, horrible person, who was not meant to be a father. And that’s not your fault. It just makes you better than him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you came from something so awful, and you are so wonderful. You’re everything your father could never be. You got a job, and a house on your own, when he just inherited his. You’re kind, and compassionate, and you are a million times more intelligent than him. And I know, that when you’re a father, you are going to be such an amazing one, because you’re going to be the opposite of everything he was to you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stared at her for a moment, and Theta brushed away a few more tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a better man than him, Kos’.” She said gently. “People like that, they feel threatened by people better than them. He sees who you’ve become, someone so strong and independent and intelligent, despite how much he’s beaten you down. And that scares him, because he knows now that he doesn’t have control over you. And the fact that you’ve become who you are, even when he tried to stop you, makes you one of the strongest people imaginable.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t feel like it.” He scoffed dryly. Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that’s good. That makes you different from him. Because he sees vulnerability as a weakness, but you know it’s a strength. He sees love, as a weakness, but you are better than that.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘The truth is, he’s afraid, Koschei, because he’s never been sure about anything, and you are. That makes you more.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled at her a tiny bit, and moved one arm up to wrap around her lower back. Theta took the hint and took her hands from his face, to wrap around his neck, and lay down to bury her face in the side of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you always had such a way with words, Theta?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone’s got to. Not much else stops wars.” She said quietly. Koschei scoffed, and was quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really think I’m more than my father?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A million times more.” Theta nodded, pulling herself out of his neck to look at him. “Darling, you could crush him under your heel if you wanted to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He searched her face, with a smile on his face, before sighing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t blame you.” Theta hummed, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It tasted slightly salty. She didn’t care. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were you angry today?” He asked. Theta suppressed a sigh. There was no point lying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He frowned. Theta thought about it for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, because he had no right to speak to you like that. Certainly not to hit you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You yelled at him.” He pointed out. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes I did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She confirmed. Koschei frowned at her a little, before sighing deeply. <br/>“You’re so complicated, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I?” She frowned. Theta wasn’t sure how that was considered complicated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm.” He leant up to kiss her softly. “I wish you’d yell more often.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t.” Theta ignored the reasons behind that statement. “Gave me a headache.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you have one now?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” He leant up to kiss her again, and Theta rolled her eyes fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This seemed to be a reoccurring event, every time she said something very un-pacifist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Oh well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Best not think about the whys, and just let it happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched Koschei’s face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Theta wished he looked like that more often. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would’ve given anything for him just to have peace, and quiet for even a minute. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t understand why the universe had to be cruel to good people. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And sure, sometimes she questioned that in relation to Koschei, but it was moments like this that she was sure of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was a good person. Hidden under the complicated opinions and resentment for the forces that had shaped him into who he was, there was a good heart. Theta knew there was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could a bad person sleep easily? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t think they could- knew that they couldn’t, from experience. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Koschei couldn’t be a bad person. He looked too peaceful when he was asleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a little, and leant forward to press a tiny kiss in the space between his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t stir. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta gently pulled herself out of bed, and padded into the bathroom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had a quick shower, threw on some clothes she had lying around, and hauled herself out of the window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know why she didn’t come up here more often. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was always so nice. Never too warm, and never to hot either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, it was almost always inhabited by Ushas, surprisingly, without a blunt in hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright?” She asked. Theta nodded, and shifted beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm.” Ushas hummed. “What happened with Koschei’s old man? Things seemed to get pretty rowdy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Man’s a psycho, I swear. He tried to hit Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No shit.” Ushas said, shocked. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He found out my second name, and just, disowned him, right then and there.” She sighed. Ushas frowned deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s dramatic for a name.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah well, Oakdown’s aren’t famously best mates with the Lungbarrows.” She muttered. Theta was kind of annoyed that Ushas didn’t have a blunt with her. She could’ve done with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re old money, huh?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I would be. I don’t think I’m going to be inheriting the family fortune any time soon.” Theta didn’t think there was one to inherit. If there was, she imagined Braxiatel had done off with most of it. Ushas scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, probably not.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anyone coming to see you anytime soon?” Theta asked, glancing at her friends side profile. Ushas shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everyone I know is in this house. I’m like you.” She glanced at Theta, who blinked in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No shit,” she reiterated, and put her hand out. Ushas scoffed and slapped hers into it, squeezing and letting go after. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s worse things. I think blood family’s overrated.” Ushas considered. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She nodded. “Y’know humans, their females actually harbour the kids in their body. And then it comes out after nine months.” Ushas looked at her, practically horrified. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds horrific.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. But apparently they’re supposed to have this like..motherly bond with their kids, cuz they actually came out of them. I mean- it sounds horrible, but..more personal. Creation here is as much of a business transaction as anything else.” Theta considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas hummed, and scratched the side of her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t imagine it makes all human mothers kind though.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shrugged a little, and looked forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I’m not well versed on mothers.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Ushas hummed. “Well, that makes two of us.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I get my GCSE results tomorrow!! Let’s hope three years of work pays off ✨ Wish me luck!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Forty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good morning Theta!” Rallon chirped, as she shuffled into the kitchen, and scoffed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know how infuriatingly positive you are?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” He laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you keep it up?” She slumped at the table, and rubbed her eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie she had on. He shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, theres lots of things to be happy about.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm,” she nodded a little and closed her eyes for a moment. “Aren’t you and Millennia going on your little off planet date today?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, no, we’ve postponed it.” He explained, setting a cup of lithroberry tea in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” she mumbled, before looking up and frowning. “Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We had a small argument yesterday, and we thought it better to take some time away from each other.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Like you’ve broken up??” She frowned deeply. Rallon laughed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, silly. We’re just giving each other some space. Hanging out with our friends and taking some time away from one another. You can be around your partner too much y’know, Theta.” He shot her a look. Theta sipped her tea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does taking time away from her work?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Work with what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Solving the argument.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s already solved,” he explained, and then frowned at Theta a little. “How do you and Koschei fix arguments?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I don’t know,” she shrugged a little, suddenly rather insecure. “Keep away from each other for a day, and then..cry about it to each other?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah,” Rallon set a pasty in front of her. Theta blinked. She had no idea what time he’d been up to be making hand made pastries. She mumbled another thank you. “I think you might be doing that in the wrong order.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if you leave an argument unresolved for a day, you both have time to overthink and for things to get worse.” Rallon sat down opposite her, as Theta took an experimental bite out of her pastry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” Rallon smiled. “See, with Millennia and I- if we have an argument, we leave it for ten minutes or so, let each other cool off. Then we sit down and talk about it like adults. We get everything off our chest, try and resolve it. And if we need space away from each other for a while, then we take that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t you miss her?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, of course not. She’s still here. I can live without seeing her for a day.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta munched on her pastry in thought for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon, do you feel like you need Millennia?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took a thoughtful sip of tea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he finally said. Theta frowned deeply. That didn’t sound good. “I don’t need her. She’s not a necessity, and although I wouldn’t want to, I could live without her. I want Millennia. She’s someone I love, and I want to be with her, and around her. Needing and wanting are two different things.” He took another sip. “I feel, that maybe needing your partner isn’t healthy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked, before it could seem like curiosity and not worry. Rallon didn’t seem to notice, or was too kind to say anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, there’s no guarantee that they’re going to be there forever. And, you should be a person in your own right. A singular, before you’re grouped into a partnership. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘A relationship shouldn’t be all consuming as a need, because then you’re putting strain on it. Pressure to be perfect, because you feel you need it to be perfect.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Relationship’s aren’t perfect, that’s the beauty of them. If you try to make them perfect, they’re only going to fall apart.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at her pastry for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s very true.” She finally said quietly. There was a lot to unpack there. Theta thought she might try to do it when she was alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Taking space isn’t a bad thing.” Rallon shrugged. “The planet we’re visiting isn’t going anywhere. And neither are we. We’ve got all the time in the world.” He smiled. Theta smiled back a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where are you going to go?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A planet called Peptroka. Have you heard of it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, apparently it rains tiny crystals, like you said Earth rains water. Pick a rainy day, grab something to cover our heads with, it’ll be pretty!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” She smiled gently. “It sounds beautiful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can hope,” he hummed. “How did you find Earth?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Incredible.” Theta admitted, smile widening. “I know there’s so much out there to see in the universe, but I can’t shake the feeling of really wanting to go back. I think it’s fascinating.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And they really do look just like us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she nodded. “One heart though. Only one brain stem. And a ridiculously short life span.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little bit like having a pet?” He supposed. Theta nodded and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, just a pet that can talk back. Best not get attached to any of them, I think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Rallon agreed, and took a sip from his tea. “That would be a smart idea.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia stepped into the room, and glanced at the two of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta held her breath for a moment, already expecting tension. But Rallon just smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good morning, love.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good morning,” she smiled. “Hi Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.” She said back, probably a little too much confusion slipping into her voice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon and Millennia began a conversation, and Theta sat back, regarding them, with slightly narrowed eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was this normal? Is this what she and Koschei should be like? Post argument, but perfectly civil and happy to see one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed the bar she’d set was kind of low, because she’d been slightly surprised when Millennia walked in with a smile, instead of in tears. And she looked like she’d slept too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Huh. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was interesting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have a new idea!” Jelpax announced at the dinner table. Ushas didn’t look up from her food, and just shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, cuz the last one went so wonderfully.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My leg still clicks every time I stand up.” Vansell added. Jelpax huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, I know, I know. Maybe we should’ve started small. But this can’t go wrong! It’s just a nice little oasis a couple miles from here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So someone could drown?” Vansell pointed out. Drax rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anything we suggest has some level of risk. But no ones going to drown. We all know how to swim.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at Koschei, who was already frowning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘We can stay.’ He reassured. Theta bit her lip in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is the water running?” She asked. Drax frowned in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, it’s an oasis so, no. Why does it matter?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“None of your business.” Koschei warded him off. Theta sent him a look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll go.” Millennia smiled. “It’ll be a fun day out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia’s compliance sent a wash of others, leaving just Ushas, Theta and Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” Ushas sighed. “Maybe I’ll sleep the day off in the suns. As long as none of you are making any annoying noises. Or splashing too loudly. Y’know what, do me a favour and just stay still the whole day.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not happening.” Jelpax waved her off, and looked at Theta and Koschei. “Guys?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta chewed on her lip, and glanced down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were trembling. No surprise there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think,” Koschei said, when she didn’t reply. “We might stay here-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Theta blurted, looking up at him. “No, we can go. It’ll be fun.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched her face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will it?” He asked slowly, clearly giving her time to reconsider. Theta just swallowed a lump, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure about this?” Koschei had his arms folded over his chest as the two of them stared at the only bath in the house. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..well,” Theta chewed on her lip. “I have to start somewhere. Better than just jumping into the deep end.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You couldn’t be in the room when it was filling up.” Koschei pointed out. “Maybe we should reconsider.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “I won’t have to worry about that, oasis’s don’t need filling up.” She pointed out. Koschei nodded, and glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, but people are going to be splashing about init. You don’t like that noise either.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I don’t know what else to do.” Theta shrugged helplessly, with a large sigh. “My life is long, and I can’t spend thousands of years avoiding bodies of water. This is just something I..need to get over.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think trauma is a little more complicated than that.” Koschei argued. Theta shot him an exasperated look and he put his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. How do you want to do this?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you go in first?” She asked. He nodded, and pushed off his socks. Koschei rolled his shirt sleeves up to the elbow, before stepping into the bath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The water sloshing around his calves made Theta’s jaw clench, and her teeth grate together, but she pushed down the overwhelming urge to run away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Been better.” Theta muttered, pushing off her own socks with the other foot, and waving her hands up and down for a moment. “Ok. This is fine. This is great.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve got this,” Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did this all the time as a kid. It’s easy.” Theta pulled one leg over the side of the bath, and hesitated for a moment. Then, she put her foot down into the water, achingly slowly, trying to avoid as much rippling as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Exhaling shakily through her mouth, Theta grabbed Koschei’s forearms tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He did the same, holding onto her steadily. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, other foot.” She mumbled. Koschei pushed across gentle waves of reassurance, as she put her weight on her submerged foot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lifted her other foot up and over, before putting it into the water. She cringed at the noises the water made, and took a few deep breaths. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Koschei smiled a little. “You did it, you’ve done it now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t like it.” She whispered, squeezing tightly onto his arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just don’t look down, look at me.” He said. “It’s ok, it’s nice. It’s just water.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to stay as still as possible, as if that would shift the panic in her chest and how quickly her hearts were beating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not nice.” Theta shook her head frantically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to get out?” Koschei asked. She nodded tightly. “Ok, one foot out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta squeezed her eyes shut, and pulled one foot out, and back onto the floor. She didn’t let go of Koschei, and the noise of the water almost made her cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was just like ripping off a plaster. Theta figured this would all be over quickly, if she just got it over and done with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta swung her other leg out, and stumbled slightly, opening her eyes and finding them stinging with tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had apparently gotten out with her, and pulled her close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. You’ve done it now, it’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Koschei pressed a kiss to her hair. “You did so well Theta. It’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t think this boded all that well with Rallon’s, ‘want not need’ theory. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’ve missed yall so much, but we’re back on schedule now! <br/>The GCSE results were good, whoop whoop!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Forty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s hands were particularly bad that day.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Usually, when she held hands with Koschei, his steadiness managed to kind of stop the tremor in her own, but today, it just made his hand shake with hers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed concerned for her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was clear he thought this was one of Theta’s worse ideas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, none of the others seemed to notice her obvious discomfort, as they wandered their way towards the oasis, so at least there was that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least, that was what Theta thought, until Mortimus pulled up beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright?” He asked. Theta already felt annoyance coming off of Koschei. She ignored it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it’s just- and I don’t mean to pry- but when we were at the Academy and the others wanted to go to the brook, you had a bit of a..moment. And I guess I just kind of gathered that bodies of water freak you out. So I just wanted to check.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll be ok.” She reassured. “It’s just a mental thing I need to get over.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you don’t need to be embarrassed. The others won’t care if you need a bit of help learning. And, I asked Drax, he doesn’t think there’s any points where you can’t put your feet on the ground.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ohhh.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Mort’, it’s not that. I know how to swim.” She scoffed a tiny bit. Mortimus frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh. Then..what is it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just a..thing. Y’know? A phobia.” Theta shrugged and glanced down. “It’s irrational.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh.” He hummed in thought.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve got it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” He asked. Koschei shot him a look over Theta’s shoulder, and she smacked him in the arm lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Thank you though Mort’, for the concern. It’s sweet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” he shrugged. “Just give me a shout if you need anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will.” She wouldn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">By the time the two of them finally got to the oasis, half of the group were already calf deep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed tightly, and looked about, trying to ignore the loud noises of five bodies moving through the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was really pretty. With pink sands and silver trees lining it, the water was was a warm red looking colour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whole red water thing didn’t really do much to help Theta with the imagery in her head. It was times like this where she wished their water was blue, like on Earth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you doing?” Koschei asked. Theta nodded a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to go in? Or stay here?” He passed a thumb over the back of her hand. Theta frowned in contemplation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d come all this way. She couldn’t back out now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to go in.” She decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Koschei led her a little away from the others, away from the splashing, and into their own space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both took off their socks and shoes, and Koschei looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can do it together if you want?” He suggested. Theta nodded a little. Perhaps that would be easier. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She took his arms and held on tightly. Koschei put his hands on her elbows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ready?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta almost shook her head. Her hands tightened on his shoulders, and she nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Koschei slowly began to walk backwards into the water. The noises made Theta tense, only worsening when she felt water lapping around her ankles. “Breathe, darling, breathe.” Koschei’s voice sounded far away, but Theta tried to listen anyway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gently, the water rose from her ankles to about half way up her calf, where Koschei stopped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For a moment, it was perfectly silent, and Theta exhaled slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Koschei said softly. Theta looked at him, and nodded a tiny bit, before risking a glance down at their feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They weren’t deep enough for the water to actually look red, which was reassuring. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Through her deep breaths, Theta found that it was actually quite nice. The water was cold, but not freezing, and it felt nice lapping around her legs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was nice when it wasn’t making too much noise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was, until Drax decided to slosh his way over as loudly as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta cringed and squeezed her eyes shut, yanking herself close to Koschei, who put his hands over her ears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s going on over here?” Drax’s muffled voice came through. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, go away.” Koschei said sternly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why? Am I interrupting some weird romance thing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go away.” He muttered darkly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Drax asked again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax!” Another voice, that Theta quickly identified as Ushas over the pounding of her hearts cut through the two boys. “Theta’s uncomfortable, leave them alone.” She snapped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax seemed to take Ushas more seriously, and whispered a ‘sorry. I didn’t mean to’, at Koschei, before picking his way back towards the others as quietly as he could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided to focus on her breathing, as Koschei let go of her ears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In and out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The movement of the water seemed so loud. There was so many people in it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Koschei said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked down at her feet again, and brushed off a stray tear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was so hard. She already felt exhausted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta decided, fuck it. If she was going to have a mental breakdown, might as well make it worth the while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She let go of Koschei’s shoulders, and sat down in the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked at her in surprise, and watched as Theta huddled her knees close to her chest, and looked at the water, clinging to every part of her body. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed tightly, and tried to press down the panic building in her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In and out. In and out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei moved to sit beside her, and pressed his leg and side to hers. Somehow, the knowledge that the water wasn’t all around her now, and was only touching her from one side made Theta feel a tiny bit better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She took his hand, and fiddled with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up and over at her friends a little ways away. They were all splashing about, or sat on the bank. Ushas was lying between the two groups, on the bank, with her eyes closed. Theta glanced at Vansell, on the other bank with the others, and saw him frowning at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced away, and at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” She said. He looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Being slow. You probably want to be with the others.” He shook his head, and smiled fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when would I rather hang out with them than you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Theta admitted. Koschei took the hand that was fiddling with his fingers with both of his, and pressed a kiss to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m proud of you, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My skin feels like it’s crawling.” She confided. He nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did it though. You wouldn’t have been able to do anything like this fifty years ago.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go for a swim though.” Theta pointed out, looking over at Jelpax, who was sporting an impressive backstroke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t think I’d ever have to be the one telling you to look on the bright side.” Koschei pointed out. Theta looked down at her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They looked funny in the water. Refraction was interesting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like to beat myself up.” She murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t say.” Koschei hummed. “Baby steps, my dear.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think I’ll actually get over it?” She asked. “Like ever?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so.” He sighed gently, leaning back a little. “It might not get easier, and I still think there’s a lot of time you have to give it. But you have to believe that you can do it, or you won’t get anywhere.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta nodded a little bit, watching the water ripple. “Ok, I believe you.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Forty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” She whispered into the darkness. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes my love?” He murmured, voice gravely with sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you actually proud of me? For today?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah darling,” a hand came down to stroke through her hair. “I thought you did so well. More than I could’ve done.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t say anything for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was talking to Rallon the other day, and he said he doesn’t think it’s healthy for couples to need one another. He said we should just want each other.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, everyone’s different.” Koschei hummed, stroking from her scalp to the ends of her hair. “And I doubt Millennia has trauma from a murder that she committed, that only Rallon knows about.” Theta sighed a little. “It’s all circumstance.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But, you were talking the other day about little changes we could make to try and keep our relationship ok, like changing the name we use for it. I mean..maybe if we started looking at our relationship through a want, and not a need lens, it might help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can.” Koschei murmured. “I do need you darling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I need you, but we could try and change the way we think about that.” Theta explained. He hummed a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure. I mean, the plan was to try that kind of thing if we had another argument, but that hasn’t happened, so I think we’re ok for now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think,” Theta paused for a long moment, and listened to his breathing. “Like- do you think we should only be making these changes when we have arguments?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it makes sense. Help things when they go a little bit wrong.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” Theta shrugged a little. “I just..don’t think it hurts to be constantly changing our relationship for the better.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, no, but the problems are highlighted when we have arguments.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but we both know what he problems are. We’re just waiting for this bomb to go off so we can finally diffuse it. Why not just nip it in the bud before it gets the chance to flourish?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because we wouldn’t have any reason to change things like the relationship title.” He said. Koschei was clearly tired. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How is one argument going to be a reason? We’re just adding it to the pile.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed deeply. Theta could tell she was frustrating him. It wasn’t her intention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps we could talk about this tomorrow, my love.” He murmured. “I’m tired, and I want to be able to properly listen to what you’re saying.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta mumbled, turning to bury her head in his neck a little more comfortably. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t be.” He shifted a little, and tugged her closer. “We’ll talk about this in the morning, darling. Properly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta closed her eyes, and yawned a little. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too Theta. And I hear what you’re saying.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a small bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look, all I’m saying is,” Theta passed Koschei a plate, and he began to dry it. “We already know what changes we want to make, and we know we’re going to have to make them eventually, so why are we just waiting for the inevitable.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, because after the last argument, we made changes then, and they’ve worked so far.” He pointed out, as Theta passed him a mug. “We might not have to make anymore changes. They’re not particularly ones I’m dying to put into effect.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But Kos’, we both know we’re going to have another argument at some point.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we?” He asked. Theta raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean..if we’re planning to get married, have kids and be together for at least another thousand years, yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But maybe that argument will be when we’re out of this little rough patch.” Koschei explained. “If it’s just a random argument it doesn’t mean we have to change everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But, how are we supposed to know what counts as a rough patch argument or not?” Theta was barely keeping up with this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Communication I guess.” He shrugged. “We’ll just have to sit down and talk about wether or not we think the changes need to be made.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re being pretty logical about this, huh?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, emotions leading things is how we get into arguments in the first place.” He pointed out. Theta sighed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess. I suppose I just don’t like waiting for the inevitable. It’s a bit like walking on eggshells.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he put a plate down. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem kind of eager to get these changes made. Do you not want us to be in an official relationship anymore or something?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her sponge down, and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I do. The concept of not being in it terrifies me. I just get the feeling that it’s going to happen eventually anyway.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re the one who’s always going on about living in the moment.” Koschei pointed out, with a confused frown. “Why are you so worried about the future all of a sudden?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I know what’s coming and I can’t stop thinking about it.” Theta sighed. “I just...kind of want to get it over and done with I guess.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei frowned at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what? You want to break up here and now?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta’s shock turned into confusion. “Hang on. No one said anything about breaking up. You just said it was a name change.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, well, you know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I don’t.” Theta searched his face. “You told me it wouldn’t change anything, and now you’re accusing me of wanting to break up. That makes it sound like you want to. Like you don’t want us to be together anymore.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true.” Koschei pinched the bridge of his nose, before lowering his hand and looking at Theta. “To me, it’s nothing but a name change. But you overthink things, Thee’, and I’m worried that if you start looking too much into the ins and outs of the changes we’re making, I might lose you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him for a moment, before stepping closer and putting her hands on his shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not going to lose me Kos’. I don’t want this. And I’m scared of it, but you said you thought it was necessary, and I trust you, and your judgment.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Koschei slumped in a chair at the table, and ran a hand over his face. Theta dried off her hands and sat opposite him. “But I just think..” he looked at her. “If we stay how we are right now, you’re right. Arguments are inevitable, and I think one day, we might have one that we can’t come back from. But..if we make this change, it gives us a little bit of hope. A fresh start, mentally.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really think so?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Koschei took her hands over the table, and pulled them to his lips, pressing a kiss to them. “And you’re right, why wait? If we’re both scared, then..that’s good. It means we both still care and both want to make it work. So let’s just do it now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Theta felt a lot less sure of herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. But that’s the point.” He explained. “And I mean- it’s not like this is out of our control. If we don’t like it that much we’ll just go back to how it was and work something else out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right.” Theta nodded, unsure of herself. “It’s just a trial period.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” Koschei nodded. Theta knew, to the outsider, this seemed like a lot of fuss over nothing. But nothing had really changed within their relationship, since it had started, more then a hundred years ago. This title change was one of the scariest things imaginable for a couple that was so worried about change between them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta nodded a little, and squeezed his hands. “A fresh start.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A fresh start.” Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched his face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I said I was waiting for a special occasion, at the Academy,” she said slowly. Koschei glanced up, and his eyes widened a little. “You are the love of my lives Koschei. And I will love you for all of them.” Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled widely, and leant over to kiss her gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then we’ll be fine.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Forty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked a little in the darkness, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked to be asleep. He looked peaceful again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if she looked that peaceful when she was asleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not that she could. The conversation that had happened earlier had been necessary, she knew that much, but that didn’t stop Theta from fearing the situation they were now in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She worried that it would all go downhill from here. The thoughts that, perhaps now that they didn’t have an official connection to uphold to one another, they might forget what that meant. That they might forget the promises they’d made to one another. That they might not be one unit anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, perhaps that was a good thing. Rallon had said it was important to be a singular, before one unit. Theta just wondered how they upheld that, whilst still being certain in their relationship. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed gently, and traced a finger down Koschei’s face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He always seemed so sure of everything. Certain in his beliefs, certain of who he was, the decisions he was making. Theta knew that wasn’t the truth, but he fooled her every time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What Theta would’ve given to feel certain about something for once. People seemed to be constantly picking holes in her beliefs. She didn’t know who she was yet, or what she was meant for. And Theta felt constantly like if she stepped wrong, she would fall, and no one would catch her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed her eyes, and shuffled back down into Koschei’s arms, where he shifted in his sleep to wrap around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pressed her ear to his chest, and listened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least one of them seemed to know what he was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed, and scrubbed a little harder, to get the dirt off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS whined at her, that she was being too harsh, and she put her hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get the dirt off.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It harrumphed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta and this TARDIS got on just fine, even if she did think it seemed slightly annoyed at her all the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she was projecting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried again to get the dirt off, hands slightly lighter than last time. Being the heavy handed person she was however, it didn’t seem enough for the TARDIS, and it sent an electric shock into her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ow!” Theta cradled her hand, and scowled at the TARDIS. “I’m trying my best!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced down at her hand, and frowned a little. Splaying them both out in front of her, Theta looked from her left, to her right, the one that had been shocked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The right was still trembling, but it seemed to be a lot less noticeable than on the left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” She jumped as Vansell burst through the door. “We have a problem.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong??” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“An experiment went wrong and blew up- like I told them it would- and Jelpax isn’t looking too good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should’ve lead with that!” Theta argued. The two of them hurried out of the TARDIS and back into the house, up the stairs and into the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia and Drax were crouched over him. Ushas was leant on the door, frowning. Everyone else seemed to be panicking to some extent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved to kneel down in front fo him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax’s face was grazed, and one of his eyes was closed, in what she assumed would be a bad black eye when it cleared up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His whole left side looked charred and burnt, clothes torn. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Theta.” He mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey man. How you feeling?” She asked. He groaned and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not too hot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, what’s wrong with him?” Drax asked, looking up at her. There were tears in his eyes. Theta felt awful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At the moment it looks like just burns,” Millennia looked at her. “But I cant tell if he’s broken anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta nodded. “Well, if he had it would’ve been on impact with the floor. Jelpax, what side did you land on?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She nodded, and glanced up his right side. “Just stay still, I’ll try and be gentle.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gentle wasn’t really Theta’s forte, but she tried moving from his feet to his shoulder, checking for anything that could be a break, or a fracture, as delicately as she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His leg seemed perfectly fine, as did his arm. The most she thought he might have, was bruising at the pelvis and elbow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re ok. Just a couple of bruises on this side.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks Doc’.” He scoffed a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re welcome. Still- you can’t stay here. Probably best we get him into his bed.” She glanced at Millennia, who nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought so too.” Someone’s gonna have to carry him.” She glanced up at the others.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would’ve done it at some point, but she wasn’t the most gentle, and her upper body strength had faltered a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll do it.” Magnus said. Koschei shot him a look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re the least gentle person here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really Koschei?” Magnus rolled his eyes. “This isn’t time for a masculinity contest.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not having one, I’m just saying you’re not gentle. I’d probably drop him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Move over,” Ushas pushed both of them out of the way, and stooped over. She hoisted Jelpax up surprisingly gently, and practically parted the waters to lead him out of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia followed after them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others were silent for a moment, before they heard the girls finish their way up the stairs, and Drax rounded on Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is your fault.” He snapped. Magnus frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax said he didn’t want to pour it, and you kept telling him to do it! If he hadn’t, this wouldn’t have happened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, what?” He scoffed in disbelief. “You’d rather that happened to me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kind of, yeah.” Drax huffed. Magnus seemed bewildered for a moment, before it turned into anger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you fucking serious right now, Drax? I’ve known you since I was thirty, and suddenly you’re willing to give up my safety and friendship for your boyfriend, who you’ve only known for a year??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When you’re acting like a selfish prick, yeah, I am.” Drax argued. Theta put a hand on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, come on. Jelpax wouldn’t want you guys to argue.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax can’t say what he wants, because he got blown up.” Drax scowled at Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and he’s probably wondering where you are, so why don’t you go be with him, and have this conversation later?” She asked. Drax opened his mouth, before huffing and turning away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. But I’m not done with this.” The six of them watched as he left the room and made his way up the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Great job Miss Pacifist.” Magnus rolled his eyes. “Wonder how long you can keep that up for?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned to look at him, severely over this conversation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus, if you’ve got a complaint about me, come ask me about it when you’ve stopped acting like a bratty child.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would, Theta, but you don’t seem to take criticism very well.” He jabbed. “That’s probably why everyone spends their lives tiptoeing around your feelings.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave her alone, Magnus.” Koschei interjected. Magnus scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And here he comes. Your saviour. Can’t do anything without him, can you? Not even go for a swim.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stepped between them and scowled down at Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do us all a favour and piss off Magnus.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, leave it.” Theta sighed. Magnus smirked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You heard her.” He said. “Heel, boy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei made to swing at him, and Theta skidded to get between the two of them, narrowly avoiding a punch that Magnus had thrown the second after, and pushed them both back by the chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, enough.” She scowled at the two of them. “Walk away, Magnus.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t tell me what to do, Theta, I’m not another one of your pets.” He huffed, not taking his eyes off of Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re making a fool of yourself.” She muttered. Magnus scoffed, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m not. The truth is, I’m the only one with the balls to call this bullshit out.” He dropped low to her face. Theta’s face didn’t change from her bored expression. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well maybe next time you have a problem with me, you might’ve grown mature enough to actually sit down and discuss it with me, instead of causing a scene.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stepped out from between them and left the room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After a moment, Koschei followed. And then, the others, leaving Magnus alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax ended up being fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After a wash, his burns looked a lot better than they had, and after Millennia and Theta had helped patch them up the best they could, all that was left was for him to rest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Panic over, the atmosphere left in the house, was not a pleasant one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus had shut himself in his room, and wasn’t even letting Vansell in, which he wasn’t very happy about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So the remaining seven of them (Drax had stayed upstairs with Jelpax), sat in the common room, in relative silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t stop thinking about what Magnus said. She figured, just because he’d said it in a spat of anger, didn’t make it not true. Everything she said when she was angry was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted someone’s unbiased opinion, but scanning the room, she couldn’t find that many people who she thought would give it to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei certainly wouldn’t. Millennia and Rallon were too nice. She thought Mortimus and Vansell would try and save her feelings. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which just left Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe Magnus was right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled Ushas into the kitchen, under the guise of helping her with something, where she cornered her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think Magnus is right?” She asked quietly. Ushas leant against the counter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which part?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About me. The..tiptoeing around my feelings part. Do the others do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Ushas said bluntly. Theta swallowed. “But so do you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that’s friendship, isn’t it? Saving one another’s feelings when necessary. The only reason Magnus is pissed is because his views are so drastically different to yours, and everyone’s constantly telling him there’s no point arguing with you over it, because neither one of you is going to change the others mind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” Theta frowned. Ushas nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup. And he doesn’t feel like he can get to you because Koschei intimidates him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No shit.” Theta said, shocked.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep. Man’s messed up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..what do I do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well as much as I love to watch a fight, I’m not a fan of this energy. It’s draining. So I think you should talk to him and try and clear the air.” Ushas waved a hand around noncommittally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if he tries to punch me?” Theta raised an eyebrow. Ushas deadpanned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For someone who wants to be a solider, Magnus isn’t very co-ordinated. You could take him with your hands tied behind your back.” She smacked Theta on the back, and pushed off the counter. “Besides, I think you’d rock a bloody noise.” Ushas threw over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right. Thank you?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Forty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought it best to leave Magnus to cool off for a day, before she spoke to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In that time, she helped Jelpax out where she could, and worked on learning Ancient Gallifreyan. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After the accident, the others had decided it was best to stay out of the lab until they figured out what caused the explosion, and how to avoid it in the future. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But now that none of them were in there, they all had a lot of free time on their hands, which, for some activities, like learning another language, was a good thing. But, for some people it was a bad thing, one of those being Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was struggling to concentrate, and that was literally the one thing needed to learn Ancient Gallifreyan. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not only could she not stop thinking about Magnus and Jelpax, but she couldn’t stop thinking about her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She spent hours staring at them, trying to work out how the electric shock had lessened the shake of her right hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was in one of these hours, that Koschei caught her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” He frowned. Theta lowered her hands and looked up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think..I dunno. I was cleaning the TARDIS, and she got pissy with me. She gave me an electric shock, and now..my right hand doesn’t shake half as much as my left.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Koschei crossed the room, and held her hands up, before letting go. They both watched her hands tremble, the right more like a tremor now. “Jesus.” He murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand how it works.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe it gave your nerves the shock they needed.” He frowned absently, taking her right hand and turning it over in his hands, moving each finger individually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does this mean I could just zap my hands into working properly?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He hummed, fiddling with her hands, and probably doing calculations that Theta hadn’t even thought of. “Hypothetically...yes. But we’d have to get it right. There’d be no room for error.” Theta basically missed everything but the first two words of that, and her eyes widened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The thought that she might be able to stop her hands, before a regeneration had to, was something she’d never considered before. She wasn’t sure if the thought was a comforting one, or a terrifying one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the one hand, no pun intended, it would be a constant reminder of a murder that she’d rather forget, gone. She could do everything better. Her drawings would be more accurate. She could hold bugs without the fear of crushing them. She wouldn’t have to hide them from her face when she was trying to sleep, because they always took her back to memories that kept her up at night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the other hand, she’d had them since she was thirty. Since before she and Koschei dated. They were a reminder of something horrible, but something that she forced herself to think about. Theta wasn’t sure if she deserved to have normal hands. After what she’d done, surely it was fair that she didn’t come away completely physically unscathed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And in a strange way, they were comforting to her. She’d had them for more time than she hadn’t, and she wasn’t sure she remembered what it was like to not have the tremor. They were familiar to her, and she wasn’t sure how she’d feel without them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know what I’d be without them.” She said quietly. Koschei finally glanced up at her, over her hands, and crouched in front of her, putting a warm hand on her cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d still be you, my love. Just without something that hinders you. Surely that’s a good thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is. But..I hardly remember having hands that worked properly.” She scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And one day, you won’t remember having hands that didn’t. You’ll just need time, darling. It’ll be ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just- I don’t know if I deserve it, y’know?” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, we live very long lives. How long is it going to take until you stop punishing yourself for something that happened when you were thirty? A child?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I ever will.” She shrugged meekly. “It’s shaped so much of who I am. Maybe I only want to help people because I’m a self serving asshole. I have no idea.” She sighed deeply and dipped her head. “I don’t know anything Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She practically heard him frown. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know myself. Why I want to do the things I do. If I’m right for wanting to do them. Wether Magnus is right, and everyone around me just wants to save my feelings.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, since when did you care about what others thought about you?” He frowned. She shrugged a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since I started feeling like an other to myself.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei gently pulled her head back up, putting a hand on either side of her face, and leaning close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Listen to me Theta.” He said firmly. “You have never cared about the opinion of those around you, and that makes you more. Don’t you dare give that up now, and get self conscious. Those around you, people like Magnus, they want war, and violence and death. But they’ve not gone through what you have, have they?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She said quietly. Koschei seemed quite intense. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They don’t know what it’s like to take a life, do they?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly. You’re surrounded by egomaniacs, just like you said Thee’. But you, your views, you feel like they have evidence to back them up, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They do.” She nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want to help people?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because it feels better than taking lives. And because people need help, from those who know what it’s like to let others die. And I don’t plan on letting it happen ever again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” Koschei nodded. “That’s good. There you are.” He leant back, and Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know who you are Theta. But maybe you just need a fresh start.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta finally cornered Magnus a day later, where he was sat, brooding in the common room on his own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” Theta sat on the other side of the sofa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello Theta.” Magnus let out a long sigh, and didn’t look up from his book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thought it best we try and clear the air. Ushas is on my back about her good vibes or something.” Theta pulled her knees up to her chest, and watched Magnus turn a page, expression blank. “I am willing to change. To work on my toxic traits, if you think you know what they are.” She said hopefully. Magnus’ expression changed minutely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How would I know? Everyone has different opinions on what’s a toxic trait.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I’m willing to listen to what you think they are.” Theta adjusted. Magnus looked up and snapped his book shut, before glancing at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s your guard dog?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Having a shower.” She played into it. “And it’s more the other way round.” Magnus just hummed, and looked at the wall in front of him. “Does Koschei intimidate you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He said, far too quickly. “He just makes it difficult to get a word in with you. Constantly trying to push people away to save your feelings.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta picked at her nails. “Maybe I need to talk to him about that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But he’s not here now. And you don’t have to worry about saving my feelings. I think I can take a bit of criticism.” She considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus watched the back wall for a long moment, finger tracing up and down the spine of the book he was reading. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To you, it all seems black and white.” He said finally, glancing at her. “Good and bad. Kind, and evil. You don’t think what I think, and that makes me bad.” She listened intently. “You don’t like that I want a war.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think you’re bad, Magnus.” She said quietly. “I just worry that..you might not know the implications of the war you want so badly.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t I?” He frowned. “I’ve been in it, as much as you have. Seen the same death, the same enemy. What could you understand that I don’t?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him for a moment, trying to come up with words to make him understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just worry,” Theta glanced away. “That people who want war won’t know how much it hurts, until they actually kill someone. I just..don’t want anyone to know that hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” He scoffed. “Like you do?” It was Theta’s turn to stare at the back wall, and she bit her tongue for a moment. Magnus’ scoff turned slowly to a frown. “....Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t,” she looked back at him. “Look- I don’t want the Dalek’s here either. I hate them as much as the next Gallifreyan’- but, I’ve seen enough war to last me a life time.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘We both know what it’s like to be a child, and see your home burnt to the ground, people you know lying on the floor, dead. But the people- the people who initiate war- they don’t know of that. They watch from afar, behind windows, and when it gets a little too hot for them, they run out the back door. It’s all well and good for the Lord President to say wars are justified, but he can’t even comprehend what war means, so how can he possibly call it that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s why I want to be in the position to initiate these things, Theta,” Magnus leant forward, and she searched his face. “Because I know what it’s like. And I won’t let it be unnecessary. It’ll be justified, as long as I am in power.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve seen it, and yet you still want it. What is it Magnus? An addiction?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scoffed, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s realism Theta. We all know you’re going to run from it the moment you can. But some of us have the courage to fight.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think running means you don’t have courage. It depends on what you’re running to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you running to, Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“People that need help. People who’ve seen what war is, like me. People who need someone, who’s not willing to let any of them die, because they know how it sits in the hearts.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas had been right. Nothing had been solved, and they still stood on opposite sides of the field.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta felt right. She felt justified, and she felt kind. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Forty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did it go?” Koschei asked, as Theta slumped onto his lap. He let out a small ‘Oof.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, about as well as I thought it would.” She shrugged. “Neither of us changed the others opinion. But like..I feel like I’m in the right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. I feel pretty secure in my opinions at the moment, so I guess I can thank him for that, if not anything else.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well then I’d say it’s a win.” He hummed, and turned back to the pad of paper he was writing on. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maths.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? For fun?” Theta raised an eyebrow. Koschei scoffed and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, for you. Your hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Theta glanced at the numbers. Without the knowledge of what he was trying to work out, staring at them was kind of pointless. “What are you trying to work out?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The right voltage we’d have to use to get the shake to stop entirely, without hurting you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you got a number?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I have an estimate, but I’m not leaving it at that. If I don’t get an exact number this could probably go quite wrong. And I don’t fancy watching you get electrocuted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” Theta patted his shoulder with the arm swung around his neck, and sat back. “You don’t have to do this y’know, I can probably do it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Koschei wrote down a very long decimal. “One of us deserves to be free from our burdens.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked back at him, and watched his side profile for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, so gently that Koschei turned to look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re too kind for this world, Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm,” he glanced back at the paper, and pulled her closer. “I should work on that. Can’t have people thinking they can fuck me around.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want to be like that? What is it? Tough?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you can be tough and kind. I think I’m pretty tough, and I always try to be kind.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re tough darling, just not scary.” He crossed over another decimal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want to be scary?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It would probably just make my life easier. People wouldn’t cross me as much.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess,” Theta looked down at his shoulders, and traced Gallifreyan onto his right. “Magnus is intimidated by you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is he?” Koschei looked at her, and she glanced back up to nod. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. He says you make it difficult to talk to me because you’re always trying to save my feelings.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true,” he shook his head and looked away. “You don’t need protecting Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she agreed. “But you still do it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not conscious. You do it too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but I do it on purpose.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He frowned. “I don’t need you to protect me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” Theta nodded. “But a little bit of back up never hurt anyone. We’re a team.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her toast in her mouth, and picked up the letter. She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They almost never got physical letters. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was addressed to all of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She brought it back into the kitchen, where the others were eating breakfast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that Thee’?” Rallon asked. She frowned a little, and put her toast back onto its plate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a letter for all of us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Open it then.” Magnus didn’t look up from his food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded and opened the envelope, putting it down and unfolding the letter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It said, </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘<em>To the Deca, </em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>I pray that this letter has reached you in time, because it appears you may be in danger. </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>We here, at the Academy, have been informed that there is a possible plot, for the Dalek’s to attack Deca housing, in an attempt to kill our brightest, and most war worthy young people. </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>In light of this, we formally ask you to bring your findings, and yourself back to our Academy, as a safety precaution, until this threat is sure to have passed. A tram should be waiting for you, we expect you here by sunset. Pack only necessities, and be safe. </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">
    <em>Mr Delathorpo.’ </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lowered the letter to look at her friends. Some of them looked surprised. Most of them looked downcast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d rather die than go back to that shithole.” Ushas grumbled, digging the tip of her knife into the wood of the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do we do?” Millennia asked. She sounded genuinely worried. Rallon took her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What they tell us to.” Magnus ran a hand over his face. “We pack.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at her things. Still with only a suitcase worth of things, it hadn’t been hard to pack them all up. She watched Koschei do the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to go back there.” She said quietly. Koschei shook his head, and ran a stressed hand through messed hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither do I.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if they keep us there for months?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “But..being..being alive is better than being miserable.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t convinced that he believed that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After another ten minutes or so, they met the others downstairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax was carrying Jelpax’s bag, who still look in pretty bad shape. At least he was well enough to travel. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s got the findings?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do.” Mortimus held up a second bag, and she nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. Let’s go.” She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them left their house, Theta sparing a sad look back, as they trudged their way towards the tramline. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She held Koschei’s hand. He looked as miserable as she felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">None of them wanted to go back. None of them wanted memories of fire, and screaming and smoke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want memories of water either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They piled onto the tram, and sat in relative silence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched smoke and light from places far out on the horizon, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Magnus didn’t seem that enthused about war. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei’s leg was bouncing uncontrollably, so Theta squeezed his hand tightly in beats of three. It was as much for her, as it was for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus put his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas had hers clasped tightly together, but from opposite, Theta could see the tremble, and the sweat at her brow. She figured it was probably down to withdrawal, as much as it was going back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Even Millennia, who was always so cheery and jovial, looked pale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta caught Vansell’s eye. More times than not, she found him looking at her. Maybe it was just coincidence. At the very least, it gave her something else to think about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram squealed to a stop, and the ten of them stood up. The doors opened and they filed out miserably. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was one of the last out, and glanced about at the Academy she’d once called home. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked even worse than it had the first time they’d been attacked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No building was untouched. If there wasn’t parts missing, they were charred, or had windows blown out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rubble was everywhere, and some parts were still smoking. There clearly had been an attack not long ago. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And in front of them, was Borusa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t look great. Apart from the exhausted bags under his eyes, he was covered in cuts and grazes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed tightly. She didn’t like the idea of him being here in the crossfire. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They made their way over to him, and he sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hate to see you all back here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Trust us, it’s mutual.” Ushas muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why is there still classes on here? It looks like shit.” Mortimus asked, as Borusa started leading them somewhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you all know the Prydonian Academy is for the more wealthy students, and the Dalek’s are attacking wealthy families. Those who do the warmongering and the planning. A lot of our students are no safer at home than they are here.” He explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you being protected? By the army?” Mortimus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When they can. There’s too many places being attacked, they can’t be everywhere at once.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you saying we’re losing?” Magnus interjected. Borusa glanced over his shoulder at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m saying it comes in waves. We’ll get the upper hand again. And then they will. And then we will. And it’ll go on, and on.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it won’t. Once we’ve got someone in power who knows what they’re doing, this’ll be over.” Magnus continued determinedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if someone’s going to end this war, I don’t think it out of the realm of possibility to imagine that it’ll be one of you ten to do it.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Forty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel more unsafe here.” Theta sighed, putting down her bag. Borusa had taken the ten of them to a couple of unused dorm rooms, and she and Koschei were back in one together. For most of the others, they’d have to take turns with the single bed. But Theta imagined, she, Koschei, Rallon, Millennia, Drax and Jelpax would make it work somehow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” Koschei muttered, stood at the window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long are we supposed to be here?” Theta knew Koschei didn’t have the answers. She just felt so hopeless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, my love. But we’ll be ok.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We probably won’t.” She grumbled. “And even if we are, we’ll all be miserable.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sat on the window sill and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t know what to tell you Theta. I’m not the optimist.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little in regret, and moved to sit opposite him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. Sorry.” She said softly. Koschei put a hand on her knee. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s alright.” Theta glanced out of the window. It looked like shit. Most of the buildings were black from smoke, or crumbling. The grass was dry, and had been burnt in places. Students seemed to move in large groups, and hurried everywhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her head against the window, and closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should’ve gone in the TARDIS.” She said quietly. “We could’ve gone all the way to Earth, and wait this out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm,” Koschei patted her knee. “Running away?” He asked, not to be mean. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess. It’s not like I’m helping here. I’m not a solider. So what does it matter if I am running away?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think, because one of these wars is going to get so bad, that they’re going to want every single able bodied person to fight.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll be long gone before that happens. And once I’m off Gallifrey, it would take a whole lot to get me back here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can run from Gallifrey, Theta, but you can’t outrun war. It’s going to be wherever you go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she agreed, and opened her eyes. “But I imagine some wars are easier to fix. Less hopeless than the Time Wars.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, so you want to stop wars now?” Koschei asked, not unkindly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I figured it kind of falls under the bracket of helping people.” She shrugged. He hummed, and sat back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose it does. It’s quite a big weight on your slim, little shoulders though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My shoulders aren’t little.” She pouted. Koschei nodded at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes they are. I could wrap my entire hand around them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well then..” Theta considered. “Then I’ll just have to get broader shoulders.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei smiled at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there anything you’re not going to try and work around?” She frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, why wouldn’t I? Otherwise you’re stuck at one obstacle for the rest of time. And, I don’t have time for that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, perhaps you’re a better problem solver than me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so.” She shrugged. “You just get fixated on things sometimes. I feel like you struggle a bit to get around them when that happens.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What am I fixated on right now, then?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at her. Theta shrugged a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Same thing you have been for over a hundred years.” She put a hand under her chin. “Me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei scoffed, and pushed her lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re such an idiot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You just don’t want to admit it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No offence sir, but you look like shit.” Theta pointed out. Borusa sighed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I did notice. I’m not at my best.” He wandered along beside her at dusk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t realise it was so bad here. Honestly felt safer back at home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Trust me Theta, it wasn’t my idea to send you here.” Borusa admitted. “I told Mr Delathorpo that we should just warn you, that you were a perfectly capable group of adults who had all dealt with things like this before. But, he was adamant that he had a duty of care, for previous students.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, it’s nice to know he cares enough to try.” She shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you’re important to keep safe, Theta.” That was true. The Academy probably needed the Deca, and the intelligence in it. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. Got to keep the findings safe and all that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He hummed. “Exactly.” They walked in silence for a moment. “And how is it? Life on your own?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..” Theta considered the question for a moment. “It’s got ups and downs. I like being away from authority. I get on with everyone. We go on fun trips. But y’know- we clash a lot. There have been some pretty bad arguments as of late. But I guess that was inevitable with ten drastically different people all stuffed in one house.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are the arguments about?” He asked. Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh- there was one between Koschei and Mortimus, and that was because Mortimus had a crush on me. But I didn’t realise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” He shot her a look. “Even I knew that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she shrugged defensively. “There’s a lot going on. And I’m not very good at..noticing that kind of thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What were the others about?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, there was one the other day. Jelpax got burnt in an experiment and Drax got really angry at Magnus about it. So I tried to break it up and Magnus got really pissy with me and Koschei. It turned out he has a lot of issues with the way I think, that Magnus had never talked to me about.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it resolved?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really. I mean, we’re civil, but neither of us changed the others mind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa hummed, and was quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You seem to be at the centre of these arguments Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shrugged a little, after a pause. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess. I don’t try to be. I guess I just become a punching bag when I try to break things up, cuz they know I’m not going to yell back.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the point?” She asked. He hummed and made an expression similar to ‘fair enough.’ “Besides, most of the proper arguments aren’t just out of the blue. They’re under pressure, that some people just can’t handle properly.” That was a good point actually. Theta wasn’t sure Magnus would ever make a good soldier if he couldn’t handle being yelled at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was the pressure when Mortimus and Koschei argued?” Borusa asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We went up a mountain and Vansell broke his leg in three places.” She sighed. He blinked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well...how did you get him down?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He walked. We fixed it up there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...how?” He searched her face with the same look Theta’s teachers used to always give her. She glanced away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just had everything needed to make a time bubble. So..I did, and his leg healed in a couple minutes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s smart of you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Common sense really,” she shrugged. “He still complains about it though. Says his leg clicks every time he stands up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you not like Vansell?” Borusa asked. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I do. He’s kind. He’s just a little strange sometimes.” She considered. They turned a corner. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Strange how?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I dunno. Sometimes he looks so, incredibly sad, and he talks about these strange things- like, like he’s done something that he regrets, but he’s never told me what. And,” Theta considered not mentioning it for a moment, before figuring, why not? It was Borusa after all, he always had her back. “I mentioned to him that I was trying to find a book, to learn Ancient Gallifreyan. He told me there were no books like that, but like, two days afterwards, I found one that he’d hidden from me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa stopped short, and frowned at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why were you looking for a book like that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked him in the eye, and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. It’s just interesting I suppose.” She kept walking, and Borusa followed. “When you’re not doing experiments and you’re not in the TARDIS, being in that house can get really boring sometimes. Doesn’t hurt anyone to have a hobby.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he hummed. “I suppose not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them wandered across the dehydrated grass that evening, back towards their temporary rooms, from the dining hall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had not missed eating with that many people and that much noise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She took Koschei’s hand, and he swung their arms together. It made her feel a little better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They said goodnight to the others, and made their way up the corridor. The ten of them had been spread out, because, realistically, five spare rooms weren’t going to be bunched together. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened their room, and turned on the light. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked like it had been ransacked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The little things they’d brought with them had been scattered about the room, lobbed about and rifled through. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus-“ Koschei blinked. “Who the fuck did this?” He closed the door behind him. Theta picked her way across the room, and checked the window. It was still locked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And why?” She murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ve not got anything theft worthy have we?” Koschei began to pick things up, and put them back where they were supposed to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I certainly don’t. Did you bring any money?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’ve not brought cash.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anything precious?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Koschei looked around, with a deep frown. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Theta didn’t feel all that safe. Whoever had come in, seemed to have entered through the front door. Who else had a key? What kind of person could just waltz on in? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei caught her attention. “The letter.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes widened, and she ducked down to pick up a book that had been tossed under the bed. She flicked through it, until she found the small letter, tucked into one of the pages. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s here.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then they can’t have found what they were looking for.” He sat beside her, and Theta frowned in anger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was Borusa.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Koschei glanced at her in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I told Borusa I was learning Ancient Gallifreyan. He looked shocked- this must have been him.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all! <br/>Here’s the situation, <br/>I go back to school this week, and I haven’t been in education since March. Not only that but I was in year 11, and when my exams got cancelled, it means I had literally no work to do. Basically, I haven’t done anything in half a year. Not only that, but I’m going into sixth form to start my A levels, so it’s going to be pretty tough on me, and my body. <br/>So, try not to expect regular updates for probably the next two weeks. I will try my absolute best to get them up, but I’m obviously going to take my health and sleep schedule first.<br/>Thank you for understanding, and supporting me! ✨💕🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Fifty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t entirely sure where to find Borusa, or what she’d say when she did. Everyone was displaced, and she didn’t even know if his office was still standing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she stalked around the next day, after she and Koschei had put everything back the way it was supposed to be. Theta didn’t know if she was angry. She was certainly annoyed, and definitely upset. Not only had there been a breech of privacy, but one of trust, too. If it really was Borusa, which she was almost one hundred percent sure it was, Theta would, quite honestly, feel betrayed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She finally found him, speaking to a student at the end of a corridor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borusa!” She called. The two of them glanced at her, and then he looked back at his student. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give me a minute.” He walked towards her, and they met in the middle of the corridor. “Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was you.” She accused. He sighed. Well, that was all the confirmation she needed. “Why would you do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would you steal the letter?” He replied. “It wasn’t yours to take.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t- it wasn’t just me. And I don’t see why you care, it’s got nothing to do with you.” Theta stood her ground, now genuine anger bubbling at her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s got everything to do with me, Theta. Mr Delathorpo is my boss, and you are under my care. If you steal something confidential like that, the blame falls to me for not disciplining you all well enough.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed a little, and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m pretty sure I am well within my rights to fuck that man over. Give him an ounce of the dislike for me that I have for him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, don’t you think you’re a little old for revenge plots?” Borusa sighed deeply. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, apparently not, since you all like to talk to us like we’re kids.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have never done that Theta,” He said sharply. “I made an active effort to treat you like you deserve, and this is how you repay me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t do anything to you!” She argued, glaring at him. “I didn’t know he’d have a go at you, and it’s not my fault that he did.” Borusa paused, and breathed out slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just give me the letter back, Theta.” He ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” it was spite at that point. “Why the hell would I? You broke my trust, and invaded my privacy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t have had to, if you hadn’t stolen something that didn’t belong to you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you even think I have it??” Theta demanded. “It wasn’t just me- I was in there with five of the others. But you don’t look in their rooms, because of course, I’m the mastermind, and everything’s my fault.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa clenched his jaw, and glanced away for a moment, obviously trying to keep calm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, I’m sorry I invaded your privacy, and I’m sorry I broke your trust. I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t important.” He looked back at her, and for a moment, it seemed like he wanted to put his hands on her shoulders and shake her. “But you have no idea what you’re messing with here Theta. That letter is so much more important than you understand, and you can never, ever read it. Never.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked, frowning more in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because-“ he struggled for a moment, and then actually put a hand on her shoulder. “Because you’d be in danger. It’s not written in a language you understand for a reason.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched his face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know, maybe if you’d just told me, and asked for it, instead of going through my stuff and breaking my trust, then maybe I would’ve said yes.” Theta decided, firmly resolved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa took his hand off of her, and ran a hand over her face, rubbing at his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re sorry because you want the letter.” She started to back up. “When you’re sorry because you care about me, then maybe we can talk.” Theta turned to walk away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” she glanced back. “If you’re going to keep it, make sure no one else can take it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry,” she turned back. “I’ve been doing a better job at keeping it safe than you did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did it go?” Koschei asked, as she closed the door behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..could’ve been better. I got angry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah?” He raised an eyebrow. Theta sighed and made her way over, swinging her legs over the ledge of the window, and sitting beside him on the sill. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was just mad, that he broke my trust. He didn’t have to go behind my back like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, he didn’t.” Koschei agreed. “What did you say?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just told him I wasn’t going to consider giving it back, until I felt like he’d given me an apology because he regretted what he’d done. But all he’d talk about was the letter. I mean- christ, what is on there that’s so important?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, my love.” He admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He said, if I knew how to read it, I’d be in danger.” Theta frowned a little. Koschei hummed in consideration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He might just be saying that, to ward you off.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so- he looked pretty serious. And I think Borusa knows me better than to try and ward me off by saying something’s dangerous. Now I just want to read it even more.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if it does put you in danger, you’re going to have to at least be careful.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I guess.” She hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think more people are going to come and try to get it?” Koschei asked. Theta glanced down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility. I’ve never seen Borusa that desperate.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” He narrowed his eyes a little. “Perhaps we should give it back.” Koschei glanced at her, and Theta looked back. There was a look in his eyes that made Theta think, what he was saying wasn’t as cut and dry and he was making it out to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t really work in our favour though.” She pointed out, humouring him. Koschei shrugged a little, and glanced back towards the horizon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I suppose it doesn’t. Unless there just happened to be a copy of it, floating about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed a little, and shook her head fondly at Koschei’s mischief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bold of you to assume I could copy down that mess correctly.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I could.” He reassured. Theta frowned in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really think they wouldn’t check for a copy?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Even if they did, what would it matter?” He looked at her. “Either they’re shit at looking, or we’re amazing at hiding things. If they didn’t find the original letter, desperate as they were, what are the chances that they find a copy of it? What are the chances they’ll even care to look, when they have the original back?” He hypothesised. Theta hummed, and gently kicked Koschei’s foot over and over, as she thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It might work.” There was something niggling at the back of her mind though. “I just think- like...well.. if Borusa finds out, he’s not going to forgive me, especially after the talk we had today.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you care if he forgives you, Theta? He fucked you over. If anything he should be worried about you not forgiving him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” Theta shrugged a little. This whole incident hadn’t really changed the fact that Theta still cared about Borusa, and cared about what he thought of her. She didn’t want any bad blood between the two of them- their relationship was important to her. “Maybe I’ll talk to him again. And just leave it a bit until then.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is there left to say?” He frowned. Theta sighed and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I just want to make sure there’s no bad blood before we go home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But he broke your trust.” Koschei repeated pointedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, I gave you a bunch of second chances. Why shouldn’t I do the same for him?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei just shrugged, and grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had gone to get food. Dinner wasn’t for another few hours, and some of the others were complaining about being hungry, so she’d offered to go and see if she could nab a few small things from the kitchens. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sure they’d have something spare. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The walk gave her time to think about what she was going to say to Borusa when she got around to speaking with him again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her annoyance was ebbing away, only returning if she thought about what he’d done, for too long. But, she was firm in her belief that Borusa deserved a second chance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Besides, he had seemed genuinely apologetic. She was sure he’d never do that unless he thought it was necessary, or he was desperate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The voice pulled Theta out of her thoughts, and she glanced around. Something must’ve been wrong if someone needed a doctor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There didn’t seem to be any emergency, when she turned, however. Just a girl. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was obviously a student, and she was staring right at Theta, with a large smile on her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That didn’t seem like an emergency. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The girl hurried over to Theta, and searched her face for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor,” she said again. Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..sorry- Uh- I’m not a Doctor.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“O- oh.” The girl nodded, and stepped back a little. “Right, Sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything alright?” Theta asked. “If someone needs help, I can probably take a look at them. I’m not medically trained or anything, but I know a little.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- no- no it’s ok. I’m sorry. I just thought you were- my friend.” She backpeddled, and Theta frowned a little in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your friends name is Doctor?” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” the girl laughed. “Silly, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little bit.” Theta smiled. “But, who am I to judge?” She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right,” the girl honestly looked like she’d seen a ghost when she looked at Theta. She kind of shrugged it off. Theta just had one of those faces. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah- I’m sorry,” she held her hand out, and the girl shook it. “Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nice to meet you,” the girl smiled. “I’m Clara.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Fifty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So how are you holding up here?” Theta asked, as she walked in step with Clara. She seemed friendly, even if the first few minutes of their meeting had been a little strange. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, I suppose.” She shrugged. “It’s been kind of rough, what with the Dalek attacks and everything. But I suppose I’m just kind of the mindset that there’s nothing I can do, so I shouldn’t waste time moping about it. I’ve got an education to get.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a good way to think about it,” Theta smiled at her. “Positive.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I try.” Clara glanced around. She seemed a little bit on the paranoid side. Theta frowned a tad. She hoped everything was alright. “What about you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I actually don’t go here anymore. I’m part of a Deca, but Delathorpo thought we might get targeted, to he carted all of us back here to keep us safe. I’m only here temporarily.” She explained. Clara nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh I see.” She glanced at Theta. The look she gave her was so strange. It made her think that perhaps they’d met before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what do you want to do? When you leave here, I mean?” Theta asked. Clara rubbed the back of her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- I’d like to go into work with TARDIS’s. Maybe..y’know- helping construct, or maybe repair them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s cool,” Theta nodded. “My friend’s interested in the same thing. I think it’s fascinating.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Clara agreed. “I think..maybe I’d like to go travelling a bit first though. See a bit of the universe or..something of the sort.” She shrugged meekly. Theta smiled widely at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too. There’s nothing I want more.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” Clara looked fascinated. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Maybe you could come along.” She smiled a bit. Clara practically beamed at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think that would be amazing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve seen a bit.” Theta explained. “I’ve been to other worlds.” Clara’s eyes widened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s it like?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta considered. “I’d say it depends on the planet. I went to one called Earth, and it was awesome. The grass was this colour called-“ Theta was cut off by a sudden, deafening, wooshing sound. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt her stomach drop. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them were both well versed enough with war, to know what was happening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grabbed Clara’s hand, and yanked her behind a wall, glancing out back behind it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There were Dalek ships incoming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That wasn’t good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew some military would be here soon, but until then, like always, they were sitting ducks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not safe here.” She muttered, turning back to Clara, who frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nowhere is safe. Where are we supposed to go?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should find somewhere, and stay. Not under anything that could fall on you.” Theta took her hand from Clara’s, who frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where are you going??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have to find my friends.” Theta moved to duck out, but a hand caught her and dragged her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t go anywhere without me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Clara,” she frowned at the girl. “These aren’t your friends, you shouldn’t risk your life for them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not, I just want to stay with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s going to be more dangerous than if you just stay and hide.” Theta pointed out hurriedly. Clara nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. That’s why I said it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was starting to really like this girl. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. Let’s go.” She gripped Clara’s hand tighter, and ducked out into the open. They were followed by a spray of light and lasers, but the two managed to get to a wall on the other side, without any injuries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta breathed out sharply, and continued, making a bee line for the dorm rooms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Clara matched her pace, and didn’t let go of her hand, as the two duck and dove to get to the doors. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will they still be in there?” Clara asked, as the two ducked under a wall and caught their breath a little. “Aren’t they smart enough to know it’s not safe in there?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she nodded. “But who knows what has happened up there? They might not be able to get out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true.” Clara nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on.” Theta pulled her up and hurried round to the stairs, where the barrelled up them, and into the building. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in her head, like an elastic band had snapped. Theta winced and held a hand to her head. She searched quickly for Koschei, but the only thing she felt was cold. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was enough to stop Theta short on the stairs, where she frantically searched her head for his presence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Nothing was there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong?” Clara asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t feel Koschei.” She whispered, still clamouring for even a scrap of where he used to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s not- he’s not there anymore.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s Koschei?” Clara frowned worriedly, not letting go of her hand. “Theta?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s- well- uh- he’s my-“ she struggled for a second. In the moment, all that could come to mind was the fact that they weren’t technically even together anymore. “Well- he’s my- he’s my..person,” she searched for a better word and glanced up at Clara. Surprisingly however, the girl seemed to know what she meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well lets go find him.” Clara took her turn to yank Theta up the flights of the stairs, until they got to the right floor, and Theta took them barrelling down the corridor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could hear gunshots and screaming outside again. Panic was thrumming at her hearts. It was almost enough to send her curled up and crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta couldn’t do that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She practically fell through the door to their temporary dorm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her friends all looked completely dazed, and that was probably down to the fact that there was a hole in the wall, and Theta could see into the room next to them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas stumbled upright, and put a hand to her head. Magnus managed to haul himself up too. The others were either sitting down, or lying on the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you guys ok?” Theta let go of Clara’s hand to make her way to each of her friends, helping them up or brushing them down. They all mumbled out various confirmations, if not a few swear words. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta waved her hand in the air in front of her, trying to get the dust out of her eyes so she could find who she was looking for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, Mortimus coughed out a ‘guys Koschei’s out cold’, and Theta managed to fumble her way to his voice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She crouched beside Koschei, who was lying on the floor, with debris all over him, and unconscious. There was a little blood at his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she whispered, and shook him lightly. “Koschei.” Theta said firmly. He didn’t reply. She already felt tears stinging at her eyes, but managed to keep her head enough to check his pulse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then she felt it again. And again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.” Theta felt overwhelming panic start to cloud at her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She only felt one heart. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong?” Ushas knelt beside her, and Theta looked up at her, tears beginning to spill. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- he- it’s- only one hearts working.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Roll him over.” Theta and Mortimus managed to push Koschei onto his back, and Ushas paused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do we do?” Theta asked, voice wavering. Ushas didn’t look at her. “Ushas tell me what to do!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- uh- you pump it!” She finally came up with an answer. “Like- like we did with the Instructor.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded and laced her trembling fingers together. She pushed up on her knees, found the left heart, and began to put her entire body weight into it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was times like this that she wished she’d kept her upper body strength. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was breathing shallowly, as Mortimus told her when he checked. By this point her friends had all gathered behind her, and were starting to work out who would do it when Theta got tired. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she wasn’t planning on letting anyone else do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t going to fail him and give up. After everything she’d done to Koschei, she wasn’t going to let him down by giving up and letting someone else try to save him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please,” Theta squeezed her eyes shut and pressed harder, and with more force. She didn’t know how long it would be until the other one gave out too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how long it had been, before Magnus took her by the shoulder, and tried to pull her off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me try Theta, you’re tired.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- no- you might do it wrong.” She shook her head and tried to push him away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, just for a couple minutes.” Ushas agreed. She just shook her head and kept going. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew logically, that they had a point. She couldn’t keep this up, her arms felt numb. But she couldn’t walk away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t give up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No ones asking you to. You can do it again when you’re not as tired.” She sniffled as Ushas gently pried her away, and Magnus took her place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up and made her way to the other side of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was her fault. If she’d done something differently this surely wouldn’t have happened. If she’d been there, if she’d gotten their quicker, if she’d warned him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And now, if something happened it would be her fault. There was nothing she could do but hope and wait. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Unless..</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought about it. It was risky. It probably wouldn’t work. It could make everything worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it could work. And that was better than having to listen to Magnus struggling to get anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta crossed the room and grabbed a large shard of glass from the floor, where a window had been blown out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at it, and swallowed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doctor, don’t! You don’t know that it’ll work!” Clara suddenly grabbed her arm, and Theta turned to look at her, frowning deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you keep calling me that?” She asked. The girl stuttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- it’s-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This person- the Doctor? Would they do something as risky as this to save someone they loved?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-“ she bit her lip. “I don’t kn- well-“ Clara sighed, and let go. “Yes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta looked down at the glass. “I guess this makes me the Doctor.” She muttered. Theta opened her palm, and sliced a deep gash into it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hissed through her teeth and dropped the glass, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on.” She muttered. “Come on, please. Please.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A warmth on her face opened Theta’s eyes, and her breath caught. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her hand was swirling with golden, hot energy. There was a fizzing under her skin, like there was hundreds of tiny bees yearning to get out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was like nothing she’d ever experienced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta knew she didn’t have long. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Move!” She shoved Magnus to the side as she dropped to her knees in front of Koschei again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- are you insane??” Drax asked, over her shoulder. It was a fair question. She had no idea if this would work. Maybe her entire body would regenerate. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to regenerate after this. Maybe it wouldn’t even help his heart. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she had to try. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed tightly, and put her hand over Koschei’s chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God- please,” she whispered to herself. Theta watched, as the golden energy floated in wisps, around him, and towards his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She watched as Koschei breathed the last of it in, and her hand went cold. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was stillness. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Koschei sucked in a deep breath, and coughed, rolling onto his side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta let out the breath she’d been holding, and put a hand on the back of his neck, thumb on his cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” she whispered, ducking close to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m here Kos’, you’re ok.” Theta felt like breaking down. “You’re ok. You’re alright.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei opened his eyes, and groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled a little, and tried to ward off the wave of exhaustion that had dropped on her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You look like shit.” Koschei croaked. She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your fault.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Fifty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta helped Koschei up, into sitting against the wall. It was her fourth time checking his pulse, and he was starting to tell her that she should give it up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine, Theta, I promise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I’m just checking.” Theta said. The urge to rub her tired eyes was incessant, but they all knew better than to get the dust they were covered in into them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was exhausted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d never done anything like that before, and she was surprised at how much it actually took out of her. She could’ve easily just curled up and slept right then and there, even despite the noise outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can’t stay here. It’s not safe.” Millennia pointed out. Magnus frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where is safe? It might be better to just not move Koschei.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no I’m alright.” Koschei reassured. “We need to get to some kind of open cover. Get out of buildings.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you’re sure.” Magnus shrugged, clearly antsy to get moving despite putting his friends needs first. It would appear, in crisis, they put their differences aside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed that was all she could ask. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus hauled him up, Koschei’s arm pulled around his shoulder, and Ushas took control. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The eleven of them made their way hurriedly down the stairs and snuck into the open, after a quick survey of the situation outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The military had arrived. But apparently the Dalek’s weren’t as outnumbered as they had been before, and they didn’t seem keen to retreat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others shuffled under a partially collapsed archway. It was a tight squeeze, but they managed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s got to be something we can do.” Magnus huffed. “I hate just sitting here and doing nothing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most of them ignored him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta practically fell against the wall, struggle mostly going unnoticed by her preoccupied friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Clara put a hand on her arm, and knelt beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright, Theta?” She asked. Theta nodded, and smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Yeah- I’ll be fine. I’m just tired.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your hand?” Clara took it, and laid it out, palm up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked as if there had never been a cut. It was so strange. Theta had never seen anything like it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It feels..different.” She tried to explain. Clara frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Like..I guess it feels like different skin. But maybe that’s just because I know it is.” The small talk was kind of helping take Theta’s mind off of the screaming and the explosions only a few metres away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But for the most part, it didn’t do all that much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked around, searching for any obvious signs of a struggle. She might’ve been tired, but if people needed help, she’d try her best. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want anyone to die that she could’ve saved. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be stuck, and alone somewhere right at that moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she couldn’t see or hear anyone. So, she became as antsy as Magnus about wanting to do something. Theta was aware they wanted to do vastly different things to help. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei gently kicked her foot with his own, from where they were sat opposite one another, and Theta glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright?” He asked. It felt better with his presence back in her head. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei frowned a little, narrowing his eyes at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did get my heart working back with resuscitation, didn’t you?” He asked. Theta considered lying for a moment. She wasn’t sure what purpose it would serve. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not exactly. We were trying, but it wasn’t working.” Conversations continued around them. “I had to try something else.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t.” His eyes widened. Theta shrugged meekly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was last ditch.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you do?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cut my hand.” She glanced down at it. Koschei stared at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s so risky Theta, are you out of your mind??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well the other option was double heart failure and that wasn’t exactly on my cards.” She defended. Koschei sat up a little, and leant across to take her hand. He turned it over, and gently ran a thumb over her palm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you feel?” He asked softly. Theta watched his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m tired.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tired or exhausted?” He glanced up at her, and she glanced away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Latter.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” Koschei couldn’t exactly tell her to sleep, or relax, so she would just have to put up with the fatigue until this was over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then, all of a sudden, Jelpax, Rallon and Mortimus took off. The two of them looked up, and Theta frowned deeply in concern. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where are they going?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s someone over there who needs help.” Ushas muttered, obviously extremely stressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at the ground, urge to help incessant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d helped Koschei- saved his life most likely. Surely that had to mean something. Surely that was good enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Looking up at the sky, she watched the two armies exchange fire. Some ships were burning. Theta couldn’t tell who was winning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She leant back against the wall, and closed her eyes. Theta was so tired. Surely just closing her eyes for a moment would help. She’d feel better then. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she couldn’t stay relaxed. Aside from the obvious reasons, there was a nagging at the back of her mind that Theta couldn’t shake. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know what it was, and tried to ignore it for a moment, but once she’d noticed it was there, the attempts became pretty futile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Opening her eyes, she searched for a moment to find the nag and yank it out to figure out what it was. Theta managed to snag it, and yank it out into the forefront of her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was Borusa’s presence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And it was panicking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well yeah, everyone was panicking. But this was more intense. The kind of panic Theta knew well- the kind that flared at the stomach when in imminent danger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stumbled upright suddenly, actually making some of her friends jump. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- have to go.” She announced. He stood up as well, now mostly back to normal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Theta you stay here. What is it? Someone else can go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- no, I’m going.” She said, with as much determination as she had left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stared at her for a moment with something in his eyes that Theta couldn’t read. And then he nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. I’m coming.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come too.” Clara immediately agreed. The others begrudgingly agreed to let them go, but Ushas was adamant they stay in contact. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided to do what she did best, and follow her gut, allowing the nagging panic in her mind to lead them towards where she thought he was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them stuck close to walls, ducked under debris when there was a chance of them being spotted, and stayed close to one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On a particular dodge out, Theta was yanked backwards, as a shot rang inches from her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea when her head felt as clouded as it did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta couldn’t just leave him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So they carried on, and hurried their way towards the panic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, after an achingly slow five minutes, they stopped, and crouched on the corner of a building. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s not here.” Koschei pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s in there!” Clara jabbed a finger about twenty metres away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew it. It was the ditch she’d help dig to create a temporary water supply system. However apparently, those pipes had burst, because it was filled to almost the brim with water, and was not still. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know where it lead, but the water was rushing, and filled with debris. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the midst of these rapids, if Theta followed Clara’s finger, she could see Borusa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d been caught in the water, and was clinging to what looked like a root of a large plant on the bank. But by the looks of things, he didn’t have long left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The noise of rushing water did nothing to help the mess Theta’s head was in, and she swallowed tightly, glancing back at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on then,” she powered through. “We have to help him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, it’s completely uncovered. We could be in a lot of danger if we do.” Koschei pointed out. She frowned at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good point, guess we’ll just have to let him drown.” She snapped. Theta didn’t mean to. There was just a lot going on in her head at once, all of which she never wanted to think about again. “Come on.” She rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei and Clara spared a look, but followed her, running out towards the uncovered man made river. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Borusa caught sight of her. He looked as white as a sheet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just hold on Sir, don’t move.” She and Clara crouched in front of him, and tried to figure out the best way to get him out. Koschei kept lookout, to make sure they hadn’t been spotted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at the situation. Borusa was out of arm reach, so if they told him to let go of the root, he’d probably be dragged away before they got the chance to grab him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta glanced at Clara. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hold onto me?” She asked. Clara nodded, and grabbed her forearm tightly. “Koschei! Don’t let Clara be pulled in.” She said. Koschei glanced around, and took Clara’s other hand. Theta swallowed tightly, and adjusted her sweaty grip on Clara’s arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dangling over rushing water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This would be fun. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She leant out, reaching her other hand to Borusa. Theta strained, and the three of them leant out more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on.” She muttered, stretching as far as she could. “A bit more.” Theta tried not to glance down at the rushing water she was stretched over, but it was almost an impossible task. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her hearts were pounding, and she felt like she might cry if she had to do this for much longer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t go anymore!” Koschei called out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sir, can you reach me?” Theta asked. Borusa glanced at her hand, about half a metre off, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll try.” He nodded. Theta smiled tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Great! No time like the present.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Borusa nodded. “One,” Theta swallowed. “Two,” he held his breath. “Three,” Borusa made a jump for her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Their fingers brushed together for a moment, before Borusa was sent spinning away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shit!” Theta was yanked back onto the bank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We might be able to catch him downstream.” Clara suggested. No. It wouldn’t work. They weren’t faster than water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta clenched her jaw, and stepped back from the bank. She kept walking backwards, and took a deep breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, don’t you dare.” Koschei warned her. Theta ignored him. “That water is full of shit, you’ll get hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we don’t have any other options!” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if you panic??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Been there done that.” She muttered. “Just- meet me at the end.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” She took a short breath out, and ran at the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The cold hit her like a slap in the face. It punched her in the chest and she swore she felt her hearts stop for a second. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew how to swim. Just kick the legs and let the water carry her. It was all she had to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was fine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She came up gasping for air, eyes stinging. Who knew what was in this water? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The water enclosed her and held onto her tight. It was under her clothes, in her hair and in her mouth. She couldn’t escape it. It was dragging her under like she’d done to Torvic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, Theta couldn’t say this wasn’t what she deserved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But maybe this was good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Torvic had died but now she had the chance to save someone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Right. Borusa. She just had to find Borusa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her stinging eyes and spotted what looked like him a little ways ahead of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta swam for him. She went under again and let the water rush her towards him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She ignored the panic, and the terror, and just put one arm in front of the other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, after what felt like an age, she grabbed cloth, and then a whole shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa jumped and managed to turn to spot her. Theta wrapped her hands around his arm as tightly as she could, and held on, for her own benefit as much as his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! Are you crazy??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m starting to think so.” She spat some water out. Her eyes were stinging like crazy. She wasn’t sure if that was the reason she was crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked blearily towards the horizon, finally spotting a bank they could get to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just hold on and kick your legs!” She shouted over the water. Borusa nodded, and the two of them started diagonally to the left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was hard, they were kind of working against the current. Theta’s limbs felt like they might drop off, and her throat was itching with something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta knew her limits. She was well aware that this was practically her only chance. She didn’t have that much left in her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them managed to get to the right side of the bank, and kept towards it, Theta leading. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She spluttered a little as water clogged her nose. The falter was fatal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta yelled in pain as something sharp rammed its way into her leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa gasped, and grabbed onto her as her grip faltered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got you, Theta- just hang on.” He reassured. The words made her want to break down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The bank was coming up fast, and Theta squeezed her eyes shut. She knew dirt and grime and contamination was getting its way into her leg, and it burnt like a fire. She let out a small choked sob, and just focused on holding on as tightly as she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her limbs hurt. Her head was pounding. Her hearts were racing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And for a moment, it seemed like they’d missed the bank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta saw it come and go like a flash. And it was all over. This was it. She was going to drown. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A fitting end, if she thought about it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Theta was yanked back, and she blinked blearily at the scene. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa had latched onto a hand, and that hand belonged to Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them were dragged onto the bank, and Theta went sprawling onto the dirt, with a hacking cough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thee’!” Koschei ducked in front of her and put his hands on her cheeks, pushing wet hair from her face. “I’m here, it’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s hurt.” Borusa managed, before going back to coughing. “We need to move.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure wether or not she was crying before she closed her eyes and let fatigue take over. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Fifty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she had to sum up in a word, how she felt when she woke up, Theta would use ‘shit.’ But that didn’t even begin to sum it up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes and nose were itching and the feeling immediately made the former, water. Attempting to pry them open was a task in itself, because her eyelashes were stuck together with what could’ve been dust, water, or her own tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she got them open, Theta immediately began to cough. She couldn’t get the itch out of her throat. It tickled in a way she couldn’t stand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her arms felt like they might drop off when she attempted to push up onto her elbows. It didn’t work, and she curled up tighter with a whimper. If she could’ve cut her arms off to stop the pain, she would’ve done. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If there was any salvation, it would seem her injured leg was down to an intense and overwhelming throbbing, instead of the feeling that she’d been bitten by something that was very intent on tearing her leg off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Theta’s head pounded. Her eyesight was bleary, and pretty soon after she woke up, Theta started to feel incredibly scared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Where was she? Where were her friends? Where was Koschei? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she croaked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m here,” Theta felt a hand on her cheek, and she could smell him, and it was a little bit more ok. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, my love. Are you in pain?” He asked. She nodded a little bit. “Where?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everywhere.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We did what we could whilst you were out, but we couldn’t get any water to you. If you sit up a bit I can help your eyes and your throat.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t think of anything she wanted to do less, than sitting up, but she would’ve done anything for water in that moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little, and Koschei put a hand around her shoulders. With his help, she slowly, and achingly, sat up. It was only then that Theta realised how much her abdomen hurt too. She couldn’t even begin to know why that was the case. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright Thee’, tilt.” Koschei said. Theta knew the drill. She tilted her head to the side, and blinked her eyes open as he washed the dust out of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked, and kept blinking, until her eyesight got a little less bleary, and a lot less itchy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Now able to see, Theta glanced around the room they were in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed to be a random room in one of the Academy buildings. She and Koschei were the only ones in there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if everyone else was ok. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drink?” He asked. Theta nodded, and Koschei gently tipped the same canteen of water to her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed greedy gulps of it, until she moved away a little bit and coughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She immediately felt a lot better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where is everyone?” She asked, voice coming out as less of a rasp. Koschei screwed the cap of the canteen back on and sat opposite her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t talk for a bit longer, I’ll try and catch you up.” He put a hand on her knee, and Theta nodded a little. For once, she was ok with not talking. “You’ve been out for two days. I got pretty worried, I’ll be honest, but Borusa said it was pretty normal, after exerting yourself so soon after using regeneration energy for the first time.” He frowned down at her lap. “I’ve never heard of anyone struggling that much after a regeneration, especially when it wasn’t a full one. But I suppose everyone’s different.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shrugged. She didn’t know. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Anyway,” Koschei looked back up. “Yeah, two days. There’s about twenty of us hiding out in the Academy building, and the army are still trying to ward off the Dalek’s. I don’t know why they’re so intent on destroying the Academy, but,” he shrugged. “It comes in waves. It’s quiet now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everyone alive is in a small group, all camping out somewhere on campus. The others have all gone out to either find food, get clean water, or look for supplies and people who might be trapped. It’s quite the operation, but everyone’s feeling pretty shit.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt awful. She should’ve been there to help. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not the only one we had passed out.” Koschei reassured her. Maybe her walls weren’t up enough. “We’re trying to look after a bunch of people who are out. So don’t feel guilty.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll try.” She mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed, and glanced down at her leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your leg’ll be fine. There’s nothing left in it, we cleaned it out. You just might have a nasty scar until you regenerate.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll add it to the collection.” She mumbled. Koschei scoffed dryly. Theta leant forward a tiny bit, and took his hand. “Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um-“ Koschei sighed. “No? Not really. But no one is. You can’t curl up and cry about it, we’ve all got to do our part. Especially since we don’t know when we’re gonna get out. There’s no sign of retreat from either side, and apparently it’s too much or a risk to try and get us all out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course it is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was worried about you.” Koschei brought her hand to his lips. “I can’t believe you just dived into the water like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither can I. I won’t be doing it again.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely not.” Koschei smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should sleep, you look like shit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to help though.” Theta whined a little. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you gonna help if you can’t stand up right? The longer you rest the quicker you’ll re-energise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta grumbled, painfully lowering herself back down onto the cold floor. “Are you going to go?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope.” Koschei gently moved his fingers through her hair. Theta knew it had all sorts of grime and blood in it. He didn’t seem to mind. Koschei looked similar. “I’m on unconscious duty, but they don’t seem to be up to much. Might as well keep you company.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” Theta closed her eyes again, and found Koschei’s other hand. It gave her something to focus on, and helped her ignore the flashing images that filled the space behind her eyelids. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried to focus more on the warmth of his skin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It helped a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Theta woke up again, the room was full. Koschei was stood beside her, talking to Millennia and Borusa in a low tone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others were dotted about, some eating and some trying to sleep by the looks of things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt a lot less achey. On another day she would’ve probably considered it incredibly so, but coming down from how she’d felt the last time she’d been awake, Theta considered it a large improvement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia happened to glance over, and she smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” She said happily. Theta smiled a little, and rubbed at her eyes as Koschei and Borusa glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you feeling, my darling?” Koschei asked, moving to crouch beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Better.” She croaked. Theta was actually very thirsty again, but she knew that things like water were probably in short supply, and didn’t want to use it when someone else might’ve needed it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You need a drink.” He hummed, and passed her the same canteen. Theta didn’t know where he’d found it, or why he was carrying it around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.” Theta tried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei said. She huffed and took it, drinking just enough to coat her throat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long was I asleep?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“About eight hours.” He explained, taking it back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Has anything changed?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re pretty sure we’ve got the Dalek’s on the back foot.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” Theta nodded a bit. She moved to try and sit up a bit.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, take it easy,” Koschei helped her up into a sitting position, and sighed a little. Theta blinked at him, and let him gently push some hair from her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know how to explain it.” He pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I’m just glad you’re ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you?” She was eager to check on those she cared about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As soon as this is over, I will be.” He hummed. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa came to sit on the floor beside her. It took him a moment, and Theta watched. He looked pretty battered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you, sir?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“In a lot better shape than I would’ve been if you hadn’t helped me.” He sighed. Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hardly. I hindered you more than helped.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Without you, I don’t think I would’ve gotten to that bank,” Borusa explained. “You saved my life, Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shrugged a bit. Theta wasn’t sure that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wasn’t exactly just going to let you drown.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was brave of you.” He reached out and gently patted her knee once. “I owe you a great deal.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll keep that in mind for when I next need you to bail me out of prison.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta managed to get up, and do some walking. Well- more, hobbling. But movement helped.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She talked to her friends that were awake. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were all alright- bruised at most. There were a lot of other people with them, who Theta hadn’t met before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Walking around, she realised that she didn’t actually know where they were. Most of the windows were blacked out, wether that was on purpose or they’d just been blocked by debris, Theta wasn’t sure, so she had no way of telling if it was day or night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, she tried to sleep when she got tired. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She and Koschei held onto one another tightly, and tried to ignore what was outside. Every time there was an explosion however, one of them would wince, or tense, or jump. It made it almost impossible to sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta cried a little, out of exhaustion, fear, pain- she wasn’t sure. She came to the conclusion that it was probably all of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei seemed the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least there was that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Theta glanced up, and smiled at Clara as the girl sat beside her. She’d been wondering if she’d been alright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.” Theta said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you feeling much better?” Clara asked. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I am. My leg’s not up to much, but apart from that, I feel a lot better.” She explained. “How are you holding up?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As well as I can be, I suppose.” Clara picked at the grime under her nails. War never left anyone particularly clean. “If it means anything, I just wanted to tell you that I thought what you did was incredibly brave.” She glanced up at Theta, who smiled just a little. “You were so ready to sacrifice everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t quite sure what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you know,” she shrugged meekly. “When you love someone..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure I’d know anything about that.” Clara frowned a bit, glancing back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, Gallifrey isn’t really meant for love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she agreed. “But it still perseveres. You can come from anything- have no one- and still end up with people you love.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But why?” Clara frowned a little. “What’s the point? If you just end up having to sacrifice yourself for them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I suppose- I never know why. I only know, who.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Clara watched her for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Love is..hardly ever a decision.” Theta continued. “It doesn’t have to have a reasoning behind it. It just has to matter.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want it to matter.” Clara nodded. Theta leant forward and took her hand, squeezing it tight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then it will. Someday, somewhere, it will matter. And it’ll be beautiful.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Fifty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was another day, before Theta saw the light of day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She winced hard, as the group of them slowly edged out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There had been a smaller group go out earlier, and apparently it was over. No more Daleks. Only smoke, and the promise that help was on the way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Such help hadn’t come yet. Theta wasn’t sure if it would. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Academy, only had three buildings fully standing, and even that was a miracle. She thought it would’ve been worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta leant against Koschei, leg still in a bad way, and stood, in the rubble of their once home. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do we do now?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have no idea.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta ended up in charge of ordering people about, and trying to work out the best way to ration what food they had left, until this help arrived. She wasn’t really the right fit for the manual part. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She did the maths, whilst her friends left, to help look for people and gather supplies. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They disappeared, she waited, and they came back hours later. If they were lucky, dragging someone after them. If not, alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was two more days before any help arrived. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Duties gone, Theta found herself pushed into a tent, filled with beds and stretchers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was put on one of them, leg tended to, and left alone, in the quiet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at the floor in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt numb. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Theta felt tens of emotions thrashing about in her chest and head, all negative. But they felt suppressed. Forced down into something muffled. And a layer of nothingness thrown over them made it impossible for Theta to do anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted to cry. Or yell. Or scream or do something. Just have an outlet for it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta couldn’t find it in herself to do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she lay down on this bed, and stared at the cloth ceiling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wanted her friends. She wanted Borusa, and she wanted Koschei. She wanted parents. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure why she’d thought that. But it was true. She did want parents. Someone to hold her like she was a child, and tell her it would be ok, that this feeling wouldn’t last. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And that was all. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The rest was too complicated. Too messy and spiky and sharp to understand and dissect. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This might not have been home to her happiest years, but she’d once considered it home. And now it was rubble, and the kind of smoke that stuck to the back of her throat and burnt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to sleep. She was tired enough. But her mind felt like it was racing, and still all at the same time, making it too disorientating to sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure what to do with herself other than sleep, on the other hand. She wasn’t much help with her leg still in a bad way, and she had no idea where her friends were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she lay, and thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta jolted awake, and blinked in the darkness. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure when she’d fallen asleep, but it was night now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All the beds around her were full, of her sleeping friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had taken the bed beside her, and had fallen asleep with his hand reaching across the small gap, and resting on top of her own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat up slowly, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sweating, and the urge to move was impossible to shake, all senses of tiredness completely vanished. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled herself up and out of the large tent slowly. Some of the people who had come to help were dotted about, eating or talking. But none of them said anything. They could advise her to stay laying down, but none of them had any real authority over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta was uninterrupted as she hobbled further into what was left of the campus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was cold, that evening, which felt strange. The sights around her looked like they should’ve been hot, but they weren’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A strange emotion twisted at her heart. It wasn’t quite upset, but it also was. There was something angry about it. A sort of want for vengeance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat on a large rock, and stared at the crumbling building opposite her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if she was wrong. Perhaps she should’ve wanted war- should’ve wanted to crush the Dalek’s. They’d taken everything from her, from the people she loved. She had no idea if any of her few possessions had survived. Her body hardly had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And yet, she was an advocate for their mercy. How could she do that?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure. On the one hand, she could’ve argued that this was all circumstantial. Each race and fight was different, and she should’ve taken it day by day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the other, Theta wasn’t sure if she could be someone who picked and chose when they wanted to be a pacifist. That wasn’t who she was, that wasn’t the point to anything she’d ever thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But what else could she do? The Dalek’s deserved it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed they probably thought the same. Maybe they had mini Dalek..children things to look after and provide for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually, staring at the wall, Theta decided, that no one was in the right. The Dalek’s certainly weren’t, but the Time Lords weren’t exactly the hero’s of her story either. In the end, it seemed like it was her against everyone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And yet, Theta didn’t feel alone. Far less alone than the first battle she’d been caught in the crossfire for. She had people who cared, people who had shared the load out when she couldn’t do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had found that more stress inducing than being alone. But she supposed that was part of the deal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered about Koschei. He was so strange to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed pro-war, maybe even pro-violence. But when he was pressed, he did the right thing, and he tried to help. She didn’t understand. Why did his ideology not work in practice? Theta supposed hers didn’t either. But why did he care? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if it would be the same way if he was alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Perhaps he was doing it all for her. Or perhaps that was self centred of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that was who she was though. Maybe everything she wanted to do, all the people she wanted to help, were just to make her feel better about herself. Maybe she was completely self serving. It might’ve been all for her own gratification. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered if that lessened the weight of the good things people did. She supposed all good acts could be self serving. No one could prove that they weren’t, but no one could prove that they were either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed the only way to know, was if the person chose to give up their life for someone else. That didn’t sound self serving. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta hadn’t ever given up her life for anyone else. She’d been prepared to, and had tried, in the sense, but maybe she just wanted people to call her a martyr. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Perhaps she wasn’t cutting herself enough slack. She could probably argue that anyone was self serving. Koschei was. He was ok with war because he wanted personal revenge. He was angry and violent because Theta gave him what he wanted when he was like that- attention. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered if that meant everyone really was selfish. All selfish and all alone, so close but never touching. There was always half way to go. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t quite sure why she was having a philosophical debate with herself in the rubble of her old home, but she supposed, it was as good a place as any. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, there were no answers for her. She didn’t know how to solve all these problems. So maybe there was no point. Maybe she should just go to sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe the lack of answers was the point. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was tiring herself out going round and round in circles, so she figured, the former option was the one she’d go with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pulled herself up, and shuffled her way back towards the camp. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Falling back into the bed, Theta turned, to look at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was awake, and it almost made her jump. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Where did you go?’ He put across, raising an eyebrow. Theta shrugged minutely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Just for a walk. Try and clear my head.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You’re supposed to be staying off your foot.’ Koschei pointed out, searching her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I know. I’ve never really been a stickler for the rules though.’ She pointed out. He glanced at her foot. It was too dark to see anything, so she didn’t know what he was looking for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You shouldn’t wander off.’ Was what he eventually came up with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘It’s hard to have debates with yourself in a tent.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘What are you debating?’ Koschei asked. Theta glanced away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Not sure. Everything? Who I am? Why I’m the way I am? Whether any of it even matters?’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei rolled onto his back, and did the mental equivalent of a hum of acknowledgement. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Sounds heavy.’ Theta sighed. ‘Did you come up with anything?’ He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘No.’</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Fifty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A few more days came and went, until they were allowed, and worked up enough courage to go back to what was left of their rooms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Luckily, their dorm room was in one of the three buildings miraculously still, mostly standing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But that was where the luck ended. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Their room had a gaping hole in the side of the wall. Rubble covered every surface. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t see any of her possessions. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They began the gruelling process of moving the debris, and trying to uncover what was left of their things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta held heavy hearts in her chest. In a small way, she felt quite bitter. Koschei still had things, back at home. He was rich enough to afford it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta had nothing. Everything she cared about, was under this layer of dust and rock. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">About ten minutes in, they started finding things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei found some of his books, and a pen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found one of her books, on space. Some of the pages were missing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She found the paper butterfly that Koschei had made for her, that used to fly across the room. It was ripped and stained. Theta knew it wouldn’t work anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Staring down at it with such sadness in her heart, Koschei came to stand beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can make you another one, Thee’.” He said softly. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But it won’t be this one.” She mumbled. He sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. It won’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at this act of love, and felt anger bubbling at her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could she do this? Advocate for peace between Time Lords and Dalek’s, when they had taken everything from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had nothing, and it was their fault. They weren’t good for anything- they were outdated and cruel. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If anyone had any sense, they would eradicate both, and give the universe a helping hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei narrowed his eyes at her. “I can feel the heat from here, what are you thinking?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta almost told him, in her spark of rage. But she thought better of it. She knew how it would end, and Theta was really over crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wish things were different.” Was what she ended up saying. It wasn’t a lie, exactly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei clearly wasn’t convinced with her vague answer, but he didn’t push, for once. Theta imagined he was just as tired as she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They kept looking. Koschei found a drawing Theta had made him, and a pair of shoes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Theta finally found her insect book. She made a small noise of anguish at the state of it, and held it close to her chest for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed, at least it even still existed. It could’ve been worse. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was finding it harder and harder to be an optimist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched under the bed for a moment, and pulled out the book they’d hidden. It was fine- apparently the bed frame had protected it. There was just a layer of dust on it, which he wiped off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Opening it up, Koschei found the letter. Untouched, barely dusty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t really find it in herself to care. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They packed up the things they’d found- some seemed to be completely lost, or destroyed beyond recognition- into the same bags that had been hung on the door, and made their way back to the camp. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei took both bags. Theta just tried to keep up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet. They were tired. They were emotionally exhausted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the end, it was arranged that they would be sent back to the Deca house sooner rather than later. Apparently, Mr Delathorpo had switched his tune to ‘the less people I have to look after, the better.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t appreciate the fact that they’d been shipped out here, traumatised further, and then sent back home. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed she couldn’t blame him. He was only trying his best. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was getting harder to see the best in people. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa sat beside her on her makeshift bed, the day before they were set to leave. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t say anything for a long time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you angry?” He finally asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At who?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everyone.” She muttered. Borusa hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds tiring.” Theta didn’t like how much he sounded like her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you?” She glanced at him. He sighed, and stared at the wall of the tent in front of him for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Frustrated maybe. But not angry. Maybe I should be angry- it’s not always a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t it?” Theta frowned at his side profile. He shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course not. If people weren’t angry at injustices, how would anything change?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was under the impression that nothing ever did change.” She muttered. Borusa looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you are of the unfortunate few, who are too clever, and self aware for their own good. You know the system you live in, is corrupt, and soul sucking, and it’s tearing you apart from the inside out.” She swallowed tightly. “Most people don’t know that. Ignorance is bliss, perhaps.” He glanced away again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you know it too.” She pointed out. “How do you live with it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure I do.” He shrugged a little. “I try my best, I suppose. Try to push out others who have your potential, before the system swallows them whole.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it working?” She asked. Borusa hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to wait and see what you do with your lives.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned. That sounded like a lot of pressure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she sighed. “Now I’m not so sure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Borusa asked. She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I’m not sure about anything anymore. I don’t think I know who I am, or why anything I’ve ever believed is justified.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What changed?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This.” She gestured around them. “How can I be a pacifist when the Dalek’s did this?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can be a pacifist and still hate Dalek’s.” Borusa reassured her. Theta glanced at him, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, pacifism isn’t about not wanting to hate people. As long as you don’t act on that hate, you’re still a pacifist.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked slowly, and glanced away. She supposed, that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But,” she said slowly. “Someone needs to fight them. They can’t keep doing this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why does that someone need to be you?” He asked. Theta frowned. This was complicated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How can I be a pacifist when I’m letting others be violent though?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because it has nothing to do with you.” He gestured vaguely. “All of you lot, you’re all obsessed with getting the others to see it the way you do. And why? What’s the point?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Because I feel like</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So does Koschei. And Magnus. And Jelpax, and Ushas, and the others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, but-“ she chose her next words carefully. “With some issues, I feel like I have more...experience than others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you’ve killed and they haven’t?” He looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The words struck Theta like she’d just been whipped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at him with such wide eyes, and opened her mouth to say something- anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could he know? If he knew who else knew? Had they left evidence behind? Had someone ratted them out? Had Sanfej remembered? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-“ she whispered. Theta didn’t know what to say. What could she say? Admit it? What if he tried to use it against her? What if he was joking? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” Borusa continued, surprisingly softly. It put her on edge even more. “I’m not going to turn you in or anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you..?” Theta asked faintly. She didn’t know what to say. She wished Koschei was here. Koschei always knew what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why else do you think I was so keen on looking out for you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do other people know??” Theta asked. She couldn’t let that happen. If that happened then she might rot in a cell for the rest of her life. And so might Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Borusa reassured. “I saw the details of the case in the Citadel one day- I read into it, started to figure out what had happened. So I asked to be transferred to Jurist of your class. I just knew, when I met you, Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced away. She felt sick to her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know. She’d never told the story. She’d never spoken to anyone but Koschei about it. Where was he? He’d tell her how to handle it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-“ she swallowed. Theta stared down at her hands. They were trembling more than usual. They’d been like that since she’d gone in the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was an accident.” She blurted out. Her hearts were racing. Theta wasn’t sure if she could tell the story. She didn’t like to relive it. But she’d try. Maybe this would help. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She doubted it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Torvic was-“ she swallowed again. “He was hurting Koschei- he’d been doing it for ages- o-over something he can’t control. I-“ her lip trembled. “I didn’t know what to do- I thought he might kill him.” Her throat tightened. “I was so angry,” she whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I pulled him off and- I- it- it felt like I wasn’t..me. Like I wasn’t in my body- like- like I didn’t know what I was doing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa nodded, and watched her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I drowned him.” She breathed. Her body felt like ice. She was so tired. “Koschei- koschei told me we had to hide it- or- or I would go to prison and I wouldn’t see him ever again. So..so we dragged him off campus and-“ Theta felt tears begin to spill down her cheeks. “We burnt the body.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did you get away with it?” Borusa asked gently. Theta shook her head, and sniffled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just did what I was told. Koschei always knew what to do- he always told me how to handle it- because I didn’t know how.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you now?” Borusa asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” She asked. “That you knew it was me?” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. He sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought about it- at first. In my head, you were some ruthless, psychotic killer. And then I met you, and I realised that wasn’t the truth. I thought something, similar to what you described, must have happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked up at him. Borusa looked her in the eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you’re about as remorseful as someone can be. You’ve changed everything. Never got into a fight afterwards, always wanted to help, and protect people. Willing to risk your life for others. What more can someone ask?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t deserve to be here.” She shook her head. Her head hurt. “I should be in prison.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa was quiet for a moment, and he looked forward again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When you read the case, and realise Torvic was only thirty, you think, ‘how can someone do that to a kid? It’s sick.’” Theta winced.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> “But no one ever reads the part where it says you were a kid, too.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Fifty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta caught Koschei helping move food. She grabbed him by the elbow, and he glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, hey.” He smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we talk?” She asked. He frowned in worry, and put a hand on her arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just-“ Theta didn’t know how to answer that. “I’m not sure.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei threw an ‘I’ll be right back’ over his shoulder, and followed Theta away from the rest of the group, over to a deserted strip of walkway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s up?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borusa knows.” Theta immediately blurted. “He knows that I killed Torvic.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei immediately frowned deeply in concern. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He- he said-“ Theta tried to recall the conversation. She was frazzled. “He said he saw the case in the Citadel and came to- to try and find out the truth. Keep an eye on me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you tell him?” Koschei asked. It sounded close to a demand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- Uh- I- I- I just told him the truth.” She shrugged. Theta felt a little like she was being attacked. Koschei blinked at her, and then ducked close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What??” He hissed. “Are you insane Theta??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well he already knew!” She argued desperately. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter. You’re supposed to just deny it. No matter what, you deny it!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’ve already done it now,” Theta huffed. Koschei groaned and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you know he won’t go to the police? Huh?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s Borusa.” Theta pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He might’ve been waiting for this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve known him for like- half of my life! Don’t you think he would’ve been a bit more keen to get it out of me??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter what you think he might be like!” Koschei took her by the arms. “Theta, you committed one of the worst crimes possible.” She winced. “You do not tell anyone the truth- I don’t care if you’ve known them since the day you were created.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She frowned in annoyance. “For the record, it felt really nice to tell someone, other than you, about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh right, well then.” He rolled his eyes and let go. “Just tell the whole world then, let’s see where that gets you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you being like this??” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you’re getting sloppy, and you can’t afford to do that. Crimes don’t just go away, Theta. You could be arrested for it, at any point. And then what? What are you going to do then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borusa’s not going to tell anyone!” She said again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter! Because once you’ve told one person, you get the urge to tell another. And then another. And before you know it, someone who said they weren’t going to tell anyone, does.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not going to do that.” She argued. “I’m pretty sure I can control myself. And it’s not like I liked doing it. I don’t want people to know- I don’t want to relive it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just-“ he ran a hand through his hair. “Just promise me you won’t tell anyone else. You don’t breathe a word of it to anyone apart from me- not even Borusa. If he brings it up again, you change the subject or walk away.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s the only way to be safe.” Theta searched his face for a moment. She knew he was just trying to keep her safe, but she wasn’t sure she could agree to that. Telling Borusa, had, in the end, taken a tiny weight off her shoulders.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can promise that.” She admitted. Koschei took her by the shoulders, and ducked the little ways down to her level. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please, Theta. I need you to. For me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at him for a moment, before nodding a little bit. For Koschei. Just to let him sleep a bit easier at night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Ok. Fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Promise?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I promise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Clara caught up with her the morning after, about an hour before they were planning to leave. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had been looking for her around, just to check up on her. For some reason- maybe it was Theta’s nature- she’d become easily attached. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, hey.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re leaving today?” Clara asked. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Back home.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” She smiled tightly. Theta frowned worriedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you going to do?” She asked. Clara featured loosely around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh y’know- help out. Do what I can. Get by.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should do more than that- you can.” Theta reassured. “Find people. Talk to them- just, say something. You’re amazing, Clara. You’re funny and kind and really smart- there’s people out there who would really benefit from having you in their lives. And vice versa.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll try.” Clara tried to reassure. “Are you going to come back anytime soon?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might, it depends on the circumstances. These are such unpredictable times, I can’t really say anything for certain.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- course not. That’s understandable.” Clara nodded a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I’ll see you again.” Theta wasn’t sure why she was promising that. But Clara seemed quite lonely, and Theta thought she was far too wonderful to feel like that. It seemed to work, because Clara smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely. That’s not an excuse for you to mope about on your own though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, you’re right.” She agreed. “You’re right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Always am.” Theta took the girls hand, and squeezed. “Don’t have too much fun though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not without you.” Clara scoffed. Theta smiled, and turned away to make her way back to her things. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then she turned back at the last moment, and glanced at the girl. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, and Clara?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope you find who you’re looking for.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what she meant by that, but she had the feeling one day, she’d understand all of Clara’s cryptic messages. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to sleep on the tram. She put her head on Koschei’s shoulder, and he put his on top. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was bumpy, and every now and then they’d headbutt. But it was enough for Theta to doze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She thought about Clara. Theta knew, she should probably be thinking about her conversation with Borusa, but she wasn’t quite sure what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was over- it had happened. She couldn’t do anything about it now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Clara- now that was interesting. Theta wanted to know who this person was, that she was looking for. She wanted to know where Clara had come from, and why she’d felt such a strong connection towards her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought it was nice, having someone young around. That was never the case. She bet there were things Theta could show Clara, that the girl had never dreamed of. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Being around people her own age was tiring. Maybe it was good in moderation, but with younger people- she could be more than she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everyone around her knew she wasn’t right. With her shaky hands, nightmares and occasional breakdowns, she was not perfect. But with people who knew less than her- she could be something else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Something special. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Someone who brought joy and fascinated others, without them having to look at the ugly parts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t saying she wanted people to look at her through rose tinted glasses. She just thought it would’ve been nice, to be a little more rosy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It would’ve been nice to not be known for her flaws. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not that her friends didn’t see more than that. They did- and she knew they loved her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But as the years went on, Theta started to wish she could be..something more. Something different. Maybe someone who wasn’t the Theta everyone knew anymore. Maybe someone who wasn’t Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, reinventing herself wasn’t something Theta could just decide to do one day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe it was. She didn’t know. She’d never done it before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she should try it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Unpacking her things took three minutes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Looking around her room, with less things on her shelves than she’d had when she left, Theta sighed deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she was being over dramatic. But every time she got involved in a fight, or the war, she seemed to lose just that bit more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked across the room at Koschei. He seemed to have noticed the same thing, and was running his fingers through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re losing too much.” Theta blurted out. He looked up at her, and she continued. “Our things. It could be our home next. We’re losing each other- drifting just a little bit every time this happens, and you know it’s true.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think we’re drifting?” He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We always end up arguing after something like this. The pressures just too much.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not arguing.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We argued about Borusa.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That was a tiff.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is this not an argument?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Koschei tried patiently. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. Theta could see a little bit of his side profile. He looked strained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta started to think he was keeping things from her. Saving her feelings, like he would a child. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know what to tell you Theta. We can’t just run away from this, as much as I know you want to.” He explained tiredly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply, conversation completely forgotten, and sat on the other side of the bed. She shuffled across the space, and wrapped her arms around his waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Theta got the overwhelming thought that she was being incredibly selfish. Koschei had been holding the two of them together since it happened, and she hadn’t even stopped to realise how close he was to breaking apart. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know how to fix this, Theta.” Koschei’s voice was wobbling. She put her head beside his, and began to rub up and down his arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt awful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to make you better but I don’t know how.” He sniffled. “I don’t think I’m whole enough to fix you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She winced. She wasn’t fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I always try to patch up your cracks, but whenever I do- I start to crack. I can’t balance us- we’re too delicate. And I can’t decide wether one of us, or both of us falling and shattering is worse.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not going to shatter.” Theta reassured softly. “I’m sorry- I’m here now. I’m not going to let that happen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How, Thee’? There isn’t a magic wand we can wave. I know you don’t have any more ideas than I do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t need ideas.” She said quietly. “We just need to work together. And I am- I’m working with you. You can take a break, Kos’, I’ll hold us up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want you to have to do that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to.” It was true. Theta knew she’d struggle, but she also knew that he had been too. Koschei was tired, and it was her turn to protect them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she would try her best. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Fifty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at her foot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t look that great. Still, she supposed it could’ve been worse. She could’ve lost it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to do this, Nia’.” She reminded the other. Millennia grabbed new bandages. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, but if you do it to yourself, it’ll be a lot harder. It’s just easier if I do it.” She explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, thank you.” Theta watched the other girl. She was knelt on the floor, and changing Theta’s bandages. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt bad. She had planned to do it herself. But Millennia had insisted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you doing?” She asked, after a moment of silence that was just a little too awkward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, y’know,” Millennia shrugged a little. “I’m alright. Getting by.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta knew what she meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It never gets any easier.” Millennia sighed. “You always think you know what’s coming, that you’re prepared for it. And then it comes and your head just..panics. You know?” Theta nodded. “But you can’t hide and cry about it, because everyone wants to, and if everyone did, people would die.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should be able to.” Theta reminded her gently. “We shouldn’t have to be out there helping people- we’re just citizens, caught in the crossfire. We should be allowed to hide and cry.” She sighed. “It’s not your fault if you’re too scared to be the big hero. You didn’t ask for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, but you can’t leave people behind, can you?” Millennia’s warm hands gently held her foot, as the bandage was wrapped around it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Theta agreed. “But you can think about it. No one would blame you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm.” Millennia agreed quietly. They were silent again. “It’s not me- really. I just wish it didn’t have to happen for Rallon’s sake. He can’t handle it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Theta asked. Millennia sighed again, and got out a pair of scissors to cut the bandage. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s just- I don’t know. He’s scared, and he lashes out a little. We had an argument last night- just because he’s struggling. I don’t blame him, I just wish he didn’t have to be around it. I just want to protect him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. She understood. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you made up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not yet. I think he just needs a few days, to cool off and calm down.” Millennia explained. “I want to help, but I don’t know how. It’s hard- y’know? There’s only so much you can do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s hard because- I don’t know. I think he feels like he can’t be upset, because everyone went through it too. I told him-“ she held her hands up. “I told him it was completely natural. That he could feel any way he wanted and it would be valid. But,” she returned her hands to the bandages. “He’s caught up in his own head. And that’s not my fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s good that you can recognise that though.” Theta pointed out. “That you’re not beating yourself up about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, y’know. I try.” She shrugged a tad. “I’m just struggling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you can always talk to me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you can me.” Millennia smiled, and sat back. “All done. It’s looking a lot better.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think?” She asked. Her friend nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, it probably would’ve been healed by now if you hadn’t used regeneration energy, but then we wouldn’t have Koschei. And we can’t have a world without Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No we can’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus had his arms braced on the table, when Theta wandered her way into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood awkwardly in the doorway for a long moment, considering wether she should say something, or leave him be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, her conflict was loud, because her friend glanced over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” He looked back at the table. The greeting made Theta feel slightly more welcomed, so she hobbled over, and put her hand on his back gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked softly. Mortimus nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s so strange.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know what it is.” He sighed. “I just get this rocking. Like the whole world is tilting on its axis, and I’m going to fall.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure what to say to that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Was the stupid answer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He admitted. “It’s too quiet here Thee’, isn’t it?” He looked at her. Theta kept her hand on his back. “Everyone’s too quiet, and that makes it so loud.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew what he meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll take a few days. But it won’t stay like this.” She reassured. “It’ll go back to normal soon.” Theta wasn’t sure if that was true. But she tried to be an optimist at her best times. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is normal?” He scoffed dryly. “Holding our breath for the shot that finally pings off of one too many things, and ends us all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That won’t happen Mort.” She reassured the best she could. It was difficult when her friends were so hopeless. She couldn’t blame them. “Nothing ever goes on out here- we hardly knew there was a war until we got dragged back to the Academy. We’re safe here- far safer than anywhere else we could be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus nodded a tiny bit. It seemed like he wanted to believe her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And even if something does happen, we’ll pull each other out of the rubble, and stick together like we always do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think that’ll work?” Mortimus scoffed dryly. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s better than trying to run in a zigzag, alone.” She put forward, and leant against the table with him. “We’ve got each other’s backs Mort’, even if we don’t always see eye to eye.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we?” He looked at her, and Theta frowned a little. “I wonder if in that situation, when it’s just the ten of us, everyone would turn up like you expect.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..who do you think wouldn’t?” She lowered her voice. Mortimus just shrugged, and looked back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I just think some people are a lot more selfish than you realise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned a little. Theta wasn’t sure if she agreed with that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I used to think that. But this time, everyone I had my suspicions about ended up kind, and selfless. I don’t know if any of us have it in our nature to be downright cruel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You love too easily, Theta.” He looked at her again, and her brows pulled downward. “You’ll get yourself hurt. People will let you down.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who?” She ducked closer. “Why are you being so cryptic?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just have a bad feeling. And I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No ones going to get hurt Mort’.” She put a hand on his back again. “We’ll be ok. We love one another.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus pushed off the table, and ducked to her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We didn’t always.” He murmured. And then he walked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t understand anything Mortimus had said. Still, she tried not to think about it too much, deciding that he was probably just paranoid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Wandering around, hoping to find someone to talk to, instead of having to be alone with her thoughts, she stumbled across Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was writing in a book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sat down opposite him, in the library, and he glanced up knowingly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Before you ask Theta, I’m writing a book.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A book?” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- something of the sort. I’m writing about my life.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I thought- it made sense. You yourself always talk about how much you dislike our government- it makes sense that they probably try to censor our media too, doesn’t it?” Theta supposed so. She’d never really thought about it. “So I’m writing a first hand account about these years, for future generations to read, instead of whatever glorified version the citadel puts out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a good idea.” Theta nodded. “But- Van’, since when were you anti-government?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s getting harder not to be when they keep throwing me into fire.” He deadpanned. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fair enough.” And it was. “So, are you just writing it like it is? Or are you putting opinions in too?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel like the first is impossible without the second.” Vansell never spoke bluntly. But it was ok. Theta got the gist most of the time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds like a big commitment.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A big commitment is something I feel I need right now.” He considered. “A project. Somewhere where I can rationalise it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm.” Theta hummed. “I should get on my projects too. Might help me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good plan.” He nodded. Theta considered things for a moment in silence, before deciding to leave him to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I hope you say great things about me in your book.” Vansell scoffed, and shook his head with a small smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah. You’re the antagonist actually.” Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ouch.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Fifty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Have a palette cleanser</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scribbled down another letter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was getting better with Ancient Gallifreyan. She could now translate and write an entire sentence, albeit with a lot of scribbling out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘The leaf falls.’ Theta beamed at it. It wasn’t much, but the knowledge that the sentence in front of her was something she’d written, in a different language, made her very proud of herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she decided to show Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta picked up her little book, and trotted down the stairs into the library. She didn’t bat an eyelid at the clattering coming from the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found him, head deep in a book. He was fiddling with the corner of it, and his foot was tapping against the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.” He glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I show you something?” She asked, sitting beside him. Koschei put a finger between the pages he was on, and shut the book, a clear inclination that she could, show him something. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned her book towards him, and beamed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei blinked at it for a moment, clearly without a clue of what he was looking at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...wow. That’s great darling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ancient Gallifreyan!” Her tone complained. His expression cleared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh!- wait, really?” Taking the pad from her, he held it closer to his face, and frowned. “Wow.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it good?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean- I don’t know what it means, but it certainly looks like you do.” She smiled a little. “What does it say?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The leaf falls. It was about as easy a sentence could be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’m impressed.” He looked back up, and passed it back to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?” She said hopefully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Koschei chuckled, shaking his head fondly as he looked back at his book. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She asked, eager to know why he was laughing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing, my love. It’s just you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What about me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re like a child sometimes. Showing her parents a drawing she did.” Theta wouldn’t know, but she took it as an insult. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am not!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not a bad thing.” Koschei pulled one arm away from his book to open it up to Theta, not glancing up from his book. Theta huffed, and flopped into his side. He let out a little ‘Oof.’ “It’s endearing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you reading?” Theta changed the subject. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am reading about genocides of planets.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds depressing.” She pulled a face, and put her head on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not actually. It’s very interesting.” He considered. She blinked at the words on the page, but didn’t bother to actually absorb any of them. “Wouldn’t you like to live on a planet with just the two of us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, yeah,” she considered. “But surely it’s easier and less..horrifying to just find a planet with no one on it. We’re not short on them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But consider, darling, most deserted planets are just that for a reason.” Koschei pointed out. His foot wasn’t tapping anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t mind living on a planet with other people. As long as they’re nice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, your view of the universe does seem a little simple sometimes.” He deflected the comment by moving his arm to run his fingers through the ends of her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think that’s true.” She frowned a little bit. “It’s very complicated in my head, I think about it a lot. But if I tried to explain it the way it is, everything would just come out as a vomit of words, and no one would know what I was saying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It must be tiring having to slow down and dissect your thoughts before you say anything.” He considered. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” Koschei hummed. The conversation seemed to be over, so Theta settled against him more comfortably. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew it would only be a matter of minutes before she decided she could’ve been doing something exciting, and left him alone again, but that thought hadn’t passed her brain yet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she fiddled with the hem of his shirt, and let Koschei read. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered why he let her do that. He never seemed to bat an eyelid, at her fiddling. Or her tapping. Or her repetitiveness. Whenever she toyed with his hand, he relaxed his muscles. Whenever she undid and re-tied his laces, he didn’t say anything. Only wordlessly tied them back up properly when she’d gotten bored, and had run off again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked at his side profile for a moment, and then down at the hem of his shirt again. Her fiddling had to be distracting. And he still didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled a little bit at his side profile, and leant forward to hug him tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” He mumbled into her hair, pressing a kiss to it. Theta nodded into his neck.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm. I love you.” Was her muffled reply. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thee’?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever like..worry that I don’t love you as much as you love me?” She asked. Koschei frowned, and wrapped his arm around the small of her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you ask, my dear?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno,” she shrugged, pausing to collect her thoughts. “Just cuz..I dunno. You always have such big acts of love. Like you took me to Earth, and you never get angry when I get a nightmare. And I don’t do anything like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you don’t need to, my love. You do small acts of love.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” he hummed. “You just did one. You sat with me and kept me company, when you could’ve been doing something more exciting, like I know you might’ve wanted to. And you’ve always got my back. You always sit with me whenever the drumming gets too loud.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess,” Theta considered. “But you do big and small. You use pet names and you let me fiddle with your hand or your clothes when you’re reading.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta if you started using pet names, the world would be a very odd place.” He scoffed. “You don’t need to use them, I know you love me.” He smiled a little. “And you do big too. I think using your regeneration energy to save my life is about as big an act of love as you can get.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” She considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Besides,” he continued. “No one shows their love in the same way. Ushas does it by being a bitch, but we know she cares. You’re not as publicly affectionate as I am, but that’s ok. I know what you mean.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?” She frowned. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good then.” She decided, and shifted to sit up a little bit more. “Cuz I do love you. A lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He smiled. “I love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pecked him on the lips, and he pulled her closer a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus,” there was a groan behind her. Theta glanced over her shoulder to see Ushas picking up a book from a shelf. “Can you get a room?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is a room.” Koschei pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a room that I’m in, which is my problem.” She gestured to them with the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guess you should get out before things get raunchy.” Theta teased. She pulled a face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t test me, I can get Drax and Jelpax in here. See if you’re in the mood after twenty seconds with them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fairly certain you already killed the mood, Ushas.” Koschei deadpanned. She pretended to flick some of her hair over her shoulder, and smiled sweetly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What can I say? It’s a hobby.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Fifty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta began to work harder. She’d spend more time learning her languages, or doing the maths, or the welding for her multi-purpose-thing-with-no-name. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Whilst things, achingly slowly, began to return to normal, her friends were still fragile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most of the time, it was quiet, and people tended to only speak to one another when it was necessary. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One night Theta jolted awake to hear Magnus throwing things around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">One time she’d walked in on Jelpax wiping his tears away in the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt terrible, and scrambled to give any consolation or comfort she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But in the end, it seemed obvious that the attempt was pointless. Koschei told her to just focus on herself, like everyone else was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta tried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her head down, focused on things she enjoyed, and tried to block out the noise the best she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stopped sometimes. Maybe to drink a little in the evenings, or spend time with Koschei. But on the whole, if she had free time, she worked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt better for it. It gave her something to do. Someone to be, other than a victim of war.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How is it?” Koschei asked one day, catching her sat on the floor, with several pieces of metal spread out in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok...I think.” Theta knew it would be fine if her maths was right. Maybe she should’ve just learnt to trust it more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Looks good.” He sat beside her. Theta didn’t look up, and picked up another piece. “Do you want to take a break? You’ve been doing that for a long while now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” Koschei asked pointedly. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he deadpanned. “I’m telling you you’ve been working too long. Have a break.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine!” She insisted. “You’re such a worry wart.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei crouched down to her level, and plucked a metal plate from her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pack it in.” He brought a hand to the back of her head, and pushed it forward gently to his lips, where he left a kiss on her forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta huffed and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright mum.” She grumbled. Koschei scoffed, and rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone’s got to be. When you still act like you’re thirty.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do not!” Koschei hummed and looked down at the plate he now had in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Make that twenty.” He said absently.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re so mean to me.” Theta decided. “I think I want a divorce.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Divorce?” He scoffed, and stood up. “Don’t get ahead of yourself darling, you have to marry me first.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. I’ll marry you, and then we’ll get divorced.” She took his hand as he pulled her up, and Koschei smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will I what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Marry me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..yeah. One day. Not now though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, of course not.” He agreed. “But you will?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, of course.” Theta nodded again, like it was obvious. “Why wouldn’t I? What’s the point in being together forever if you don’t have a couple rings to prove you mean it?” She laughed, and stepped past him, to put her work in progress on her desk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do I detect cynicism, Lungbarrow?” Koschei asked. She turned to face him and leant on her desk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Never. I’d love to marry you. Just as long as we have the coolest wedding ever.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do fights happen at cool weddings?” He crossed his arms over his chest and came to lean, hip to hip with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel like if we put all the people we like in a room together, something will go wrong.” They looked at one another, and Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe we’ll have to get a wrestling ring then.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For our wedding??” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’d rather that than someone getting body slammed onto the cake.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah fine, good point well made.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hit her head against the kitchen table without any real force. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax and Ushas had been in a yelling match for about half an hour at this point. She’d tried to go and break it up, but Koschei had told her to just leave it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently others had tried, and it was best to just let them argue it out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure she agreed, but she trusted it when Millennia told her something similar. Her friend had apparently tried to sort it, and they’d yelled at her too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure she was quite stable enough to put up with anyone yelling at her right now. Although she knew when they finished it wouldn’t be over. Rallon was planning on having ‘stern words’ afterwards for yelling at his girlfriend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Knowing Ushas, in this state, she’d probably turn that into a yelling match too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided she was done on this floor, and made her way up the stairs. Since the library seemed to be bigger on the inside, Theta thought that she might be able to find some salvation in a corner of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She found Vansell again, and flopped down beside him. She could still kind of hear them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” He asked, not looking up from his pen and book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Tired of their yelling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm, me too.” He hummed. “Although I’m starting to consider it a nice white noise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then I guess you’re better at blocking things out than I am.” She shrugged. Her friend hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bored?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Isn’t Koschei around?” He asked. Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why? That eager to get rid of me?” She joked. Vansell smiled down at the paper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Just thought you might want to be with him. He seems to know how to quell your..restlessness.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if that’s a euphemism or not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He scoffed. “I just mean, that he knows you well, is all. I thought you might want to be around him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, y’know, I want to be around you too. And he’s downstairs, where I don’t really want to be at the moment.” Theta kind of wished she had something to fiddle with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fair enough. Well, do you want to do me a favour?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” He flicked through his book for a moment, before opening it and cracking the spine. He passed it to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have a read of that, see what you think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it?” Theta asked, shifting to sit more comfortably. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s part of my retelling of what happened. When Magnus and I went to help someone. I want you to tell me if I capture the true..essence of what we went through.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta read through the pages. It was a pretty harrowing tale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He and Magnus had searched through the rubble of a building. Vansell had fallen at one point, and had scratched all up his arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They’d heard someone whimpering, clearly on the last leg of their cries for help. The two of them had pulled out rock and dirt until their fingers bled, and they found a hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They tried to pull her out, but her leg was trapped. So they worked around her leg, and managed to dislodge it. They pulled her out, and half carried, half dragged her back towards the base. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a perfect representation of the way none of them had caught a break. And the nitty gritty details, that no one ever talks about when mentioning the big picture. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought it was a great depiction, so she told him that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. It was hard to write, so I guess that’s a good sign.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it gives a good feeling.” Theta passed him back the book, and he flipped to another page. “But I think you should try to find someone who wasn’t there, and ask them what they think about the feeling. Because they’ll probably interpret it differently.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true.” Vansell said flippantly, before passing her back the book. “Read that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s my description of you.” Theta looked down, and groaned.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh god, alright.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta started at the top of the page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘She was obviously upset, which I can’t really blame her for. It didn’t make it any easier to watch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta always seemed so sure of herself. She was always the calm one in these situations. Always there with reassurance, a pair of hands that were steady (figuratively), and knew what to look for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It always shocked me how Theta seemed to be like that. Admittedly, it wasn’t hard to see that she had a lot of hidden demons, that struggled to remain hidden when living with nine other people. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she was kind, and intelligent. She had the kind of face that someone would always regret being brash, or unkind too. Because, she didn’t deserve it really. Theta would’ve given herself to the universe to keep an insect alive, and still understands that it won’t ever give her anything back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s a skill I believe makes her one of the gentlest and strongest people I could ever imagine, and I envy the way she sees the world.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up at Vansell, and smiled softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really mean that?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course I do. I wouldn’t write lies in my book.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled, and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For the record, I’d write really nice things about you in my book too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks Thee’.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Sixty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm?” She replied absently, gently moving a wire to the left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you take a break from that?” Koschei asked. Theta didn’t look up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I want to spend time with you, and I can’t do that when your head is buried in electrics.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta mumbled absently. “Give me a few minutes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed behind her, and flopped down onto the bed. Theta secured the wire down, and moved to secure a second. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She did that slowly and carefully. Things took her twice as long with such shaky hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.” Koschei said, after a few minutes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m almost done.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta finally secured that wire, and moved her little project to the back of the desk, out of reach of flailing arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She turned, and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was lying on his back, legs crossed at the ankles, hands on his stomach, eyes staring at the ceiling. He didn’t look happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m here now, drama queen.” Theta stood up and sat beside him. Koschei glanced at her without moving his head, and Theta ran her fingers through his messy hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You really shouldn’t spend that much time bent over that desk focusing so hard. It can’t be good for you.” He considered. Theta hummed, and leant down to press a kiss to his forehead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d take a break if it got too much, you know that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do I?” Koschei moved his arms and wrapped them around Theta’s waist, pulling her on top of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She got one leg over his waist and ended up straddling his stomach, frowning at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do have some sense of self control.” She argued. Koschei shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes. When it suits you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does that mean?” Theta frowned, a little on the defensive. He rubbed up and down the side of her thighs gently, and shrugged again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just that you like to work yourself into the ground when you’re not feeling great. Someone needs to be there to help you out. Cuz otherwise you’ll do something stupid, like collapse.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t work myself to collapse, Koschei. I’m not stupid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, darling, I never said you were. Not stupid, just filled with self-loathing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grumbled, and moved to shift properly, lying down on top of him, and putting her head in the crook of his neck. Koschei wrapped his arms around her back, and Theta felt thumbs gently tracing circles onto her shoulder blades and waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Loathing is a strong word.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hatred?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“....dislike.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” Koschei shifted to press a couple of kisses to her hair. “Well, that’s why I’m here. To even that out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not the only reason you’re here.” She scoffed. “You’re here so I can love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Naturally.” He hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up at him, and put a hand on the side of his face, thumb tracing over his temple. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your head?” She asked softly. Koschei took her hand from his temple, and pressed a kiss to it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Loud as ever. But, nothing to worry about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would disagree. She frowned a little, and searched his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Theta couldn’t think of the last time they’d properly talked about Koschei. Was that her fault? Was she not trying enough? Or was he batting her away, like he’d just done? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why would he do that? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know you can always talk to me.” She said softly. Koschei’s face didn’t change. “I don’t want you to push me away, ever.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t.” He focused on her hand, squeezing it and kissing it again. “And if I did, it would be for your own protection.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned even more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t need protecting, though.” She pointed out. “Are there things you’ve not told me, Koschei?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He shrugged in confusion. “We live together, darling, I think you’d know if there was something I wasn’t telling you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if that was true. Koschei was an amazing liar. She searched his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right,” she said quietly. “Well, if there are things I don’t know, you can always tell me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, love. If I had a problem I’d come to you first.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded, unsure of the conversation and where to tread next. So she stayed where she was, and put her head back beside his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure about much. She couldn’t think of many reasons that Koschei had to keep things from her. She couldn’t think what those things might be either. Quite honestly, the whole concept that Koschei was keeping a side from her, unnerved her to no end. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t like he scared her. But Koschei was incredibly unpredictable, and Theta felt like she needed to know everything about him. If she didn’t, then she wouldn’t be able to keep him safe, and keep him in a position where she could overwhelm the darker thoughts he had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If Koschei began slipping from her, Theta would panic. She needed him to be open with her, or else where were they then? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In a relationship where he knew her like the back of his hand, and she couldn’t say the same. One, where Koschei had all the cards, and knew how to play her, and Theta was barely cobbling together enough cards to keep herself safe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she didn’t know what he was thinking, Theta couldn’t keep him safe from himself. And that was a dangerous situation to be in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon put a cup of something warm in front of her, and Theta snapped herself out of her daze. She hadn’t even heard him walk into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh- thank you.” She wrapped her hands around the warmth, and he smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took a sip. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you?” She asked. Rallon sighed, and stirred a spoon around his own cup at the counter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been better. I’ve been worse. How are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Same.” She said. “Millennia said you were struggling a little?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Millennia worries too much.” He scoffed fondly, and came to sit opposite her. “I’m alright.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you end up talking to Ushas? I heard she was kinda mean to her.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh- I wanted to.” Rallon took a sip of his drink. “Nia’ talked me out of it. Said we’d had enough yelling for one night. I’m pretty sure they ended up apologising though. I haven’t asked, Millennia’s still in bed.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Still? It’s almost afternoon.” Theta frowned. Rallon sighed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. She said she’s not feeling very well, but I think she just needs some time to herself. Gets tiring being the peacekeepers around here, huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She hummed absently. “Why didn’t she just say she wanted some time by herself? She doesn’t need to lie.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s for her own sake.” Rallon sat back in his chair. “She likes to tell herself she can’t have a day off without a valid reason, so she’s convinced herself she doesn’t feel well. It’s not particularly healthy, but I’m not sure I’m one to talk.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That made Theta incredibly sad. And maybe a little angry. Her immediate reaction was to offer to take some weight off of Millennia’s load, and help peace-keep more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But then she thought, actually, she did that just as much as the other woman did. She shouldn’t be the one offering to take a load off. It should’ve been the others, who did nothing but grumble and yell at each other, and expect the few trying to keep it together to separate them and sort out their conflicts, like they were children. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe we should talk to the others. Tell them to reign it in. It’s not fair on us.” Theta considered. Rallon sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what I was thinking. But Millennia said it wouldn’t work. She thought it would just make conflicts build up, if we didn’t let them talk about it. And that’s worse.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We won’t say they can’t talk about it. Just that they can’t yell about it. I mean, for gods sake, we’re adults. We should be able to have arguments with each other without screaming.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” He frowned. “I don’t want to cause any more problems than we have.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta chewed on her lip in thought for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t want to say this,” she paused. “But I get the feeling that if we don’t say something, this is gonna carry on. And we can’t let Millennia feel like this forever, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed deeply, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat the seven of them down. It wasn’t really for everyone, but she thought she’d make a general warning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon stood next to her, and didn’t say much. She’d promised she’d do the talking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is this about Theta?” Ushas huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look,” she started. “We know that each other are struggling quite a lot right now. We’re all going through a lot, so I don’t blame you all for tensions running high. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘But I think everyone’s getting really sick of the screaming and yelling. Millennia’s upstairs, having to take an entire day on her own, because she’s so exhausted and drained by trying to be a peacekeeper.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We didn’t ask for a peacekeeper.” Ushas grumbled. Rallon frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we didn’t ask for you to spend the whole day screaming at Drax, but you still did.” Theta glanced at him in surprise. She wasn’t expecting that kind of tone from Rallon. Apparently, he was as protective of Millennia, as Theta was of Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly,” she continued. “We’re not saying you can’t have disagreement, but I think we’re all mature enough to do it without the yelling.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one really said anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We live in a house of nine other people, each of us, so..y’know..it’s important to be respectful and considerate.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a general grumbling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Got it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes mum.” Ushas rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. Sixty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia seemed back on form the next day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered how true that statement actually was. She watched her friend as she made herself some breakfast. She looked perfectly happy, like there wasn’t a hair out of place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought the bags under her eyes looked a little darker though. It was hard to tell. They all had them.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put a hand on her friends shoulder as Millennia moved to sit down, and she looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you doing?” She asked. Millennia smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m good. Feeling a lot better. Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She squeezed her shoulder. “You know I’ve always got your back, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” Millennia nodded. “And I have yours.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little, and smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She let her friend go on with her breakfast, and went upstairs for a shower. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned it up as hot as she could, as always. She still wasn’t entirely sure why she did that. Maybe it was because hot water had no chance of bringing her back to the panic of cold, bracing water. Or maybe it was because every time she got in the shower, she winced, and a little hiss escaped from between her teeth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Tilting her head back, she pushed her hair back from her face, and closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Somehow, Theta still felt like she had dust she couldn’t get out of her. In her ears, and under her nails. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if that was a mental thing. Maybe she never would be able to get rid of that feeling. Maybe that was just another side affect of war. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took her shower, and turned it off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just as she stepped out, Koschei yanked the door open, and bent over the sink. He turned on the cold tap, and splashed water over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her, for the sole purpose of not wanting to get water everywhere, before moving and putting a hand on Koschei’s back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He jumped at the touch, clearly not realising she’d been in there, and squeezed his eyes shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Kos’?” She asked. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dizzy. Loud.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should sit down.” Theta tried to gently pry him off the sink, but he shook his head, and pushed her off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned a little at his insistence, but tried to work with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her hand over Koschei’s, and tapped a beat of three onto it. With the other hand, she gently rubbed his back, and let him calm down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fo a second, it looked like he was going to push her away again, before allowing her to stay at the last second. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually, Koschei’s shoulders went lax, and he hung his head with a deep sigh. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok?” She asked softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish you’d stop helping me, Theta.” He muttered. Theta frowned a little, and took her hand off of his back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I need to do it on my own. You might not always be here.” Koschei pushed off of the sink and stomped his way into the bedroom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply in confusion and a little bit of hurt, before following him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes I will. Why wouldn’t I be?” She asked. Theta was vaguely aware that she was very cold in just a towel, but she figured this conversation was more important than that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Things happen, don’t they?” Koschei had taken up pacing on the opposite side of the bed. Theta swallowed. She didn’t like where this conversation was going. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” she said slowly. “The only way we’d be separated is if one of us decided that this wasn’t what we wanted anymore. And I’m never going to say that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know that.” He shook his head. Theta blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If anything I’ve ever done has given you the impression that one day, I’m just going to pack up and leave you, I’d like to know what it is.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You,” he gestured to her. “Just, you, the way you are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned in confusion, and upset. She didn’t even know what that meant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She asked quietly. Koschei glanced at her finally, clearly clocking her upset. He stopped his pacing, and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just- it’s a thing at the back of my head. That you’ll leave me. And I just- y’know- I need to be prepared to fend for myself if that happens.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it won’t.” Theta insisted. “Why would it? Why would I leave you? I told you I wanted to marry you yesterday Koschei I- where is this coming from?? What am I doing wrong??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Its just a fact.” He shrugged, and stepped over to her. Theta had to look up at him. “There is no way you love me as much as I love you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned defensively. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why would you say that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I love you so much.” Koschei put his hands on her cheeks, and Theta put hers over his. “I love you more than I could ever even put into words- and- and there’s no way that’s mutual. You can’t love me that much. I don’t deserve it. I’m not worthy of that much feeling.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes you are.” She whispered. “You are, Koschei. I can love you as much as you love me, and I do. I’m always going to be here- and- and just because you don’t want to believe it doesn’t mean that it’s not true. So there’s no point trying to hide things from me, because I’m always going to be here and I’m always going to figure them out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stared at her for a long moment. She couldn’t tell if he believed her or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When had Theta stopped being able to read him? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been getting dizzy.” He finally said, taking his hands from her face, and straightening. “It makes this ringing in my head, and it always turns into the drumming. It makes it louder.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” Theta felt a little betrayed, if she was honest. She told him everything. He knew everything, every secret, almost every thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The least he could’ve done, if he was planning on keeping things to himself, was tell her to do the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe then she wouldn’t feel like he was so in control, and she was grasping as straws. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because..” he shrugged. “Maybe I need to be able to deal with my issues on my own sometimes. That’s not a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, of course not.” She agreed. It wasn’t a bad thing. Just a new thing. A scary thing. “Just because you wanna deal with it on your own doesn’t mean it hurts to tell me though.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei nodded a little, and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess. You’ve just got a lot on your plate is all. I didn’t want to burden you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For some reason, Theta didn’t believe him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You could never burden me.” She reached out and took his hand, latching on tight enough that he’d have to really tug if he wanted to break free. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t really know why she was being like this. She was just scared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was acting so alien. Not telling her things, trying to get through things on his own. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but she worried about where it would go from here, and the reasoning behind this sudden switch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He nodded. He squeezed her hand. “You should get dressed, you look cold.” Koschei pried his hand from hers, and left her, standing alone in their bedroom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, by all accounts, felt entirely lost. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t even pretend she knew how Koschei worked anymore. He switched so fast, and so violently between someone who she was sure she knew, someone she felt safe with, and someone who she felt she didn’t know at all.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Every time he changed, it left Theta reeling. It was like he was tipping the scales, but knew exactly where to stand to stop himself falling. And Theta didn’t have a clue. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt like she was falling, and there was only a fifty fifty chance that Koschei would catch her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How had this happened? How did he have the cards? How did he know himself and her, better then Theta even knew one of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt completely lost, and utterly perplexed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What did she do? What could she say, to figure him out? And how did she figure out her way to work around both of these Koschei’s. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The questions on the playing field were large, and deep, so Theta decided to ignore them, at least for now, and do the next best thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Get absolutely shitfaced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The evening ended up with her, Mortimus, Koschei, Magnus and Ushas alone in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia and Rallon never stayed when they got drunk. Drax and Jelpax were off spending time together. Vansell never participated either. He was probably reading, or writing somewhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat opposite Koschei, and watched him confusedly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she wasn’t filled with gingerwine, she probably would’ve felt extremely hurt at his behaviour. Theta wasn’t sure she liked this colder version of Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She zoned back into the pointless conversation happening around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just think it sounds cool.” Mortimus shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That we put ‘the’ in front of everything.” He elaborated. Theta frowned, not entirely sure how they’d gotten to that point in the conversation. “Y’know, like ‘the Citadel’, and ‘the Academy’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I get it.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just sounds more professional.” He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe that’s what we need to do then, if we want to be taken seriously.” Ushas scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Put ‘the’ in front of our names?” Mortimus raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“‘The Ushas’ doesn’t sound like something that’ll get people to take you more seriously, I’ll be honest.” Magnus chipped in. Ushas waved a sloppy hand at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But what if we had titles? Like, ‘the something.’ Then I’d sound professional.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go on then, what would you be?” Mortimus challenged, sitting back. Ushas narrowed her eyes in thought, and hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would be..” she paused. “The...the...” she waved a hand. “The Rani.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not even a word.” Theta protested. She shrugged.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one said it had to be. And all words weren’t words once. I’m making it a word.” Ushas decided. Magnus scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one’ll take you seriously if your title is a word you made up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. What would yours be then?” She argued, throwing her feet up onto the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would be,” Magnus paused. “The War Chief.” The other four groaned, and Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course you would.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you just pull that out of your ass?” Mortimus sent Magnus a skeptical stare. “I don’t even know what I’d be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The book worm.” Ushas scoffed. Theta snorted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Intimidating.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We never said it had to be intimidating.” The other woman shrugged, before sitting back and putting a blunt between her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Inside?” Koschei shot her a look. Ushas lit it up, and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stay mad, man. We know you’re just upset because I’m sharing it with your girlfriend.” She leant across and passed it to Theta, who took it from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei just shrugged. Ushas caught the reaction, and raised an eyebrow at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her only reply was a long drag, and a flash of her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The...” Magnus hummed. “The..the...” He frowned. “Yeah I got nothing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll come to me.” Mortimus reassured. “Give me a couple weeks or so.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright man,” Magnus turned to frown at Koschei. “Kos’, you’d be..the Aggravator.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ha ha.” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no,” Ushas waved him off. “Koschei would be something else. Something more dramatic. Like uh...” Theta passed her back the blunt. “The Anarchist.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hardly a title. More a fact.” Theta pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got one.” Mortimus pointed at him. “The Master.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed, at the same time as Koschei grinned and pointed at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta laughed. “You can’t call yourself the Master!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Koschei smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cuz that’s bordering on weird.” Ushas scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bordering?” Theta repeated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s too vague too. The master of what?” Magnus considered. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of...the universe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You cannot call yourself the master of the universe.” Ushas snorted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I’m sure everyone else won’t think that’s crazy narcissistic.” Theta rolled her eyes fondly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well go on Thee’,” he challenged. “What would yours be?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know,” she shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Hero.” He suggested sarcastically. “Matches your complex.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ouch. Low blow.” Ushas scoffed. Theta pulled a face in his direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Peace keeper.” Mortimus suggested. Theta hummed in thought, before shaking her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Don’t like it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Healer.” Magnus put forward. Koschei took a swig of wine. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Doctor.” He said absently into the bottle. Theta looked at him, and leant forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you just say?” She asked. Koschei looked at her, and frowned in confusion at her reaction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Doctor?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah that’s good.” Ushas replied. “Just enough narcissism.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta barely heard her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was a coincidence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, maybe it was something far bigger than that. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. Sixty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think I should just give up?” Theta asked. Koschei glanced up from the maths he was doing. The two of them were the last to leave the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hadn’t been able to concentrate all day. The niggle at the back of her mind only grew, each time she looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give what up, love?” He asked. Theta wondered when he’d stopped calling her ‘his love.’ She wondered why it hurt so much, but also why it didn’t. She wondered if he’d noticed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Trying to understand you,” she explained. “The way your mind works- I can’t wrap my head around it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, do you need to know?” He asked absently, looking back down at the paper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It just seems a little unfair, I suppose.” Theta shrugged. “You know everything about me. Inside and out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s because you’re an open book, my dear.” He murmured, frowning at the numbers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t you care?” She asked weakly. Theta was completely perplexed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Care?” He looked up, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. Don’t you care that you know more about me than I know about you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your mind is something precious, Theta. No point frazzling it trying to figure me out. Not when it can do so much.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wouldn’t you frazzle your mind trying to work out your biggest mystery?” She asked. Koschei scoffed lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not you’re biggest mystery Theta.” He said fondly. Theta frowned all of a sudden, quite annoyed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t understand. She wanted him to react. She wanted him to feel indignant, or maybe even angry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the one hand, she knew that brought her down to his own, emotional level- somewhere Theta never wanted to be.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But, on the other, she was angry. She didn’t know why he was acting like he didn’t care. Maybe if he was emotional, she’d know he did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know when she’d gotten to the point, that she needed Koschei to be angry, to know how he was feeling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed deeply. It was a tired sigh. Theta was tired. Of this. Of him running rings around her. She just wanted to understand, for once, and it was exhausting trying to cobble together some sense of normality, when Koschei jumped ship every two minutes, and seemed perfectly stable whenever he did so. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong?” He asked. “You’re frowning.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just..I just feel like I don’t know you, like you know me. And I hate that. It’s not fair. It makes me upset.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei finally put down the bloody maths, and leant against the wall, staring her down for a moment. Theta hated it. She hated the way he looked at her. Like he pitied her, for not keeping up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, what do you want me to say, darling?” He sighed. “Sit you down and tell you my life story?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta huffed. Why wasn’t he taking this seriously? “I just want to know what you’re thinking. Why you won’t let me help you anymore. Why you’re convinced I’m going to leave you.” She stepped over to him. “Wether this whole time with me has been an act, and indifference is actually how you see the world.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stared at her for a moment, face blank. It only frustrated Theta more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I have answers to all of those.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then give me the answers to the ones you do.” She insisted, taking his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not indifferent. But you don’t like it when I tell you how I really feel. You get upset.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m upset now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well then I don’t know what to do right.” He explained, letting a little exasperation slip. It was the first crack he showed, and Theta latched onto it immediately. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I just want you to be honest with me.” She tried desperately. “I get upset because I feel I can be honest with you. I- I mean- if something I did, or said upset you, I’d want you to tell me, and cry about it if you wanted to. That’s the king of relationship I thought we had.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I want to avoid your upset, at all costs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t want you to hide things from me.” Theta tried exasperatedly. “People upset each other sometimes, and that’s ok. Surely it’s healthier to communicate openly, rather than trying to bottle it up to save each other’s feelings.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” Koschei admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed, and sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just..just explain to me, Kos’- what changed. Why do you feel like I can’t help you anymore? Have I done something wrong?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he sighed, obviously frustrated. “You haven’t done anything, Theta. I just wanted a little independence.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s a difference between independence and just not telling me anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I never said I was going about it the right way, I just said that was what I wanted.” Koschei explained. Theta dropped her head, and nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re right, sorry.” He squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, tell me the truth.” He asked. “You said we should be honest with each other, so explain it to me. Because you’re not telling me everything, I can tell.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It only made Theta more annoyed. How could he see it on her face, but she couldn’t see it when she dug deep into him? How was that fair? How had it happened? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” She decided. “The truth is, I feel like we’re not being equal. Like- like you know everything, like you’re in control. And I don’t know anything. I can hardly keep up with you when it comes to yourself, and when it comes to me, you’re always six steps ahead of me. It makes me confused and- and frustrated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Frustrated?” He repeated. She nodded. “It makes you angry?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him, and scoffed, in complete disbelief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you serious?” She asked. Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t ‘what’ me.” Theta groaned. How could she be so stupid? Of course this would happen. Of course it went back to this. “You are a liability!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, it’s not like that.” he tried, as Theta turned away from him to march out. He followed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re such a liar!” Theta stormed across the landing, Koschei not far behind. “You make up some bullshit just to test me!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not bullshit, Thee’. It’s the truth.” He argued. She blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not any better!” She began to stomp down the stairs, Koschei groaning and following her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well what do you want for me then? I don’t win either way.” He argued. Theta pushed her way into the common room, where Vansell and Ushas were sat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Peacekeeping’s going well.” She muttered, not looking up from her book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want you to at least give me fair warning before you decide you want me to be your psychology experiment randomly! Or do you just like doing it whenever you get bored?” She demanded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not my psychology experiment, Theta- jesus, you’re being so dramatic. I just like knowing the way you work.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have asked you, time and time again, to give up the attempts at making me angry.” Theta argued. “I’ve told you time and time again how much it upsets me and you keep fucking doing it!” He ran a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you give me nothing! All I want to know is that we’re equal- one in the same.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then tell me how!” Theta tried exasperatedly. “Explain it to me because I don’t understand. I mean god- Koschei, I feel like we’re not equal all the time, but I still don’t go out of my way to upset you! I hate it when you’re like this!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I hate doing this!” He decided. “Going round and round and never changing. It’s tiring.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We wouldn’t have to, if you’d stop treating me like an experiment!” Theta waved her hands around desperately. She couldn’t believe his audacity sometimes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Theta, we wouldn’t have to if you realised I’m not doing this to experiment on you, I’m doing this because I love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well if this is what your love is, then I don’t want it.” She scowled him down. That was a lie, and they both knew it. But it got the point across. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stepped back, and set his jaw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why can’t we just have normal, nice things? Conversations where we talk about getting married, and we lie in bed together and we don’t treat one another like we’re a puzzle.” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because that’s so perfect for you?” Koschei guessed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes! Is it not for you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” It hurt. Just a bit. “It’s not perfect because in the back of my mind there’s always the thought that you’ll just walk away from me, decide I’m not enough, and leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I won’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t know that!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then tell me how to fix it!” She tried. Koschei ran a hand over his face, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I knew how to fix it, I would’ve done it by now.” He frowned. “I’m not a complete villain in this situation. I’m in the dark as much as you are.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei walked out the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed deeply, and ran a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Trouble in paradise?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shut up Ushas.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. Sixty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was past tears. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, but it was the fact of the matter. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed, and twisted a wire into place. It was a lot easier to just work her way, physically and metaphorically, around the issue. Her multi-purpose tool was almost done, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put it down, just to give her trembling fingers a break, and looked at it. She picked up a screwdriver next to her, and absently twisted the point into the wood of her desk. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei would probably scold her for leaving a dent. But Theta didn’t care. She was angry at him. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered what she’d call this thing she’d made. Theta supposed, she couldn’t keep calling it her sonic-multipurpose-thing. It wasn’t catchy enough. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sonic-something. That had to be it, because it was sonic, that was the whole point. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sonic tool? No, that was too vague. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at it. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sonic...spanner. That sounded incredibly lame. And there wasn’t even a spanner function. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sonic wrench? Maybe? If she didn’t come up with anything better. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at her other hand. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Huh. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That could work. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sonic screwdriver. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed, it did actually have some kind of screwdriver function on it. It sounded quite cool. And she did love an alliteration. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sonic screwdriver it was then. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled at her new invention, and turned it over in her hands. She was very proud of it, actually. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had made something entirely helpful, entirely on her own. From scratch, with no help, but Drax’s inspiration. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure she’d ever made something helpful on her own before. Theta wasn’t even sure she’d ever made something. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She found, she quite liked the feeling of it. Independence. It made her feel like she knew things. Like she was intelligent, and capable. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She should do more things on her own, she thought. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided to take a break, on her own accord, because she was a capable young woman who decided when she was going to take her own breaks now, and went to venture for some food. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wandered downstairs and then downstairs again, before turning into the kitchen. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Blondie.” Ushas raised an eyebrow from the table. Theta looked at her. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your face looks suspiciously dry.” She commented. Theta shrugged it off and grabbed herself a snack. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, I guess. What’s the point crying over something the sixtieth time it’s happened?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, I thought that’s what I’d be asking you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’m glad I could save you the trouble, mate.” She commented absently. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Question.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If he infuriates you this much, why do you stay?” She asked. Theta sighed a little, and glanced at the wall opposite, considering it. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I love him. And because he’s great, apart from this.” She waved a general hand. “And..yknow..some of the ideologies.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do they bother you that much?” Ushas raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“His opinions on the world.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They don’t bother me,” Theta shrugged, and moved to sit on the table her friend was sat at. “I just think some of them are a little problematic. Like- y’know, he doesn’t have a problem with murder and stuff like that.” She sighed, and picked at the ends of her sleeves. “And he always talks about razing entire planets to the ground for me- like- like that’s something I’d ever want. Like the billions of lives lost would mean nothing to him.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but he obviously doesn’t mean it.” Ushas pointed out, skeptically. Theta glanced back to look her friend in the eye. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t he?” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas blinked. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know Theta, do you honestly think Koschei has it in him to destroy a planet?” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned back around, and thought about it. It scared her that she wasn’t sure. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. And I think that’s the point.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas didn’t really have anything to say to that. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How has that even happened though?” Her friend finally considered, after a long bout of silence. “He hangs around you his whole life and turns into that kind of person. It shouldn’t be possible.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe that’s why it happened. Maybe I pushed him away from being like me.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure, maybe.” Ushas shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well what do you think?” Theta turned to look at her friend. “Who’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, you’re both wrong.” She waved her off. Theta blinked at her. How could they both be wrong? Either it was right to be moral, or immoral, Theta didn’t see how someone could fall down the middle. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How?” Theta asked. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, you just are.” Ushas continued. “Much better to be amoral.” She considered. “Take each day as it comes, make your decisions, and not have to worry about wether those decisions can coexist with your ideologies? Sounds so much lessstressful.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..you can’t just be amoral.” Theta blinked. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- because- you must have opinions on things. Everyone does.” She frowned. Ushas nodded. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well yeah. I have opinions on things. But I don’t have to form an ideology around those. Why can’t I just recognise it as an opinion and move on?” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But-“ Theta turned to look at her friend properly. “It’s not like that. No one actively forms an ideology- it just..happens..and they end up being your set beliefs.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You actively form an ideology when you put labels on it. You say you’re a pacifist, you say Koschei’s an anarchist, and Magnus is a militarist. Why do we have to put labels on everything?” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- we don’t..but,” she shrugged a little. Theta was struggling to understand. “We just do. It’s what people do. We put labels on everything. And- and surely it doesn’t matter. Mortimus isn’t amoral, but he doesn’t put a label on it. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have morals.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it just means he doesn’t have an ideology.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But how can you live your life like that, Ushas?” She asked. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas smiled a little at her. It was fond. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because why should I? Why should I live for anyone else? I’m the only person that’s going to stick around from beginning to end. Surely I should live for myself then, and not get caught up in the doings of other people’s lives.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta narrowed her eyes in confusion at her friend, and frowned deeply. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think you avoid that as well as you think.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Because if you didn’t care that much, you wouldn’t have arguments, like the one with Drax. And you wouldn’t have asked me about Koschei when I walked in here.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just because I live for myself doesn’t mean I don’t get to have friends, Theta. And sometimes you just have to argue with Drax, he’s jarring.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned, and turned her attention to the back wall, slowly processing through what her friend had said. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She still didn’t really agree, so after a long moment, she looked back at Ushas. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you want to live your life without putting labels on what you believe, right?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But surely, claiming you’re amoral counts as a label.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas smiled at her, and shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, maybe it does. Or maybe it’s just easier so sum it up in a word, instead of saying things in an entirely roundabout way, just to prove a point.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would, if that was the point I was trying to prove.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I bet.” She scoffed. “Well Theta, maybe that makes you more right than me.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shrugged a little, and looked at her feet. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I like to think I’m right, most of the time. I feel like I’m right. But the more people I talk to, the more I think, maybe no ones right.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe not.” Ushas agreed. “Doesn’t matter, as long as you’re confident in your ideas.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she shrugged. “Doctors always know what they’re talking about.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt strangely certain of herself, as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She did know what she was talking about. And as long as she thought she was right, that was what mattered.</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whole day, Theta had spent feeling rather independent. It was a nice feeling. She liked it. It made her happy. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei lay down beside her, and stared at the ceiling too. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good day?” Theta asked. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” He considered. “You?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was good.” </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good.” He didn’t say anything else. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta moved her hand to her side, from her abdomen, and laced their fingers together. </span>
</p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was enough. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There won’t be a chapter tomorrow guys, I apologise. It’s my birthday!! 🥳🥳</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. Sixty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you ever considered wrestling?” Magnus randomly put out, over dinner. Theta raised an eyebrow, and looked up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, look,” he put his cutlery down, and sat back to gesture about with his hands. “Since the whole battle thing, things here have been a bit tense. Can we all agree?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...sure.” Ushas deadpanned. “Get to the point.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we’re all trained in some kind of combat, so, why not use it to get out some of that pent up anger?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The nine of them looked about at one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus,” Millennia said slowly. “Are you insinuating we..fight one another. Like, physically?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He nodded, apparently chuffed with his idea. “I mean- there’d be rules and all- I’m not suggesting a free for all. It could just help us let off some steam.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Theta frowned. Who knew what could happen? In a group who were notorious for ignoring rules, and one full of people who were very angry and upset at the world, it seemed like it would badly, more than it would go well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?” Koschei asked, beside her. “It’s regulated. We won’t hurt one another.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and no ones saying you have to, Theta.” Magnus added. She looked at Millennia and Jelpax for help. Theta figured they’d be on her side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both looked as concerned as her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What rules are we talking?” Mortimus asked, who seemed yet to be convinced. Magnus hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..keep it above the waist. No going for the face. Fight till one of them gives up. No drawing blood.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Blood??” Rallon repeated. “What are you supposing we use?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whatever you both want to I suppose,” he shrugged. “Fists. Combat knives.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Knives?” Theta demanded. “Magnus, do you hear yourself?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you know what you’re doing.” He insisted. “You’re not going to hit someone unless you want to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or unless they do something I wasn’t expecting. Which is a very likely thing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m with Theta,” Vansell shook his head in disappointment across the table. “This is one of your worse ideas Magnus.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine, forget I said knives then.” He huffed. “I’m just trying to think of ways to diffuse the tension, because I’m really fed up of,” he gestured around, “this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s appreciated, Magnus.” Millennia encouraged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll do it.” Koschei shrugged. “Good practice.” He elbowed Theta, and she looked at him. “It’s exercise. You were complaining that you don’t get as much now we live here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to get my exercise, beating my friends up.” She frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” He shrugged. “But I will.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m down.” Ushas sat back. Magnus looked about hopefully. “Drax, fight me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax,” Jelpax shot his boyfriend a look, and Drax hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I want to be bruised beyond belief tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just say you’re a pussy and move on.” She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas, that’s not fair.” Mortimus frowned. He hardly ever spoke against Ushas. It got Theta’s attention. “Fight all you want, but don’t pressure people into it. It’s a choice. People de-stress in different ways.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas just rolled her eyes and pulled a face, but didn’t say anything else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” Drax shrugged. “No face, no below the waist?” Magnus nodded. Jelpax put a hand on his arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tell me you’re not doing this to prove a point.” He said, disapprovingly. Drax put his hand over Jelpax’s. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’m doing it because I think it might work. And you were talking about how you didn’t like the tension.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That didn’t mean I wanted you to get into a physical fight with Ushas.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be fine,” Ushas waved him off from across the table. “I’ll play nice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta leant on the wall of the house, and crossed her arms over her chest. She couldn’t pretend she approved of this. But, at the same time, she could pretend it was the worst idea any of them had ever had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m embarrassed that this is what we’ve come to.” Vansell commented dryly, from where he was leaning in the doorframe of the front door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one’s looking.” Magnus pointed out. “Besides, if they didn’t want us to fight out are issues, maybe they shouldn’t have trained us on how to fight.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is how soldiers sort out disputes. Which we are not.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I sort of thought we were smart enough, and eloquent enough to sort out these disputes with words.” Jelpax commented. He clearly was not excited by the prospect of his boyfriend getting into a physical fight. Theta understood that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we’re not, apparently.” Magnus shrugged. “If you don’t like it, no one’s forcing you to watch.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I never said it wouldn’t be incredibly entertaining to possibly see Ushas on the ground.” Vansell smirked at her, and she flipped him off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. Fair fight, or we don’t do this again.” Magnus looked between the two. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure Ushas knows how to play fair.” Mortimus shot. She rolled her eyes, and dropped her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is no one on my side here?” She looked at Theta. “Blondie?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not on anyone’s side. This is stupid.” Theta insisted. Ushas scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get off the high horse, Thee’, you’re such a liar. We all know you’re on my side.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re an idiot.” She rolled her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” Magnus brought the attention back to the fight. “Are we ready?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s just go.” Drax pushed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Magnus stepped a fair way back. “Begin.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax immediately went on the defence, as Ushas brought her leg up to ram into his side. He narrowly missed it, and righted himself, before ducking to avoid a punch to the face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No face!” He huffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t aiming, I was getting you off guard. It counts.” Ushas argued. Drax looked at Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t count.” He decided. Ushas rolled her eyes, just missing it when Drax surged forward, aiming for her side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas dodged and brought her arm up, which Drax blocked with his own forearm. He grabbed her arm and yanked her off her balance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas stumbled and huffed, bringing her arm up for his stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax took the blow, and made a small noise of pain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax winced, and chewed on his nails. Theta didn’t see this ending well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax righted himself, and avoided another blow. He grabbed Ushas’ wrist, and twisted her arm painfully. She winced hard, and went for the jugular. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax let go of her wrist to stop her other hand, narrowly missing an attack on his windpipe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas pulled back, and her hands up to her face. Drax moved to hit her right side, and she reacted, before he ducked back and got her left. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas stumbled, and Drax stepped on her foot, sending her to the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them panted slightly out of sync for a moment, Drax wincing with every one at the pain in his stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas? You quitting?” Magnus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas seemed to consider it for a moment, before Drax held a hand out, and pulled her onto her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m done.” She decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” Drax agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was over quickly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See?” Magnus moved, and slapped them both on the back. They both winced. “Sorted.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta considered it. Sure, it wasn’t the most civilised way to work out feuds. But they both seemed content that it had been resolved. Admittedly, it was too early to say if this peace would uphold. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But if it did, and no one got seriously hurt, Theta didn’t think it was too bad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think it’ll have a negative affect on our relationship if we get into a physical fight?” Koschei asked, as they lay in bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned, and looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to fight me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I don’t know. Might help the tension.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if physical fighting is the best way to fix that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we’ve tried everything else.” Koschei pointed out. Theta sighed a little, and looked back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t really want to fight you, Kos’, I’m going to be honest.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cuz you think you’ll lose?” She knew it was a joke. But it wasn’t in very good taste. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, because I don’t want to hurt you. And I think we’re civilised enough to solve things without punching one another.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We got in fights when we were younger.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“With Torvic. Yeah, that really seemed to work out.” Theta rolled her eyes. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just saying. Have you heard a peep from Ushas and Drax?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It happened six hours ago.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And they were pretty much on a three hour cycle.” Koschei pressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat up, and turned to look at him. He stayed lying back, and looked down at her, without raising his head. He seemed very nonchalant, like they weren’t discussing punching each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, do you want to punch me in the face?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes.” He nodded. “But you want to punch me in the face sometimes too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we should actually go through with it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we won’t. No face, remember.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you want to punch me so badly?” She frowned. He sat up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t! This isn’t about the punching. This is about..the release of tension.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not fighting you.” Theta said. He sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thee-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” Theta lay back down, and rolled over, to keep her back to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She heard Koschei sigh after a long pause, and lie back down beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a soft kiss to the back of her neck, snd an arm around her waist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he didn’t say anything. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. Sixty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you feel better for it?” Theta asked, as Drax searched for a book. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For what?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fighting Ushas.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned back to the bookcase, and pursed his lips in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure. I think so. It was pretty satisfying to knock her over.” He scoffed lightly. Theta nodded a little. She could imagine. “But Jelpax wasn’t happy with me. And my stomachs still giving me grief so..pros and cons I guess.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But do you still feel like you need to argue with her?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh...no? I guess not. I’d kind of resigned myself to the fact that we weren’t going to see eye to eye with each other already, but there was still a tension there. I think the fighting helped that part.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He asked. Theta sighed, contemplating wether or not she should tell him or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just..Koschei was going on about maybe fighting me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” He looked at her in surprise. “I didn’t think things had gotten that bad-“ Drax checked himself. “Sorry, that sounded super insensitive.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. You just said what we were all thinking.” Theta scoffed dryly. “I didn’t think it had gotten that bad either, but apparently it has.” She looked down at her hands and picked at her nails. “Koschei said he only wanted to do it to help relieve tension- like- he doesn’t want to hurt me or anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess that’s..good?” Her friend guessed. Theta shrugged. She wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I wasn’t very open minded about it last night so..maybe I fucked up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe,” he agreed. “Do you not want to fight him?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course not. I don’t want to hurt him.” She sighed. Drax hummed and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, course not. But do you want some of the tension to go?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well yeah, but there’s no telling that this’ll help that. For all I know it might make it worse. Just because it worked for you, y’know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed. “I’m with you, I wouldn’t want to fight Jelpax.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But maybe I should at least talk to him about it. I felt like I kinda wasn’t fair on him last night.” She shrugged, moving to bite her nails. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Communication is the best policy.” He agreed. Theta scoffed lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not how that saying goes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’ve made a new saying then.” She laughed a little, and the two were quiet for a moment. The silence gave Drax the concentration he needed to find the book he was looking for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I finished my tool.” Theta suddenly remembered to tell him. Drax looked at her, and sat down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Does it work?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? It really does anything you want it to, just by you thinking about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...most things. Has a couple of flaws I’ll have to iron out when I get the time. It has a bit of a problem with wood, but apart from that, I’m pretty sure it does anything you want it to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thats revolutionary, Theta.” Drax seemed genuinely proud of her. “You could get that sold everywhere- you could be rich.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds incredibly boring. I don’t really want to be rich.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What will you do with it then?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, it’ll help me, when I leave Gallifrey. Get me into secret rooms and stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds incredibly dangerous and incredibly Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what did you call it in the end?” He asked, opening the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh- I called it, a ‘Sonic Screwdriver’.” Drax smiled amusedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it’s not a screwdriver.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It has a screwdriver function. And I couldn’t just</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Called it a ‘sonic multipurpose tool.’ I had to get more specific.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you went with screwdriver?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it sounded cooler than ‘sonic spanner’, or ‘sonic door opener.’ So yes, I went with screwdriver.” Drax put his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey man, I’m not judging. I love an alliteration.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right?” Theta grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found Koschei and Magnus in an intense card game at the kitchen table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want to intrude, but she also felt like it was important. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” She asked from the doorway. He either ignored her, or didn’t hear, and laughed at something Magnus said. “Kos’?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, hey Theta.” He looked back at the game, and groaned at a card Magnus put down. She made her way into the room, and stood at the head of the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you guys nearly done with this round?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Koschei didn’t look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was just wondering if I could talk to you real quick.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, sure.” Koschei waved her off. Theta blinked a little.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t usually do that. Maybe she deserved it. Maybe he was really upset with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled up a chair, and sat, watching the game. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither one of them acknowledged her presence, as they went back and forth, laughing and joking with each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It made Theta really feel like she was intruding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The round eventually finished, and Koschei began to deal for another one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she prompted. He looked at her, apparently surprised. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh- right. Forgot you were there.” He scoffed, and stood up. “I’ll be right back.” He told Magnus, before leaving the room, clearly expecting Theta to follow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked, but stood up and followed after him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whats up?” He asked, noncommittally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh-“ his attitude almost put Theta off, but she carried on anyway. “Well..I wanted to apologise for last night. I was kinda mean- and..y’know, I know you were just trying to put ideas out there, and I completely shut it down. Like..I should’ve been more open to suggestion.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” he shrugged, glancing impatiently at the kitchen door. Theta frowned deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” She asked. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep. I get where you were coming from.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh..” she blinked. “..ok.” Koschei looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that all you wanted to say?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I..” she stuttered. Why was he acting like this? Theta reached out and latched onto his hand, finally getting at least half of his attention. “I love you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He nodded. “Love you too.” He moved back towards the kitchen, but Theta didn’t let go, more out of surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why was he so eager to go and see Magnus? Why was he acting like he had no time for her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked back at their hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that everything you wanted to say, Theta?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- I-“ she blinked. Theta finally let go, and stepped back. “I mean- I guess it was.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cool,” he nodded. “See you at dinner then.” And Koschei shut the kitchen door behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood alone in the hallway for a minute, and heard laughter erupt from the next room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What the hell was that? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wouldn’t exactly call it a cold shoulder. Maybe acting like he didn’t care? Or was he even acting? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She turned and left the corridor, wandering about in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Surely this just led to the same goal. Whenever Koschei started acting weirdly, it was always to make her angry. That had to be it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had to be, that he was upset at the way she reacted last night, and was trying to get her back for it. It was the only logical explanation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wandered up the stairs, hoping to find solace in the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t understand. And she was so tired of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only person in there was Mortimus, who glanced up at her when she wandered in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Theta sighed weakly. Mortimus frowned, and closed his book, not even putting a finger in between the pages to save his space. It was a small act, but it meant a lot to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything ok?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t even know.” She sighed sadly, sitting down beside him. He frowned empathetically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to talk about it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t even know how I would.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, is there anything else I can do?” He asked. Theta glanced at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I have a hug?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course you can.” Mortimus wrapped one arm around her, and Theta shuffled into his side, putting her head against the crook of his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you reading?” She asked. He opened his book again, taking the time to find his page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m reading some fiction- for once.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it about?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s about a girl, who goes to school on Earth. I found it in the TARDIS, it’s pretty interesting. Helpful when you’re trying to learn about Earth culture. It’s a little tricky sometimes, when you don’t know what things are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s their school like?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..they don’t seem to have to stay- they get to go home every day. And they learn strange things.Like...different languages that different countries speak. Because apparently the whole planet doesn’t speak the same language.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s weird.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you keep reading. Don’t let me stop you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” He frowned. Theta nodded a little.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Unless you want me to leave you alone?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no. It’s ok. You can stay.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She nodded a little. “Thanks Mort’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re welcome Thee’.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. Sixty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hadn’t seen Koschei all day. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d come to bed an hour after she had dropped off to sleep, and he’d woken up and left an hour before she had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta saw him at breakfast, but he didn’t sit beside her like he usually did, and he didn’t acknowledge her, apart from a ‘morning.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want to say it was worse than the arguing, but it was. She hated it, and it made her feel quite lonely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Theta wasn’t even entirely sure why it had happened. Her only guess was that he was still upset about her cold reaction to his suggestion that night, but he’d said he didn’t mind. Theta didn’t know wether to believe that or not, but she wanted to. Then again, maybe it would make it easier if he’d said he wasn’t ok with it. Perhaps then everything would be less complicated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure what to do. She hung around Vansell and Mortimus in the library for the morning, not able to concentrate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What the hell was going on? Since when were Koschei and Magnus the best of friends? Why was Koschei acting this way? And how did she fix it? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">These were all questions she wanted to ask the two men she was with, but for some reason, she almost felt ashamed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt that it was quite embarrassing, for Koschei to be acting this way, and for everyone to have noticed it. Theta felt quite embarrassed that she didn’t know why this was happening, and she didn’t know how to stop it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, the conversation ended up happening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Thee’,” Vansell put forward. “What’s going on with Koschei?” Ever the bluntest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh...” she trailed off. “To be honest..I don’t know. Maybe he just decided we needed some time with other people.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He hasn’t talked to you about it?” He frowned. Theta sighed, and fiddled with the hair at the nape of her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..not exactly. He gets like this sometimes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t seem very fair on you.” Mortimus frowned lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No..it’s not really. But,” Theta shrugged. “Just the way he is I guess.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Her friend pressed. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I tried yesterday. He just brushed me off.” She sighed. “To be honest, I can’t really keep up with all of his weird mood swings. I just kind of let them happen and hope he swings back to normality at some point.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No way to live.” Vansell murmured absently. Theta sighed deeply, as Mortimus pulled a face at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it’s the way I’m living, Van’, so your critique isn’t really valued.” She didn’t mean to get snappy. She was just fed up with the situation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He has got a point, Thee’. I mean- maybe you should go down there and be straight with him. Ask him what the hell he’s thinking?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I try..but I never seem to get my points across right. We argue, and he seems to know exactly what he wants to say- I mean..he’s so eloquent. And I just fumble and cry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe you should write it down.” Vansell suggested, not looking up from his book. “S’what I do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When have you ever gotten into arguments with any of the others?” Theta shot him a skeptical look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t only speak to you guys.” He shrugged. That seemed to be news to both Mortimus, and Theta, but to be honest, she felt there were more pressing matters at hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe you just need someone to back you up.” Mortimus suggested. Theta frowned in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Be a bit awkward if one of you were just stood there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t have to be. Telepathy’s a thing.” Mortimus reminded her. Theta hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...maybe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t you think the two of you are moving a bit too fast?” Vansell looked up. They frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, how do you know the way he’s acting isn’t pure coincidence? He might’ve just happened to go to bed and get up before you. Maybe he got to the table, left a place next to him, and someone sat down in it before you got there. And maybe he thinks you’re busy doing Theta things, today. You should at least do a test to make sure it’s not a miscommunication.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta supposed, it wasn’t a terrible idea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..like what?” She asked. Vansell narrowed his eyes in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go ask him if he wants to take a walk with you this afternoon. You should be able to gauge his reaction from that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked to Mortimus, for approval of his plan. He shrugged, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds good to me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She got up, and started out of the library. Theta headed down the stairs, and checked the kitchen. They weren’t in there. Ushas was the only one in there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She crossed the hallway towards the door to the common room, and opened it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They jumped away from one another quick enough, but Theta still saw more than enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It felt like a stab to the gut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her grip on the doorknob tightened, and her eyes widened. She felt the blood rush to her face and her neck prickling uncomfortably. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt glued to the spot. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta-“ Koschei’s voice brought her some kind of emotion, and the only way she could describe it, was heartbreak. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck?” She whispered, meeting his eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck Koschei?” Theta’s voice raised enough, and apparently sounded gut wrenching enough, for Ushas to poke her head around the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, let me explain.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Explain what??” She demanded loudly. Theta was pretty sure she was shaking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t-“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh I fucking bet it wasn’t.” Theta finally managed to uproot herself, and turned towards the stairs. Koschei followed, Magnus at least having the decency to stay where he was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.” Koschei tried again, as Theta began to run up the stairs. He followed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t fucking speak to me, Koschei!” Theta wanted to cry. She wanted the ground to swallow her up. She wanted to die. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei grabbed her wrist, and Theta turned to stare at it. She didn’t dare look him in the eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let go of me Koschei.” Her voice wobbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, don’t run away from this. Let’s talk.” She looked at him, in shock, and fury and anguish. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the hell is there to talk about??” She said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re being dramatic-“ Theta slammed him against a wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck is wrong with you???” Suddenly Mortimus, Vansell and Ushas were there. Mortimus grabbed one of her arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, let him go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a scumbag, Koschei!” She insisted. The others, who were in there bedrooms, either moved to watch what was going on from the landing of the third floor, or began to thunder down the stairs to pull her off of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked at her, with such unreadable eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta! Come on!” Ushas pushed her backwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine!” Theta stepped away from him, fists clenched, and breath ragged. “You want to fight? Let’s fucking fight.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei searched her face for a long moment, before seemingly resigning himself to the fact that he wasn’t going to be able to change her mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys, I really don’t think you should be doing this.” Magnus tried. Theta scowled at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shut up Magnus.” She spat. He swallowed, and nodded, stepping back. Theta turned back to Koschei, and swallowed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta...” he tried quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You wanted this.” She pointed out. Koschei sighed, and nodded a bit, raising his hands. Theta did the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go.” Ushas said. No one stood around seemed to approve of this, but Theta was not about to back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She immediately went for the face. Theta knew it was against the rules, but she also knew Koschei was faster than that. He ducked under it, and Theta brought her leg up to his side to knock him off balance.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It worked, and he stumbled, righting himself just in time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei brought an arm towards her, and Theta easily avoided it. Apparently he was too preoccupied to pay full attention to the fight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was fine. Worked in her favour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei swung an arm towards her stomach, and Theta hardly avoided it. He used her stumble to step on her foot, rooting her to the spot, and using his other leg to swing at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta ducked under it, and righted herself as he was still bringing his leg back to the ground. She brought her own leg in, and then out, hitting him square in the stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei winced hard and stumbled backwards, just managed to stay on his feet.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them panted hard for a long moment, Theta scowling at him with nothing short of detest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed deeply in what seemed like regret, and raised his arms up again. Theta stepped forward again, throwing a punch at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He brought his forearms up to block her, and then managed to duck under the next swing. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Koschei, whilst he was down, moved to bring a leg to her ankles. Theta jumped over it, and swung an </span>uppercut as Koschei straightened. It clipped his jaw, but didn’t disorientate him enough.</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He grabbed her arm, and twisted her around, pressing her down with his other hand on her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give it up Theta.” He muttered privately behind her. “Do you wanna talk about this? Or keep up a blind rage?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His reasoning only pissed Theta off more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta grabbed the hand on her neck with her spare one, and yanked him forward. Koschei’s grip on her arm loosened enough for her to yank it from his hold entirely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With her now free hand, she grabbed the arm holding her neck, and ducked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Let her upper body strength not fail her now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hoisted Koschei clean off of his feet, and over her shoulder, sending him crashing to the ground in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched, panting, as Koschei groaned, clearly winded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one said anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He rolled over onto his back, and stared at her. For a moment, it looked close to admiration. It made Theta feel sick to her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head at him, in regret, and upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hate you.” Theta whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she walked away. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. Sixty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shot up, and barrelled out of bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Stumbling her way to the bathroom, Theta swayed off and on her balance. She felt so dizzy. She felt like she might pass out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta practically fell to the ground, lurching over the toilet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She retched, and threw up, stomach clenching painfully. Theta pressed her clammy forehead to the seat, and closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She let out a small sob, at the pain in her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a hand on her back, and then another one, bringing her hair back into a small bunch at the base of her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t have the energy to push him away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re alright.” Koschei said gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel dizzy.” She whispered. He hummed, and sat beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Keep your head down, my love. Let the blood get back up to it.” Theta’s limbs felt heavy, like she couldn’t lift them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her head felt like it was full of static. She knew she should be panicking, but her head was too heavy to try. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei stood up beside her, and came back a moment later with a glass. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, sit up slowly,” Theta dragged her head upward, and took the glass from him. “Take it easy. Don’t drink too quickly.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta brought the glass to her lips, and slowly took gulps of the water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This wasn’t fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This so was not fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t get to do what he’d done that day, and then be there for her in the middle of the night. It made everything so much harder. It made Theta feel guiltier, and it made her feel more and more like she needed him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shouldn’t have been here. He didn’t have the right. He’d broken her heart and it wasn’t fair that she needed someone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There you go,” Koschei took the glass back when Theta had finished it, and put it on the edge of the sink. “Less dizzy?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought, yes, she was less dizzy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not being fair.” She said, throat dry. Koschei sighed a little, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But Theta, you have to know- I didn’t do itfor any other reason, than the one I do everything around.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you trying to tell me you snogged Magnus to get my attention?” She said, voice wobbling. Koschei shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I’d phrase it like that..but..” he glanced away. Theta stumbled upright, and Koschei blinked, following, clearly for fear that she was going to fall over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That doesn’t make it better.” She hissed. He sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know- but- Thee’, it wasn’t because I don’t love you-“ Theta punched him in the chest, and then again. And again and again. She felt the tears began to fall as she pushed and slapped at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei just took it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am so fed up of this!” She cried. “Koschei- I- I’m tired of you turning my entire world upside down when you want me to look in your direction! I’m tired of being a pastime you can just slip in and out with whenever you feel like it.” She jabbed a finger to his chest. “I know you want to make me angry, but it’s not working!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stepped back, and wiped her nose on her sleeve. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re just breaking my heart.” She wobbled. Koschei’s mask slipped, and for a moment Theta saw pure regret, and fear, and pain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hated looking at it. She didn’t want to forgive him. She didn’t want to have to need him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she turned her back on him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta got up before everyone else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t really want to see anyone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sitting in her own, in the cold kitchen, watching the second sun rise from the window, Theta poked at her food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was so tired of feeling like complete shit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if it was better, or worse that Koschei only did it for attention. She thought, maybe she was just grateful he wasn’t going to leave her for Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe it would’ve just been easier for him to do that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” Theta looked up, bags under her eyes dark, and eyebrows twitching into a tired scowl at Magnus.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She said weakly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we talk?” Magnus took it as a self-invitation, and pulled up a chair opposite Theta. However, she had decided, she was fed up of people taking advantage of her better nature. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She looked back down at her food, not missing the surprise on his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh...” he seemed to hover awkwardly. “..please?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus nodded a little bit, and stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..then..can you listen?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t reply. He cleared his throat, and continued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, I’m really sorry about what happened. It wasn’t- Koschei and I never did it because we actually like each other. Y’know- I know he really loves you. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘We only did it because...oh, I don’t even know. It was stupid. He came to me talking about..he was upset cuz he felt he couldn’t get your attention away from whatever you’ve been working on. And- I dunno- this whole war thing has got me really irritable. I was annoyed at you- and- and you hadn’t even done anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘He wanted to make you angry, I just wanted to stir things up a bit. But- it was so fucking wrong of me- I- I don’t even know what I was thinking. To come in between a relationship that you’ve had since you were thirty- it was so fucking wrong of me. And I never meant to upset you- Koschei was certain you’d just be angry. It was just..spur of the moment- and- I- I really am angry at myself for it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up at him, and picked up more of her food on her spoon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what? You expect me to forgive you because you realised kissing someone else’s boyfriend isn’t a really funny thing to do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- I don’t really want forgiveness. I just..wanted to explain myself.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you do want forgiveness, don’t you?” He shrugged sheepishly. “Because my kindness is unrelenting.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...look..Theta, I just want you to forgive Koschei. It was just a stupid idea- I don’t think it should ruin your relationship, I mean-“ Theta flicked her food at him, a large lump landing on his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus blinked down at it, and then back at her, clearly surprised. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave me alone, Magnus.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta..” she leant forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get out, of my face.” Theta hissed. He swallowed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Somehow, Theta had managed to avoid everyone all day. She’d stayed in her room, and no one had bothered her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know where Koschei was. Maybe he was acting like nothing had happened. Maybe he was snogging Magnus. Maybe he was hiding his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought he’d probably be coming up to bed soon, so she climbed her way onto the roof, and watched the stars. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her chin on her knees, and closed her eyes for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know what to do. Theta wasn’t sure she could forgive either of them- wasn’t sure she wanted to. But at the same time, the urge to keep Koschei close, wether for the sake of them, or for the sake of stopping change, she supposed it didn’t matter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wrapped her arms around her knees, and buried her face into it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This fucking sucked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt completely heartbroken, and at the same time, completely bitter. Knowing Koschei’s intentions hadn’t done all that much to make her feel better about the situation. She supposed it probably would’ve hurt a bit more if Koschei had really meant it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it didn’t matter. He’d set out with the intention to hurt her, as usual, and Theta was done putting up with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, he did seem genuinely remorseful. Maybe he wouldn’t do it again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That seemed stupid to believe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” She looked up a little, noticing Mortimus to her left, half way out of his bedroom window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...hi?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want some company? Or- I can leave you alone?” He asked. Theta considered it for a long moment, before shrugging. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can come up.” She watched carefully as Mortimus delicately pulled himself up. He wandered across the roof, and sat beside her, holding up a lit blunt. “What is this?” Theta scoffed in disbelief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A present. From Ushas.” Theta took it from him. “She thought out of the two of us, she might not be the kind voice you need right now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nice of her.” Theta look a long drag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She said ‘don’t think it’s going to be happening again’.” Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course not.” The two of them sat in silence for a long moment, whilst Theta smoked. They watched the wisps of smoke float up and disappear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, Theta sighed, and looked at the blunt between her fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I should give this up.” She commented absently. “Doesn’t do me any good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Mortimus agreed. “It is pretty bad for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I could stop.” She took another drag. “If I wanted to.” He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” She nodded. “I’m not addicted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, course not.” He looked back at the sky. Theta swallowed, and rubbed at her forehead with the heel of her hand. “So, do you want to talk about it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is there to say?” She asked. “It happened. He did it to upset me. And I didn’t react in the way he wanted, so now he wants to be forgiven.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t live like that, Theta. It’s awful.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She murmured, taking a long drag. “But I love him. And I know...deep down, his intentions aren’t as awful as they seem. He just wants to know he’s loved- and- and apparently I don’t show him that well enough.” She ran a hand over her face. “Maybe it’s my fault.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus grabbed her hand, and Theta blinked at him in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, don’t say that. It’s not your fault. You have done nothing to deserve the treatment he’s given you- I mean- it’s awful. And to be honest, I hate that you give him so many chances.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t understand,” Theta sighed, turning away as he let go. “It’s not as simple as other relationships are. He- he needs me, and I need him. We know things about each other no one else can ever go. He saved my life when we were kids- more time than I can count.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But Theta, you need to realise that he’s not the same man you got with when you were kids.” Theta looked at him, and searched his face. “He takes you for granted, he plays with your heart- Theta, he’s cruel to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I know he probably thinks the same about me.” She explained. “He’s not- I know what he’s trying to do. I understand it- he- he just went wrong down the line somewhere. He’s just lost himself, and I know I can bring him back to the kind person he is inside.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But why is that your job?” Mortimus seemed frustrated. “Why is he your responsibility, Theta? Why do you give so much of yourself up trying to fix other people?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because no one else believes that he has the capacity for change, and for compassion.” She matched his tone, before taking a deep breath and a long drag. “And I’m really not sure it’s not my fault he is the way he is.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Even if it is, you don’t have to put up with cruelty for the sake of righting a wrong. Especially when you’re trying so hard.” Theta looked at Mortimus, and frowned a little. He seemed so desperate. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you so frustrated about this?” She asked. He seemed to check himself, sigh, and run a hand through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I care, Thee’. Because I hate to see you in this kind of situation. When- when I’m watching you in a relationship that hurts you so much. Watching your eyes get so sad when he ignores you- or- or says something you hate. I can’t bear it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He cared so much. Theta wondered if her other friends did too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re so kind, Mort’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s the thing, I’m not. It’s the bare minimum to not want your friends to be hurting. But you wouldn’t know that.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed a little, and looked down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, you’re probably right.” She frowned sadly. “I mean, how sad is that?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus took her hand, and Theta glanced back up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t have to be like that.” He said gently. Theta blinked at him. She wasn’t sure what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus searched her face for a long moment, eyes flitting up and down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then he pressed his lips to hers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, and froze up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d never kissed anyone but Koschei before. It was similar, but it was also different. She didn’t mind it, she supposed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it just didn’t feel right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t smell the same. Didn’t feel the same, with his hand in hers. He wasn’t the right height. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus pulled away, and blinked at her slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta could’ve kissed him again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wouldn’t have meant anything. It would’ve just been a kiss. It would’ve just been something to take her mind off of everything else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But no. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe, if things were different. Maybe if they were in a different life, and she was a better person and deserved Mortimus, maybe then, it would’ve been different. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But things weren’t that way. So she pulled away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus immediately pulled away, and looked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- of course. God, I’m so sorry. I have no idea what that was about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” Theta huddled in a little more, and focused on putting out the blunt. “Sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You shouldn’t be.” He ran a hand over his face. “I’m sorry Theta. That was wrong of me. Especially when you’re so..upset.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” she reached out and squeezed his hand. “It was nice.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at her. Mortimus searched her face for a long moment, before smiling the smallest bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Only what you deserve.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure what she deserved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sure this made her as bad as Koschei, though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe they deserved each other. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all! <br/>Sorry about the lack of chapters this weekend. Now that I’m 17, I had my first driving lesson yesterday 😎. Also being 17, I’ve started my A levels, and I am exhausted. However, after this week, there’s a half term (a week off) where I’m hoping to write a lot more! Also, if the government decides what’s going on, the week off might be extended to stop the spread of miss rona, meaning I’ll probably have even more time to write. <br/>In short, I’m taking this last week of school off of writing, because I’m super tired, but the week after should have a lot more chapters than usual coming out.<br/>Thank you! Love you all ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. Sixty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta decided that logically, she couldn’t hide forever. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At the same time, she wasn’t sure she could face seeing everyone at once. So, she decided to get breakfast a little earlier, when not as many people would be around, but there was still a chance she would run into one or two. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Blessedly, the two she ran into were Rallon and Millennia, who she knew would be kind to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If either of them noticed her disheveled appearance, they didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good morning, Theta!” Millennia smiled. “Up bright and early.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she nodded, hating how croaky her voice sounded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s good. Healthy for you.” She said. “Do you want any breakfast?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um..I’ll probably just make myself something small.” Theta shuffled her way further into the kitchen, and began faffing about with food and plates. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” her friend nodded. “Rallon and I were just talking about taking a trip into the citadel.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How come?” Theta asked. She was eternally grateful for the way they avoided the topic so gracefully, as if nothing had happened in the first place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Rallon spoke, “we thought maybe we could get some different foods- I don’t know about you but I’m getting kind of bored of the same things,” Theta nodded a little. “And some of the others were complaining that they didn’t have what we need for some experiments in the lab.” He explained. “We thought we could all go, split up, get whatever it is we feel like we need, and regroup at the end of the day.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we have enough money for that?” Theta asked, buttering her toast. Rallon nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should do, if my maths is right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” she nodded, finally moving to sit down at the table opposite him. “Sounds good.” She started to eat slowly. “When do you think we should do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, whenever really.” Millennia sat beside Theta. “Nothing is necessary, so we can just go whenever everyone feels up to it.” Theta knew that was code for ‘when you feel up to it’. She nodded a little, and smiled tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok. Well..I’m good whenever. So just pick a date and I’ll be there.” They exchanged a small look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure, Thee’?” Millennia asked softly. “If you’re not feeling up to it, that’s ok. You shouldn’t rush things.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no I’m fine.” She shook them off. “It’ll be good for me to get out of the house.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Millennia smiled a little. It was clear she wasn’t convinced. Theta just ignored it and stared down at her food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, she had the overwhelming urge to cry. She wasn’t sure why, and she didn’t want to, but Theta felt her eyes start to water. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She clenched her jaw tightly, but it didn’t stop her lip from wobbling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hated feeling like this. She hated feeling like she was helpless, and vulnerable. She hated that everyone was skirting around her. She hated knowing that Koschei had done this to her, and that she could do nothing to change it. She hated it and she hated him for what he’d done. She hated the fact that she wanted to forgive him, and she hated the fact that she still loved him, so, so much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew she should give him up. That it wasn’t right for her to feel like this. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was worth it. For him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Millennia put a hand on her back, and she sniffled. “Oh, Thee’, come here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shifted her way into her friends arms, and began to sob. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I- I’m- sor- sorry-“ she hiccuped, very much aware that she’d done this before. Millennia didn’t deserve to bare the weight of her problems. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t be silly,” She said softly. “Don’t you take this lightly, Theta. You’re heart broken. It’s as bad as if you’d broken a bone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That only made Theta cry more. She felt understood, and valid. But she didn’t want to be heartbroken. She was tired of this. She was tired of feeling like she would never feel happy again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t do this anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She kicked her shoes off, and swung her legs over the edge of the window sill. The breeze on her skin was just a little bit calming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her head hurt. She felt like she needed a shower, but nothing could motivate her to have one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Quite honestly, Theta just wanted to curl up and die. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She put her head against the left side of the window sill, and closed her eyes. Theta wondered if a fall from this height would trigger a regeneration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if heartbreak was something that healed during regeneration. There was probably an experiment on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, probably not. Time Lords weren’t supposed to experience heartbreak. They weren’t supposed to fall in love in the first place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t think it would be fixed anyway. Her brain wouldn’t change, and that was where the problem was. When she broke it down, it was all just chemicals. It didn’t really matter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So why did she feel like she’d been broken in two?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her eyes, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, please.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” his voice came from behind her. “You can’t avoid me forever- please. I just want to talk.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m tired.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He sounded genuinely upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I don’t have anything to say. You’ve made your explanation. I don’t see what else there is to talk about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everything.” He said gravely. “Everything we’ve ever thought about each other that has been left unsaid. If we’re falling apart we might as well get it out into the open.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked down, already feeling her throat close up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should we? Or should we try and scramble for even a little bit of self-preservation.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t think you wanted to preserve it. I thought you were done with me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta finally turned around. Koschei looked pretty dishevelled too. She imagined he wasn’t getting much sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, I could never be done with you. And trust me- I hate that about myself. But I’m not sure you could ever do anything they could make me fall out of love with you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He searched her face for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you hate me?” He asked. “You said you did- but did you mean it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced away, and shook her head. She wasn’t sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. I don’t think so.” She admitted. “I think I hate the fact that I can’t let you go. Even thought I know that- I’d probably be better off without you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei nodded a little bit, and glanced down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you hate me?” Theta asked. He shrugged, and looked back at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sometimes. I hate everything you stand for. I hate who you turned me into. I hate everything I did to hurt you- and- and I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could be different- I wish my brain didn’t work the way it did. I wish I felt like we were equals and I wish I didn’t feel like I had to be destructive to get you to notice me. I wish I’d done things differently and- I- I guess I wish I wasn’t me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I wish you wouldn’t.” She reached across, and took his hand. “Maybe we could’ve been better. But this isn’t our fault. We are the right people for each other. Right people, wrong place, wrong time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really believe that?” Koschei asked. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. If things were different. If we weren’t on this planet. If we had people to parent us. If you didn’t have that noise in your head- if- if I hadn’t killed Torvic.” She looked away, and felt tears filling her eyes. “Koschei, I think we were doomed from the start.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you don’t think we can help ourselves now?” He asked. She looked back at him, and saw the same tears in his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think..” she said slowly. “No matter what we do, we’ll fall back to this. Me- me not saying the right things to you, and you hurting me to get what you want.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I fucking hate it.” He sniffled. The noise made Theta’s eyes only get more watery. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hate what?” She wobbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The fact that loving each other isn’t enough. The fact that we love each other so much and we still don’t work. How is that fair?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed her eyes, and felt tears begin to drop down her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She admitted quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since we were born, the universe has been cruel to us.” Koschei began to cry. “All we’ve ever done is try, and it hasn’t been enough. I- I thought maybe- maybe it had given me mercy, giving me you. But really, it was just setting me up to be more crushed.” He looked up at her, and she opened her eyes, tears trickling down her face. “It gave me you- a taste of a perfect life with someone I love more than anything- and told me I wasn’t good enough for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you are,” she cried, moving to take both of his cheeks in her hands. “You are enough. And- and maybe some day, somewhere we can make this work. We can be happy- maybe not forever- but for a little bit. And maybe that’ll make everything worth it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei took one of her hands, and kissed it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hate that you’re like this.” He shook his head. “I hate that you are still optimistic. I- I mean I just want to shake you, and tell you that nothing is ever going to be ok, because we’re not ok. And- and at the same time, I hate myself for not doing the same. It’s not fair that you have to be the optimist for the two of us. It’s not fair that-“ he began to cry harder. “It’s not fair that I’m not like you, Theta. It’s not fair that I’m selfish- and cruel- and- and crazy. It’s not fair that I want to do awful things to you- for you. It’s not- it’s not right.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hung her head, and began to cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, if you were like me, I wouldn’t be able to love you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He leant down and pressed a kiss to her lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was sad, and salty and desperate, but final. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had to be like this. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If I have a banging headache from crying so hard when I was writing this, no I don’t ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. Sixty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta showered. She ate, and brushed her hair and slept, holding Koschei tighter than she ever had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Whatever limbo they were in now, it hurt less than being distant. Theta was still upset, but in a way, she’d made peace with the fact that this was just something she would never forgive him for, and that she didn’t have to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Their relationship, or lack there of, was almost shattered in two. But it was still easier to hold one another, and latch hands together and kiss, so that was what they did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt a little better. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, for the first time in a long time, felt like she wasn’t being lied to. Like Koschei had been completely and absolutely honest, and that she had done the same. It was refreshing and raw. She didn’t feel like he was putting on a mask with her anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others thought she’d forgiven him. If Theta could be bothered, and had the little energy she’d just gotten back, she would explain that that wasn’t the case. But most of the time, she just shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta still skirted around Magnus. She knew it was hypocritical of her, to let Koschei back in and still be angry at Magnus, but she couldn’t help it. Theta understood Koschei’s motives, and how he’d come to that decision, through his twisted methods. She didn’t have the same understanding of Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure how he worked, and so, she struggled to fathom why he wanted to do it too. The only reason was, where Koschei had wanted to anger her, Magnus had wanted to upset her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That difference was important to Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, she remained civil, and spoke to him when was necessary. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A week later, she was scribbling down things she wanted to get in the Citadel. It was a little bit of a long list, but that was because Theta didn’t have much to begin with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a knock at her door, and she glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come in.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell poked his head around the door, and Theta smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey. What’s up?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I..talk to you about something?” He asked, hovering in the door way. “If you feel up to it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course.” Theta nodded, patting the spot on the bed beside her. Vansell shuffled across the room, and perched awkwardly beside her. “What’s up?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stared down at his hands for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think...” he swallowed. “Ok,” he said slowly. “Do you think- that..” he seemed to be picking his words very carefully. “Do you think that if you..do something bad when you’re a child...and..and it still affects you now..do you think that makes you a bad person?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta considered it, before quickly coming to the conclusion that no, it didn’t, unless it was herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she shook her head. “Everyone makes mistakes as a child.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah- but what if it’s a really big mistake?” He glanced at her. “Like- like you agreed to something, because you were a kid and you didn’t know what you were getting into- and- and now you have to go through with it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at him for a long moment. What the hell was he talking about? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...is there no way you can get out of this thing?” She asked, playing into his ‘hypothetical’ scenario. Vansell shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. You have to go through with it or bad things will happen.” Theta frowned deeply, and put her hand over his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Van’ whats going on?” She asked concernedly. “Are you ok? Are you being pressured into something?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He just shook his head and ran a stressed hand through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I...” he put his head in his hands. “I agreed to something when I was younger- I- I didn’t realise what I was being told wasn’t..wasn’t true and- and now-“ he began to shudder with what looked like cries. Theta put a hand on his back, and looked on in concern. Vansell was acting so strange. He was never like this. “Now I think I’m going to- to- hurt someone who..who doesn’t deserve it.” He sniffled. “They’re kind and- and have gone through so much..it’s..it’s not fair.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Van’, tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.” Theta said soflty. He just cried and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t. I said I wouldn’t tell anyone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What will happen if you do?” She asked. He shook his head again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t tell you that either.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell seemed to have gotten himself involved with something really serious. It worried Theta to no end. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theres got to be something you can do.” She said softly. Vansell looked up at her, and latched onto the hand that wasn’t on his back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just want to be a good person.” He wobbled. Theta squeezed his hand tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are, Van’. You’re a wonderful person. And- and if this person is as kind as you say they are, I’m sure they’ll understand. I’m sure they’ll get that it was something you don’t want to do- something you were forced into.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t want them to have to go through it at all.” He shook his head. “I- I mean it’s- it’s changed everything.” She frowned in confusion, so he expanded. “It- it made me feel like I couldn’t trust the people I was supposed to. Yknow- like- like the government.” The government was pressuring him into this? What the hell was this? “They- they lied to me- and- and then I met this person who was supposed to be- be- dangerous and had to be- y’know- controlled. But it wasn’t true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I mean- I lie in bed at night Thee’, wondering if they knew or not. Wether they really think they’re a dangerous person- or- or wether they just spun it that way to get me to agree. I mean-“ he seemed to be getting worked up. “If- if they knew- does that make the government corrupt? I- I mean what if the people leading us are- aren’t good people?” Theta didn’t want to say she was pretty sure that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..that’s up to public opinion.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t know.” He put his head back in his head. “I feel like I don’t know anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell,” she said slowly. “Who’s going to know, if you tell me the truth? I’m not going to tell anyone- I can help.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stared at the floor for a long moment, and his foot began tapping. She waited as his eyes darted around the carpet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally, he took a deep breath, and sat up, looking her dead in the eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He agreed softly. “Theta..” she nodded encouragingly, and Vansell searched her face for a long moment. Her expression seemed to crush him, and his eyes welled up again. Theta’s face turned to a frown of concern, which only seemed to make things worse. “Theta, you’re..” he wobbled. “You’re-“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A loud crash from downstairs made the two of them jump, and her hand clamped around his wrist. None of them were good with loud noises. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was that?” Vansell asked. Theta shushed him absently, and the two were silent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was yelling coming from downstairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fucking hell,” Vansell stood up, and the two began quickly down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta noticed, absently, that Vansell swore now. She hated the change. In a way, it seemed that his innocence had been ruined. It upset her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They hurried down the stairs, and into the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas was yelling at Magnus and Koschei, who it looked like had just been broken up. Drax and Rallon were holding onto Magnus, whilst Jelpax had a hand on Koschei’s chest, putting himself in between the two of them. Mortimus was beside Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s going on?” Vansell asked. Ushas glanced at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“These two idiots decided this was a great time for a scrap.” Ushas scowled at the two of them. She seemed especially fed up with all of the fighting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you fighting?” Theta crossed the room, and stood beside Jelpax, glancing at Koschei, who was still glaring at his opponent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fed up of his fucking bullshit!” Magnus spat across the room. They looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you talking about?” Jelpax asked, sharing a glance of exasperation with Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Him!” Magnus pointed at Koschei. “It was his fucking idea to piss Theta off- and yet he still gets fucking forgiven. I was an accomplice, but I’m the one who gets the bad looks and the bad atmosphere, and cast out. How is that fair? It wasn’t my fault!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus, what are you talking about?” Theta asked. “I haven’t forgiven Koschei.” He scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really? Sure as hell kiss him like you have!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought this was incredibly petty, so she turned to face Magnus completely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine, ok Magnus. I’ll say it outright- I forgive you. Can we put this to rest now?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He scowled at her. “The damage has already been done, everyone acts like I’m the scum of the Earth. And it wasn’t even my fucking idea.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well now that you’ve drawn it to our attention, I’m sure it’ll be something we all work on.” Theta tried calmly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scoffed again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it fucking won’t. Because you haven’t forgiven me, Theta, and this whole fucking place revolves around you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Magnus,” Vansell tried. “That’s not true and you know it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes it is, and everyone is too pussy to bring it up. But I’m fucking fed up of it.” He scowled at Theta. “I’m fed up of tiptoeing around your feelings Theta, because you’re not a saint, and you’re not a good person.” It hurt, just a little bit. “You’re as evil as the next poor soul who gets thrown into this system, and I’m fed up of having to teeter around you, for fear of tipping you off your fucking pedestal. I’m fed up of everyone telling me it’s not worth talking to you about why you’re wrong, because you’re fragile, and you’ll get upset and no one can stand the sight of your sweet little face crying.” He leered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, Koschei had had more than enough, because he surged forward and swung at Magnus past Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus dodged it, and punched back. Koschei skidded out of the way, but Theta was not so lucky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His fist collided with her cheek, and Theta stumbled, bringing a hand to her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The room practically exploded. Ushas started outright screaming at Magnus, Mortimus shoving him away from her. Drax and Jelpax dragged Koschei away from Magnus, who quickly gave up trying to swing at him and just began to struggle his way over to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon, Millennia and Vansell hurried their way over to her, all beginning their fussing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t hurt too much. It was more adrenaline and shock more than anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked, looking up at Magnus, who looked as shocked as her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- I- I didn’t mean- I’m sorry-“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked, and then just nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” She mumbled absently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei finally managed to shake off the other boys, and took both cheeks in his hands delicately. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah- yeah I’m fine.” She reassured. “It wasn’t even that hard.” It was beginning to throb a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta understood where Magnus was coming. And she didn’t want the others to be angry at him. She wanted to be kind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok, it was an accident.” She looked at Magnus. “Maybe just take fights outside next time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fucking hell Magnus.” Ushas muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok Ushas,” Theta tried. “I should’ve moved- it’s my fault. I’m ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas clearly didn’t believe her. But she left it alone. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0070"><h2>70. Seventy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knocked gently on the door. There was no reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood for a moment, fumbling slightly awkwardly, and decided to knock again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just come in,” Magnus sighed, in a voice that told her he didn’t actually want to speak with her. Still, Theta let herself in anyway, and stood awkwardly at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked up from his bed, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shuffled her way in, and perched awkwardly on the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wanted to talk...you feel like you can’t talk to me, so I wanted to..yknow..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Prove me wrong?” He raised an eyebrow at her. Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I just wanted to give you the opportunity.” He sighed, and nodded, running a hand through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. You’re nice like that.” He said it in a way that suggested he was frustrated with himself. Or maybe her. “I’m sorry I punched you.” He glanced at her. “I really didn’t mean to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does it hurt?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” That was a lie. “Not anymore.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” He nodded. “I’ll take fights outside next time.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably for the best.” She agreed, and glanced forward. They were quiet for a long while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, can I ask you something?” He asked. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“‘Course.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you get everyone to rally behind you?” He asked. “I mean- y’know- is it intentional? Do you do it so people can’t challenge you? Or- I dunno, is it just accident?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” she glanced down. “I don’t do it on purpose. I’m not sure I even really realised people rally behind me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then why does everyone like you?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Do they?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He scoffed. “Koschei would practically die for you. Mortimus worships the ground you walk on, Ushas always comes to your defence in her own..weird way. You’re friends with Drax. You have the same views as Jelpax, and you’re close with Millennia, Rallon and Vansell. I mean I didn’t even think anyone could be close with Vansell, and you managed it. I just don’t understand how you’re friends with everyone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shrugged a little. She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t something she had been trying to do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t..really know. I suppose I just like talking to people and stuff. It just happens really.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just don’t understand why everyone feels like they have to tiptoe around you. It’s not like the rest of us don’t have trauma.” He pointed out. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I’m not sure why- I never asked them to. I think I’d rather they didn’t. I’d like to know how I can be better.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you?” He seemed skeptical. She thought about it for a moment, before deciding, that yes, she did. So long as it came from an unbiased place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” he nodded. “Well, Theta..I guess my problem is that you seem to have these double standards.” He explained. “Like I said- everything I did was Koschei’s idea, I just went through with it because you’d been getting on my wick a bit. And- y’know you forgave him, and everyone went on like nothing had happened. But you didn’t forgive me and everyone started looking at me like I was the scum of the earth or something. It wasn’t fair.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it wasn’t. I understand.” She glanced at him. “I know I should have been clearer, but honestly, I haven’t forgiven Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can believe that.” He admitted. Theta nodded a little, and glanced ahead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..the truth is..” she swallowed. “Koschei and I are...broken. We’re...over really.” Magnus frowned in confusion. “But we just..y’know, act like we’re not because we still love one another. It just isn’t enough anymore.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds complicated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is. And we’ve both been through a lot together so- I suppose it was just easier to stay how we were..y’know, affection wise. But truthfully, I don’t think I will ever forgive him. For this, or anything else he’s ever done.” Magnus glanced away. “But I should’ve forgiven you- should’ve made it obvious that I didn’t. Because you’re right, I was being completely biased.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus nodded, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wonder..if the damage has already been done. If the others will ever look at me in the same way.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can try.” Theta offered. “I can talk to them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not the same.” He scoffed sadly. “It’s not the same if you tell them to forgive me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” She said genuinely. And she meant it. “I didn’t mean for everyone to turn against you- I should’ve thought about it more.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe I’m just being an idiot. I mean- I’m literally complaining because you haven’t forgiven me for kissing your boyfriend. How selfish is that? You don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not selfish.” She tried. “It’s not fair to have all nine of your friends ganging up on you. I don’t blame you for being upset. I was the one being selfish.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think that’s true.” He sighed. “As much as it would be easier if it was.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced down at her hands on her lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..do you want me to talk to the others, or no?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scratched the back of his head, and stared ahead in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Is there any point? What are the chances of them forgiving me now? After I punched you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They know it was an accident.” She pointed out. “And Koschei threw the first punch.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” he sighed. “Maybe- maybe just..can you see what they think about me?” He asked. “Just talk to them, slip it into conversation? Maybe change their opinion of me if it’s really bad. I just want them to know I never meant any serious harm.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, Mag’. I will.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced back over her list, as the tram thundered along, on its way to the citadel. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up and through the window. The air looked smokey. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There wasn’t many other people on the tram. She didn’t blame them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was worried though. Theta wondered how bad the Citadel was looking. She thought, if it looked that bad, it wasn’t worth going. Not for things that weren’t necessary. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced across at Magnus. He was sat on the outside left of their little group, staring absently out of the opposite window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would be honest with herself, she did feel a little bad for what she had said and hadn’t said. At the same time, she didn’t feel as bad as she said she had. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus had brought this upon himself. Theta supposed she felt the worse for not giving Koschei the same treatment. It wasn’t fair that her coldness hadn’t been consistent. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram began to squeak to a halt, and Theta stared ahead of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The city was smoking. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been when it hadn’t been smoking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The ten of them glanced at each other, silently wondering whether it was worth it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you guys want to do?” Mortimus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not keen.” Jelpax admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither.” Vansell muttered, looking more at the smoke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Millennia considered. “How about, one of us goes? If you give me all of your lists, I’ll go, and you can all stay here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Woah- you’re not going alone.” Theta immediately shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you’re going, I’ll come.” Rallon squeezed her hand. Millennia frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure, love? You don’t have to. I’ll be alright.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t keen on Rallon going. She knew how much her friend had suffered because of the war. More than most. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You stay here Rallon, I’ll go with Millennia.” She offered herself up, without thinking of the consequences for her own mental health. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come.” Koschei immediately jumped after her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” Rallon glanced at the two of them. “Im happy to come.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. We’ll be alright.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and with four of us it’ll be quick.” Ushas signed herself up, surprisingly. The others glanced about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you guys sure?” Magnus asked. “All of this isn’t necessary, we don’t need it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be fine,” Ushas reassured. “And if not, you’re right, we don’t need it. We’ll come straight back.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The four of them stood up, and got off of the tram. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced up at the smoking city, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if her brother was here. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered if her brother was alive, really. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei took her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s make this quick.” He muttered. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0071"><h2>71. Seventy-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They decided not to split up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew it would take longer, but she couldn’t quite face the idea of not knowing where her friends were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She clasped Koschei’s hand tightly. She didn’t want to be without him, or let him out of her sight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They hurried around, on their small quest to get things they didn’t quite need. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Surprisingly, or not, Theta couldn’t decide, most shops were still open. People were still buying from them too, so she supposed the last attack must have been long enough ago that people felt comfortable to go out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta certainly wasn’t comfortable.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she was sure she was holding up a lot better than some of the others. She would always rather it was her, than Rallon. Some people just weren’t as resilient as her, and that was ok. She would always help those who didn’t feel they were up to a task, that Theta knew she could do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei seemed as nervous as her, springing back to her side whenever the heels of their hands stopped touching. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas was quiet, taking a silent lead, only pointing at things and muttering at Millennia when needed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia seemed the most shaky, if Theta had to gauge it. Part of her wanted Rallon to be there, to hold her hand. Then again, she imagined if he was, it would be Millennia doing the hand holding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Slowly but surely, they acquired what they’d come for. Some of it wasn’t possible to get, because the shops were closed, or empty, or just not there anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So they tried their best, and got what they could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta checked the sky whenever she caught something out of the corner of her eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was never anything there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She swallowed, and continued forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced back down, and watched Millennia put coins in an old man’s hand, and smile at him as he passed her some vegetables they hadn’t had in a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stay safe.” The old man smiled, Millennia returning the pleasantry before the four of them walked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What else is there?” Theta asked. Ushas glanced at the list. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have to get some neurostabalisers.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What for?” Theta frowned. She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I dunno who put them on there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did.” Koschei explained. Theta glanced at him, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What for?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m working on something.” He shrugged lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Theta couldn’t imagine why he needed neurostabalisers. Out of all the possibilities, none of them were remotely good. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just a thing. You have your projects, I have some too.” He explained vaguely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was not convinced, or happy. Still, thinking about it took her mind off of their situation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s just get the man his stabilisers and get out of here.” Ushas muttered, before turning up a street. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, there was a rumble up ahead, and Millennia grabbed Ushas’ arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At about half a mile away, a large plume of smoke burst up from the ground. Theta could see the small little dalek shapes, and the larger ones of their own ships. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know when they’d gotten there, or if they’d been there the whole time, but her friends weren’t planning on finding out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s get back.” Ushas immedialty said, spinning Theta around, as the blonde looked back at the smoke. “Your stabilisers can wait.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good call.” Koschei started pulling on her hand to turn and walk away, as Millennia, albeit reluctantly, followed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But...all those people..” Theta said absently. She wasn’t really thinking about going over there. She couldn’t be. She could die, and there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to run back into the flames. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Except those people. Maybe they needed help. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s plenty of people there, Blondie, they can help themselves.” Ushas muttered. “You’ll just get hurt and get in the way.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s right.” Koschei agreed, pulling her back around the corner. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at Millennia, who looked reluctant, but very pale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could hear distant explosions. Her hearts were already racing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But fuck, she couldn’t stop her heels digging in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei immedialty stopped, and looked at her with the sternest look he could’ve done. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, come on. Done be stupid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t.” She whispered, shaking her head at him. “I can’t just walk away.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have to. I won’t lose you, not because you want to play the protagonist.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I haven’t died so far.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you got lucky. And luck runs out.” He let go of her hand to put both hands on her shoulders tightly. “Listen to me Theta. You have to walk away. Don’t be stupid here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just get on the tram, Koschei, I’ll get on the next one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Ushas warned, clearly very antsy to leave. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” Theta directed at Koschei, ignoring Ushas completely. “Koschei, I’m sorry, because I know how much I’m disappointing you right now, and I know you hate me for it. But I can’t walk away.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys, we have to go.” Millennia said weakly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You go ahead,” Koschei muttered. “Both of you get back to the tram.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They didn’t need to be told twice. Ushas and Millennia turned, and walked away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put his hands on her cheeks, getting worked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please, Theta. Don’t make me leave you behind.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want you to.” She put her hands over his. “I don’t want you to get hurt, so just..walk away, Koschei. Go, and I will find my way back to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do I know that?” He hissed, with tears filling his eyes. He was clearly frustrated. “How- how do I know it won’t be like the Cloisters? How do I know I won’t sit at home, looking out of the window and wondering if you’re dead or not? And- and what if this time you don’t come back?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will always come back, whilst I have you there.” She touched their foreheads together. “I won’t give up- I will fight to survive, for your sake.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You promise me that?” He said firmly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I promise, Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shook his head a little bit, and pulled away, turning his back to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just..go before I change my mind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t need to be told twice. She span around and took off back down the street, towards the smoke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She really was not sure what she was doing, or why she was doing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta already had trouble sleeping, and she was sure her eyes might never close again if she knew she’d left those people behind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The chaos got to her pretty quickly. People were running in the other direction and screaming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swore and ducked behind a pillar as a shot hit the spot she’d just been stood in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta let out a short puff of air, before dodging around the wall and taking off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She found herself in some kind of courtyard thing, with a now destroyed fountain. She circled around herself slowly, searching for anyone who looked to be in trouble. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It came in the form of a young woman, with her arm trapped under what looked like the debris of the corner of a building that had fallen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hurried over, and glanced at the sky. Currently, the Dalek’s looked a little preoccupied with keeping the Gallifreyan ships off of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please help me,” the woman wobbled, clearly in a lot of pain. Theta nodded, and put a hand on her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok, I’ll get you out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She whimpered as Theta started throwing rocks off of the top. When she got further towards her arm, she was a little gentler, keen not to put any unnecessary pressure on her arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hissed as Theta gently pried it out of the rock, finally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re going to be ok.” She asked. “You have to get away from here. Maybe go to the tram station.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” The woman nodded, turned and ran. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced back up at the sky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d been noticed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah, shit.” Theta lunged out of the way, rolling across the ground as the spot she’d been in burnt up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Scrambling upright again, she jumped behind a wall, catching her breath for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The quiet that followed only made the faint crying of a child more obvious. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to breathe quieter so she could figure out where it was coming from, figuring out that it seemed to be from the right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She followed the noise, trying to keep herself relatively covered from above in the side streets. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She finally turned into another backstreet, noticing a young boy about half way up it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His leg looked like it was bleeding, and he was obviously too scared to move. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hurried out to meet him, checking above every few seconds. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” she said quietly. “Hey, it’s ok.” He noticed her, and sniffled, clearly a little surprised there was anyone there for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who are you?” He wobbled. She crouched beside him, and put a hand on his arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My names Theta. What’s yours?” She asked softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mako.” He sniffled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re going to get out of here, yeah?” That was it now, she couldn’t save anyone else. Now that she had a child with her, he was her responsibility, for as long as it took to find someone he knew, or get him somewhere completely safe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had a duty of care, now. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My leg’s hurt.” He explained. Theta glanced down at it, and gently peeled back his trouser leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wasn’t wrong. There was a nasty gash down the side of his calf. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had two choices. Carry him. Or try and fix his leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she carried him, she’d be slower, and she might get caught. If she tried to fix him, she might pass out again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither were ideal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok Mako.” She decided. “Here’s the deal,” he looked up with such large eyes. “I’ll fix your leg, and we’ll try to get to the tram station. Do you know the way?” He nodded a little. “Ok. So listen,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re going to go, and if I fall behind, or fall asleep, you keep running, ok? You run, and you run, and you get on the next tram to Pyrodian Academy, ok?” He nodded a tiny bit. “You get there, and you ask for Borusa. You tell him where you came from, and that Theta sent you. Do you understand?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked a little, and nodded again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Repeat what I just said,” Mako started bumbling over what she’d just said, as Theta took her hand, and bit down hard on it. She winced, hard. He looked a little scared, but kept reciting. She nodded as he repeated her words, curled up her injured hand into a fist, and slapped it onto her other flat palm a couple times. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt the same warm energy wrap it’s way around her skin, and glanced down at Mako’s leg. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wrapped her hand gently around his small calf, and closed her eyes for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was still exhausting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mako let out a small noise of surprise, as Theta opened her eyes again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The cut was gone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, let’s stand up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wobbled as much as Mako did, him steadying himself on her forearms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“All good?” She asked, blinking back the stars clouding her vision. He nodded. “Good, let’s go.” She took his hand tightly, and the two of them took off back up the street. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They kept low to the ground and close to walls, Theta keeping her eyes up as Mako kept his eyes forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had to yank him backwards at one point, as a shot burst in front of him. She seemed to be the one with the surrounding awareness around here. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not that she could blame him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was just a child. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They kept going, Theta having to stop them every now and then, and hide for a moment before continuing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On a particular tumble, Theta dragged him behind what looked like the remains of a crumpled archway, and caught her breath for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should just..” Mako tried to articulate frustratedly, looking at the sky. “We should just kill them!” He decided, before glancing at Theta, in approval and concern. “Right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him, and suddenly all she saw was Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This young boy was on the very cusp of deciding wether he was going to be forgiving, and kind, and merciful, or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe if Theta had told Koschei more often the right way, he wouldn’t have become who he was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe if she’d been older, and wiser, and more articulate, she could’ve helped him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And maybe she could still help Mako. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta reached across and took his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think..that makes us as bad as them.” She said softly. He blinked in surprise, and then frowned in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But if we didn’t fight back, we’d die.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you don’t have to fight, Mako.” She explained. “You can help. Heal people and find their families and protect them. Not everyone has to be a fighter.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why shouldn’t I?” He asked, sounding less and less sure of himself as they spoke. Theta shrugged lightly, and glanced at the sky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to do what I tell you. But, I wouldn’t want to do all this,” she motioned at the chaos, and the smoke in the air. “I mean..if I hadn’t made that choice, maybe I wouldn’t have found you. Maybe when you’re older, you can help another little boy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to help a little boy now.” Mako decided bravely. Theta searched his face for a moment. She caught her tongue from going on about how he didn’t have to do that- he was just a boy. But staring into his determined eyes, she realised, he did have to do that now. He did have to be brave and he did have to be kind, and make choices about wether he wanted to help people or kill people. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And he was just a boy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just smiled sadly, and ruffled a hand through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, you do that. You’ll be great.” She stood up again, peering behind the crumbled pillar. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was basically a straight shot back to the tram station, they just needed to get past the courtyard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Something caught Theta’s eye as it dropped from a Gallifreyan ship, and she frowned deeply, trying to figure out what it was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t until the clanging noise of metal that she realised, as it rolled towards her and Mako. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s hearts lurched up into her throat, as she watched the grenade roll towards them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Two options. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Both would probably end with them dead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But one, maybe Mako could make it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lunged out from behind the pillar, skidded across the ground, and grabbed the grenade. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She caught sight of a small cluster of Dalek’s about thirty feet above her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could make it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta launched the grenade out of her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It arched, and hit a Dalek with a clang, before bursting into flames. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rolled her way out of the debris’ path, behind the other side of the archway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched metal hit the ground, and then pieces that were a lot softer, and a lot more alive. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at it, suddenly pale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Theta had an epiphany. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What the fuck was she doing there? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could she tell Mako all of that? How could she sit there, calling herself a pacifist, whilst she lived on Gallifrey? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was the biggest fucking hypocrite possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she wanted to be a pacifist, if she wanted to be herself- kind, and flawed, and merciful- if she wanted to be the Doctor, she had to leave. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Because until she did, she would always be a liar. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stumbled upright, and glanced across at Mako, who somehow looked paler than her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She dodged across the archway, grabbed his hand, and bolted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The boy stumbled slightly, but caught up with her, as the two finally made it out of the courtyard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They ran, and ran straight, towards the tram station. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took the same turn she’d left the others out, and stumbled face first into Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Christ!” She jumped. “Koschei what are you doing? I told you to get on the tram.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and I couldn’t.” He checked her over with his eyes, before noticing the kid. “Oh.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mako, Koschei, Koschei, Mako.” She gestured. “Koschei, take him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who are you?” Mako stuck closer to Theta, clearly concerned by this man he didn’t know. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta crouched in front of him, and squeezed his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry, Mako. Koschei’s my....boyfriend.” She thought she’d make it easy for the kid. “He’ll take as good care as you as I will. And I’m not going anywhere.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mako looked up at Koschei, and slowly, hesitantly took his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wobbled upright, as Koschei frowned at her concernedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘What’s wrong?’ He asked, as the three began their way quickly back towards the tram station. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Kids leg was fucked, I had to fix it.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could feel his frustration already. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You have to stop doing that.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Well I couldn’t let him die, Koschei.’ She snapped. She didn’t mean to, she was just stressed. Still, it shut him up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram station came up pretty quickly after that. They bundled the kid onto the tram, and sat next to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei started asking him questions about his family, and where to find them, as Theta put her head on the side of the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She closed her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her bones were tired. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0072"><h2>72. Seventy-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Unsurprisingly, her bones felt no better when she woke up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The squeaking of the tram was what made her eyes open, Theta wincing in pain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Everything was too bright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She brought her hands to her eyes, rubbed a little, and then glanced at her left, where she’d left Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was sat, staring at the opposite window, with his arm loosely wrapped around Mako, who had fallen asleep, clutched to his side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta followed his gaze, glancing out of the window. She wasn’t quite able to gauge where they were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where are we going?” She asked, voice slightly hoarse. Koschei glanced at her, noticing that she was awake. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Academy.” He explained. “I thought Borusa could take better care of him than we could.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s a good idea.” She agreed. “Is he ok?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Went to sleep pretty soon after you did.” Koschei murmured. “How are you feeling?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tired.” She paused. “No- fatigued. I feel like my bones are aching.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You need to be more careful,” he tutted. “You can’t keep giving up regeneration energy. God knows what it’s doing to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look, I made a choice.” She muttered, really not fancying this disagreement. “You would have had to make it too. The other option was I carried him, and if I hadn’t made it, he wouldn’t have either. At least I gave him a chance.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei just sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m more worried about how much it takes out of you.” He said, watching the barren landscape outside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you shouldn’t be passing out every time you use about a fifth of your regeneration energy. It’s supposed to just be this, thing that takes thirty seconds to happen, and then you just move on and keep going.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know,” she admitted. To be honest, Theta hadn’t thought much about it. She was preoccupied most of the time. “Maybe Borusa will know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Maybe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It took about two more hours to get to the Academy. As they pulled into the station, Koschei gently woke Mako up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He seemed bewildered and disorientated, but they told him to just hold onto them and let them figure it out, so he did that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them jumped off, Mako clinging to Koschei’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The academy didn’t look too bad. It hadn’t seemed to have had an attack since the last time they were there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was good. Maybe that made it safer for Mako. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure where she would find Borusa, so she volunteered to go and locate him. She left Koschei and the kid sat on the wall of the tram station, that she and Koschei had wobbled across for fun sometimes when they were kids. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she went on the hunt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wandered around, first going to his office, and then wandering around the halls. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">After about forty minutes, when Theta was starting to get quite frustrated, she caught sight of him, crossing the courtyard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was on crutches. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borusa!” He stopped, and looked behind him, before smiling a little, and turning on the crutches. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She crossed the grass quickly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing here?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing on crutches?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh y’know. Being a superhero.” He shrugged. Theta scoffed, and hugged him, trying not to knock him off his balance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wrapped one arm around her, the other staying on his crutch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But really Theta, where have you come from? You don’t look great.” She glanced down at herself. Now that he pointed it out, Theta figured, that was true. She was covered in dust, and her hands were still slightly stained with the blood of Mako. She tried not to look at it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The citadel. I need your help, if you can spare it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lead the way.” They began back towards the station. “I can try and be of help, but we’re on limited supplies.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But it should be temporary. I mean- I certainly hope it is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What happened?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was in the citadel with some of the others, and there was another attack. I found a kid- Mako, and I thought I’d take him here, because I figured you’d probably know how best to look after him, until we can find his parents.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably best.” He agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They rounded the corner, and Theta looked back towards the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was watching Mako draw into the dirt with a stick. She wasn’t sure what it was, but as she got closer, she realised it was his best attempt at a Dalek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There you are,” Koschei noticed her return. “Took you a while.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He moves fast on those things.” Theta shrugged, and nodded at Borusa. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei, good to see you again.” Borusa held a hand out, and Koschei took it and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too, old man.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mako,” The boy looked rather scared, so Theta stepped over his drawing and put a hand on his back. “This is Borusa, I think he’s going to look after you, until we can find your parents.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..what about you?” He looked between Theta and Koschei, the former smiling a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll never going to be more than an hour away. You don’t have to worry, I would trust Borusa with my life. He’s going to take great care of you, it’s what he does for a job.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where are you going to go?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..we don’t live here. And we should probably get back home.” She explained. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But we can stay,” Koschei interjected. “For tonight, just to let you get used to it.” He looked at Theta, who nodded a little after a moment of consideration. Koschei was right, it was the good thing to do. They should probably rest anyway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Mako agreed a little nervously. Borusa smiled gently at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you hungry Mako?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s go get some food then.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat on the floor, shoulder against Koschei’s thigh, from where he was sat on the chair beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them stared at the child, curled up so tightly the bed seemed to swallow him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s tiny.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He shouldn’t be that thin.” Koschei agreed. “I mean, he lives in the citadel. He should be getting three meals a day.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta ran a hand over a side of her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck are we going to do if his parents aren’t alive?” Koschei put a hand on her shoulder, and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll think of something.” He said quietly. They were silent for a long while, watching the small boy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you really want to have a child?” She asked quietly. “I mean- when there’s such a high possibility that we won’t be able to protect them from this kind of thing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if it’s fair to bring a child into this kind of world. I don’t want them to ever be in the position where they have to decide if they’re going to be a killer or not, before they’re even old enough to go to school.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know either.” He answered honestly, gravely. “Maybe..maybe we’ll have to make the world better. Or maybe we’ll have to go to another one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll still follow us.” She said quietly. “Is it fair to have two broken parents?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do that.” He shook his head, and Theta finally turned to glance up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do what?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Say that kind of thing. Beat yourself up to that level. I mean- we deserve to be happy, and have a family as much as anyone else.” He looked at her in the darkness, and Theta sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just want to give them the best life possible. And I don’t know if I’m a person that can do that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No parent is. Doesn’t stop them from getting a kid.” He pointed out. “No ones perfect, Theta. As long as you try your best, which I know you would, there’s no reason to beat yourself up.” He squeezed her shoulder. “We’d be good parents. Good parents in a bad world.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Surely bringing them into a bad world doesn’t make us as good though.” She hypothesised. Koschei sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then we get out- or change the world before we give our genes up. Just..do everything in our power to make sure that they don’t grow up like Mako.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and glanced back at the boy, putting her head on Koschei’s thigh. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God, I hope his parents made it out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, love.” He moved his hand to stroke through her hair. “You did what you could.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0073"><h2>73. Seventy-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So why are you on crutches?” Theta asked, over breakfast. Borusa sighed, and stabbed his food with his fork. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Some of the buildings were a lot more unstable after the last attack, than we thought. The corner of a dorm building collapsed and two students got trapped under it. I was there to help, and pull them out, but I slipped and fell on my leg awkwardly.” Theta winced. “Still, it could’ve gone worse. No one was seriously hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t you just heal it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you not listen in health class?” He tutted. Theta raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I never went to health class.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course, that’s why I’m about to teach you basic regeneration knowledge.” He sighed. “It’s best not to use regeneration energy, unless for a full one. There’s not been enough research to prove that it’s safe to use it in small amounts, or that it doesn’t affect future regenerations.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? So like- I could end up with an extra ear or something?” She asked. Borusa shrugged lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe. Or perhaps with no ears. It’s not safe, really.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I don’t regret it.” She decided. “I made a hard choice, both times, and I can’t take it back..so.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm,” he hummed, glancing back at his food. “You don’t seem to share the same thought process about other choices you’ve made.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and glanced down at her own breakfast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..some mistakes are more important than others.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you can’t take it back.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t mean I should clean my conscience of it. That would be doing him a disservice.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it would be a disservice to forget about it. And for it to not shape your life. Which it has.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just shook her head at her food. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no point talking about this. I can’t change my mind about it, and neither can you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” he kindly relented. “It’s just something to think about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have a question,” Theta looked up, immediately changing the subject the second she had the chance to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go ahead.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei thinks it’s strange, that I get woozy and tired when I use regeneration energy, because it’s supposed to be- y’know- a natural thing. Like- like something we can just do, and then move on. So why do I struggle so much?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa searched her face for a moment, before looking down at his food and swallowing his mouthful, slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know,” he eventually said. “Everyone’s different.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are they?” She frowned. “We’re literally taught in health class that it’s not a big deal. That it’s just- just something that happens one day- you don’t even need to take the day off.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well Theta, you need to consider the external factors.” He explained. “In both instances, you were in a stressful environment, under a time limit, in the middle of a war zone. I would probably collapse too.” He considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and nodded a little bit. That was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“First regenerations are always a little...disorientating as well.” He elaborated. “The first time anyone does it- it’s- it’s odd. It takes a lot out of you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t imagine what I’ll be like when I fully regenerate for the first time then.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll be ok.” He reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I really want a different body.” Theta considered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not as bad as it sounds.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, the brain stays the same. And the eyes. Those are the parts I hate the most.” She scoffed sadly, stabbing her food with no real direction. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you shouldn’t hate any part of yourself. Why do you hate your eyes?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cuz every time I look at them I know I’m looking into the eyes of a murderer. And they look so tired.” For some reason, Theta found herself getting quite emotional. “I’m so fucking tired.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of what?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This,” she motioned to herself, and then to their surroundings. “I’m so tired of- of not knowing who I am or what I want- or why I’m here.” She looked up. “My soul feels tired. Like- like my mind has been around so much longer than my body.” She ran a hand over her face. “I’m just so tired of hurting.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa looked at her so sadly, and opened his mouth to say something, before closing it again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pushed her breakfast away, and stared at it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I think I have to leave.” She murmured. “I know I have to- actually. I can’t be happy on Gallifrey- not anymore.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I understand.” He pushed his breakfast away too, to put his arms on the table. “Are you going to take anyone with you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d like to. I don’t know if he’d come.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t think so?” Borusa asked. Theta set her jaw. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re not...together..anymore.” She said quietly. “It was mutual- and stuff. It’s not the right time for us.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you upset?” He asked. Theta scoffed sadly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Heartbroken. But..I couldn’t- I couldn’t be what he needed. I’m not..I’m not ok enough to be there for him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I imagine you’re beating yourself up about it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course I am.” She shook her head. “I don’t- I don’t know why I can’t just pull myself together.” Theta looked up. “Everyone I know has gone through the same thing as me, so- so why am I so...broken?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because everyone’s different.” He said softly. “Theta, you might be broken, but you’re strong. You’re resilient, and brave, and no matter how many pieces you’re in, you’ll always run back into fire for the little guy.” He explained. “Some of your friends aren’t as broken, but they’re not as strong. They’re less broken because they’re less willing to jump over a bomb to protect someone they’ve never met. You understand?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little bit, and looked over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you’ll do great things out there. If you get off this fucking planet,” Theta glanced at him.He never swore. “And give yourself time, to lick your wounds and heal, you can be so much more than this.” He gestured around them. “You just need to give yourself time, and not worry about anyone else.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can.” She admitted. “I mean- the whole time I’ll just be thinking about all the people I could be saving, whilst I’m sat around moping.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thinking of it as moping is your first mistake.” He tutted. “Theta- sometimes the person you have to save is yourself- you need to understand that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at a knot in the wooden table, and nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knew she’d try her best to keep that in the forefront of her mind, before it inevitably got overruled with her constant fretting about people in danger and the drumming of time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Think about it, Theta,” he continued. “You saved a child, and it took a lot out of you. You need to rest now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you find his parents?” She changed the subject again. Borusa sighed at her, but didn’t comment on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If they survived, and know where to go, they should show up on refugee records in a couple weeks. If they’re alive, he’ll be here about a month.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what if they’re not?” She asked. Borusa sighed again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then I will look after him. Wait until he’s eight, and send him to school here, where we can keep an eye on him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you will look out for him?” She asked. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course Theta. I’ll protect him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I promise, Mako, he’ll look after you.” Theta promised, squeezing his little hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He nodded, before shuffling closer, and wrapping his small arms around her neck. “Thank you for making my leg better, Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My pleasure.” She smiled a little. “Maybe I’ll come visit you soon, huh?” He pulled back and nodded, smiling a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok!” Theta stood up, and Mako turned to Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He crouched in front of him, and Mako hugged him too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bye Koschei.” He struggled a little with his name, but Koschei didn’t seem to mind all that much. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bye Mako,” he ruffled the boys hair. “Dont get yourself into too much trouble, yeah?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He giggled. Mako hurried over to stand next to Borusa, who encouraged him to wave them goodbye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta and Koschei waved at them both from the tram window, before it pulled away and they fell out of sight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sat back beside him, and smiled a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good kid.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Too good.” Koschei hummed, taking her hand and squeezing. “You know we’re going to get a bollocking when we get back. They’re going to think something happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you not think to tell them we were alive?” Theta glanced at him. He raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..alright fair.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta knocked on the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a pause, before Jelpax opened the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyes widened, and he put a hand over his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh thank- guys! Theyre back!” There was a general stampeding down the stairs noise, as more of their friends began to appear. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia almost knocked Theta onto her back with the force of the hug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do that ever again!” She huffed, squeezing tightly. Theta laughed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok..sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two of them were practically passed around for hugs. Theta only got a nod from Magnus, and a hand squeeze from Ushas, who Koschei got a back smack from. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus held onto her for a little while, a bit too tightly, muttering generally about how much of an asshole she was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell even gave her a quick hold, and a tight smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Glad to see you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what happened??” Drax asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I answer that after I’ve slept?” Theta asked. He groaned. “I know, I know. I’ll have to keep you in suspense.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. 💙 <br/>Love wins, and good people prevail. I hope you are all having as wonderful a day as I am, knowing there’s hope for the future.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0074"><h2>74. Seventy-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry about the lack of chapter yesterday! I was trying to cram unus annus in-<br/>If you don’t know what unus annus is, don’t worry, and if you do:<br/>I hope you’re doing ok. Remember to hydrate and take care of yourself. It’ll be ok!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia found Theta and Ushas in the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” She smiled. Theta glanced up from where she was drawing, and smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Morning.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I talk to you?” She asked, sitting opposite the two of them. Ushas didn’t look up from the maths she was doing. <br/>“Course.” Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just wanted to talk to you, about the citadel.” Millennia explained. Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shoot.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I guess I just wanted to say..sorry..for leaving you? It sounds weird when I say it out loud, but..I don’t know. I wanted to help, but I was too scared.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thats ok, I know. I don’t blame you at all.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” she continued. “But..I dunno. I just felt bad. I was lying in bed thinking about all the ways I could’ve helped, if I’d just pushed through it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nia’, I wouldn’t ask you to push through that. You didn’t have any obligation to help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s right.” Ushas added, “No ones beating you up for wanting to get out of there, Millennia.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She nodded. “But I just couldn’t shake the feeling that- like- y’know. Theta was scared, but you still went and helped people.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’m crazy.” Theta shrugged a little. “You did the smart thing, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe. But smart and right aren’t synonymous.” Millennia pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then help next time, if it’s eating you up that much.” Ushas shrugged lightly. Millennia glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Like if there’s another attack?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, or if, I dunno. If Theta goes on one of her ‘helping people sprees’. When she starts getting involved with other planets affairs, and needs someone to bail her out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pouted at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey. That’s not fair.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just saying. It’ll happen sooner or later.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess I could tag along.” Millennia nodded slowly. “Once or twice. Look out for you Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Nia’, but you don’t need to, if you don’t want to. I don’t really need anyone to look out for me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No I know. But I want to anyway. You’re like...a little sister.” Theta blinked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” She said slowly. Millennia nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. I certainly worry about you like one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at her lap, and smiled to herself a little. That meant a lot to hear. She didn’t think anyone had ever really considered her their little sister before. Maybe not even Braxiatel. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Nia’. That means a lot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” She shrugged a little. “I’ll come along on your next adventure, if you’ll let me. Give you some company.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. I’d like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Christ, it’s enough to rot your teeth.” Ushas grumbled. Theta scoffed, and elbowed her lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re like..the oldest kid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I refuse to associate with either of you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta awoke to a small kiss on her brow. She made a small noise, and moved to stretch, and reach out to Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See you tonight, love.” He said soflty. Theta frowned a tiny bit, cracking an eye open. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’ you going?” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Citadel. Didn’t get the chance to get the neurostabalisers last time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it’s dangerous.” She pointed out, moving to sit up and wake up properly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s probably not. Going straight after an attack might be the best time. Attacks are unlikely.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you even need them that badly?” She murmured, rubbing one eye with the heel of her hand. “‘Can’t make anything good with them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll explain when I’ve got them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” she huffed tiredly. “Just don’t. It’s not worth it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go back to sleep, Theta, I’ll be ok. I’ll come straight back if things are that crazy.” Theta knew he wasn’t about to change his mind, and she also knew he was responsible, so she lay back down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“S’long as you’re going getting them to make some kind of...villainous thingy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, that’s me,” he hummed. “Big bad villain. I mean, I stand no chance against you. Look at you- made of steel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Theta put her fists up, and kept her eyes closed, with a small smile. “Put em up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No chance, I’m out of here.” Theta dropped her hands, and rolled onto her side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me know when you’re on your way back.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.” He agreed. “Love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Love you too.” Theta listened to him walk down both flights of stairs, and shut the door behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hoped he’d be ok. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sure he would. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was quite good at that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was bored. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe not bored. But she didn’t want to sit still. Theta had been doing pretty well and compartmentalising the eventfulness of the citadel trip so far, and she was scared that if she sat down to think about it, those borders might come down, and flood together again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t want that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she paced, and thought about what she could do. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually, she just picked up the letter, tucked between the pages of one of Koschei’s books. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced over it, for probably the thousandth time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew enough now, that she could work out some of the words. Not all of them, and not enough to decipher what the letter was actually talking about, but the odd word. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A lot of them, were just ‘the’, and ‘it’, but there were a couple big ones she managed, like ‘because’ and ‘important’, so Theta considered that progress. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed at the paper. She wondered how old it was. And she wondered why Borusa was so worried about it. Theta imagined, if he wasn’t worrying about Dalek attacks, he’d probably be making much more of an effort to take it back from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought ancient Gallifreyan was quite pretty. Maybe not as pretty as circular, but it was certainly harder to read. Or maybe she just said that, because she’d grown up learning circular. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She probably would have preferred it, if it didn’t take so long to learn, though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, stood up, and put the letter back. She wasn’t in the mood to try and learn any more. Her brain was slightly too scattered. Maybe it was trying too hard to compartmentalise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she went for a wander. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta went to look for her friends. A lot were in the lab, so that narrowed her options down quite a bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eventually, she found Jelpax, and slumped down beside him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Afternoon.” He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hello.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bored?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you tell?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It radiates.” He scoffed. Theta smiled a little. “How you doing, Thee’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She nodded. “How are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m alright.” Jelpax nodded. “Thought you might be a bit shaky after the citadel.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” that was a half lie. “I’m ok. Just- y’know, glad I could help someone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s all anyone can ask I suppose.” Theta stared at his side profile for a moment, and considered letting him in on her epiphany. She thought she could trust Jelpax to be honest with her. He thought similarly to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know though, I did have this like..moment of realisation.” She explained. He raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought- like, Magnus is right. I mean, really, I am a hypocrite.” He narrowed his eyes in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..how?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I- I don’t think I can be a true pacifist, whilst I’m on Gallifrey. I don’t think anyone can be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How come?” Jelpax seemed genuinely interested in her thought process. She appreciated it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, because when it gets down to the wire, even pacifists have to make hard choices, and hurt things to keep other people safe. It’s really hard to be a pacifist in the middle of a war zone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true,” he agreed. “So..what? How are you going to change it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you think I will?” She scoffed lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you’re..” he gestured to her. “You, y’know? If something’s wrong in the world, I’m assuming you’re going to try and fix it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..thank you,” she smiled. “I will- I think, some day. But first I think..if I want to have any backing, and any evidence behind me, to change things, I need to make that change first.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How so?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she shrugged. “You can’t be going around yelling about being anti-war, if you’re actively participating in it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you said you can’t do that whilst you’re on Gallifrey.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly,” she agreed. Jelpax frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re..leaving?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably. Some day soon. I think. I don’t know. I haven’t really fleshed out that whole thought process yet. I’m compartmentalising.” She tacked on the end. Jelpax nodded a little in understanding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” he smiled a little at her. “I hope it goes well Theta. I’m sure it will- you’ll inevitably pull it off.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re the first person I’ve told.” She admitted. He leant over, and squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone had to be.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0075"><h2>75. Seventy-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t open your eyes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not this again,” Theta groaned. “Please can I just walk there myself?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that ruins it.” Koschei decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well unless you’re planning on walking me all the way to the tram station with my eyes closed, I can only assume we’re going to the TARDIS.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. Open them.” Theta giggled and opened them, squeezing his hand at his downcast look. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll close them when you’re about to show me whatever’s outside the doors.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Koschei pulled her up by her hand, and the two of them crept down the two flights of stairs, outside, and into the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I drive?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t know where we’re going.” He pointed out, flipping a switch and leaning over the console to press three buttons. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You could tell me.” She leant against the console, and flicked a random switch between on and off. Koschei smacked her hand away lightly, and rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why? It doesn’t do anything.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How the hell did you pass your driving test?” He scoffed, setting them off into the time vortex. Koschei pulled away, and clapped his hands together. “Before that, I have a present for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean, why?” He scoffed, moving to crouch underneath the console. “Because you deserve it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel bad. I need to get you a present.” She decided. Koschei smiled a little, opening a little drawer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really one for materialism. But I would love a new pair of earrings.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll get it arranged.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, close your eyes now. Really.” He straightened, and Theta closed her eyes, putting her hands out in anticipation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt Koschei move towards her, and waited for a small weight in her hands. Instead, he wrapped something around both her palms. She frowned in confusion, and almost opened her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei took her hands, and gently pulled her over to the console, wrapping her hands around something like a lever. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Open.” Theta opened her eyes, and looked down at her hands. There seemed to be a strange contrpation, made of wires and buttons, wrapped around her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can..fix your hands. If you want me to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s gaze shot over her shoulder to look him in the eye, and she blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you want me to. I know it might be..like a- y’know. Something you’re used to now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her mouth, and closed it again. She wasn’t sure what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure what to decide. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta never thought she’d have the choice. She always thought it would be something that just..happened, when she regenerated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure she wanted the choice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Of course Theta didn’t want it. It made her drawings less accurate, and meant she couldn’t hold bugs anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she deserved it. It was a reminder, and one that she needed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She deserved that pain. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I...I don’t know.” She admitted. “Koschei- I don’t know what to say.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thats ok.” He put a hand on her back. “You don’t have to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“H- how do you know it’ll work?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I did the maths.” He explained. “And, even if it doesn’t, the neurostabalisers will stop you from getting hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked back down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what you got them for?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Nothing dastardly.” He scoffed. Theta swallowed the lump in her throat, and stared down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Even now, with cord wrapped around them, they were still shaking. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What..” she looked back at him. “What do you think I should do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” he said slowly. “I think you should do it. I know you think you deserve to have Torvic on your mind constantly, but I think you do anyway. I don’t think your hands need to add to that.” He explained, and shrugged lightly. “Besides, if you want to help people love, you have to be able to rely on your hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I don’t really remember a time where they weren’t like this. I’m not sure..I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can think about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I do that I think I’ll back out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So go with your gut.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But my heads telling me I need to punish myself.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you already do that. Your hands aren’t going to make a difference.” He continued into her ear. Theta nodded a tiny bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was probably right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she should just do it, and beat herself up for it later. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe he was right. She couldn’t help people if she couldn’t trust her hands. And if more people died, then it would be her fault. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just do it.” She blurted. Koschei wasn’t about to ask if she was sure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He leant over and pressed a button. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sharp shock shot through Theta’s hands, and she jumped, as it quickly dissipated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was silence for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you feel ok?” Koschei asked carefully. Theta blinked a little, and nodded tightly, staring at her hands. He leant over, and unclipped the wiring. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta gently and slowly pulled her hands away, and held them up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were still. Sure, they were trembling minutely, but she thought that was just because of the shock. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They really were still. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know how to feel. It was really all overcome with the feeling of shock, as she turned to Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It worked.” He breathed. She swallowed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s gone.” She whispered. Theta blinked, and tore her eyes away to look at him. “Koschei- my hands.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you happy?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I..I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s ok.” Koschei reassured. “Just take it easy, Thee’.” He took her still hands, and brought them to his lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course. Gotta do something. What are you gonna do when I’m not around?” He smiled, letting go of her, to plug co-ordinates into the console. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She got the overwhelming urge to tell him everything, all of a sudden. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei,” Theta spilled. “I’m going to leave Gallifrey.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He nodded at the console. She watched him as he turned away from the console and towards the door, opening it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Red light filtered in through the gap, and Theta wandered her way over to stand beside him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a dying star. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had long lost its yellow middle, now a deep orange fading out to red. It was beautiful. And sad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sat down, swinging his legs over the edge, so Theta copied. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you take me here?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I thought it was beautiful.” He stared out into space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched the edges of the star dissipate into nothing for a moment, before swallowing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not coming with me, are you?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to leave Gallifrey.” He said. “But I can’t follow you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little bit. Maybe a year ago, that would have hurt her like anything- burnt like a dying star in her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But Theta had made peace with it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This wasn’t the end of the road for them. It was simply a fork. And they had decided to split up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta put her head on his shoulder, and after a moment, Koschei put his on hers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It really was beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was looking forward to being here- seeing the universe, alone as she might be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, there were no butterflies in space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe that was a good thing, though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was best to keep them somewhere they could breathe. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0076"><h2>76. Seventy-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta left Koschei downstairs to eat, and made her way up to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She needed to be alone for a little bit, to really process her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked down at one of them as she opened her door, and glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell looked like a deer caught in the headlights. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...hi?” Theta raised her eyebrows slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey!” He turned around to face her, and smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Any particular reason you’re in my room?” She asked. Theta wasn’t mad. More confused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh-“ he waved a hand. “Uh- Drax stole my book and hid it somewhere. He said it was in here- that he’d given it to you. Sorry- I didn’t mean to pry he was just..being annoying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” she shrugged lightly, stepping into the room. “Well, I’m going to be honest with you, Drax hasn’t given me any book, so he’s fucking with you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh. Really?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She nodded. “Trust me Van’, if it was anything else I probably would’ve gone along with it. But y’know- that book might be precious to you. I wouldn’t have hidden it if Drax asked.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, ok.” He nodded a little. “Ok, sorry for..coming in without asking.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok, I hope he gives it back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, Theta.” He made his way to the door, and smiled tightly. “See you in the morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Goodnight.” She smiled, and watched him close the door behind him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed out deeply, and sat down on her bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared into space for a long moment, before risking a glance down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t look real. Her hands weren’t supposed to be that still, they were supposed to tremble. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Theta wasn’t sure it had hit her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She jumped up and crossed the room, grabbing a pencil and her sketchbook. Theta quickly flipped to a new page, and ducked close to the page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She held her pencil, finding she didn’t have to hold it as tightly as usual. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta drew a long line, across the top of the page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t perfect. But it was almost. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt a lump in her throat, and she put down the pencil, glancing back down at her hands. Her lip trembled and she wrapped her hands around one another, before holding them close to her chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt tears begin to gather at her eyes, and Theta began to cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure why. She felt relieved. She felt happy. But she also felt upset, and guilty. It was complicated, and tiring. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sniffled and pulled her hands upwards to the light. The stillness only made her cry harder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei opened the door, and found her, still staring at her hands at the desk fifteen minutes later. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He went to her immediately, and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She wobbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m mad at myself.” She pointed out. He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. That’s ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sniffled, and wrapped her arms around his back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t have to do that for me.” She pointed out. Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But I don’t want anything bad happening when you’re out on your own, because of something stupid like your hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t say anything for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to miss you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to miss you too.” He squeezed a little tighter. “So much.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta prodded the fireplace, watching a little spark fall to the bottom of the pile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax sat on the sofa behind her, and Theta glanced around from her spot on the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” He nodded. “Question for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ask away.” Theta turned back to the fire. The fire poker in her hand was so still. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know that one time you mentioned the cloisters?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not specifically.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You said you got in. And out. Without dying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.” She nodded. Drax moved and sat on the floor beside her. She put the poker down and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you really do that?” He asked. Theta nodded again, slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And- did you see cloister wraths?” He asked. Theta wondered why he was bringing it up. If she knew Drax, she imagined he’d picked up another book and was looking to go on yet another adventure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. They’re kinda scary when you first see them but..I dunno. They got me out so I’m not complaining about them. They never hurt me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And they’re like..the physical manifestation of the entire matrix?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..not really.” She frowned in thought. “I think it would be far too dangerous to have the most advanced database in the universe in a bunch of old time lord bodies. No- they’re more...” she squinted at nothing in particular, trying to articulate what she meant. “They’re like..little windows into it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” he said slowly. “So..hypothetically, if you could get close enough to one, could you..hack into the matrix using a wrath?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh...” Theta thought about it. “I mean...probably. I’m not sure, I don’t really know too much about that. You’re probably better asking Koschei- if anyone can hack into the matrix it’s him. Why?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” he said slowly. “Basically, I figured, there has to be more than one way into the matrix. Cuz I was reading a book, talking about the Amplified Panatropic Computations Net, and I think you could get in through there. It’s like..the surface level of the matrix.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta raised an eyebrow at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You want to hack into APC Net?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not to look at anything. Just to..know if it’s possible.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, have you any idea how illegal that is?” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well who’s going to know? Unless we do it wrong, no one here is going to snitch.” He gestured around the empty room. She got the gist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed in thought. It was not a good idea. But, what could happen? Either they got in, had an incognito sneak about, or they couldn’t get in, and that was that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..do you think you can?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, that’s why I came to you. I’m good at..y’know, physical things. Machines. Not great with..matrix stuff.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I could have a look. If I can’t get into it, Koschei probably can.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. He’s good at like- I dunno, seeing codes and algorithms I couldn’t even comprehend.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wouldn’t have thought that was the kind of thing he was good at.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s kind of good at everything.” Theta shrugged, before frowning. “Are you planning on telling the others about this?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so. They’ve never been opposed to things I’ve suggested before.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but those things were slightly more legal than this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when did they have a problem with legality?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Maybe someone like Vansell does, and we can’t only leave him out.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then he’ll just have to be convinced!” Drax shrugged. “Come on, let’s go pitch it to them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is going to go well.” She scoffed. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0077"><h2>77. Seventy-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have something to suggest.” Drax announced at dinner. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Christ.” Mortimus muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you getting engaged?” Ushas scoffed. Drax rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! I mean, me and Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Didn’t see that one coming.” She sniggered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one is getting engaged.” Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Drax agreed. “Theta and I have a new idea. For something fun to do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oo! Go ahead.” Rallon smiled, clearly excited by the prospect. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, well,” he glanced around the table to make sure he had everyone’s attention. “So, you guys all know the matrix, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Obviously, Drax.” Ushas stabbed her dinner. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you also know that the APC net, is like...surface level Matrix, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, I don’t like where this is going.” Vansell frowned deeply at him. Theta saw that one coming. Drax ignored him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, Theta thought it might be fun to try and...get in.” He said slowly. Jelpax snorted, almost choking on his food. Almost the entire table started laughing, except for Vansell, who caught Theta’s eye, and shot her a ‘really?’ look. She shrugged lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, we’re smart, but we’re not that smart.” Millennia giggled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not even Rassilon could do that,” Jelpax added. “Why do you think we’ll be able to?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I don’t know if we can.” Drax admitted. “But I mean..saying Rassilon couldn’t do it doesn’t really prove much. He was in power, doesn’t mean he was smart.” Theta snapped her finger at him and nodded. That was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The point is, it’s never been done.” Koschei leant forward, clearly very interested in this prospect. “So how are we going to do it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure yet,” Drax was clearly grateful for his support. “I thought, with all of us together, we might have a shot.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you even want to do this?” Ushas folded her arms over her chest, and leant back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. We might find something cool. I mean- look,” he shrugged. “The way I see it, is we either get in and have a sneak about, no one notices, or we don’t get in and it was a waste of time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You do know this is incredibly illegal, don’t you Drax?” Magnus finally asked, glancing up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So? Who’s going to snitch?” He shrugged. There was a general murmur of ‘not me.’ Theta glanced at Millennia, Rallon and Vansell. Not that she thought they’d betray them, but she thought the three of them would be the most concerned with illegal activity. Rallon and Millennia shrugged lightly, sharing a look that meant they were clearly having a separate conversation. Theta imagined they were wondering who it hurt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell did not look happy in the slightest. He had a deep frown on his face, and his foot was rapping on the ground under the table. He looked nervous. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta imagined he didn’t think they could get in and out without being caught. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t exactly have the technology for this, though.” Jelpax pointed out, frowning in thought. Drax clicked and pointed the finger at him, smiling widely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah! Yes we do. Because you can do it on anything. All we need is a hologram, and we can get in.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? So if I sent you a hologram letter, you could get in with that?” He asked. Drax nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yup. I mean it’s all on the same systems. It’s like- like- an iceberg. The system everyone uses is on the top, then underneath is the APC net, and then the matrix is all the way under that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hang on, question?” Millennia actually raised her hand. “You don’t want to hack all the way into the matrix..right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no. I don’t know if we’re even good enough for that. But I think we can get into the APC net.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” she nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is not a good idea.” Vansell spoke up. The nine of them glanced at him, Ushas groaning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lighten up Nosebung. Who’s going to know?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“People in power, if we do it wrong.” He argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So we won’t do it wrong.” Drax shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There is no way you can guarantee that.” He frowned deeply.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then, if we all get caught by police we’ll say you had nothing to do with it.” He reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure they’ll believe that.” Vansell huffed. “You guys are putting everything we worked so hard for in danger. What are we going to do if we have all of this taken away from us? No place to go, no income, no money.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll have our minds.” Drax seemed hellbent on this plan. “Which are the reason we’re not going to get caught in the first place.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you overestimate your intelligence, Drax.” He grumbled. Some of the others sniggered, including Drax. Rallon and Jelpax shot him pretty disapproving looks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Van’,” Theta spoke up. “It’ll be ok. We’ll cover our tracks. And like Drax said, if we get caught, we won’t say anything about you. We’ll tell them about this conversation, and about how you didn’t want to do it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I don’t want you guys to get caught either.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then we wont.” She reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Think about it Vansell,” Koschei interjected. “Think about how big the APC net is. I mean, we can’t even comprehend it, and we can comprehend a lot. Who the hell is going to know, if there’s the most minuscule..blip..in the system.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“People are going to know,” he argued. “There’s a reason that people can’t hack into it successfully. Every corner is guarded to a T. No one has gotten in successfully, and hasn’t gone to prison. You won’t be the exception.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know a lot about the APC net, Van’.” Ushas raised an eyebrow. It was clear she was just jabbing him for the sake of it. “Something you want to tell us?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s called reading a book, Ushas, you should try it sometime.” He muttered defensively. Theta frowned lightly at him. Vansell had been acting so weird lately. Maybe not weird, but certainly defensive. Kind of, on edge. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hoped he was alright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You read the book on it.” Drax butted in. “The one in the library?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, so you must have picked up on the chapter about the code, right? The fact that they have to have an unstable line of code to reinforce the others.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which means there’s a line of code that we can get into.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes Drax, but what you fail to consider is that if you add anything to that line of code, it will throw every single other one off of balance, and make us entirely too obvious.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not if we’re a small enough unit.” Drax glanced at Theta for confirmation, who nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you get that number small enough?” Magnus asked, directing the question, more at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hypothetically, yes.” She nodded. “It would take me a bit of time, but I could do it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what if you mess it up?” Vansell asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I won’t.” Theta reassured. She was not actually that confident about her coding skills, but she wasn’t about to tell Vansell that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He narrowed his eyes at her for a long moment, clearly trying to figure out if she was lying. Eventually, he must have decided she was certain, because he sat back and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” He shook his head as he was saying it. “But if there is even an inkling that things are about to go wrong, you leave it. Ok?” He looked at her, and Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You got it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would admit, she did feel a slight pressure with everyone stood behind her in the common room, as she looked at the hologram. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell was pacing back and forth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax and Koschei were stood on either side of her, since they seemed to be the people who knewabout what was going on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at what was in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was fine. She could do this. It was just maths. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was good at maths. She liked maths. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta found it pretty easy to worm her way into the code of the letter, then shooting herself into the main web of Gallifrey’s technology. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced over her shoulder at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which direction do I go in?” she asked. He hummed, and stared at the numbers for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He reached out over her, and sent them along a string of numbers, that were apparently an algorithm that Theta just couldn’t quite see. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sent them far enough down this string, that they hit a wall of code that Theta struggled with. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was fast and forever changing, clearly a way to try and ward off anyone attempting to worm their way into the APC net. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned deeply at it, before Jelpax leant over her other shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If we freeze it for a moment, we should be able to get in. But it’ll just be a split second, so we’ll have to be quick.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, give me a second. Let me minimise.” Theta shed some weight off of them, making their little bit of code as small and undetectable as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then Jelpax messed about for a long moment, before glancing at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, I press this, you press that.” He nodded at a certain point, and Theta nodded. “Ready, go.” They tapped at the same time, and shot forward, past the wall, and into a string of very fast moving, very complicated code. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And that was it. They were in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would be honest, it was a little underwhelming. She glanced around at her friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that it?” Magnus asked. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. It was kinda easy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mega brains, I don’t know what to tell you.” Drax grinned, tapping his own temple. Theta scoffed and glanced back around, catching sight of Vansell’s pale expression on her way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered what was wrong. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0078"><h2>78. Seventy-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright Drax, you wanted to do this. What do you want to see?” Theta asked. Drax bit his lip. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..to be honest I didn’t think we’d get in. I didn’t really get that far.” Ushas groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Helpful, Drax, as always.” She leant over Theta. “What kinda thing do they keep in this place?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure.” She glanced at Vansell. “You read the book Van’, what do you know?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh...” he shifted nervously on his feet. “Like..files on alien threats, criminal cases, interior threats. Organisations and stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What, like decas?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah!” Drax butted in. “Let’s see what it says about us.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” Theta practically jumped at the pure shrillness of Vansell’s voice. They all turned to look at him, and he seemed to remember himself. “I- I mean, think about it guys. If we go straight to our own files- if someone knows we’re in here, they’re going to trace it back to us.” There was a general grumbling of reluctant agreement. “Besides, what’s going to be in there that we don’t already know about ourselves?” He tacked on the end. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, that’s fair.” Drax huffed. Theta frowned at Vansell for a moment. He seemed so on edge. There was actual sweat at his brow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He caught her eye, and she frowned deeper. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you ok?’ She pushed gently. He glanced away, and nodded tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Yeah. Just not excited about being where we’re not meant to be.’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘It’ll be ok.’ She tried to reassure. She got a shake on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She turned back. “Where am I going?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go to internal threats.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta searched for it for a moment. It took a bit longer than usual, because of the odd nature of the code, but she found her way there eventually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Most of the files were just names that she didn’t know.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They went into a couple of them, and found out what they’d done to become ‘threats’, but most of it was just what was expected. Domestic terrorism, snooping where they weren’t meant to, that kind of thing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t long before the others got bored, and told her to go find external threats. She was about to worm her way out, before Koschei put a hand on her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wait, hang on, go back.” Theta did what he said, and Koschei spun them around to look at a piece of code. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was faster, and more encrypted than even the entrance to the APC net. They frowned at it for a long moment, before Theta glanced at Koschei, who was practically scowling at it, clearly trying to work it out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you get into it?” Mortimus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Don’t think so.” Theta admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s an anagram.” Koschei decided. Theta looked back at the numbers. How the fuck had he seen an anagram from that? How fast was his mind moving? She looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, Theta was in complete awe of him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does it say?” Mortimus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh-“ he frowned. “It’s ‘the’ something. ‘The...t? T something’, maybe. Or a c.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at it again, trying hopelessly to see what he did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ‘The Ti something’ or, like ‘The ca something.’ It gets difficult then cuz I don’t think the anagrams in one language.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that’s stupid.” Jelpax said from beside Theta. “Why would they put half of an encrypted anagram in an alien language? Surely that’s just going to make it easier for that kind of alien to get in.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not alien.” Theta looked back at it. “It’s ancient Gallifreyan.” That made the most sense. It had to be- there was no other language secure enough. Still, that was frustrating. If Theta could see what Koschei was seeing, maybe she’d be able to make it out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’ll take too long to decode.” Vansell decided. “Let’s just go look at something else.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But this could be super interesting.” Drax argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but don’t you think this kind of information they’re making impossible to get into, will probably be guarded to the nines?” He pointed out, clearly irritated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re no fun.” He grumbled. “Ok, let’s go look at aliens.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta, begrudgingly, pulled them out of interior threats, and away from the guarded information, towards alien threats. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Dalek’s were there, but there wasn’t any new information particularly. They looked through the files of other aliens, pretty much based on which had the coolest names. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whats that?” Magnus pointed at a random one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh,” Theta looked at it. “Weeping angels?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oo! Go in there.” She wormed her way into the file, and it became decrypted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Those things are creepy.” Mortimus muttered at the image. It was of a statue, with its eyes covered. It wasn’t as clear as the other images, being slightly encrypted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The image is encrypted, because an image of an angel is also dangerous.” Koschei read. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve seen one of those before.” Theta said, the memory popping into her head the longer she stared at it. “In the cloisters, there was one, I think.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Every time you mention the cloisters it seems more and more unlikely that you were going to get out.” Drax pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s so interesting,” his boyfriend murmured from beside Theta, where he was still reading the page. “When you’re looking at them, they just cease to exist.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How would we win against those things?” Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know,” Jelpax admitted. “But we must be doing something right, or they would’ve invaded by now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there nothing more interesting?” Magnus groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you want Magnus?” Rallon laughed. “Is this not interesting?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean it is but like, where’s the really cool stuff?” He asked. Theta pulled them back out, and sifted through more stuff. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There.” Koschei pointed at something. “That sounds cool.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it?” Magnus asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Celestial Toymaker.” Theta burrowed her way into the file. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmmm” she hummed. “This isn’t interesting, he’s just a legend.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The citadel don’t seem to think so.” Koschei murmured. “I don’t think they would’ve called him a threat if he was a legend.” That was a good point actually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Woah,” Magnus murmured, reading over their shoulders. “Dude- he’s a god. This is sick, he’s not even from this universe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How is that possible?” Millennia asked, from where she barely had a look of the screen from the back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He was from a universe before this one, and he got shot into this one by accident.” Magnus explained. “No wonder the citadel thinks he’s a threat, this guy sounds mad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t say anything about him being evil.” Theta pointed out. “And look, it says he might not even exist at the bottom. They’ve just made a cautionary file.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well Theta,” Ushas slapped her on the shoulder. “There’s your new adventure. Go find out if he’s real.” Theta scoffed, and shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I mean it. It tells you where to go. Just hop in the TARDIS, stick your head outside, and let us know if you see a god.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas,” Vansell was clearly not impressed, if his tone was anything to go by. “Don’t be stupid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They have a location to find him, don’t you think if anyone had popped over to see him they’d be able to say if he was real. It’s clearly too dangerous to go, or everyone who has hasn’t come back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To be fair, that has not stopped me before.” Theta pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell might be right.” Koschei murmured, still reading the file. “I’m not happy with the lack of information on this guy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s he going to do, make me a toy?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, listen to yourself.” Vansell huffed. “You found a file on a god, in the alien threat section of a web that the public are not meant to be able to access, and you’re thinking of popping in for a visit? You’re being stupid.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, ok.” She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh come on. Don’t pussy out.” Ushas groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You go do it if you’re that confident, Ushas.” Koschei bit back. She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will. And I’ll come back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas,” Magnus sighed. “No one is going to visit the evil God.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or we could all go.” Drax suggested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and we all die, wonderful idea Drax.” Magnus rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You guys are pussies.” Theta decided. “I’ll go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei said disapprovingly behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come, Theta. Millennia jumped in. The nine of them turned around to look at her in surprise. “What? I said I’d come with Theta next time she went on an adventure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when?” Rallon asked. She shrugged lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know, since about a week ago. I just thought it would be fun. And Theta’s right, as long as we don’t get out of the TARDIS, we’re perfectly safe. Nothing can get into the TARDIS.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It does say here some of the laws of physics don’t apply to him cuz he came from a different universe though.” Koschei pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not physics, it’s dimensional engineering.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t that involve physics?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my-“ Vansell butted in. “No one is going to see the evil god!” He decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll come.” Rallon jumped on the wagon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0079"><h2>79. Seventy-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You guys are gonna be the death of me,” Vansell groaned. “I can’t believe you’re actually considering this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well who does it hurt if we don’t get out of the TARDIS?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I bet that’s what all the other people who went after him said, until they died.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t even know he’s real.” Ushas pointed out, slumping against the sofa. Theta assumed they were done snooping, so swiped away the hologram, making everyone who had still been looking at it to turn to Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah Van, let them have their fun.” Koschei waved him off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not fun.” He argued desperately, turning back to Millennia and Rallon, who he seemed to have decided were the most sensible. “Guys, come on.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be ok, Van’,” Millennia sat beside him to squeeze his shoulder. “It’s just a little adventure, you’ll hardly notice we’re gone.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Millennia, it’s stupid. Go to a new planet all you want, but not one where there’s a possible evil God.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have we stopped,” Ushas drawled, waving her hand around, “to consider the idea that no one knows if he exists, because no one was bored enough to check? I mean he doesn’t exactly sound threatening.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly,” Rallon nodded at her. “Besides, if a bunch of people had gone to find out and they hadn’t come back, don’t you think it would’ve said on the file?” Koschei made a so-so noise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Depends on wether or not they count in variables.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Which they won’t.” Vansell said. “Guys, it literally costs you nothing to go to a different planet, that definitely does not have an evil God on it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But the possibility is what makes it fun,” Theta said. Vansell blinked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you’re being selfish.” She was a little taken aback by that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is that supposed to mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Think of the one hundred and one ways this could go wrong. What if the citadel finds out- I mean Jesus, you guys know how illegal this is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are they going to know?” Koschei asked. “No one keeps tabs on privately owned TARDIS’s.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what they tell us, anyway.” Vansell deadpanned. He raised a slow eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when were you critical of the government, Van’?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stop changing the subject.” He huffed. “What if someone finds out, and you get in legal trouble?” He looked back at Theta. “You’re putting your future in danger, Theta- not even yours! Millennia and Rallon’s too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you acting like this was my idea?” She asked defensively. “Millennia and Rallon can think for themselves, I’m not telling anyone they have to come with me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re still putting your own future in danger.” He groaned in frustration. Each word he said only made Theta want to do it more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe spite was immature of her, but she hadn’t been thinking about it until he pinned everything on her. That wasn’t fair, it wasn’t her idea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well it’s my own actions, so I’ll be the only one responsible.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell frowned at her in clear irritation for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, for someone so selfless at heart, you can be really selfish sometimes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked at him in surprise. She hadn’t been expecting that kind of thing from Vansell. He was usually so sweet. She thought they had a really close friendship. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave her alone Vansell.” Koschei muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, don’t.” Theta shook him off. “What does that mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You do stupid things, for your own self interest.” He continued, clearly not put off by her reaction. “Most people just- just go for a run, or take a bath, but you just can’t do that Theta, and it’s so frustrating when people want to keep you safe.” He huffed. She frowned. “You’re an adrenaline junkie, Theta. And sometimes I’m not entirely sure you don’t just run into fire for the thrill of it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her mouth to say something, before finding that she wasn’t sure there was anything she could say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was that true? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked around the room. Most people were either gauging her reaction, or staring in shock at Vanell’s outburst. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spared a glance to her left at Koschei, who was frowning deeply at Vansell. He didn’t look happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was strange. To her it seemed like Koschei wanted to be the only one allowed to criticise her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe she was just distracting herself from what Vansell had said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think I do what I do in my own self interest?” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To an extent. No ones truly selfless.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m..not being selfish, Vansell. I’m not making Millennia and Rallon come with me- I- I don’t know why you’re only bringing me up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, Theta,” he sighed. “I love you, you know I do, but you’re not..aware. You don’t see it like the rest of us do. Pretty much everyone here trusts you with their life- would probably run into fire after you. You’re liked, rightfully, but it means you have massive influence over the decisions we make, even if you don’t see it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that’s not my fault.” She argued, gaining in self assurance. Theta was sure she was being blamed for something completely out of her hands here. “Everyone has free will, if people choose to come with me, it’s not my responsibility to stop them. If you’re all so aware of my ‘influence’ then surely you can just ignore it.” She huffed. Vansell frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t a criticism Theta, I was just pointing out a fact.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it was a criticism, wasn’t it? You’re having a go at me for something I have no control over. Something that- I’d like to point out, wasn’t my idea in the first place. Ushas made a joke, I took it as a dare, Millennia and Rallon want to come on an adventure where we don’t even leave the TARDIS, and you have to take something as inconsequential as that and turn it into a reason to criticise me.” She was annoyed, Theta wouldn’t pretend she wasn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She did pride herself on being level headed, but for some reason, this had massively irked her. Maybe it was because she never thought Vansell would say something like that. They were friends, and whilst she knew that didn’t exempt her from his criticism, she thought he would’ve at least brought it up maturely, instead of starting an argument. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you’ve got something to say about me Vansell, you could’ve at least talked to me privately, and maturely.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am being mature. I’m not yelling like other people.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you’re doing it in front of everyone else.” She pointed out sharply. Vansell just shrugged a little, as if he couldn’t understand why she was upset. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not up to me what they do. I didn’t tell them to listen.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was not happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to go outside with this?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d pay to watch that.” Ushas grinned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave it Theta, you’ll only make him embarrassed.” Koschei looked at her. “I can’t be bothered to get up for a fight that’ll last two seconds.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to fight.” Vansell frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then stop being a dick.” Theta argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not a dick for criticising you.” He said again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are for doing it in front of everyone else. I mean jesus- what is it about me? Does no one here feel like they can’t just pull me aside and talk to me about my flaws?” She asked, looking around the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would.” Millennia said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You do get defensive, love.” Koschei admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do I?” She asked. This was starting to hurt a bit. It felt a little like they were ganging up on her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A little. Not unbearably so.” He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” She said quietly. “Well, does anyone else have any problems with me, because you might as well get it out now.” She looked around at her friends. Most of them were avoiding her eye, but no one said anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok. Right. Well, thanks for the honesty.” Theta stood up, and walked off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want to admit to being upset about something that was hardly a fight. But even Koschei had agreed with him a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe Vansell was right. Maybe she was completely self serving. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta went to sit on her bed for a long time, staring at the wall opposite. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What did she do now? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Someone opened the door, and she assumed it was Koschei, until Rallon sat next to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you alright?” He asked. Theta looked at him, and searched his face for any malice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is he right?” She asked. “No one said he wasn’t right.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” Rallon frowned in consideration. “I think it’s up to interpretation. I mean- it’s not even you, it’s just the ethics of what is selflessness and what is not. You could argue that any selfless act to an extent is selfish.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But am I selfish?” She asked. “Do you think I’m self serving?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I don’t think so. I think you want to help people because you care. And maybe..y’know, maybe a little bit because it makes you feel good too. But that’s not a bad thing. Just because helping people makes you feel happy doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded slowly, and looked back down at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But Vansell thinks so.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think we just worked him up.” Her friend reassured. “He didn’t want us going into the net, didn’t want us to look at certain things, and didn’t want us to go to the Toymaker. He’s just stressed.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want to come? Because you don’t have to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’ll come.” He smiled a little. “It’s hardly a trip if we’re not getting out of the TARDIS. Fun day out with you and Nia’, why wouldn’t I come?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just thought you might feel like you had to come because Millennia’s coming.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They sat in silence for a while, although it was comfortable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t think Vansell will say anything to anyone, do you?” Rallon asked, as if the thought had just popped into his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah, don’t think so.” She shook her head. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t trust the government as much as he used to. He won’t snitch.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good. That’s good.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0080"><h2>80. Eighty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do we actually need anything?” Theta asked, frowning at her friends. Millennia hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so. Maybe..a plan, though. In case something goes wrong.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” Theta agreed. “Let’s just agree to not let each other out of our sight. And to not leave the TARDIS unless it’s absolutely necessary.” She said. “And- to not be there for longer than like..fifteen minutes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should be fine. I mean really, it’s just a ‘go, poke your head out and come back’ situation. We’re probably hyping it up to be a lot more dramatic than it will be.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe, but it’s not a bad thing to be careful.” Millennia said, in a voice that made her sound way too much like a mother. Theta was sure she’d be a good one whenever the two of them decided they wanted to do that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it’s not.” Theta agreed. “Right, well do we want to get going?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” The two of them agreed. They headed their way downstairs, and made a general announcement that they were about to get going. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bye guys!” Jelpax called from the lab. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bye!” Rallon called back. Vansell was nowhere to be seen. Theta assumed he was moping somewhere. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do anything I would.” Ushas shot them a rare but tight smile, as Magnus scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll be alright.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long are you going for?” Drax asked. Theta shrugged a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t want to be there for more than fifteen minutes. So for you, we’ll probably be back in like two or something, depending on wether I can get my timings right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, have fun. Let us know if you see a God.” He looked back at his book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t do anything stupid.” Koschei stood up to give her hand a quick squeeze, before glancing at Rallon and Millennia. “I’d say the same to you two, but I don’t think we have to worry about that.” Millennia laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Much appreciated.” Mortimus popped his head around the kitchen door, with a spoon in his mouth. He made a general noise that sounded like ‘bye’ and put his hand up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“See you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them filed out, Theta closing the door after her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right! Adventure awaits.” They made their way to the TARDIS, where Millennia put the bag she’d brought down. Ever prepared. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I drive?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you pass your test?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realise.” He said genuinely. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, why don’t you drive on the way back?” Millennia suggested. “Besides, it might take all three of us piloting this thing to get us to the right place. I don’t imagine any planets blacklisted on the APC net are going to have a particularly smooth landing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, ok, that’s fair.” She grumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” Millennia pulled out her little pad of paper, where she’d written the coordinates down. Theta wasn’t sure why she’d had a pad of paper on her when they’d been looking at the net, but, once again, she was impressed with her friends ability to think about thirty steps ahead. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She crossed over to the console, and slowly, deliberately plugged the right coordinates in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The TARDIS made what Theta could only decide was a whining noise around them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them looked up at it, frowning.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the matter?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s not happy.” Theta murmured, making her way to the console, and fiddling for a bit. “Whats wrong, girl? Do you not think you can land it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think it’s that. I just think she doesn’t want to go there.” Millennia frowned. “Perhaps, if the TARDIS thinks it’s a bad idea, we shouldn’t go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nia’ don’t worry. TARDIS’s aren’t meant to have an opinion on where we go- only busted ones do that, and ours isn’t busted, she’s still new. It’s probably something else.” Rallon reassured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe, but it still doesn’t make me feel very good about it.” She considered. Theta moved around the console, spinning a control to face her, and flipping a switch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well if you don’t feel comfortable with it, you don’t have to come Nia’, it’s ok.” Theta murmured absently, but genuinely. She would never want her friend to feel uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia frowned a little, in contemplation, and looked at the console. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there any other reason she could be making that noise?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m pretty sure,” Theta leant across to pull a lever down. “She just isn’t sure about the location.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Millennia asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, think about it,” Theta turned to explain it properly. “If this dude does exist, he is a physiological anomaly. He exploded into this universe from another- he’s probably spewing with Artron energy. I don’t blame her for not being sure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So he’s real?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe. There might be another reason, but that’s the one I’ve got.” She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well that still furthers my point.” Millennia didn’t seem sure at all now. “The TARDIS doesn’t want to go. I mean- even if he’s not there, and there’s just a big collection of Artron energy there, surely that’s not good to go near with a TARDIS anyway.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be ok, Nia’,” it was Rallon’s turn to comfort her, as Theta worked to stabilise as much as she could. This was probably going to be a bumpy ride. “This is the newest model,” he gestured around the console room. “It’s designed so that Artron energy can’t throw it off. It might not like it, but it’ll be fine. It’s designed to even withstand an Artron bomb.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” She asked. Rallon squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would I bring you anywhere I didn’t think you’d be alright?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That seemed to quell her friends worrying, and she smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are we ready?” Theta asked. Her friends made their way over to the console, and Theta set them off. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was right. It was a bumpy ride. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still, it would’ve been a lot worse if she’d been on her own. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them steered the TARDIS pretty well, and the landing, which for a moment, Theta thought would be pretty disastrous, went without a hitch. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them were effectively buzzing after such success, and so, after doing a few checks that all was good, bounded towards the doors. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if he’s ugly?” Rallon whispered. Millennia giggled and smacked his arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not nice! Everyone is beautiful in their own way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus.” Theta groaned playfully. “Ready?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta opened the door, and the three of them peaked their heads around the side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was just a planet. Barron, and boring, and still. No artron bomb, no big god in the sky. No toys, which Theta had entertained for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Just a planet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know wether to be disappointed or relieved.” Theta said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m relieved. I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself if there had been some huge dude in the sky.” Rallon pulled his head back inside, and they shut the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh well! The idea was fun.” Theta bounded back over to the console, more excited by the prospect that she got to drive them back home. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She plugged the coordinates in, and pulled the lever down, obviously expecting the ship to dematerialise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it didn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned, and looked back at the console. Had she left some kind of brake on?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried again. The TARDIS made a pained wheezing noise, but didn’t move. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is everything ok?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She murmured, frowning at the console. “She doesn’t want to go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” He stepped towards the console, and checked the controls. “That’s strange. Everything’s right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is she stalled?” Millennia made her way over too. “If there’s a big artron emission it could’ve knocked her off.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhhh,” Theta did a few checks. “No, she’s perfectly fine.” Her frown deepened. “Shes more than fine actually. She looks really keen to get out of here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So go.” Rallon looked up to the console hopefully. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She can’t.” Theta murmured absently. It didn’t make sense. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s- it’s like there’s a weight on her. Like a- a dimensional, infinite, dense rock in the middle of her, holding her down.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But that’s not possible, the TARDIS is infinite. Nothing has that power.” Rallon shook his head in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up at her fiends, and swallowed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Gods do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can come out now.” Came a voice. The three of them practically jumped out of their skins, whirling around to look for where it was coming from. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was booming, and felt like it was coming from everywhere- even inside her own head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was that?” Millennia whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come and find out.” It said. “It’s been ages since I’ve had anyone new to play with.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0081"><h2>81. Eighty-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, we can stay in here. We can hear you.” Theta said, looking between her friends anxiously. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh no!” The voice laughed. “You can’t stay in there forever, please, just come out now. Or I’ll wait you out. Don’t worry, I’m very patient.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” Theta swallowed. Millennia shook a frantic head at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I’ll be ok.’ She reassured silently, and headed towards the doors. Her friends followed, waiting nervously in the doorway, as Theta stepped out into the planet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t see anyone. There wasn’t a big man in the sky, like she’d been expecting. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently, this god had no physical form. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh please! Your friends should join us too!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re ok, I can speak for all of us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely not, I insist.” Despite his pretty jovial voice, it wasn’t hard to spot the malice lying underneath them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Millennia and Rallon nervously shuffled out, hands clutched tightly together. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There you are!” The voice sang happily. “Now, what are you doing in my toy room?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Theta said slowly. “We..heard about you, maybe being a myth, and we wanted to check. We just thought it would be fun, but- y’know, we’ve done it now, and you are real! So we can just go back home and, tell people...or not..depending on what you would prefer.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Time Lords.” He tutted. “Always nosy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” Theta covered her back. “We didn’t mean any harm- we can get out of your way.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no! It’s been so long since I’ve had guests. And y’know, I always say, you can’t come to my toy room without playing a little game.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh- that’s alright. We don’t have to-“ Theta started. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! I insist. It would be my pleasure. And if you win, I’ll send you home no questions asked.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if we don’t win?” Rallon asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” the Toymaker sighed. “As you can see, I am currently without body. So I’ll probably use one of you for that. And the other two..maybe you can possess my dolls.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them looked between each other, as Theta’s hearts began to pound. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What...what does that look like?” Rallon asked. Theta had no idea why he was asking- this morbid curiosity would surely only get them answers they didn’t really want to know. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I suppose, it would look a bit like you just..dropped dead! A body with no soul.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched Rallon’s hand tighten on Millennias’. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, so what do we have to do?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Answer a question- it’s more of a quiz game really. You get three guesses, one for the three of you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are impatient!” He tutted. “Walk for a while.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Curiosity will get you nowhere. Walk.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced back at her friends and swallowed, beginning to lead them along the ground, away from the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know where they were going, but she followed instruction, and her hearts kept pounding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It could’ve been minutes, or about half an hour, that Theta began to notice odd shapes on the horizon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned deeply, and turned for the fortieth time to check her friends were still beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were, albeit looking quite pale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them continued their way towards the shape, Theta eventually being able to make it out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only way she could describe it was a room without the walls. There was a floor, littered with huge toys. Dolls lying limp on the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was very unnerving. A thought crossed her mind about how many of those dolls had souls in them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was enough to make her shudder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think?” The voice came again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s...nice.” Theta didn’t know what to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we get the question?” Millennia asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course!” He cleared his throat. “What is a Time Lord’s biggest flaw?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them looked between each other. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had no idea. There were a lot of flaws. But the biggest one? Theta had no idea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia opened her mouth, but Theta waved a hand at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t. Think about it. You only get one answer.” She said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Millennia closed her mouth, and nodded a little, frowning in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘I really think I know.’ She put across. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Are you sure?’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Well, it could be anything. Maybe we just need to go with our gut.’ She considered. Theta swallowed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t sure. This could go so badly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ok.’ She nodded a little, and Millennia glanced at Rallon, shooting him a reassuring smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I know.” She called out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is your guess?” The Toymaker asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think...it’s regeneration.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Toymaker laughed a little, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A good guess. But not correct!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s heart leapt into her throat, as Millennia turned to look at Rallon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She opened her mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon-“ Millennia’s eyes rolled backwards, and her knees gave out. Rallon’s eyes widened as he stumbled to catch her weight, choking on a noise of shock. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mil- Millennia!” He shifted her close, as Theta stared in shock, her mouth open. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What the fuck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What the fuck. This wasn’t supposed to happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Millennia!” Rallon shook her, but she didn’t wake up. Theta scrambled towards her, and put her fingers on her fiends wrist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- no no no!” Rallon stroked her hair from her face with trembling hands, and cupped her cheeks. “Nia’! Millennia!” He looked up at Theta, terror and heartbreak spilling from his eyes. “Do something!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes- yes you can- The- Theta- just use your regeneration!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s nothing to regenerate- she- she’s just an empty shell.” Theta felt tears threaten her eyes as she shook. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was her fault. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had happened again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But to her sister. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Next guess!” Came the taunting voice. Rallon stared at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bring her back.” He whispered. “Bring her back Theta!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I-“ she watched Rallon break down, and cradle Millennia’s body close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might have to start a timer!” His voice came again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t think. She had to think. She had to get Rallon out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Biggest flaw? What was it? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well, she was a time lord, she could think of something. What was her biggest flaw? What had gotten her into every awful situation she’d ever been in? What had gotten her into this one? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Curiosity.” She blurted before she could think it over. “It’s...its curiosity.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She winced, waiting for it all to be over. But it didn’t happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a smart one.” The voice taunted. “You should get back home.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked back tears as she stumbled upright in shock, grabbing Rallon’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! Let go of me!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon! We have to go!” She tried to tug him upright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! No- I-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon, please!” She cried. Theta managed to get the momentum to pull him up and away from Millennia, and she started running. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stumbled but followed, tears streaming down his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt like she was running for hours until she finally saw the TARDIS on the horizon. Her hearts were pounding in her ears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had happened again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not to Millennia. Not to her. She didn’t deserve it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta shoved open the door to the TARDIS, but was yanked backwards as Rallon dug his heels into the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She spun around, not letting go of his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon...” Theta knew what was coming. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t leave her.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta began to cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She wept. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, please,” he squeezed her hand. “Come back for us. Tomorrow or- or in five hundred years. Just..please.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I will.” She promised. Rallon nodded, setting his jaw in an attempt to stay strong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta bowed low and pressed a kiss to his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He almost broke, as he nodded tightly at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a selfless person, Theta. You’re always there when people need you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He tugged his hand away, and shut the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spun around and bolted over to the console, shoving the lever down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at the console in front of her, silent tears rolling down her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When she’d said she wanted to be the one to drive, she never meant like this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta heard the TARDIS land somewhere in the back of her mind, but she didn’t move. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was stood there for what felt like hours, but could’ve been minutes, until the door opened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you still doing in here-“ Koschei stopped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” Jelpax’s voice came. “Where’s Millennia and Rallon?” He asked. She didn’t reply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What could she say? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta?” He asked again, voice growing more panicked by the second. “Theta!” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes this hurt me as much as it hurt you</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0082"><h2>82. Eighty-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I told her to be careful.” Theta whispered, staring at the floor over her seven friends stood in front of her. “But she- she got it wrong- and- and then I got it right and I- I- I- I tried to get Rallon to come back,” she felt her eyes welling up again. “But he said he wouldn’t leave her.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was silence for a long time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then Jelpax sat down, and put his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I don’t-“ he shook his head, and Theta looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I- I didn’t-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” Vansell muttered, eyes on the ground. She could smell the emotion on him. “I told you Theta,” he looked at her, fury and heartbreak filling his eyes. “I told you it was an awful idea, and you still fucking went!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta winced, and looked back down, beginning to cry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave her alone Vansell.” Ushas snapped. “This isn’t her fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck,” Jelpax whispered. “What the fuck.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok listen,” Koschei’s voice was as serious as it had been the first time. It still made Theta reel. “This never happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Drax blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This didn’t happen.” He repeated, stepping towards Drax. “We never went on the APC net, we didn’t know Millennia and Rallon did, and we don’t know where they went.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you fucking serious??” Vansell scoffed in pure disbelief. “Koschei- do you hear yourself??”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We are in serious shit, if anyone finds out this happened-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They are dead, Koschei!” Vansell raised his voice, and Theta squeezed her eyes shut. “We just lost two of our friends and you’re thinking about how we can cover it up-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because we will lose three if we don’t.” He hissed, stepping into Vansell’s space. Vansell seemed taken aback, as Koschei pointed in Theta’s direction. “If anyone finds out, they will send Theta to prison. Is that what you want?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell was quiet for a long moment. Theta opened her eyes to look up at him. She almost couldn’t believe he was hesitating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If we get caught covering this up, it’ll be all of us.” He eventually said slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you would rather Theta?” Magnus piped up. He’d been staring quietly at the floor the whole time. “Her or us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She didn’t do anything wrong!” Koschei argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was her idea to go in the first place!” Vansell argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! It was Ushas’!” Koschei turned to look at the other woman, who was frowning at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Millennia and Rallon follow, that’s what they do.” Vansell argued. “Theta led this- this was her.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She didn’t do anything.” Magnus agreed. Theta hadn’t been expecting that. “You don’t blame the only person who got out of a kidnapping.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell glanced at Theta. It was clear he hadn’t thought of it like that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. You know- I- I’m not out to get you. But..you knew the risks, and you still went through with it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe Vansell’s right.” Drax said quietly. Theta felt a whole new wave of emotion wash over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t her fault. Surely it wasn’t- she hadn’t done anything. It had been their shared decision, she’d just been the one to get out. She’d tried to help Rallon. She hadn’t done anything. And her friends were turning against her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax,” Jelpax looked up, eyes wet. “Don’t say that. Theta decided to go, and so did they. Just because she got out- it’s not her fault.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I tried,” Theta wobbled. “I tried to help Rallon...I got him all the way back to the TARDIS.” Her voice caught. “But- I- I couldn’t- he wouldn’t leave her. I tired.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly,” Koschei agreed. “Rallon made a choice, just like Millennia made the choice to answer. Theta isn’t responsible for them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter.” Ushas shook her head slowly. “When the citadel find out about this, she’s the one who’s going to face prison time.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then we make sure they don’t ever find out.” Koschei repeated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can’t do that,” Vansell argued. “It’s illegal.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you want her to go to prison?” Koschei argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want that on my conscience!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well too bad!” He snapped. “I’m sure Theta doesn’t either, and you don’t see her complaining.” He glanced at Theta, who was sure it was very obvious in her eyes how grateful she was for him. “Suck it up Vansell. We’ve already lost two of us, let’s not lose another.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t we-“ Jelpax fumbled for a moment. “Can’t we just explain? I mean- theres- there’s got to be another way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s the citadel, Jelpax.” Koschei said coldly. “They won’t care about the details. They’ll just want to find someone to blame and punish so they can say they carried out their duties.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Ushas butted in. “Why don’t you go upstairs? Try and get some sleep?” She said. It wasn’t a kind tone, but it seemed like a kind action. Then again, maybe it was just to get her out of the way, so they could discuss what to do with her behind her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t really find it in herself to care, even if it was the latter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She shakily stood up, and glanced about her friends. Koschei was clearly trying to reassure her. Jelpax had his eyes on her feet. Drax was pacing the floor. Vansell was turned away. Ushas and Magnus were looking at each other. Mortimus was staring at Millennia’s book, still perched on an arm rest, having not said anything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was her fault. Even if what had happened to Millennia and Rallon wasn’t, this- this. This was her fault. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know what to do with herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sat on her bed, but she didn’t feel like she was. She couldn’t feel the material of her sheets. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her inside felt hollow. Or- not hollow, but like there was some kind of hollow, keeping in all of the emotion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know wether she wanted it to come out or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How had this happened? How had she let this happen? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her friends. Her family- two of the only people who had treated her like she was part of a family. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she’d let them down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had happened again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta could hear muffled voices downstairs. They were arguing about her. They were deciding what to do with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wanted them to hand her in to the police. But, at the same time, she hadn’t done anything wrong. She wasn’t responsible for their actions. But she still felt as though it was her fault. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was pretty sure she’d been sat there for at least three hours. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was dark, when Koschei opened the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he said. It was stern. Like he was about to tell her how to act again. Like he was going to tell her that if she didn’t do what he said, they’d never see each other again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta still didn’t want that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is Vansell going to tell anyone?” She asked quietly. Koschei sighed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not if I have anything to do with it. And not today. We’ve decided to get some sleep.” He moved to crouch in front of her. Theta’s eyes filled with tears, just at the thought of what was coming.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to have to be strong. She didn’t want to cover it up. She didn’t want to pretend it hadn’t happened. She didn’t want to lie. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She welled up and looked past him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he took both of her hands, and Theta shook her head, sniffing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God- please don’t Koschei.” She wobbled. “Don’t say it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, I have to.” He squeezed her hand, and she ducked her head, letting out a small noise of pain. “No one can know about this.” He said gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not fair.” She cried. “Not on them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not going to lose you to this, Theta, please.” He put a hand on her cheek and guided her face upwards gently, wiping one of her tears away. “Listen to me, love. You have to do what I tell you,” she immediately started to cry harder, shaking her head. “Love, come on, please,” he said softly. “Don’t let me lose you to this. It’s for your own good.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t- I-“ Theta broke down in sobs, stomach clenching. Koschei’s own head ducked, and he opened his arms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come here.” He said quietly. Theta dropped to her knees on the ground, and wrapped her arms tightly around him, crying harder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei clutched her close, putting a hand on the back of her head as she cried into his collarbone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” his own voice wobbled, and buried his head in the crook of her neck. “Why did you let Rallon go?” His own body began to shake with quiet cries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I-“ She hiccuped. “I couldn’t- he was adamant. I would’ve- I would’ve stayed for you. I would’ve gone back for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He groaned in pure anguish it seemed, and rocked her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “Im so- sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pressed a kiss to her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I forgive you.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0083"><h2>83. Eighty-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei?” Theta whispered. The two of them were lying in bed awake. Theta didn’t think she’d be able to sleep, even if she wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?” He murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I guilty?” She asked quietly. Koschei was quiet for a long time, before sighing deeply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He eventually said. “Legally..yes. If not Millennia’s, you’d definitely be convicted of Rallon’s murder to some extent. You were an accessory to murder.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..we don’t even know if he’s dead.” She whispered. Theta knew it was a foolish hope, and one that she herself didn’t even believe. It didn’t even make her feel any better, saying it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t need a body to be convicted.” He pointed out. Theta didn’t like it when he said that. Rallon wasn’t ‘a body’. He was Rallon. He still was. Kind and clever and philosophical. Always prepared. And always a little bit afraid. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well...what do you think?” She asked. “If I’m guilty- I- why do you keep this up Koschei? Always trying to protect me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because, apart from the fact that I love you, the Citadel are wrong about most things. Their laws are shoddy and their justice system is shoddier. You might’ve been there, and you might have some of the blame, but it’s done now. What’s the point in punishing you? It’s not going to change what happened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone needs to be held accountable.” She whispered. “And it can’t be that fucking God.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why not?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d never get him. Don’t think it’s possible.” Theta sat up in bed, and stared at the back wall in the darkness. Koschei glanced at her. “You’d be lucky to get out.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I got lucky. And I wasn’t fast enough.” Theta knew beating herself up about what had happened would help no one, but what else could she do? There were a million and one ways that she could’ve made a difference. “Millennia wasn’t sure. She wanted to go back. But- Rallon and I told her it would be fine.” Theta shook her head at nothing in particular, as Koschei slowly sat up beside her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He murmured. Theta shrugged helplessly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” She whispered. “Rallon told her- he said he’d never take her anywhere unsafe. It was- I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei didn’t say anything for a long while, staring at the wall past Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should sleep, Theta.” He said. “If anyone gets wind of this, you’ll have to be on your feet.” He lay back down, and rolled over away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta got the feeling this wasn’t something Koschei was going to be able to forgive her for. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched her tea spinning around in the cup. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Where was it going?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was all pointless really. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Movement caught her attention and Theta glanced up from the kitchen table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus was pouring himself a cup. He was wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before. Theta didn’t think he’d actually been to bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did you sleep?” He asked, not looking up from his cup. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t.” She murmured. “Did you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He tapped the spoon on the edge of cup. The noise was grating, and far too loud. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus picked up the cup and joined her at the table, sitting down a little bit away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They sat with their drinks for a long moment. Theta couldn’t find the energy to actually bring the cup to her lips. It would appear her friend couldn’t either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was it painful?” Mortimus suddenly asked. “Did it look painful?” He glanced up at her. Theta shook her head a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think so. I don’t- I don’t even think she realised it had happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus looked down, eyes glassy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should’ve brought Rallon back, Theta.” He muttered. “God- you should’ve fucking brought him back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wanted to.” She whispered. “I tried- he wouldn’t have come. I- I had to let him go- he would’ve let me go back for Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t!” He groaned. “You didn’t have to let him go.” His tone was angry, but Theta knew it wasn’t really at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She swallowed tightly, and glanced down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wouldn’t you have come back for me?” She asked quietly. He bowed his head and put a hand over his eyes, before nodding a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s the hard part.” He muttered. “I get it. I know why he did it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was noble.” She said quietly. “He was brave.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus sniffed, and was quiet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think Vansell’s right?” She asked. He shook his head a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I mean- legally-“ he looked up at her. “Legally you’re guilty. And- I’ve always been of the mindset that guilty people should get their punishment. But- it’s not cut and dry like that. Or- or maybe I’m just saying that because you’re my friend and I love you. I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither do I.” She admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no easy way around it Theta. In the eyes of the law you’re a murderer.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave her alone, Mortimus.” The two of them glanced around to see Ushas in the doorway. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t-“ he blinked. “She asked.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to be so blunt.” She stepped into the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well those are the facts Ushas. We shouldn’t coddle Theta, because that’s the truth.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think everyone around here has failed to remember an important thing about this whole situation.” She said. “Theta watched two of our best friends die, less than twenty four hours ago.” She glanced at Theta, who blinked a little. “And since she’s gotten back, she’s been called a murderer. She’s had her entire life argued about when she’s not been there. She’s been yelled at, and asked question after question. If it had been within any other circumstances, you’d think everyone around here would show a little decency and care before bombarding her with accusations and questions.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her mouth to say something. She had not been expecting that kind of sympathy from anyone. Let alone Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok,” she eventually ended up saying. “We- we have to figure out what to do as soon as possible. I want to help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. You do. And you’re still being accused.” She pulled up a chair. “I mean christ- did everyone just forget about free will?” She leant across the table, and took Theta’s hand. Theta glanced at it, and then up at her in surprise. “Theta, I’m glad you let Rallon go. You made a choice, and it was a hard one. But it was what he wanted. And it was kind.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s lip wobbled, and her eyes welled up again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Really.” Ushas’ own eyes became glassy, so she glanced away and let go before she had the chance to let herself get emotional. She turned to Mortimus. “You need to think about it before throwing words like murderer around, Mortimus.” Ushas cleared her throat and shifted in her chair. “Theta did nothing wrong. She was just stupid. It was a stupid decision, but one that the three of them all made as individuals.” She glanced down at her lap. “And it’s not on her entirely. Vansell seems to have forgotten that this was my idea- and- and I take responsibility for that.” She clenched her jaw and held her head up, taking it on the chin. “If anyone should be blamed by the rest of you, it’s me. None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas that’s not-“ Theta tried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not innocent, Blondie.” She glanced at Theta. The nickname was a small kindness. “But you’re not alone in guilt. Ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sniffled, and nodded a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t cry.” Ushas scoffed a tiny bit, and stood back up. “You’ll set me off.” She began her way towards the door, and Mortimus opened his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say anything, Mortimus. If you’re about to tell me to let myself cry, it’s not going to happen.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But-“ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They wouldn’t have wanted us to cry.” She left the room, leaving Theta alone with Mortimus, and her cold, swirling tea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How can we know what they wanted?” He muttered, more to himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta rubbed her thumbs over the ceramic of the mug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could they? They weren’t there to tell them. Theta didn’t know how to navigate this without knowing what they wanted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She should’ve asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked up with a start. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he had told her.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Rallon had told her. And she’d forgotten. In the mess she’d forgotten what he told her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Mortimus frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He asked-“ she blinked. “Rallon- he asked me to come back for them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..what?” His frown worsened in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t- it’s not- not death.” Theta fumbled to get her words out quick enough. “They- they still have their souls, just not in their bodies. So- so I can- I have to go back.” She shot up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta what are you talking about?” He stood up after her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have to go back, Mortimus!” She explained. “I have to help them- I- I have to go back and set them free.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked at her for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can do that?” He whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have to. It’s the kind thing to do.” Theta jumped towards the door, but Mortimus latched onto her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- hang on.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked and turned around to look at his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s- it’s dangerous. Neither of them made it out the first time, and you seem to think you just got out by luck itself. You can’t go back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The alternative is the two of them being trapped there for all eternity and I refuse to let that happen.” She frowned determinedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus opened his mouth, before closing it and sighing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve already made up your mind, haven’t you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then- at least rest, Theta.” He said. “You have a time machine- you can go back a minute after you left and help them whenever you feel ready for it. But right now you’re not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stopped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe he had a point. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Theta stopped her small struggle to get out off his grip, and sighed. “Alright.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0084"><h2>84. Eighty-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood in the doorway, unsure of wether or not to walk back out of the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell sighed, not looking up from the fire that he was staring into. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just come in Theta. We can’t avoid each other forever.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She said quietly, grabbing the book from the arm rest where she’d left it. She’d taken to using anything she could to distract herself. It wasn’t a very interesting book. “Vansell..” there were a lot of things she wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure where to start, or even if he’d want to listen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he cut her off, and glanced at her. “I need you to understand something.” She nodded a little. “I’m not saying what I’m saying because I don’t love you- or- or because I think you did much wrong. All I’m saying, is that legally, you did something wrong. And- I mean surely you can see that what Koschei is proposing is crazy. We can’t- we can’t just cover this up. That’s wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I understand.” She nodded a little. “I think..the others would rather lose two of us, than three.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, but if we get caught It’ll be all of us.” He stood up and made his way over, seemingly quite desperate to make his points. “I mean- jesus Theta- the longer we sit here, talking about wether or not we should tell the citadel, the guiltier we look. It’s looking worse and worse for us by the minute.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look,” she said slowly. “I understand Vansell. But- maybe you won’t have to worry about that.” He frowned a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- ok- when I left Millennia and Rallon, they weren’t dead. Just- Uh- like-“ she searched for the words for a moment. “Like..their souls just aren’t in their bodies anymore- but they’re still there.” He blinked. “Rallon made me promise that I would come back for them, and set them free, and that’s what I’m going to do. So I’ll leave Gallifrey, set them free, and- y’know- you’ll never have to worry about me again.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You won’t come back?” He asked, in what sounded like surprise and a little bit of hurt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just putting you in legal danger, like you all said. I mean- I was always planning on leaving. Now I just have a reason to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But...” he blinked a couple more times. “What about- what about us?” He asked. “What about Koschei? I didn’t think you’d just- leave him like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to.” She shrugged a small shrug. “I want to stay with you guys- but you’re right.” She sighed. “And..Koschei and I have been going very different ways for a very long time. This was always going to happen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you’re running away.” His voice was a lot angrier that time. Theta glanced up, and blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You still committed a crime Theta, and instead of facing up to it, you’re just running away.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She opened her mouth, for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I thought you wanted me to go. You- you just said you don’t want me to get in trouble. And you don’t want to get caught so I’m leavi- isn’t this what you wanted?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he groaned, turning around and beginning to pace the room. “You are legally a murderer. Surely you see that that’s not something you can just walk away from?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You just said you didn’t think I’d done anything wrong.” She said, slightly indignantly. Because she was. She felt like she couldn’t please him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah but the law does!” He argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So- so you think I should go to prison?” She asked. “Stripped of my titles? Even though you don’t think I did anything wrong, and they’re not even dead?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you’re proving my point!” He turned to her, and for a moment it looked like he wanted to shake her. “Theta- I told you before you left that you’re inherently selfish. And this is the point!” She blinked in surprise at him. “You brought our friends with you on a selfish adventure- they died- and all you’re concerned about is making sure you come out unscathed.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true!” She hit back. And it wasn’t. Theta was certain. “I’m going back for them- that’s selfless. I’m- im leaving all of my friends- and- and the person I thought I’d be with forever, because I’m putting you in danger. That’s selfless.” She stepped towards him, and set him with a hard stare. “I’m leaving because I thought you wanted to be rid of me- I- I thought this was what you wanted. That’s selfless.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter what any of us want!” He snapped. “The point is- we have to follow the law.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when??” She demanded. “We never have, Van’! You can’t just pick and choose when you want to be law-abiding, whenever it suits you!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you were actually sorry about what had happened to them, you’d just accept that these were the consequences.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him. It felt like a punch to the gut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you fucking serious?” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Me? Me not sorry?” She stepped towards him. “Me! Not fucking sorry! Do you hear yourself?” Theta’s voice shot up. “You weren’t there Vansell! Y’know- I am so fucking sick and tired of people criticising me for what I did in a situation like that because you have no idea-“ she lunged into his face. “No fucking idea! What it was like watching the two of them die, and having to let one of them run back into it.” She put a hand on his chest and shoved him. Vansell stumbled. “You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok! Enough!” Drax was suddenly between them, as a warm hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her backwards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta fell out of the heat and immediately felt tears pricking at her eyes. Koschei wrapped an arm around her, as she wiped her nose and turned to Vansell, who was staring at her in shock, having gone quite pale. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I let Rallon go, because I knew he would never be able to live happily knowing he’d left Millennia there.” She wobbled. “That’s fucking selfless.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta come on,” he said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!” She huffed. “I’m sorry, but it’s not fair.” She argued. Koschei leant against the wall, watching her pace back and forth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because none of you were there!” She argued. “Look- I know now that there are a million and one other things I could’ve done in the moment and maybe I could’ve saved one of them- but I didn’t do it. I ran through every possibility I could think of in the moment, and I came up short. That’s my fault- but- I don’t need constant reminders of it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” he said slowly. “They’re just upset, love. They all like to think they could do it better, but you’re right. In the moment they might not have been able to think of anything either.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just want people to believe I tried.” She stopped her pacing, and stared him down. “I- I really did.” Her lip wobbled, and Koschei pushed off of the wall, making his way over to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He pulled her into his arms gently, and Theta sniffled, latching around his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, Thee’. I know you did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you think you could’ve done it better?” She asked quietly. Koschei rubbed a hand up and down her back gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Like you said- I wasn’t there. You were. There’s no point going over what could’ve happened, because they didn’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little bit, and was quiet for a long while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I thought leaving would make Vansell and some of the others happy. But it didn’t and I don’t- I don’t know what they want.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think they know what they want either. I think they’re just lashing out at you because you’re the one who’s a variable.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what do I do?” She asked. He hummed, and pressed a kiss to her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You let me deal with it. I won’t let them make a stupid decision.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What am I going to do when you’re not here, Kos’? You’re not always going to be around to clear up my mess.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose,” he moved his hand to her hair, “you just do what I would do. And if you really are stuck, you let me know, and I’ll find you. I’ll help you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if you’re on the other side of the universe?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think that’s going to stop me?” He scoffed. “Theta, I could find you, on the other side of the universe, blindfolded, handcuffed and with no TARDIS.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re being nice. It’s weird.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m always nice.” Theta just hummed. “All about balance, my love. You messed up and someone got hurt, so I’ll help. Usually it would be the other way round.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, next time you do something nice. Save someone’s life. I’ll just have to kill someone.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She huffed noncommittally. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not funny Koschei.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You would’ve laughed if you weren’t upset.” He hummed, pressing another kiss to her hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t say anything for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that why you hurt me sometimes? When I try to help you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Im never out to hurt you, love. More often than not, just to prove a point.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed her eyes. She didn’t want to think about that kind of thing right now. Her mind was moving too fast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up at him after a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t need each other anymore.” She said plainly. He searched her face for a moment, before shrugging lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose. Not as much as we used to.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good. Rallon said so.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He knows best.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was not proud of it, but she had essentially locked herself in her bedroom. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A lot of people, mainly Vansell, were expressing quite a negative energy downstairs, and Theta had too much in her head to be able to put up with that as well. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she stayed in her room, and watched the world outside of her window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried to keep her mind off of Millennia and Rallon, for fear that she would cry, but it was difficult.It kept floating back to them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t help but think that it was wrong of her, to be seeing the world outside, when they couldn’t. It was wrong that the world was still turning, without them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried to draw, but it wasn’t engaging enough. It was an absent task, that she didn’t have to think about. So she thought about them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried to read, but the words wouldn’t go in. When they did, they were often words that somehow reminded her of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta turned to the only thing she could think of, that would take up all of her concentration. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She grabbed the letter. Theta looked around for the accompanying book, but for some reason couldn’t find it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d probably left it somewhere, and her stupid memory couldn’t remember where. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Searching around for it, Theta quickly got angry, and slumped down on her bed with the letter in hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t do anything right. She couldn’t even remember where she’d put a fucking book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta threw her arm over her eyes, and closed them behind it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hated this. She hated everything about it, and she hated herself for that. She hated that she had the capacity to hate, where Millennia and Rallon hadn’t. And she hated that she was allowed to hate this situation, and her friends weren’t there to do the same. It wasn’t fair that she had made it out where they hadn’t. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat up, sighing down at the letter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What was the point? It was all pointless. This stupid letter probably had something completely unimportant on it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she hadn’t ever told them that she had it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta thought they would’ve liked it. She thought they would’ve thought it was cool. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it didn’t matter anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She ought to just throw it away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her eyes scanned over the page for the last time, considering all of the letters she’d learnt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Wait. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That word looked too familiar. She counted the letters, and translated that number. She filled in the letters she knew. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It couldn’t be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It checked out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it couldn’t be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta jumped up, leaving the letter on the bed, and beginning to root through her shelves and cupboards. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked under the bed, practically dismantled her chest of drawers, and rifled through her desk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Where was the fucking book??</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The door clicked open and Theta shot upright. Vansell was stood at the door, hand gripping the doorknob. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” he said slowly. “Look- can we talk?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” She nodded, swallowing. “Wh- what?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, listen,” he sighed, glancing away from her. “I’m sorry I said those things about you,” his eyes scanned the room absently, as he looked anywhere but her. “I never meant for you to get upset- and I should’ve considered what you’ve been through these past couple of days. But-“ his eyes caught on the pale sheet of paper on the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s that?” He asked, stepping into the room. Theta made a mad dash for it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell snatched it up before she got to it, and turned it over in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyes widened, and he looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was you,” he whispered. “You stole the letter!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give it back, Vansell.” She said firmly. “It’s mine.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. No it’s not. You were never meant to have this.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned and took off out of the room, thundering down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell!” Theta followed after him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0085"><h2>85. Eighty-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Give it back to me!” She yelled after him, as the two of them stampeded into the common room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Those who were in there spared them a glance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were never meant to have this.” Vansell argued, holding the letter up and trying to catch his breath. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s mine.” She snapped. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it’s not!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is that?” Jelpax asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A letter, that Theta stole!” Vansell said pointedly. Ushas snapped her book shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She didn’t steal it, Vansell. We all did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked around the room, as Magnus and Drax entered, clearly having perked up at the yelling. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You all knew about this??” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t.” Jelpax argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just give it back to her Vansell, it’s not like any of us can read it anyway.” Ushas muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes she can.” Vansell argued. “She has a book.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei perked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, she does. The one that you tried to steal and hide from her when we first moved in.” He accused. Vansell immediately drew back, lowering the letter. “But you had no idea where or if we had the letter.” He frowned. “Which means you must’ve known about it before.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked back at Vansell, followed by all of the others, and watched him open his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“N- no, that’s not true. I knew if you did have a reason to learn ancient Gallifreyan, it would be a pretty illegal one. So I just- I tried to stop you getting into trouble.” He argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax didn’t steal your book.” She whispered. “You were snooping about for the letter!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true!” Vansell argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something you’re not telling us, Vansell?” Ushas prodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Theta.’ There was a sudden presence in her head, and as the conversation and accusations continued, Theta hung back a bit to find Magnus. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Yeah?’</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Be careful.’ He told her. ‘I don’t think Vansell’s on our side here. And if we alienate him, he might go to the citadel.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ok.’ She hadn’t even thought of that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys,” Jelpax stood up, and put a hand on Vansell’s shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re suggesting here- but whatever it is, it’s bullshit. I’ve known Van’ since we were kids, he’s not some- some spy or shit. He was probably just trying to protect you Theta. I mean, he’s right. Having anything written in Ancient Gallifreyan on us is a recipe for trouble.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wouldn’t have killed him to be honest about it though.” Mortimus pointed out. “Why didn’t he just say that, instead of snooping around peoples shit?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because I knew you’d never listen.” He snapped. “You’d act like you’re acting now- I- I mean- Christ, guys. You are some of the most stubborn and- and quick to jump to conclusions people I’ve ever met.” He started waving his hands around, creasing the letter in his tight grip. “You all have this mob mentality- like- one of you says something and the others just attack. I didn’t say anything because I feel like I can’t be cautious without all of you telling me I’m- I’m a killjoy, or a pussy- or- or a coward.” His voice raised. “You all attack me all the time for just- just trying to look out for you, and protect you. And maybe-“ his voice raised into a wobbly yell. “Maybe if you had listened to me once, Millennia and Rallon would still be here!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The room was in silence for a long moment, as Vansell brought his voice back down, and Jelpax squeezed his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell,” Theta said slowly, and quietly. “I’m sorry. I can’t speak for the others, but I know I never meant to make you feel like that. I- I value as a part of this group, and I don’t think you’re a coward. You’re- you’re the voice of reason, you’re the smart one. So..so I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t being listened to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell scoffed a little and shook his head, looking away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not you, Theta. I always felt like you made an effort.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell, Magnus said slowly. “Why don’t you just give back the letter, and we can all sit down and talk about this, civilly.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t give this back.” He huffed. “Theta I’m sorry, but this is dangerous to have on you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please- Van’- it’s- it’s personal. I really need it back.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Drax asked. She sighed and glanced at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It has my name in it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It has my name in it!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It can’t.” Ushas frowned. “You must have read it wrong- we know this letter was from before you got to the Academy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- it- not Theta. My proper name- my real name.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure? Have you translated the whole thing?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..no.” Theta admitted. “But I worked out the spaces between each letter I know- and- the ones I do know are all in the right places. It’s the right number of letters. It can’t be any other word.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Vansell got her attention. “I’m sorry but that’s even more of a reason as to why you should never, ever read this letter. I mean- it’s written in a language you don’t understand for a reason. This isn’t something you’re meant to know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But it’s about me!” She argued, indignant. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t know that for sure.” Mortimus pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” Koschei shook his head. “No it checks out. When we went to the Academy to escape the Dalek’s, they ransacked the room. Theta and Borusa got into a full argument. I don’t know if they’d be as hellbent on getting it from Theta if it wasn’t about her.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me take it back to the Academy.” Vansell said. “We can just put it back, and our debts are solved. You’ve lived your life without knowing what’s on it so far, I’m sure you can do the rest of it the same way.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t let you do that.” Theta set her jaw. “I’m sorry Vansell, but this isn’t just morbid curiosity. I want that letter.” She stepped towards him, and he stepped backwards, holding the letter over the fire. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whole room seemed to jump, Theta wincing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t make me do this, Theta.” He said, as the others stared at his hand. “I really, really don’t want to be the bad guy. Just- let this go, and we can pretend it never happened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t.” She whispered. “Please, Van’, give me- just give me half an hour with it. Then we can give it back, please.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t.” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t see this. It’ll change things.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell,” he glanced at him. “Do you know what it says?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell swallowed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’e eyes widened as the room erupted in questions and demands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax almost looked betrayed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s fucking side are you on here??” Ushas demanded. Vansell looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is that supposed to mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know what’s on the letter, you knew there was one in the first place. You want to tell the Citadel about Theta, you want to give the letter back to the Academy. I’m just asking where your loyalties lie.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell scoffed in disbelief. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you even hear yourself, Ushas??” He asked. “You’re asking me to choose between you, and following the law. I mean- when- when did we get to the point where we became a bunch of criminals? That wasn’t what I wanted- what I signed up for when I joined you. We’re here to do science experiments- not start a fucking revolution.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- it wasn’t what we planned.” She agreed. “But that is what happened, and now you have to choose.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why??” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because if you choose the wrong one, our friend will go to prison.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell looked back at Theta, who stared at him with what she imagined was a lot of plead, and anxiety. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- You’re my friend. I love you- you’re kind. You were always there. Always comforting. You- you always tried for the little man. And I don’t think you’ll ever forgive me for what I’ve done but- I hope you will. I think you can- I think you’re kind enough for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell,” she said softly. “I’ve never asked you for anything. But I- I’m just asking for one thing. I’m just asking you to give me that letter. That’s it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed, and ducked his head. Theta took that as a sign that he seemed to be giving up, and took a hesitant step towards him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked back up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I really am sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell let go. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No!!” Theta shoved him out of the way, dropping to her knees as the letter went up in flames. Her friends erupted in yells, jumping up and grabbing at Vansell, shouting at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck Vansell??” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched, hopelessly, as the words disintegrated in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That wasn’t fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t fucking fair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d been kind to him. She’d been welcoming. She’d saved his leg. She had been understanding. She’d tried to fix his problems. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And this was how he repaid her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned around to face him, standing up, fists clenched. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She imagined the anger overwhelming her was not just because of this letter. But that didn’t matter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You son of a bitch.” She muttered. Vansell turned to look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- I’m-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I fucking hate you!” She launched herself at him, grabbing him by the shirt and swinging him around. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stumbled and fell back against one of the walls. Theta went in for him again, grabbing his shirt and slamming him back against it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck you Vansell!” She hit him back again. “I hope you fucking rot in fucking-“ Koschei and Ushas dragged her backwards, as Jelpax hurried to a very shaken Vansell’s side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Koschei yelled over her. “Theta! Stop!” He grabbed her shoulders, as she stopped to catch her breath. “Hey, look at me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down Koschei.” She spat, looking at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I would never.” He put both hands on her cheeks. “But take it outside, love. Tear him apart out there.” He murmured, ducking close to her face. She searched his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was right. That was a good idea. She wanted to do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both glanced at Vansell, who just shook his head tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Coward.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guys!” Drax suddenly jumped in. The panic in his voice was enough to snap Theta out of her rage, and to glance at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The rest of them followed his panicked state to the carpet in front of the fire. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which was alight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh fuck.” Ushas breathed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well don’t just stand there!” Magnus shoved past them, and began trying to stamp out the fire. Theta followed, but it quickly came apparent that it was spreading too quickly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right- someone send a message to the citadel!” Magnus called. “And get the fuck out of the house!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy six months to this fic! 🥳</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0086"><h2>86. Eighty-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta would give it to them, the citadel were fast. She may not have liked them, but they sent people to put out the fire almost immediately. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Quickly followed by the police. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The fire was out before it got to the second floor, which was probably a good thing. Theta imagined if it had gotten to the lab, there would be more than a fire. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which was why they were sat as far away as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was sat on the edge of the tram platform, with her chin on her hands, watching smoke drift from her house. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The other seven of them were sat about, in various stages of either upset or disgruntlement around her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei was stood behind her, with his arms crossed over his chest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The eight of them watched as the police trudged their way towards them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was two men, again. They didn’t look very nice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we ask you all some questions?” One of them asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” Magnus seemed to be answering for all of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How did this fire start?” One flipped open a notepad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We had a fire going. Just some..I dunno, a spark might have fallen out onto the carpet or something.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s quite the jump. It had a whole stone fire place to get past first. Are you sure no one knocked it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Someone might have.” He glanced at the others. “Who was stood near the fire?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was.” Mortimus said. “But I didn’t touch it. I think I would’ve felt it if I had.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right.” The police officer nodded. “And could it have been anything else?” He asked. Magnus sighed. Very clearly, none of them had the energy for this conversation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can search for foul play if you want. You won’t find any.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It could’ve just been the sharp movements.” Jelpax pointed out. Theta would say he had kind of stepped them into the mud there, but she knew he was just trying to be helpful. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sometimes failed to remember that her friends were not as well versed in evading the police as she and Koschei were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What sharp movements?” The one with the notepad asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uh..” he glanced about at his friends, seemingly wondering wether or not he should put them. “There was a..fight going on. That’s why no one noticed the fire.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A physical one?” The main officer raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It got kinda physical, before we noticed the fire.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who was it between?” Theta raised a finger, and Vansell sighed and put his hand up. “What was it about?” He glanced at Vansell, who opened his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell had something of mine.” Theta butted in. She didn’t trust him not to step in it. “Or- well- I suppose that’s what the fight was about. We couldn’t agree on who’s it belonged to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was it?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A letter.” Vansell said. She almost groaned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Why would you tell them that??’ She sent across frustratedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Because if a police investigation is going to happen, they’re going to look and find the paper anyway and wonder why we didn’t tell them about it.’ He explained sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A letter? How can that be argued as to who’s it is?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a letter, that I found.” Theta explained. “I thought it was cool..so I kept it. Thought it was like an antique or something. Vansell found it, and said I shouldn’t have it. So we fought.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you think that?” He asked Vansell. Theta swallowed, wondering if he was about to spill the truth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He paused for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..a letter not addressed to a person, surely doesn’t belong to them.” He explained slowly. Theta felt a tiny bit of relief, and gratitude. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It seemed like Vansell, despite everything, was still willing to cover for her. Theta would have to thank him. And apologise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was of the mind that we try to find who it really belonged to.” He finished. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The police officer raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Seems unlikely that a little disagreement like that would turn into a physical fight.” He stated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, tensions had been building for a while. I suppose this was just the breaking point.” Vansell sighed. Theta almost winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why had tensions been building?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stress of the job.” Koschei butted in. “We’re all a bunch of vastly different characters, in the same house every day. There are always going to be tiffs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The one with the notepad licked his finger, and turned back to the first page of his notepad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you are a....Deca? Correct?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Koschei nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t Decas usually have ten members?” The first asked. “I only see eight of you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re out.” Koschei filled in where Theta panicked and blanked. “At the citadel. One of us should really send them a message.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The first police officer searched his face for a long moment, before glancing at Theta. He frowned minutely, and then looked at Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right. Well, I’d like to talk to you all one by one. Uh,” he looked back at Koschei. “What is your name?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you talk over here for a moment, Koschei?” He nodded and stepped past Theta, following the two officers off to the side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s foot started tapping nervously as Koschei nodded at something one of the men was saying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can’t keep lying.” Vansell whispered, glancing down at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have to.” Ushas muttered, glancing towards the house. “Or Theta gets locked up, and it’s on you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, because I’m so inclined to help Theta after this.” He grumbled at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell, I’m sorry.” Theta said quietly. “I shouldn’t have gotten that angry- I really didn’t mean to. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you mean that?” He asked sharply, before remembering the volume he had to be at. “Or are you just trying to save your skin?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I mean it.” She said softly. “You’re my friend Van’, and I never want to hurt my friends. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to tell the truth- you’re doing the right thing- you’re being the good one. The morally right one. And I’m sorry I ever dragged you into the position where you had to lie, and fight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You’re kind Van’- kinder than I am. You know who you are- you know how to be good, and I don’t. If- if I could ever be a tenth of the person you are, I would be happy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stared at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you mean that?” He wobbled. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do. I- I get it if things are different now, and I wouldn’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done. But- I will always respect you, and envy you for your might, and the fact that you will not be moved. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘You are a good man, Vansell. And you will still be a good man, if you tell them the truth.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He searched her face for a long moment, before nodding curtly, and turning to face forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed, and looked down at the dirt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">At least she could say, that no matter what happened now, she had made amends. And she had tried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei trudged towards them, and glanced at Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They want to see you.” The way he said it felt a bit like a threat. Vansell glanced at Theta, who just nodded at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He stood up, took a deep breath, and walked towards the men. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sat beside her, the seven of them watching his every move from afar. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt as though they all cared what happened to her. It would’ve been a nice feeling if these weren’t the circumstances. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What did you say?” She asked Koschei, quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I reiterated what you said. That it was just a letter that didn’t matter. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘They asked me about Millennia and Rallon. What time they left, where they were planning on going, what time they’ll be back. I think they’re suspicious.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We are not going to get away with this.” Jelpax muttered, putting his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We will if Vansell tells them the same shit.” Ushas murmured, watching him intently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if they ask him the same questions about Millennia and Rallon?” Jelpax whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Already told him what to say.” Koschei reassured, as prepared and sensible as usual. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s going to bail.” Ushas shook her head minutely. “I know it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say that. He won’t. We’re fine.” Magnus tried to comfort. It was stupid anyway. They all knew that no one knew for sure where Vansell would fall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta tried not to let herself hope. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“After all this shit we’ve been through together, you’d think he’d just..go along with it. I mean I would, for any of you.” Ushas huffed. “He’s a pussy.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leave him alone, Ushas.” Jelpax muttered. “You seem to forget that he and I knew Millennia and Rallon long before the rest of you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And if they were here, they’d be saying the same as us.” Ushas argued. Jelpax glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would they?” He asked pointedly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Ushas said surely. “For Theta, they would.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter.” Koschei interjected, having never looked away from Vansell. “Point is, Vansell’s not Millennia or Rallon. Nothing matters but what he says.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘What if he does say the truth?’ She pushed across nervously. He finally glanced at her, and squeezed her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Then I will break you out of whatever shithole they put you in, and you will run. Ok?’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘But I won’t ever be able to come back.’ She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘We’ll find a way. If you really want to.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Ok.’ She agreed shakily, turning back to Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three men seemed to break apart, and Vansell turned back and met her eye. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s hearts sank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The police officers made their way towards them, and stopped in front of her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Miss Lungbarrow. You’ll be coming with us, please.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0087"><h2>87. Eighty-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared down at her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were still, but they were handcuffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced around the small tram cart she had found herself in. Her friends told her they’d be at the citadel when she got there, and had followed in the public tram. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was alone now, with these two men. It felt familiar. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta really wanted to be furious at Vansell. And in a way, she was. She couldn’t really believe he’d actually done that to her, after everything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But at the same time, she couldn’t be angry. Theta knew not everyone was the same. And maybe once, long ago, she would’ve done the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That didn’t stop her from feeling betrayed though. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If there was a single silver lining, it was that these police officers didn’t seem that keen on corruption, where the other two for Torvic’s case had. And Theta knew this time, if they tried anything she could force them out of her mind, effortlessly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had, really, lost almost everything. She was surely going to go to prison for this, and even if Koschei busted her out, she would never be able to come back to Gallifrey. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t know how much of her home was left. She didn’t know what friends she could trust. She didn’t know if she could still consider Vansell one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know how much of my house is damaged?” She asked. One of them glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Looks like just the first floor.” He said shortly. “It’s a good thing it didn’t get to the lab.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she agreed weakly. “We have a lot of chemicals in there.” Theta murmured, staring at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The tram eventually shifted to a halt, and the two men stood up, one putting his hand on the back of Theta’s elbow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood up and was moved out of the tram cart, onto a platform similar to the one she’d walked upon when she’d been arrested the first time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was led down into the citadel building, and through corridors. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Last time she’d fought it. But this time, Theta couldn’t find it in her. These police officers were just doing their job. And she deserved this. Millennia and Rallon had been her friends, and she’d let them go. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She only hoped Mortimus, or anyone, would finish what she’d started, and set them free. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was sat down for a short period, as these police officers filled out a few forms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” one of them sat down beside her. “Here’s what’s going to happen.” He spoke quite softly. Theta appreciated it. “You’re going to be in a holding cell until your trial, which will be in a day at most. We’ll present the evidence we’ve collected, and a judge will decide your punishment.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do I get to say anything?” She asked. “Defend myself?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, after we’ve given the evidence.” He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..is there any possibility of me being found not guilty?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..not really. Your friends are missing and presumed dead, and Vansell told us what we believe to be true.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..there’s no evidence.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Judges don’t really care about that. He’ll want to get the case done and out of the way as soon as possible. Especially in these circumstances. It’s likely that your friends names will be removed from the records, just to avoid speculation about the Toymaker.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She said weakly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just protocol. To keep people safe.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But- but you can’t- you can’t do that. They- they’re people- and- and they deserve to be remembered and respected. They deserve that at least. You can’t- that can’t happen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish I could do something, but it’s not up to me.” He said. Theta blinked, and stared down at the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This seemed so wrong. It was corrupt. It was all wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you might be worried,” he said gently. “But you’re young, and I think it’s obvious that what happened was just a little..kid thing gone wrong. The judge might give you a light sentence. You might only be in prison for one regeneration cycle.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I-“ she blinked at the floor. It seemed to be going in one ear and out the other. “I don’t- i-“ she whispered. “You can’t just pretend they never existed.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish it was up to me.” He squeezed her arm. “Come on, I think you need somewhere quiet.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stumbled upright as he pulled her up slowly, and blinked back tears. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was so frustrating. They deserved so much more than that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was led through stark, white corridors, which hurt her eyes, and eventually, down a bunch of flights of stairs, before being placed in a small room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a bed in the corner, and toilet opposite. Theta said bed- it was more, a block of stone with a blanket on top of it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t understand how this was allowed. How could they just decide she was guilty without evidence? How could they just decide to cover for themselves, and completely erase any trace of her friends?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a disservice. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sat alone for what felt like hours, with her head hung. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt sick. Theta felt angry. How could they do that to Millennia and Rallon? How could Vansell do that to her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How had she let this happen? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta somehow, fell into some kind of state between asleep and awake sat where she was, and was woken by the sliding of the flush door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up, and felt her hearts swell with relief, and anxiety. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Borusa sighed gently. “What are you doing here?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m-“ she whispered. What could she say? “I’m sorry.” Was what spilt out, as tears began to fill her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa stepped across the room as the door shut behind him, and he sat beside her, pulling her close. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta squeezed her eyes shut and wept, trying to find any words to explain herself. She just couldn’t bare the thought of Borusa being disappointed or angry with her. Not on top of everything else. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I didn’t mean-“ she hiccuped. “It never meant to go that way- it was-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“An accident, I know.” He nodded. “Koschei told me what happened.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s here?” Theta’s eyes widened. He hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll say. He, Ushas and Mortimus are outside, demanding to see you. They said they’ll sit there for as long as it takes.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What about the others?” She asked shakily. “Are they safe?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax, Drax and Magnus are keeping an eye on Vansell. Well- more looking after him. Koschei didn’t take it very well, with him. Got a few good punches in before the five of them could get him off the kid, is what Ushas told me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta winced, and ran a hand over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t want this. This is- this is my fault.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas said it was her idea.” He said. Theta put her head in her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas wasn’t the one who went through with it.” She muttered. “I shouldn’t have- I should’ve known better. I should’ve-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you didn’t.” He put a hand on her back. “The fact is, you’ve done it now. It’s over. The only thing you can do is deal with the situation you’re in now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They- they’ve already decided I’m guilty, with no- no evidence. How are they allowed to do that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s- in unusual circumstances.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So what do I do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I’m hoping I can help a little.” He admitted. “You do get someone to vouch for you- an unbiased person. I’m one of the only people who isn’t ‘close enough to you’ that our relationship will affect how I talk about you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But..” she blinked. “That’s not-“ Borusa silenced her with a finger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They don’t need to know that.” He whispered. “Point is, I’m in your corner. And I’m respected- my opinion will be valued.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you going to say?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That you’re kind, that it was an accident. That we can’t really say it was your fault, just because you were there when they were killed.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She glanced toward the opposite wall. “You don’t have to do that for me.You’ve- you’ve never had to do anything you have for me. I don’t- I’ve done nothing but cause you trouble. Just got you into shit you didn’t need to be involved with.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s alright.” He sighed. “It’s my job- to look out for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not anymore. You have a whole new group of students that you have to be a Jurist for. I’m not your responsibility.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, not my job as a jurist.” He glanced at her. “My job, as your guardian.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked at him, and blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? When did you get told to do that? Is- is that even a job?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He hummed, glancing at the wall. “And I certainly don’t get payed for it- even though I feel like I should.” She frowned in confusion. “But you need one.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” He murmured. She scoffed sadly, and glanced away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You shouldn’t need to do that.” She muttered. “None of the others need someone like that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, they do. And if I could be that for all of your friends- I would. But I can only do so much.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sniffed and pushed tears from her eyes brashly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“People need it more than me. Koschei needs someone like that- after his dad decided he didn’t want him anymore.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Borusa glanced at her. “You need this. Just accept it- you don’t need to give every good thing that happens to you away.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced at her lap, and nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa squeezed her opposite shoulder, and stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should sleep. You’ve only got one statement, you need to make them remember it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta closed her eyes, and felt the light flood through her eyelids, then leave again, as the door was opened and closed, leaving her along again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta curled up on the stone, and pulled the blanket over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wouldn’t be able to sleep. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gently, she tried to reach out to Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was alone. She couldn’t feel him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That made sense, she guessed. They would stop telepathy in here- it was dangerous for criminals to have. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But it didn’t help her feel any less alone. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0088"><h2>88. Eighty-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta squinted against the sudden light filling the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her head was hurting. She wondered wether that was because they were suppressing her telepathy, or just because of the stress of the situation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your trial is ready.” It was the same policeman that had arrested her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little in understanding, rubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was starting to wish she hadn’t slept. She should’ve been thinking about what she got to say. Theta only really had one shot at it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stood up, limbs aching in complaint at her rough sleeping conditions. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hands out please.” She held her hands out, and handcuffs were tightened around her wrists again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took her by the elbow, and led her out of the cell, back up the stairs onto ground level. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was led through corridors, that she might have gone through, or not. The citadel was so confusing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He led her down another corridor, into a huge hallway, with doors lining the wall, and numbers above them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was led towards the seventh room, and the door was opened. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked at the light, somehow even more than the rest of the place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The room was bigger on the inside- she should’ve expected it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It looked like a giant circle, almost like a stadium. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">People in official robes lined most of the walls, and Theta imagined they were all there to play a separate part in this trial- she just wasn’t sure what. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">On the back wall, there sat a man slightly raised above the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If she had to guess, that was the judge who would decide wether or not she was going to spend the rest of her lives in a prison. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced around the rest of the room, and noticed her friends, sat to the side of the little pen she seemed to have to stand in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They looked pale, and stoic. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And Vansell wasn’t there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned, glancing about for someone in colour in the wash of black and white robes. But she couldn’t see him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She hoped he was alright. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed, and was led into the pen, the little gate closed behind her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced towards the judge at the other side of the room. He was so far away. It felt so alienating. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Miss Lungbarrow, you have been brought here oncharges of two counts of murder. Do you understand that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Theta said weakly. She cleared her throat afterward. “Sir.” She added on. Theta thought it was better to be formal, just in case. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“During this trial, we will have the police, and a member of the CIA recount the crime, and then you will have your former jurist, speak on your behalf.” The judge nodded towards Borusa, who was sat a little ways from his left side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced beside him, and her hearts dropped to her stomach. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Braxiatel was sat beside him. He looked so disappointed- so downcast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stared at him blankly, eyes slightly wide, until the judge called her name sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Miss Lungbarrow!” She glanced back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” He sighed in clear annoyance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As I was saying, you will then have the opportunity for a short statement yourself, before I decide your punishment. Do you understand that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, sir.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right. We’ll get started then.” He nodded to her left. “Mr Poqurt, if you could come up to the stand to give your statement.” Theta was left standing, as the police officer stepped towards another small pedestal, with railings. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know if it was the lack of sleep she’d gotten, or just because she knew this would probably be the least biased opinion of the whole trial, but she couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She spared a glance at Koschei, who was biting the nail of his thumb, and frowning concentratedly at the police officer. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked towards Borusa and Braxiatel. Her brother was frowning minutely at her, and just shaking his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned in hurt, and slight anger, glancing away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He couldn’t do that, as far as she was concerned. He couldn’t just rock up and decide to do this to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe this wouldn’t have happened, if he’d raised her like he was supposed to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The police officer finished, and the judge thanked him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. I will now invite a member of the CIA to talk.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta almost scoffed. She wasn’t sure what the hell they would know about the situation. Theta looked down at her shoes as the footsteps headed towards the stand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But her friends suddenly started making a bunch of noise, Jelpax actually standing up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at them, following their gaze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell brought himself up to the stand, wearing the full set, of black and white CIA regalia. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him, the sight not fully registering. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She heard Drax trying to coax Jelpax to sit back down, as his boyfriend just whispered “what the fuck?” over and over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then it hit her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta almost felt winded. She steadied herself on the railings, and stared at him, almost waiting for him to turn around and tell her that this was all a huge prank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he didn’t. He wouldn’t even look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Van?” She whispered. “Van- Vansell?” Theta swayed a little. She didn’t understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What was going on? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt tears gathering at her eyes, and her knees wobbling. She tore her gaze away and looked at her friends, just to check she wasn’t imagining all of this. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax was staring at his friend like he’d just shot him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The others looked as pale, and as shocked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus put his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you can state your name for the court?” The judge asked, and she looked back at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansellostophossisus.” He said. “If it is convenient for the court, they may call me Vansell.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you,” the judge nodded. Theta actually felt her knees giving out, so she crouched down onto them, holding herself up as she clung to the railings with her handcuffed hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She felt hot tears beginning down her cheeks. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">How could this have happened? What had he done? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She groaned to herself. “No- please. Please not Vansell. Please.” She put her head in the crook of her arms, and let out a small noise of anguish to herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She loved him. He was her friend. He wouldn’t do this to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you can give your account of your statement, Vansell. Be as detailed as you can.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” he nodded. “Well, I’ll begin with my affiliation to miss Lungbarrow, to be completely transparent.” He explained. Theta looked up at him from her arms. Why wouldn’t he look at her? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was recruited by the CIA when I was forty, with the task of keeping an eye out on the most likely of the young people, to become problems for the citadel. Soon after, when the group I was regarding became affiliated with another from Prydonian Academy, my task changed, to keep an eye, solely on Miss Lungbarrow.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned her head at the sound of Jelpax crying. It hurt her hearts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We became a Deca, and I moved my efforts to making sure miss Lungbarrow stayed in the lines of the law.” Theta stared at his profile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He wasn’t her friend. He’d never been her friend. She didn’t understand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When I had been told about her, before we met, I was told that she was a danger to society. Selfish and cunning and smart. I went into our relationship, thinking that was true.” She let out a small noise in the lull of his statement, which drew a lot of eyes to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t care. She was in pain. She was in agony. She’d been betrayed. They’d all been betrayed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell seemed to wince at the noise she made, but continued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Soon after I met her, miss Lungbarrow told me she wanted to learn Ancient Gallifreyan. I had been notified that she and some of the others had stolen a letter addressed to the headteacher Mr Delothorpo, from the citadel, before they had left the Academy. I knew that all members of the Deca, besides Jelpax, Millennia and Rallon were aware of this letter, and I had been told that under no circumstances, should I let them read it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were you aware of what was on this letter?” The judge asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was. But I cannot disclose that to the court, because of my legal agreement with the CIA.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s alright.” The judge nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whole time. He’d known. Vansell knew everything. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I stole the book Miss Lungbarrow had intended on learning the language from, however she soon stole it back, and I continued fruitless attempts up until the present day to locate the letter and book.” Theta felt sick. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Our relationship progressed, and admittedly, Miss Lungbarrow became one of my closest friends. I found that what the CIA had told me about her seemed to be untrue, and I began to regret my affiliation with them, and what I was doing for them. I made several attempts to tell Miss Lungbarrow the truth, but they all fell through.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta squeezed her eyes shut. She felt dizzy. How was this happening? How had he done this to her- to them? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was a traitor. A dirty, filthy, scummy traitor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“During the course of our friendship, the group went through with several unsupervised, unsafe activities, like climbing mountains. Admittedly, none of these were Miss Lungbarrow’s idea. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘One such idea was to attempt to break into the APC net. I strongly advised against it, but they insisted, and eventually found information on the Celestial Toymaker. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘As what I believe was a joke, one of the members of the Deca suggested to Miss Lungbarrow that she go and find out if the Toymaker was real. Millennia and Rallon immediately agreed. I don’t really know why, but from what I could gather it was an arrangement the three of them had come up with beforehand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That being said, I was never under the impression that what happened on that trip was premeditated, nor do I believe that the account Miss Lungbarrow gave was untruthful. I have always known her to be truthful, and blunt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was the account she gave to you?” The judge asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She said that they arrived, and poked their heads out. They saw nothing, and intended to leave again. However, they could not get the TARDIS to take off, and were soon confronted with the Toymaker. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘He made them travel to the toy room, where he asked them a question, with deadly consequences if they got it wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Millennia went first, and got it wrong,” his throat tightened, and he cleared it. “She..immediately passed. Theta then got the question right, and managed to pull Rallon all the way back to the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘She then...let him go, as an act of, what I truly believe was...mercy.” Vansell finally looked at her, and Theta felt her hearts break all over again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He was crying. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We had many arguments about wether or not she should have let Rallon go, and to begin with, I was of the mindset that she should not have.” He looked away from her, and forward again. “However, at some point I stared to see the way she looked at it, and I think...in the moment, Theta did the brave thing, where I could not have.” He raised his chin. “However tensions grew in the house. No one could decide if we should tell the authorities or not, for fear of losing another one of our friends.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘This tension culminated when I found the letter, and burnt it, to stop Miss Lungbarrow from being able to read it. She thought she had read her name in the letter, and was incredibly upset with me, and so..a physical fight began. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘During this, some of the fire must have gotten out of the fire place, because it began to spread, and eventually, we had to leave, and call the police, where I notified them of the crimes committed.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You did your duty well.” The judge commended. “Is there anything you’d like to say?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I may.” The judge nodded, and Vansell turned to face his friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax was still crying, and shook his head at Vansell, with a look similar to ‘don’t you dare.’ </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some of them couldn’t even look him in the eye. It was clear that hurt him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know none of you won’t ever forgive me for deceiving you, and I wouldn’t expect you to. But what I have done, I do in the name of the greater good, and justice. It’s what Millennia and Rallon would have wanted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it’s not.” Jelpax spat, standing up. “It’s not and you know it!” Drax pulled him back down, as Vansell winced. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Order!” The judge yelled. Jelpax was reduced to quiet sobs again. Theta stared at Vansell, hearts filled with resentment, and heartbreak. “Vansell, I thank you for your honesty.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell nodded curtly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your honour.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all have a merry Christmas, or whatever else you might celebrate, and stay safe! I love you all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0089"><h2>89. Eighty-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Like she wasn’t in the room. She could feel the stand beneath her fingers, and she could feel how heavy her feet were, but the rest of her didn’t feel as if it was in the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She couldn’t stop looking at Vansell. He was avoiding eye contact with any of them. He didn’t look right in that uniform. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were friends. He was her friend. He was just a kid. He shouldn’t be in all that regalia. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a lie. It had all been a lie. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whole time, he hadn’t been there as her friend. He’d been there to watch her. He’d been there to spy on them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In a way, Theta was glad Millennia and Rallon weren’t around to feel this hurt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She watched Borusa make his way towards the stand in her peripheral, and Theta swallowed down bile, tearing her eyes from her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She spared a glance at the others. Most of them looked as shell shocked and pale as she was sure she did. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hadn’t seem to lose the ball though. He looked as concentrated and single minded as he had the rest of the time. Theta admired him for it. He wouldn’t let anything shake him it would seem. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He spared her a glance, and his eyes softened at her broken expression. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei pushed his sleeve up to his elbow, and laid his forearm, wrist up, on the barrier in front of him. Theta’s eyes glanced down to the tattoo that sat there, and she swallowed, nodding a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a reassurance, that she found when pressing her fingers to her own tattoo. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He still had her back. Koschei was still there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa cleared his throat, and adjusted his stance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jurist Borusa, you are here to call on Miss Lungbarrow’s good nature, understood?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, sir. Thank you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can begin your statement.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, sir.” He raised his chin. “I met Miss Lungbarrow when she was about sixty, I believe. She was a student under my jurisdiction, and was clearly quite a broken child. Miss Lungbarrow has always been a person who viewed the world in a different way to her peers. She takes every loss, and every mistake to hearts, and mulls over them decades after they happen- I’m sure this mistake will weigh on her for possible centuries. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Because of this emotional memory, Miss Lungbarrow is often scared. However, this fear does not seem to make her a coward- but someone who is brave, and selfless. I could list the countless times that Theta has put others before herself, however, I will recount the most dramatic times. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘Our relationship began as a rocky one, however, shortly after meeting her, Theta jumped into a burning building to break me out of a room I was trapped in, when the Dalek’s attacked our Academy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘It is a well known fact that Theta fears water- perhaps more than anything else. I have always known her to stay well away from it, even the sound of rushing water sends her into a panic.” Theta swallowed tightly just at the thought. “That being said, when the Dalek’s attacked again, and I found myself being swept away by a debris heavy, fast river that had been created after a pipe burst, Theta never once hesitated, to jump in after me- even getting a deep wound that would later become infected.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘On a third occasion, I met her at the tram station, to find that she had rescued a young boy from an attack on the citadel, and asked me to care for him until his parents were found, because she felt she didn’t have the supplies or knowledge to look after him herself.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">‘All of that being said, I think it is obvious that not only is Theta selfless, but she is kind, perhaps to a fault. Whilst I am not going to be the person to tell you that she shouldn’t be punished for something as abhorrent as the tragedy that happened, I ask you, respectfully sir, to be kind to her. This was a mistake, made by someone who has just breached adulthood, and one that, if I know Theta, will not only haunt her for the rest of her lives, but will affect the way she lives within them forever.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The judge looked up from the notes he had been making, and nodded curtly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Borusa.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your honour.” He nodded back, and removed himself from the stand, glancing at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled weakly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It meant a lot to hear. It made her feel like, maybe he was right. Those were good points. Those were all times where she had been selfless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And he was right. Theta wasn’t about to forget what had happened to her friends anytime soon. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She glanced at Koschei, who was staring at the judge. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta spared a glance at Jelpax. His eyes were red, and he was staring at the floor. Theta wished she could’ve made things better for him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Miss Lungbarrow.” She blinked and looked up at the judge. “You can make a statement now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” her voice came out croaked, so she cleared her throat and shifted on her feet. “Um...well..” she attempted to hurriedly cobble together her thoughts that had since scattered throughout the trial. “I’d just like to say...” she glanced worriedly at her brother, who was rubbing a hand over his face. It was clear Braxiatel thought she was about to say something stupid, and not worth their time. So Theta clenched her fists, and took a deep breath, before looking at the judge, and raising her chin. “I’d like to ask for something, if that’s ok.” She said, voice slightly wobbly. “You can give me any punishment you feel is appropriate, and I will agree with you.” Braxiatel took his hand from his face, looking thoroughly surprised. “I deserve to go to prison for what happened- what I did. But if I might ask- um- the policeman who took me into custody..sorry I don’t remember his name..” she shifted. “He- he mentioned something about Millennia and Rallon’s names being wiped from any records, so integrity and safety could be continued. So..I was wondering if I might ask to keep their names in the records, and maybe for their names to be put onto the Toymakers page. I’m sure- y’know- I’m sure that there are people who went before us to him, and didn’t make it out, but were never put onto his record. If- if we’d seen anything insinuating that people had died visiting him, we never would’ve gone. So..if I can ask for anything, I’d like for their names to remain on record, and for a note on his page to remain, so that people don’t make the same mistakes in the future.” She glanced about quickly, to see if anyone was either telling her to shut up, or panicking. “Oh- and-“ she glanced to the judges right. “Vansell,” the word tasted sharp in her mouth, but Theta pulled through. “I forgive you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyes widened slightly, and filled with tears, before he glanced down at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That wasn’t quite true. Theta was sure it would take her years to forgive him. But she figured, at least one of them should be able to sleep at night. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Miss Lungbarrow.” The judge nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your honour.” She said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you will give me some time to deliberate.” The court was quiet, most eyes on the judge as he wrote things down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t bare to look at him though. She glanced at Koschei, who was, surprisingly looking back at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He gave her a small thumbs up. It was clear that he thought the odds were in her favour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was a sudden kerfuffle through the room, as someone entered the room, and put a box in Braxiatel’s awaiting hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta and her friends frowned in confusion, as her brother stepped up to the judge, muttered something and left the box on his stand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The judge frowned at Braxiatel, who sat down, and nodded at her across the room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta’s hearts began to pound. What had he done?? What had he said? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The judge clicked open the box, and took out a couple of paper files. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He read over them, frown deepening. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta looked at Koschei. He looked worried. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She took a deep breath, and watched as the judge clicked the box shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed, and looked over it at Theta. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Miss Lungbarrow, I have come to a decision.” She nodded a little bit. “You will be stripped of your titles. You will no longer be a member of your Deca, meaning you will no longer be working for the Academy’s, and by extension, the citadels research programme.” Theta waited for the prison sentence. “Regretfully, I have to wipe your friends names from any records, to keep the integrity of the citadel and the Time Lords.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No..” she whispered, as her friends burst into various noises of anguish or anger. Jelpax started crying again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Other than that, you are free to go.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Theta blinked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Koschei repeated. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Where was the prison sentence? Where was the shunning? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What was in that fucking box?? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I- I don’t- you can’t-“ she blinked. “Please- you have to keep their names on the records I-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Borusa stood up, and started his way towards her. “Just go.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But they can’t- it’s not fair-“ he opened the gate behind her and put a hand on her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on. Before you change his mind.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But I want to! It’s not fair!” She pointed out, as he pulled her away lightly. Theta looked at him pleadingly. “Borusa..it’s not fair.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, Theta. I know.” He led her towards the doors, and she glanced back at her brother. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had the box on his lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t understand. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0090"><h2>90. Ninety</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They can’t- they can’t do that.” She insisted, as Borusa lead her towards the doors of the citadel building. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They have to.” He said. “I’m sorry Theta, I wish there was some way to change their mind, but it’s practically an unchangeable law.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta felt her feet were like lead. She didn’t understand. She had to fix this. She had to say something- there had to be something she could do to change his mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But should she? She didn’t know. Would Koschei tell her to try? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe they’d put her in prison. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Why wasn’t she? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta dug her heels in, and Borusa sighed sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why aren’t I in prison?” She asked quietly. It was that box. It had to be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know Theta, but let’s not ask questions.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s that box.” She muttered. “I have to find my brother- he’ll tell me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will he?” Borusa asked. “Brax doesn’t have a past of being very honest with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But he knows something I don’t- I have to find out what it is.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No Theta.” He said firmly, and began to pull her away. “There are some things you don’t need to know. You should just find Koschei and go ho-“ Theta tugged herself out of his grip. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She blinked at him. “Do you know what’s in there?? What shouldn’t I know?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed frustratedly, and ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, I’m not doing this now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you know?” She asked firmly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, please. You should just go home- you’re tired.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.” She said sharply. “Tell me what’s going on Borusa.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He searched her face for a moment, before shaking his head and beginning to walk away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God!” She scoffed loudly. “I am so sick of everyone tiptoeing around me!” Borusa turned around suddenly in an attempt to get her to quiet down. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” He hissed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What??” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa opened and closed his mouth a couple times, before striding over to her and grabbing her wrist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa pulled her into a room that was empty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t know why he was being so secretive. Maybe it was just about his public image. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He closed the door behind her, and turned around to face her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry Theta, but there are some things you aren’t allowed to know. To keep-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me guess. The integrity of the citadel?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He said seriously. “To keep you safe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Im not safe.” Theta snapped in a hiss, suddenly angry. She wasn’t sure what had come over her. But this had been building up for long enough. “I’ve never been safe on this fucking planet- and now that I practically have to leave, you might as well come out with whatever you know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If this were up to me, I would.” Borusa tried calmly. “But it’s not. This is- this is bigger than anything you can imagine Theta- bigger than the Toymaker.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” She muttered. “I’ll go to someone else. Since everyone around me seems to know this crazy bit of information about me. I mean- jesus- it’s probably why I got such a light sentence.” Borusa sighed softly. “Am I wrong??” She demanded, as he stared at the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you know what was in that box. So does Brax. You’re supposed to be the people who don’t keep secrets from me!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He said frustratedly. “And I don’t want to have to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who else knows??” Theta snapped. Borusa worked a tooth at a canine, but shook his head. Fine. If she had to guess, she would. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My teachers? They knew didn’t they?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” He said after a moment. Theta scoffed in disbelief. Well then. That answered the question of why they always looked at her like she wasn’t normal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell?” She asked, slightly quieter. She hoped it wasn’t true. If he knew, then that opened gates up to practically everyone. Borusa nodded. Theta took a shaky breath, and leant against the opposite wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My friends?” She whispered. He shook his head. “Koschei??” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He said it as an obvious reassurance. Which it was. Theta let out a shaky breath of relief, and rubbed a hand over her eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mr Delathorpo knew, didn’t he?” She looked up. “That’s what the letter was about, wasn’t it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa held her gaze for a moment, before nodding, and breaking it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed in disbelief, and swallowed tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Almost everyone around her knew this thing about her, and never even tried to tell her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell knew. Her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No, he wasn’t that. He’d even gone to the lengths of burning the letter to make sure she didn’t find out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. This had to be some kind of infringement of her rights. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t even know what her rights were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did no one tell me?” She asked weakly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We couldn’t, Theta. I’m sorry.” Borusa made his way towards her, and she looked up, frowning. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? Like- you all knew who else knew. What is this? Some kind of club?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- it was a-“ he waved a vague hand. “A need to know basis.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched the floor for a moment, before looking up at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hang on. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How long did you know that Vansell knew?” She asked quietly. Borusa’s eyes widened a little, and he opened his mouth, clearly realising he’d stepped his foot in it. “You knew.” She whispered, pushing off the wall. “You knew Vansell was a rat.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta- it wasn’t- I didn’t know he’d go and do that-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You knew!” She spat. “You knew the whole fucking time!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He was doing a job. One that he didn’t want to do- it wasn’t- he’s not a bad person Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You let me sit there-“ she started her way towards him. “Thinking that that- that fucking piece of shit was my friend! And you knew he was just there to watch me!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I trusted you!” She yelled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. And if I was allowed to tell you any of this, I wouldn’t have hesitated, but-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know what,” Theta dropped to a hiss, and got into his face. She couldn’t believe this. She felt betrayed. She felt furious. Like her blood was alight. “I wasn’t allowed to tell you about what happened to Torvic, but I did.” She seethed. “I put myself and Koschei in danger telling you that, and I still did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, and-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no ands.” She looked away, and clenched her jaw as it wobbled. “You were- you were supposed to be there- I- I trusted you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You-“ Theta’s throat tightened, and she looked back at him, as her anger turned wet. “You were supposed to be..you- you were the closest thing I ever had to a parent.” She wobbled. “To a dad.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta turned away to groan and run her hands over her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And my actual brother knew.” She muttered to herself. “My own fucking family.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Borusa said. “we used it to help. Your brother used it to get you out of a prison sentence. It’s the reason Torvic’s case never got to court.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Am I supposed to be grateful?” She scoffed. “That people got me out of things I should’ve faced consequences for.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” he said slowly. “I’m just saying, those who knew, never held it against you as a bad thing. We only used it to try and help. Your brother cares about you, Theta- I care about you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No you don’t.” She shook her head. “You’re a liar.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, I’m sorry.” He repeated. “If there was something I could do to make this all go away for you, I would do it. But I can’t wave that magic wand- so- I did the next best thing. Your brother and I.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re working with Brax now?” She turned to look at him. As if that weren’t the final nail in the coffin. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He heard about the case against you, and he wanted to help.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, you know why?” He raised his eyebrows. “Because he can’t have anything tarnishing our name. He’d never be able to be Lord President or whatever he wants to do, if his inconvenient little sister’s in prison.” She scoffed. “Braxiatel doesn’t care about me. He never has.” She looked away, and shook her head again. “No one does.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta couldn’t really trust anyone. There was no one she could go to. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell was a mole. How did she know the others weren’t too? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The only person she had was Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had always been that way. Had it ever really changed? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, that’s not true.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can you just...leave me alone, please?” It hurt to say. “I don’t really want to talk to you. At least not right now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa looked hurt, but nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I understand.” Theta headed to the door. “Have a safe journey home.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t even have a home anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta practically flooded down the stairs and out of the gates of the citadel building. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta!” Her friends were slightly to the left, and Theta made a beeline for them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She tried not to cry, but it was pretty fruitless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei noticed before she got there, and was frowning by the time she practically launched herself at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta clung to him, and tried her best to swallow down the lump in her throat, as she squeezed her eyes shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” he wrapped his arms around her tightly, and squeezed. “It’s ok, I’m here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can we go home please?” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Let’s.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0091"><h2>91. Ninety-one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus pushed open the door, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How does it look?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not great.” He admitted exasperatedly, and stepped inside. The seven of them, what was left of them, filed into their home. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The walls were charred and smelt of smoke. Their sofas were filled with large holes, and their table had not come out unscathed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The kitchen looked a little bit better, with all the metal in there. But their dining table and chairs were practically unusable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are we gonna do?” Drax ran a hand over his face, as they stared helplessly at the table. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess..move back to the Academy, until they can get us a new place, or fix this one up?” Magnus suggested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not a chance. I’m not going back there.” Mortimus shook his head. “We can move the living room up to the library. If we do some cleaning up in here, we should be able to keep cooking in here. Whoever fixes this place up can work around us.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are we acting like we can just go back to normal?” Ushas raised an eyebrow. The other six glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” Mortimus asked. She scoffed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on guys. You can’t all just pretend you’re perfectly happy with going back to how things were, after everything that happened?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” Drax frowned. “What other choice do we have?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not staying here.” She shook her head. “I’m not spending the rest of my lives working for a citadel and a government who are not only the reason our friends are dead, but are the reason no one will ever remember their names, too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No one said anything, Drax glancing away, and Mortimus looking at the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have to face the facts.” Ushas shrugged. “The Deca’s over.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared out of the window, after having opened it, in a desperate attempt to get smoke from her room. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a fruitless attempt though. Her clothes still smelt it. But then again, she supposed that was attributed to the fact that she hadn’t been allowed to change her clothes since the house had been set alight. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The door opened, and closed shortly after, and she sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll take that as a ‘no I don’t want to talk about it.” Koschei said, making his way over to her, and staring out of the window. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He was a liar.” She muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Borusa.” Koschei glanced at her, and frowned. Theta kept her eyes forward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That box, that my brother gave the judge to make him lessen my sentence. The letter, Vansell, Braxiatel, my teachers, Borusa, they all say, or know the same thing.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand.” Theta sighed frustratedly and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There is something about me, that almost everyone around me, apart from you guys, knows. It’s the reason I didn’t go to prison, for this, and for Torvic’s murder. And they all- they all know that each other knows.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..Borusa knew-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That Vansell was a mole. Yep.” She scoffed just at the sheer thought of it. Koschei ran a hand over his face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He kept talking about how ‘if he had the choice, he’d tell me what was going on. He would’ve told me about Vansell. But it was all about keeping me safe’.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s bullshit.” Koschei scoffed. It was clear he was in as much disbelief as Theta had been in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re telling me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..did he tell you what it was?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nope.” She muttered. “Even now, still won’t tell me the truth.” Theta turned away from the window and leant against the sill, folding her arms over her chest, and glancing at him. “Can’t trust anyone, Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He sighed, and leant back against it too, glancing at her as their shoulders brushed together. “I guess not.” They were quiet for a moment. “Christ. I can’t believe he did that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither can I.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t believe Vansell did that.” He shook his head at the room, and Theta swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither can I.” Her throat tightened a little. “Is Jelpax ok?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t think so.” He admitted. “Lost all three of his childhood friends in the span of about five days. I’d be worried if he was ok.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you gonna do then?” She asked, glancing at him. “Since it looks like everyone’s going different ways.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not sure.” He admitted. “See if anything catches my fancy. If it doesn’t, I’ll probably just follow you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not a good idea. You definitely shouldn’t follow me where I’m going.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s stupid of you to go alone anyway.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably.” She nodded. “But someone’s got to do it. And it should be me. I made a promise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you did.” He sighed. Koschei looked forward again, and put his head on Theta’s shoulder. Theta pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, and put her head on top of his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How’s your head?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Louder than ever. Think it’s just gonna keep getting louder.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took her head off of his to frown at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you tell me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you’ve had a lot going on to be honest.” Theta sighed, and put her head back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. But I still have time for you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Still..like you said. Not always gonna be around. I have to learn how to deal with it myself.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if you can’t, you let me know. I’ll come help. Even if I’m on the other side of the universe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hesitant to do that. Knowing your driving skills, you’ll crash into a moon before you get there.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s no moons in the time vortex.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, and you’ll still find a way to crash into one.” He scoffed. Theta tutted in feigned annoyance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s what I do best.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not true.” She argued. He hummed, quiet for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think it’s ever gonna stop getting louder. Every time I think it’s as loud as it can be, it just gets louder.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta winced, and pressed another kiss to his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry Kos’. I’m sorry I couldn’t fix it for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, don’t say that. You make it sound like you’ve given up on me.” He scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I haven’t.” She promised. “And who knows. Whole galaxies out there, there’s gotta be something that can help you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mmm.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“After I’ve helped Rallon and Millennia, I’ll look for stuff that can help you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to do that.” He hummed quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’d do it for me. And I made a promise.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As a child, Thee’. It was just a child’s promise. One you couldn’t really make. It might not even be possible to fix it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, if I can fly into a moon in the time vortex, I’m pretty sure I can find something to help you.” He scoffed a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Koschei sighed. “Ok, I believe you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood in the shower, letting the water rush over her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Usually, she kept her face out of the water. She didn’t like having to close her eyes, and she didn’t like it when it went in her nose and mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But this time, she stepped further into the shower, and closed her eyes, tilting her head back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It started a small panic in the pit of her stomach, but if she was honest, Theta felt too numb to let it overwhelm her. Like a large blanket of nothingness lay over the flame, putting it out. Like a sea or river of nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered, if this had happened when she was younger, if she might’ve cried. Broken down, screamed. Been angry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Not that she wasn’t angry. She was. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was pretty sure if she was Vansell again, she’d go for him. But it didn’t feel the same as when she was younger. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If anything, it had made Theta feel more determined. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Borusa was wrong about a lot of things, and she wasn’t sure she could forgive him either, but he had been right about her. She was selfless. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she was planning on proving Vansell wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wasn’t sure if spite was a good motivation for her actions, but what did it matter now? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She didn’t even know if what she was doing was right. All she knew was that she felt like it was, and so she’d do it. That was enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was tired of having to try and prove to the world that she was right. What did it matter anyway? She was surrounded by anarchists. Amoral, immoral people, who she’d let influence her for too long. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t have to prove to anyone that saving lives was right.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What did it matter about her means now? What did it matter if she had a hero complex or not? What did it matter if Koschei thought she was being an idiot or not? </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All that mattered, was that, at the end of the day, if Theta could say that someone was alive, where they might not have been had she not been there, and if she could sleep at night, then she was doing what was right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would be something new. Someone different. Someone who was not evil, someone who had not killed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta could no longer be herself. If she wanted to change things, then she would have to change herself. Adapt. Evolve. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was of the past. Theta was someone bad. Someone unsure. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she was not unsure anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would not be bad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And so, she would not be Theta. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy new year!! I hope you have a happy and safe 2021. Thank you so much for all your support this year. I can’t even explain how grateful I am for you all. 💗🥳</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0092"><h2>92. Ninety-two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta heard a knock on her door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come in.” She said quietly, keeping her eyes closed. Theta was currently sat against her bedroom wall, having sat down to try and ease off a banging headache. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta had the feeling that she wasn’t exactly relaxed when she slept, and it was causing them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” Asked Jelpax, and Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine. I have a headache.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh. Do you need anything?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I’ll be ok.” Theta was a pause, before he sat on the ground beside her, and sighed. Theta opened her eyes, and looked at him. “Are you ok?” She asked softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax just shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really, no. But I don’t really know what to do about it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to do anything about it. I don’t think there’s anything you can do.” She admitted. Her friend hummed, and glanced down at his shoes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I keep running through it in my head. My entire friendship with Vansell, wondering if there was any time I should’ve noticed or- or- anything I could’ve done differently.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You shouldn’t.” She reached out and rubbed a hand over his arm. “We couldn’t have known, man. Especially you. You were just a kid, and- kids assume the best of each other. I mean- none of us could’ve predicted that our friend- who you had known for most of your life, could be...who he is.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He sighed. “I just- I feel bad for you, y’know? You didn’t deserve that, Thee’.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, probably not.” She agreed. “But it’s done now. And..he’s gone, y’know? That’s that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think, if Millennia and Rallon were still here, he would have ever told us the truth?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I doubt it.” Theta admitted, looking down at her knees. Her head hurt. “He was honest, about what he said. He did try to tell me, more than once. I think he really did regret it. Maybe- maybe what happened to Millennia and Rallon reminded him of what he was even doing here in the first place.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’d be heartbroken.” He said quietly. “Not angry- never were angry. But they’d be hurt.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. But they’d probably be stood here telling us to forgive him.” She scoffed fondly just at the thought. “They were good people like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was quiet for a long time, as Jelpax sat beside her. Theta’s head was throbbing, so she closed her eyes again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It keeps me up at night.” He finally said. “That last day with them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well- because I took them for granted. I- I just thought, y’know, of course they’ll come back, it’s a load of rubbish anyway.” He paused, and his voice became strained, so Theta squeezed his knee. “I didn’t even say goodbye.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey,” she opened her eyes, and shuffled into his side, wrapping her arm around him. “You didn’t need to. It’s Millennia and Rallon- they know how much you love them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know but there’s just- I could’ve done so many things differently. And they would’ve lived.” Theta sighed out sadly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I could’ve too. But we can’t change it now.” She hated to be harsh, but it was the truth. Jelpax was only hurting himself by imagining all these things that could never happen. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He agreed. “But- I’m going to make a difference. It’s what I came here to tell you.” He glanced at her, and she frowned as much as her head would allow her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well...y’know...this is it, isn’t it? The Deca’s long gone. And I’ve been thinking for ages about what I want to do after it’s over, and I couldn’t come up with anything- but now I think I know what I want to do.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, what is it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to go and try and work on the APC net.” She blinked at him. “I know it’s- y’know- it’ll be hard..I imagine for the first bit. But I want to do it. I’m- I’m good at it, that’s what I’m good at.” She nodded a little. It was true. That was what he was good at. “And I want- I want to make sure that no one ever has to feel what I’m feeling ever again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled sadly at him, and squeezed his knee again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think that’s a great idea.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think so?” He asked. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” her voice wavered slightly. It hurt to be aware of what they were doing. This was goodbye. These were her last times with her friends, as they all went in different directions. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This at least, she would not take for granted as she had taken Millennia and Rallon for granted. “I think that’s noble.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jelpax smiled a wobbly smile, and pulled her into a hug. Theta squeezed back tightly, and tried not to cry- for herself and her head alike. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you’re leaving, aren’t you?” He asked into her shoulder. Theta nodded. “You’re going to try and give them peace?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Has anyone given you the necessary ‘that’s very dangerous’ speech yet?” He scoffed sadly. She sniffed and laughed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not yet, actually. I don’t think anyone can be bothered to try.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good then. That’s the way it should be.” He squeezed her and let go. He looked as close to tears as she was. “You’re always going to do it anyway- might as well save your breath. Don’t know how many you’ve got left.” He considered, sitting back against the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is it self righteous?” She asked. “Am I doing the right thing?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at her and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course you are. Someone has to help them, I’m surprised you’re even offering yourself up to do it. It would be self righteous to make someone else do it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed a little, glancing at her feet. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It would be self righteous to make someone else clean up my mistakes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” He squeezed her knee. “It’s noble, Theta. You’re noble.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You just,” he patted her knee, and his voice got more and more taught. “You just do your best for them, ok? It’s what they deserve.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” She nodded. “I’ll do everything I can, Jelpax. For you, as much as it’s for them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled shakily, and sniffed, laughing a bit and wiping at his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God, what are we like?” She laughed, and did the same. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know..I’m sorry.” She said softly. He looked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because- you deserved better than all this bullshit. You deserved childhood friends that were still here. People who don’t betray you, after almost a century together.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t be sorry.” He shook her head. “Besides,” he cleared his throat. “Pros and cons to everything, aren’t there, really? I might’ve lost them, but y’know- I met all of you. And Drax. He makes it worth it- in a way.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” she nodded, laughing a little through her tears. “Yeah he’s good like that. Complete idiot though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, absolutely. There’s not a braincell up there.” He laughed, as he rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. Theta sniffed, and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She grabbed him and pulled him into an even tighter hug than before. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He squeezed back as tightly as he could it seemed, and Theta took a few deep breaths in. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good luck, Jelpax. I know you’ll make this place better.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just so long as you make out there better.” He said softly. She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll try. For you. As much for them.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0093"><h2>93. Ninety-three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax was staring at the common room from the bottom of the stairs, frowning at the charring on the walls. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta walked past on her way to the kitchen, squeezing his shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” She asked, as she pushed open the door to the other room, leaving it open so he could reply. Drax didn’t reply for a long moment, as Theta began to make herself a small meal. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This is my fault.” He eventually said, so quietly Theta almost didn’t hear it. Theta frowned and glanced out of the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax looked stoic, maybe even angry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bringing her toast with her, she headed out of the room, and sat beside him on the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She said softly. He shook his head, and scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s my- my obsession with everything having to be more than it is. Obsessed with- with doing other things because being here wasn’t exciting enough for me.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Every shitty situation we’ve been in has been because of my ideas. If I- if I hadn’t suggested going up the mountain, Vansell wouldn’t have broken his leg. If I hadn’t suggested going to the oasis- I mean- I’m not stupid Theta, I saw what it did to you.” She pressed her lips together. “If- if I hadn’t been a fucking idiot and suggested going onto the APC net- well-“ his voice tightened. “Millennia and Rallon would still be here.” Theta sighed, and put a hand on his back, rubbing slow circles. “And if they were still here- then Vansell would still be here too- and- and you wouldn’t have had the fight so our house wouldn’t be all burnt, and everyone would still be here- no one would be planning on leaving.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax,” Theta said slowly, after a moment of pause. “Mate, there’s no point thinking that kind of thing. You’re not to blame for this- not entirely anyway. Sure- maybe you shouldn’t have suggested going onto it, but Ushas shouldn’t have encouraged us, and Millennia and Rallon and I shouldn’t have gone through with it. Vansell shouldn’t have been a mole- y’know- you could practically blame everyone to an extent. You’re no more at fault than anyone else.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then why is it eating me up inside?” He muttered, shaking his head a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you’re a good person, and you loved them. I- I feel guilty too, man. But that’s the point.” He glanced at her, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..” she tried to articulate it for a moment. “Ok..so, Vansell felt guilty, but no one here is going to argue that he used that effectively. Maybe- maybe in his own way, but- y’know- he tore us apart.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “But you,” Theta whispered. “You can do something with that. Like Jelpax is- like I’m trying to do.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He glanced at the step in front of them and frowned, eyes searching for something Theta couldn’t see. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Use it Drax. Do something they’d be proud of.” She insisted. “If the citadel won’t remember them, then we have to. And this is how we do that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What can I do?” He asked softly. “I- I can’t think of anything.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to come up with it now.” Theta reassured. “But Drax, I mean it. You can’t let this defeat you.” He looked at her, and his gaze hardened in what looked like determination. “Do you want Vansell to win? To tear us down?” Theta’s internal monologue had more complicated thoughts on Vansell than she liked to admit, but that wasn’t something Drax needed to know. If she had to bring him down to inspire Drax, she didn’t have a problem with that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was fed up of having to be the nice, and forgiving person, when people hurt her and her friends. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wasn’t taking anyone’s shit anymore. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And she didn’t intend on letting her friends take it anymore either. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” She smiled a little, and Drax swallowed, nodding. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m just worried that..” he shifted on the step. “..that I can’t go in the same direction as Jelpax.” Theta hummed a little, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, have you talked to him about it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should do that. Maybe there’s a way you can.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what if there’s not?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then...” Theta thought about it for a moment. “I suppose then, you have to decide wether Jelpax, or Millennia and Rallon’s memory is more important to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax scoffed a little, and ran a stressed hand over his face and through his hair. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know how to do that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe not, but I know you can.” She said softly, taking his hand. “Look at me Drax.” He glanced up at her. “You’re smart. You’re so smart- one of the smartest people I know. You can figure this out- I mean, Jesus, you can figure pretty much anything out.” She scoffed, and squeezed. “And I need to know that when you do figure it out,” she gestured to him. “That this, isn’t who you remain as.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” He said quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Drax, the reason this was fun at all- the reason any of us are friends is because we went through those things together. We are who we are, together, because of you. The- the things you suggested, the adventures we went on because of you, shaped us, and helped us form connections with one another. That, is your fault.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He blinked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And that is who you are. So- so when I see you again, in however many years it is, I don’t want to hear shit about how you never went on any more adventures, or never invented anything again.” She put her hands on his upper arms, and squeezed. “You, are one of the greatest minds I have ever, ever seen, Drax. So you’d better fucking use it. For their sakes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded, after a pause. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok?” Theta let go, and held a hand out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” Drax nodded, and slapped his hand to hers, squeezing tightly. “Ok.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta leant against the doorframe, and raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing?” Magnus turned to look at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, y’know. Just- planning on burning all of Vansell’s shit.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds therapeutic.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’m hoping it is.” Magnus nodded, throwing a shoe onto the pile he had formed on the bed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll stink though.” She pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Probably. Like he did.” He muttered. Theta scoffed, and pushed off of the door, sitting down in the desk chair and watching him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you angry?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m kinda hoping he might come back for it so I can tell him I burnt it all.” He muttered. Theta nodded slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what are you going to do after that?” He glanced at her, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Doing the rounds, seeing what everyone’s plans are I suppose. Hoping everyone has some.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m thinking...” he turned back to the pile, away from her. “Might follow your lead for once. Maybe I’m done with Gallifrey.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Really?” She blinked. “I thought you wanted to go into TARDIS manufacturing. Or try and work your way up the government ranks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did.” He admitted. “But, kinda got a bone to pick with them since they wiped my friends from the database and turned my roommate against me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed a little. Apparently this had affected even the most devout of government believers. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not the war for you either then?” She asked. He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the point? If I die they’ll wipe my name from any records anyway. It’ll be like I never existed. Known only to the other six people in this house.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What will you do then?” Theta asked. She could practically taste the fury radiating off of him. “Just see the universe?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Haven’t thought about it. I’m a bit too caught up in my anger at the moment.” He admitted. “Knowing your logic, that’s a bad thing.” Theta knew he was trying to pick a fight, just because it was Magnus, and he was angry. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she admitted. “I’m angry too. I’m just not sure burning all of his stuff is going to make you feel much better. It’ll probably just give you a headache.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sighed sharply. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What would you do then Miss high and mighty?” He glanced around at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d probably...park the TARDIS in front of a sun and lob them into that.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked taken aback, before nodding a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s...not a bad idea.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And after that, I’d probably go sight seeing.” She continued. “Go to Vortis, or somewhere sunny.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Seems like a waste.” He sighed. “Like I could be doing something more productive.” Magnus finally sat down on his bed, and faced Theta. “I keep running over all the ways I could try and get the citadel to change their mind. Legal loopholes and that kind of thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure I’m the person to ask.” She admitted. “But I think- if you were to manage that, you’d be one of my favourite people.” Magnus scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God, imagine. That would be a first.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should ask Borusa.” She ignored him. “Or- I dunno. You could send a letter to my brother. I don’t know if he’d help you though.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you let me do that?” He blinked. Theta shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Magnus stared at her for a long time, and Theta raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Y’know something.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry we’re not still kids anymore.” He said. “When we were friends.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta smiled a small smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am too.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey all! Theres not going to be a chapter today because I just feel so out of it I don’t even know why, and I want to try and make these last chapters as good as I can, so probably better to do that when I actually know what I’m doing. Next week I have no school (it’s complicated) so I’m hoping to get this chapter up then to make up for lost time. Thank you, I love you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0094"><h2>94. Ninety-four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus actually found her, in the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” He said. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hi.” She glanced up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you?” He sat beside her, and she shrugged lightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. In a weird way I’m kinda numb. I dunno. Maybe it’ll hit me when we’ve all moved out and I’m alone.” She said. He hummed and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, maybe.” He agreed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The same..I think. To be honest I think I’m in disbelief over a lot of what happened. I’m in shock that you’re even here, not sat in a jail cell.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You and me both.” She hummed, closing her book, without marking her page. It was a courtesy they seemed to only give to one another. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What was in that box, Theta? Do you know?” He asked. She shook her head and sighed down at her lap. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have no idea. I wish I did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you mean that?” He asked. “No..no tricks or anything. Not like Vansell?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She blinked up at him, and shook her head a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No,” she said softly. “Of course not. I don’t- y’know. I’m not like him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s just like..” he sighed. “Altered my entire world view.” Theta nodded in agreement. “I told him some of my darkest shit- y’know. Who the hell knows what he was feeding back to those assholes.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Theta nodded a little. “I know.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do you feel about it? Since you’re the one he was- I dunno- monitoring or something.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. I don’t like thinking about it to be honest.” She shrugged. “I mean- I dunno. If he ever came back here I’d swing, that’s all I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s fair.” He hummed. They were quiet for a moment. “So, you and Koschei planning on going through with your insane plan to help Millennia and Rallon?” Mortimus asked after a moment. Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. Koschei’s not coming.” He blinked at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re splitting up?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Something like that. It’s complicated.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can imagine.” He nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We just want different things.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’re going alone?” He asked. Theta swallowed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Guess I am.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sounds dangerous.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It is.” She nodded. He wasn’t really helping. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think you’ll pull it off?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, the other choice is death, so I’m going to try my best.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hummed and sat back. Mortimus didn’t say anything for a while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can do it. You’re good at that kind of thing. In life threatening situations, I mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you.” She scoffed dryly. “It was never my intention.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, probably not.” Theta wasn’t sure why this conversation was awkward. Maybe something had just flicked off between them. She wouldn’t be surprised. Vansell seemed to have cracked them down the middle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you going to do?” She asked. Mortimus just pulled a face, and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I have no idea. Until I can think of something worth my while, I’ll probably just...hang around here. Carry on the research or something..I dunno.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You should do something you’re passionate about.” She suggested. “If this has taught us anything, it’s that life’s too short to be unhappy.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” He said softly. “I just don’t think I really know who I am.” Theta glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He shook his head. “Always too busy to think about it I guess.” He looked at her. “Always wished I was you, really. Well- y’know- not in some aspects, but- I mean, you always knew who you were. Always will know.” She blinked. “Never let anyone tell you differently.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I- I guess.” She nodded a little. It was a bit more complicated than that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Always a funny thing, I thought.” He considered. “You and Koschei. Both knew who you were, and you were about as polar opposite as it could’ve gotten.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, we weren’t, when we first got together.” She explained. “We used to be really similar.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, you still are.” He sighed. Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Both stubborn to a fault. Both self righteous. Both complete nut jobs. Both willing to put everything on the line for one another.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta glanced down at her lap. She supposed that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, can I say something with complete honesty, since we’re not going to see each other much anymore?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.”She looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I used to always think that Koschei was the worst thing that had ever happened to you.” He stated. “I used to think- y’know- I’d look at you and see someone who’d been beaten down, and- and made to feel little, and it was his fault- and y’know- maybe those things still apply.” He shrugged. “I used to think ‘god, why can’t she see me the way I see her. I’m so much better for her than him. We’re similar, we see things the same way. I’d be kinder to her than he would’.” He shook his head a little, staring at a bookshelf over Theta’s shoulder. “But I was wrong. We never would’ve worked.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because,” he glanced at her. “Well- because, I might’ve been gentle with you- like- like you were something fragile, but that wouldn’t have been the right way to go about it. And that’s what Koschei understood that I didn’t. That’s why no matter when or where we’d been born, you would’ve always chosen him.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t understand.” She said softly. Theta didn’t know what he was trying to say. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m saying, Koschei always understood you in a way that I didn’t. He never treated you like you were fragile, because he knew you weren’t. He was brutal with you because he knew you could take it, and hit him back with the same fire.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But Mort’..that’s not a bad thing. You’re kind, for wanting to do that.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He nodded. “But kindness isn’t important, not in long run.” He glanced at her. “And I see that now. Koschei might not be kind to you sometimes, but when you came back without Millennia and Rallon he didn’t stop to think before trying to cover for you. He- he was loyal, never doubted, never was angry with you. And I wasn’t.” He shrugged lightly. “I sat next to him in court. He- he never took his eye off the ball, even when we found out about Vansell. The rest of us were reeling- but- but he compartmentalised it immediately, and focused because he knew you couldn’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta blinked at him. She supposed that was true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And to be honest,” he sighed and sat back. “I think, this whole time I’ve been too busy obsessing over how I can be more of what you want than Koschei is, that I forgot..well..who I actually am.” He explained. “Maybe time away from you is what I need.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took his hand, and squeezed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus, I know- I know this might not help to hear, but since we’re being honest with each other.” He glanced at her. “I always liked you. Even when we first met, you were always someone I could see myself being with. You, not who you were trying to be.” He stared at her. “And if I wasn’t who I was- if- if things were different when I was younger, I probably would’ve-“</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t say it.” He stopped her. “I know what you mean.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it, and Theta smiled a little. It was a sad smile. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry I couldn’t be that for you, Mortimus.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t need to. You were more than that to me, and I’ll never forget that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She leant over and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Enough now.” She agreed, taking her hand from his, after a short squeeze. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll find me, won’t you?” He asked. “After you set Millennia and Rallon free. You’ll come and tell me. Right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” She nodded. “And you can tell me all the ways in which you’ve figured out who you are.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mortimus scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“After you tell me about all the places you’ve seen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Naturally.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pushed the door open, and stood in the doorframe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei glanced up, from where he was zipping up a bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You ok?” He asked. She made her way slowly over to him, and Koschei raised an eyebrow. “..yes? How can I help?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta launched herself at him, wrapping her arms almost painfully tightly around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He scoffed and wrapped his arms around her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s up?” He asked, into her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” She mumbled. “I just love you. A lot.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you too.” He rubbed her back a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No but like properly. Like I really, really love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I properly really really love you too.” He said. “What’s this about?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just realised something.” She mumbled, breathing in. She thought she’d taken for granted how Koschei smelt. Maybe she’d have to steal something of his so she didn’t forget. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a nice smell. It was warm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well would you care to share with the class?” He hummed, rocking them from one foot to the other absently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just realised you were never what I wanted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wow. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But you were what I needed.” She mumbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.” He frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither do I. But take it anyway.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” He sighed softly, and patted her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was I what you wanted?” She asked after a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah. Nowhere close.” Koschei scoffed. Theta rolled her eyes. There it was- what Mortimus had been talking about. He was right. Koschei had never been gentle with her, like she was fragile. Always brutal, always truthful, and always seeing how far he could push her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta wondered if she’d be so certain about who she was if he hadn’t done that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was I what you needed then?” She asked. He hummed for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so.” He eventually decided. “I don’t know, I’d have to think about it. I don’t really know what you’re talking about if I’m honest, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0095"><h2>95. Ninety-five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta heard a murmuring coming from somewhere when she woke up. Koschei was nowhere to be found, and she sat up, frowning in confusion. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She rubbed the heels of her hands over her face, blinking blearily. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The window was open. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was why there was murmuring then, she supposed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swung her legs out of bed, grabbing some jumper from the end of it, that she wasn’t actually sure anymore who it had originally belonged to, and padded over to the window, sticking her head out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The first voice was definitely Koschei’s, and the second was quickly identified as Ushas’. Well, she was the only woman left other than Theta, there was no one else it could be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta contemplated leaving them be for a moment, before figuring, even if she went back inside, she’d overhear their conversation anyway. Best to let them know she was there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stood on the window sill, and poked her head up over the edge of the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You guys are loud.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They both glanced at her, Ushas scoffing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry love.” Koschei leant over to offer her a hand. She took it, and he pulled her up onto the roof beside him, where he wrapped an arm around her and rubbed up and down her arm for a moment, in an effort to warm her up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing up here?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Talking.” Ushas shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bout what?” Theta glanced over Koschei to her friend. “Is it private?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She shrugged. “We were just chatting I guess.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hm.” She nodded. “You got a blunt?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nah.” Ushas glanced at her. “I’m trying to give it up?” Theta frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Since when?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dunno. A while back.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How come?” She asked. Ushas sighed and glanced at her hands, where her arms were balanced on her knees. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Rallon never liked it. Said I should give it up.” Theta felt bad for asking. “We’d have the same argument. He’d say it would mess my lungs up, and I said it was ok, because I’d just regenerate and my lungs would be fine again. And he’d say I had no way of knowing if I ever would regenerate- that these things were unpredictable.” She scoffed. “Guess he was right. As always.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta nodded a little. “He had a habit of doing that.” They were quiet for a moment. “How are you finding it? Trying to give it up I mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno.” She shrugged. “Easy. I’m pretty good when it comes to strong will.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta considered. “Sounds about right.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just means I have to find something else to do with my hands.” She scoffed lightly. Theta nodded a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They were quiet for a moment. Theta couldn’t help but feel like she’d intruded. She considered getting up and saying she was going to go to bed again, before Koschei spoke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We were just talking about like..where we’re going now.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Theta nodded. “And where is that?” She asked, directing it at Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to do some travelling. See some planets is the plan.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cool.” Theta smiled a little. “Joining the club, I see.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah well,” she scoffed dryly. “You’re so obsessed with it. Figured it might make me feel somewhere close to the same way.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned a little at her friend. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you ok?” She asked slowly. Ushas glanced at her, and shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I- I guess not.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Exactly.” She glanced back. “Just the way we roll in this house isn’t it? Cant have good shit happen to us.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta opened her mouth to say something, before closing it again, and glancing at Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could be worse.” He interjected for her. “We’re all getting off planet. All going in directions we want to.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No we’re not.” Ushas shook her head. “What we’re doing Koschei, is running from the mess we made.” She glanced at him. “There is absolutely nothing brave, or noble about what we’re doing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well what would you rather do?” He asked. “Sit here alone working for the same government who did that to Millennia and Rallon?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The government didn’t do shit, dude.” She scoffed, like she couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. “The citadel were covering up our mistakes. Drax’s mistake, mine, and Theta’s. What they chose to do- we brought that on ourselves.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas..”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Look, I’m all for the whole ‘fuck the government’ mentality, but the fact is, we can’t blame them every time something goes wrong, or we fuck up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, but the point is, none of this wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t put in this system in the first place.” Theta tried to explain. Ushas pulled a face at her, like she’d just said the stupidest shit she’d ever heard. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t matter, Blondie. You can’t say that, and then say it was all down to you when something good happens. There’s no point in us blaming the government and the planet for being born, and having a crap life. What does it do? Mulling in self pity? You have to accept the lot you’re given and do something with your life.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And are we?” Theta asked. She could kind of see where Ushas was coming from, even if she didn’t agree.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. In the grand scheme of life in the universe, probably not. I wouldnt even know how you’d measure a persons purpose.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Differently. Depending on who you are.” Koschei answered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How would you measure it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..impact I guess.” He considered. “How many peoples lives do you touch?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That could be taken very differently depending on who you are.” She scoffed dryly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, murderers touch peoples lives. Dictators, people who commit genocides.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t argue they’re not doing shit with their lives.” Koschei argued. Ushas pulled a face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Guess not.” She glanced at Theta. “Blondie? What about you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably,” she thought about it. “Probably how many people’s lives do you save?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Course.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How would you measure it?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...probably...” she hummed in thought, and tilted her head upwards to look at the sky. “How happy you are when you croak. How much culture you’ve consumed, how much you’ve accomplished. How happy those accomplishments have made you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you think travelling is the way to prove that you’re accomplished?” Koschei asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well there’s not much culture on this dusty ass planet. And I’m not about to get to the top of my game in chemistry and stay in whatever position that is for the rest of my life. It would be pointless. Boring.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God yeah, never want to be that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think anyone in this house could ever claim to be boring.” Theta pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, that’s true.” Ushas agreed. “Too much unaddressed trauma.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell was a bit boring.” Ushas pointed out. Theta shook her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. He’s an asshole but he’s not boring.” She sighed and glanced at the ground all the way down there. “Wish he was boring. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to barely scathe a double heart attack in middle of my trial.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, wasn’t a great time to find out he was a mole.” Koschei considered, narrowing his eyes a little in contemplation. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there any good time?” Ushas raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..no.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Surprised he’s not shown his face around here.” She considered. “Thought he’d want some of his shit back.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well he’s gonna have to hurry up if he wants to see it again.” Theta pointed out. “Magnus is planning on taking the TARDIS out and throwing it all into a black hole.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas actually laughed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s brilliant.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I told him it might be a slightly less smelly venting method than just burning it all outside.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Glad someone’s brains working.” Ushas considered. “Magnus seems to be on some kind of dumb version of autopilot.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A lot of them are still in shock.” Theta shrugged a little. “I’ve talked to all of them. They’re not doing too good.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not surprised.” Ushas rubbed her palms down the calves of her trousers, and shifted. Theta could tell she was struggling a bit. “Feel bad for Jelpax.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, he’s really upset.” She nodded. “Still, planning on staying. Working on the APC net he said.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck for?” Koschei frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So no one else can make the same mistakes we did.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is Drax staying then?” Ushas asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He doesn’t know.” Theta shrugged. “I don’t think he wants to, but he doesn’t want to leave Jelpax behind.” Her friend hummed, and sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll miss the bugger. Miss shoving him about.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure you’ll find someone else you can bully.” Koschei scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She sighed. “Won’t be the same though.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0096"><h2>96. Ninety-six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta frowned at her things. They were still few and far between. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She supposed, it was a good thing in the way that she didn’t have to pick and choose what she wanted to keep, when she could fit it all in one bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was eternally grateful that the fire hadn’t reached her room. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if some of her things had been destroyed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d never considered herself a sentimental person, but some of the things she did own were important to her. Her books, her flower from Gevova, the few things she’d taken from Earth. Some of the rocks and paper butterflies that she’d tried to keep as pristine as possible from when Koschei had given them to her all those years ago. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She knew the butterflies would be the first to go in a fire. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Thinking about it, because it was more interesting than packing, Theta didn’t know the last time she’d seen a butterfly. But that was alright, she decided. They had short lives, she knew that, and to be honest it was a miracle that she’d happened to see them for the short days they’d been alive. It was a miracle any of them were even there in the first place. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was sure they’d continue to pop up every now and then. If she was lucky. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aren’t you meant to be packing?” She glanced up, and found Koschei leaning against the doorframe. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I am.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re staring into space.” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m taking a break.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can see that.” He pushed off of the wall. “Having trouble?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not really.” She admitted, as he sat down beside her and started fiddling with a stone of hers. “I don’t really have to be selective. Can fit it all in a bag.” He hummed in acknowledgment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whats this?” He asked amusedly, holding up the stone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s a stone you gave me. Because you said it looked like a fish.” Theta turned the stone ninety degrees to prove her point. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah guess it does.” He glanced at her. “Why did you keep a fish-shaped rock that I don’t even remember giving you? I mean, how old were we when I gave you it? Fifteen?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, we were ten.” She took the rock from him and turned it over in her hands. “And I dunno. I kept it cuz you gave it to me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I gave you many rocks when we were kids.” He pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” Theta twisted behind her and held up a small bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You didn’t.” He took it from her and looked inside. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I did.” She nodded. “They were nice.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re rocks.” He scoffed in disbelief, pulling out one she remembered he’d said was shaped like a beetle. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“They’re presents.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t going to throw out stuff you gave me. You’d thought about me when you found them.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He smiled a little and put them back in the bag. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did you ever keep anything I got you?” She asked. Theta wouldn’t have been offended if he said no. She knew they worked differently. Koschei had no sense of sentimentality or affection for anything, and hardly anyone, other than her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you mostly got me flowers, love, which were more difficult to keep around.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s true.” She hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I kept a couple things though.” He nodded. “You gave me this tiny glass shard you found on the ground when we were thirteen or so, because you were insistent that it was some kind of crystal. I told you, I said to you ‘no it’s just a glass shard that probably broke off of some bottle or something’ but you didn’t believe me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do not remember that.” She scoffed. He stood up and crossed to his side of the room, picking up a book and bringing it back over. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei flicked over the pages, revealing several flowers that he’d clearly flattened in them, before coming to a certain page. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was kind of a shoddy job, but with the materials he must have had at the time, Theta was impressed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei had glued together about ten pages, and had clumsily carved out a little bit of the wad, putting the shard in there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bloody hell, who knew DIY was your passion?” She laughed. In reality, Theta was touched. She’d really thought Koschei had thrown away most of the stuff she’d collected for him, but it was nice to know that not only had he kept it, but had taken the time to keep it safe and preserve it in the only way he could think of, with what he had available to him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, I think I went into the wrong profession.” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s really sweet, Kos’. I’m impressed.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, y’know.” He shrugged. “Gotta find something to do with the time when you’re asleep.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She sighed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you still struggling to sleep?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Depends on the night.” He shrugged, flicking through the pages absently. “I’m a bit better at the moment, cuz there’s quite a lot to do, so I’m tired at night.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s good.” She nodded. “You know you can wake me up.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I know. I won’t though. You need as much sleep as you can get. You’re still recovering.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fine.” She insisted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.” He pointed to a page. On it was some small bit of tree bark. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What the fuck is that?” Theta laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Tree bark.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you have tree bark in a book?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because you said it was your favourite tree, so I took a little bit so I didn’t forget.” She blinked at his side profile, as he glanced down at the book. “I realised about thirty years in, that there was a lot you could know about someone when you knew them as long as we were planning on knowing each other, so I figured, I should make some reminders. Just little things.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” She asked quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Just..y’know..didn’t want to forget anything about you I guess.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pressed a quiet kiss to his cheek, and he finally glanced up from the book at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What’s wrong?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” She smiled a little. “Just realised you’re not all that different to when we were kids.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s rude. I was short.” She scoffed, and wrapped her arms around his. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s weird isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is?” He asked, shutting the book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just that when you’re a kid, you’re constantly wishing you could grow up and be an adult, cuz you’re convinced it’ll be the best thing and you’ll have all the freedom in the world. But..well right now I wish we could be kids again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? When we were fortyish?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, when we were like fifteen. Before Torvic.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You realise I was going out with Lareth?” He pulled a face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! But she’s not you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wonder how they’re all doing.” Theta put her cheek on his shoulder, and he hummed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno. Maybe after you defy death you can do a tour. Academy reunion.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“God, I can’t think of anything more mortifying.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” He asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Because! They knew me when I was a- y’know- snotty...weird child.” He laughed a little.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, yeah there is that.” He considered quietly for a moment. “It’s kinda weird. To think that we’re adults now.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I know what you mean. Every time I thought I couldn’t get any more mature and more..me..I managed it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mm. Cant fault you on your determination to become the most annoying, obnoxious, self righteous version of yourself possible.” He teased. Theta smacked him on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can take it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mortimus said you’re self righteous too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Did he?” Koschei glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep. Said you were just like me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That bastard.” He scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re like me,” she teased. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No- no I won’t hear this slander.” Koschei put his hands out and pulled away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta copy theta copy,” Theta pointed at him, and Koschei feigned annoyance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How dare you. I was the original!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You were not!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Were not!” She argued. She prodded him in the side as she said it, and he wriggled away from her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Woah! That’s a foul that’s playing dirty.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No such thing! It’s in the rules.” She argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh well if that’s the case,” Koschei wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back into his chest, where he began prodding and poking at her sides. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed and tried to pull away from him, but he pulled her backward. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No! You’re not going anywhere!” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get off!” She laughed, grabbing his hand and twisting it away from her ribcage and into an unnatural angle. “I will lob you over my head like this.” She threatened.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok! Ok!” She let go and turned to face him as he pouted at her and over exaggeratedly nursed his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re a big baby.” She accused. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s mean.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can take it.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0097"><h2>97. Ninety-seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swung into the lab to grab the few things she’d left in there, and found Ushas pouring over a book. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta took no notice, and just stepped past her, grabbing the few things that were hers and heading to the door again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Blondie.” She turned when she reached the door, and raised her eyebrows. Ushas was frowning at her. “You not taking your thing?” She nodded towards the sonic screwdriver that Theta had left on the side. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not ever helped me. It’s kinda just junk.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Could help you though.” Ushas pointed out. “Better you take it and not need it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess.” She nodded, and headed back towards it, taking it up and turning it over in her hands. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s smart.” Ushas commented. “If it works.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It does.” Theta reassured. “Well, on most things. It doesn’t work on wood.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No one uses wood anymore anyway.” Ushas shrugged. “It’ll be fine. Unless you encounter hostile alien life on a forest planet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well..I hope not.” She scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s have a look at it.” Ushas held her hand out, and Theta put the screwdriver in it, letting her friend look over it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Quite the craftsmanship, Blondie.” She drawled. “Not too bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” Theta took it, knowing that was about as close as Ushas would get to a compliment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And it does..what? Again?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh..a lot of things. Scans matter, freezes particles and- y’know- it’s just kind of a tool to telepathically link yourself to the different makeups of atoms.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you managed to figure that out?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..yeah, I guess. It took a long time.” She shrugged meekly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What would it do if I pointed it at myself?” She asked. Theta pushed off of the counter and stood over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, it would tell you your biological make up. You can see if you’re really Gallifreyan or not.” She scoffed in joke. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Ushas pointed the screwdriver at herself, and a small whirring was emitted from the device. Eventually, it made a tiny blip and Ushas glanced at it, and hummed in what sounded like approval. Theta could never be sure with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That is good.” She nodded. “Good to know I’m who I think I am.” Ushas held it over her shoulder at Theta, who waited. It finished its scan and the two of them glanced at the readings. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“...huh.” Ushas raised an eyebrow. “Well that’s not right.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like I said, it’s not perfect. Doesn’t do everything. Always gets my biology wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How come?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it’s just a fault.” She took it back. “That I never figured out how to fix. I’m pretty sure it’s because I coded it to my brain in the first place, so when I’m at the wrong end of the scan it gets all confused.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s annoying.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess. But it doesn’t ever change, so at least there’s that. Means if I ever met anyone I thought was me I could check, at the very least.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well you’d be in a lot of trouble if you ever did that.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, that’s true.” She nodded. “Then again, maybe I already have. I’d have no way of remembering. Guess that’s why it sucks to be the first.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re not too bad for an original.” Ushas slapped her on the back. “Still, can only improve from here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.” She deadpanned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe you’ll be more my taste next time around.” Ushas stood up and began her way out of the lab, her friend following as she scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, go on then.” She turned to walk backwards and face Theta. “You hold your boyfriend down, I’ll clart him over the head and we’ll run off and get married together.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed as the two of them made their way down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Bet.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The same evening, when the seven of them were sat into their library-turned-commonroom, drinking a little and talking, Theta heard a knock at the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She frowned, wondering if she really had heard it or if she was losing her mind, before it came again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some of the others heard it to, and Drax stood up. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll get it.” He headed out of the room, and Ushas frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s he going?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Someone at the door.” Koschei explained, before taking another drink.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Conversation continued, expecting it to just be someone unimportant, and Theta kept listening to Jelpax‘a theory on how he thought the universe would end. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She would never lie and tell anyone the conversations they had were cool. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When a natural and random lull came in conversation all round, the six of them could suddenly heard a loud conversation happening downstairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It sounded like Drax was angry, which was definitely a first. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This fact seemed to get everyone else’s attention too, and obviously, they all began to stampede down the stairs to see what the fuss was about. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was towards the back, and stumbled into the back of Magnus, steadying herself on his shoulder and the banister as the group ground to a halt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was almost at the top of the stairs, and had no idea what they were all looking at. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she didn’t need to see. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She could feel him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Her grip on Magnus’ shoulder involuntarily tightened, as her jaw set. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What are you doing here?” Mortimus asked, towards the bottom of the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I- I’m sorry I just, came for my..for my things.” Vansell replied quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">There was silence for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go on then.” Mortimus stood back against the wall of the stairs, and the others followed suit, leaving a wide enough gap on the stairs for him to get past. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was last to step to the side, and watched as he kept his head down, and made his way up the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Decked out in black and white, Vansell looked almost unrecognisable. He looked tired too. And guilty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta watched as he headed across the landing and up the other flight of stairs to the bedrooms. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The group stood in silence for a moment, before gathering in a small crowd on the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why did you let him in?” Magnus hissed at Drax, who looked incredulous. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t!” He said in a whispered yell. “I was going to beat him up- Mortimus let him in!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well what else was I meant to do? We’re not animals.” He defended himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Turn him away?” Koschei suggested, like it was obvious. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or lob his things out the window at him.” Theta added sourly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It wasn’t nice to see him. The thought had stuck her sometimes, at four am when she was lying awake, that maybe if she ever did see him, there would be a small part of her that was happy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That part didn’t exist. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to-“ Jelpax huffed frustratedly, and the others waited for him to articulate what it was he wanted to say. “He’s just so- I mean- what the fuck? Look at what he’s wearing.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He looks like an idiot.” Ushas decided, still leaning against the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can have a go at him Jel’.” Magnus said. “The least he could do is sit there and take it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to. But I don’t- I dunno what to say. I’ve been thinking about it for ages but now I have no idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you Theta.” Ushas added. “You’re well within your rights too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta just nodded. She wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sure what she could say to explain the kind of betrayal he’d made her feel. How much he had torn them all apart. How much she’d trusted him. Theta didn’t know if she could find the words for all of that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They heard the landing creek again as Vansell made his way down the second flight of stairs, and they stood back against the wall to let him past again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He kept his head down, only looking up when he got to the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wait.” The waves parted for Jelpax. “I want to talk to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell swallowed tightly, but nodded, and his former friend lead him out of the door, Drax closing it to give them some privacy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stayed stuck at the top of the stairs, staring at the front door in indecision. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta.” Koschei got her attention. “Do you want to go?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Um..” she thought about it for a moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If you do you should go out there now, before he leaves.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Ok.” She nodded. Her friends parted again from her, and Theta sidestepped down the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei squeezed her shoulder on the way past, and she smiled tightly, before heading to the door. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax opened it for her, and Theta slipped out, joining Jelpax, who didn’t seem to mind all that much, because he was in the middle of his big speech. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You have no idea what you’ve done to us.” He continued, surprisingly calmly. “And you know, in a way I’m glad Millennia and Rallon aren’t here, because if they were around to find out you’d done this to us- to them- I don’t think they’d ever recover. Because they were good people, Vansell, who loved you, and you took advantage of them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell just nodded, eyes surprisingly glassy, as he stared at Jelpax’s shoes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And I don’t think I can forgive you.” Jelpax continued. “I want to- because I want to believe I’m a good person. But the fact is, none of these guys understand that you and I grew up together.” His voice grew tight, and he shook his head. “You were my brother, Vansell.” He wobbled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He whispered. “I’m sorry Jelpax.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you thought- y’know- that you were doing this for Millennia and Rallon. That- that this is the morally good thing to do. To- to- give Theta up, for the sake of their memory. But Millennia and Rallon would’ve defended her, because unlike you, they understood the concept of loyalty.” He scoffed dryly, and brashly wiped his nose with his sleeve. “I hope your new title makes you happy, Van’. Because it was at the expense of everyone you ever claimed to love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jelpax..” he trailed off as Jelpax walked away, and shut the front door behind him, leaving the two of them alone. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Vansell shut his eyes when the slam came from the door, and when he opened them his eyes were trained on the floor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Vansell.” Theta said, voice quiet, but stern. “Look at me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He swallowed, and looked up, at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Does it keep you up at night?” She asked. His lip trembled, and he nodded tightly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta searched his face for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why didn’t you quit it?” She asked. “Why did you stay as their spy, if you loved us so much?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was afraid.” He whispered. “I was a coward. I thought- I- I didn’t know what they’d do if I just threw away almost a century of reporting.” The words stung, and Theta winced. “I felt like I couldn’t leave. But- that’s- that’s why I was always trying to tell you. I wanted you to know the truth before it got too out of hand.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stared at him for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was because she was weak, or maybe it was because of her better nature, but now that she was stood in front of him, Theta couldn’t find it in her heart to hate him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In all honesty, she could see herself in him. Someone who was just a child, when they’d gotten involved with something they didn’t understand, and had tripped to deep into it to be able to get themselves out again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta stepped towards him, and Vansell winced, clearly expecting her to punch him or something. But Theta just grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His breath caught, and he tensed for a moment, before hesitantly putting his hands on her back. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” He whispered shakily. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She muttered. “So am I.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” She repeated, and sighed. “I forgive you, Van’.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0098"><h2>98. Ninety-eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Shortly after Vansell’s departure, the group decided to drink more than originally planned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Drax and Magnus found almost all of the rest of the alcohol dotted about the house, and brought it to the library. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They figured, since in the next coming days, they’d all, one by one, be going their separate ways, why not splash out on the last night they’d all be together. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So Theta leant against Koschei, and drank. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think we need to talk about the mountain in the room.” Magnus eventually decided. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..go on.” Jelpax swigged his drink back, clearly not keen to talk about Vansell. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Who’s taking the TARDIS?” They hadn’t expected that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why?” Jelpax frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, several of us are planning on leaving the planet. And we can’t all have it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Count me out.” Theta said. “I’ve got my own one waiting for me. We had a connection.” Ushas scoffed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yep! It’s in repairs.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t surprise me. Why did I even think for a second that you’d choose a functional TARDIS?” She raised an eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She is functional! Shes..unique.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you asked her if she even like having the handbrake on?” Drax laughed at her. Theta pouted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No. But I’m sure she does.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry, I don’t know if I’m just not caught up but...” Jelpax frowned. “Theta, did you ever pass your test?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta lowered her eyes as the others started laughing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t need to, I still know how to drive it.” She grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back in a huff. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The only reason she didn’t pass was because she left the handbrake on.” Koschei rooted for her casually. “The rest of her driving is...fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine???” She sat up and looked at him, indignant. He put his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t say bad, my love. Just..unique. With great..flourish.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You guys are so mean to me.” She decided, sitting back in a huff. The others scoffed and laughed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe this TARDIS will like your flourish.” Mortimus suggested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure she will.” Theta decided. “My driving is exciting.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe that’s why you didn’t pass.” Drax suggested. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Says the guy who took eight tries.” Ushas jabbed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright- listen here-“ the conversation quickly moved on to taking the piss out of Drax. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta didn’t mind them criticising her driving, really. She knew it was all in good humour. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta,” Koschei said privately beside her. She glanced at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you going to buy a TARDIS if you’ve not passed your test?” He asked. “Because I’m pretty sure you have to prove that you’re legally allowed to drive before you buy one.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That was true, actually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hm. Theta would call that a setback. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“..I don’t know, actually.” She admitted, frowning in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You said it’s in repairs, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Was last time I checked.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So..why don’t you just take it?” He asked. Theta blinked at him. “It’s one faulty TARDIS, who’s going to care if you take it, there’s hundreds like it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But- l mean...stealing it just seems kind of like a waste, especially when I saved for so long for the sole purpose of buying it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But none of that matters if you haven’t passed your test, my love.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And what if I get caught? Then I can’t go anywhere.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Theta, you’ve evaded the police more times than most people- you’ve practically mastered the art.” He shrugged. “You can get in and out without anyone catching you.” He put his arm on the back of the sofa where Theta was sat, and leant in to whisper. “It’s like..one big last fuck you to the state.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta was well aware of what he was doing. Still, every time he did it, she somehow ended up agreeing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe he was better at manipulating that she gave him credit for. Maybe he was using persuasion on her, like he’d done with Vansell to get him to drink. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Or maybe there was a part of her that wanted to do it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you hypnotising me?” She deadpanned. He scoffed a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, my love. But I could if you wanted an easy reason to agree.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat back and moved on the conversation, so she could think it over alone later, without his influence. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you ever?” She asked. “Used persuasion on me?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei sat back and leant against the back of the sofa, still facing her as he hummed in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, I don’t think so. I don’t really want to do it with you. I like it when we can be genuine with each other.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta hummed, and glanced across the circle to where Magnus and Jelpax were in an argument about something minor. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Have you ever done it to any of the others?” She asked quietly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah. All of them at one point or another. Except Millennia and Rallon. Even I’m not heartless.” He scoffed to himself, as Theta looked at him in surprise. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When? What did you make them do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Nothing.” He shrugged. “Just..I dunno, got people to agree with me if I needed someone to back me up.” He glanced across the circle surreptitiously, and glanced back at Theta. “You think Magnus agreed to kiss me at his own free will?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta gasped, and smacked him on the arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What? It’s in the past!” He argued. Theta shook her head and glanced away from him. He was unbelievable. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I cannot believe you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh come now darling, don’t find a reason to be angry at me on our last night together.” He took his arm from the sofa and wrapped it around her upper arm, pulling her closer gently. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed in defeat. She supposed he was right. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was easier to be mad at him when she was alone in space. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine.” She grumbled. Koschei pressed a kiss to her temple. Theta glanced at him, and frowned in thought for a moment, pursing her lips a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei looked back at her, and copied her facial expression, frowning along with her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do it to me.” She eventually suggested. Theta knew this was a bad idea, and she knew she’d probably hate it, but she’d had a bit to drink and she supposed now was the time to ask, in case she didn’t get to, and ended up regretting it later. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do what?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Persuade me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you sure?” His eyebrows raised in surprise. “You hate me doing it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know, but I want to know what it’s like. If I can tell you’re doing it.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.” He agreed with a shrug. “What should I persuade you of?” It was more of a question to himself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something I would never think.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Will it wear off?” She asked, before he said anything else. “Like..I won’t think it forever right?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, no.” He agreed. “It’ll wear off, don’t worry. It’s all in the intention. So I’ll decide it wears off in a minute or two, and it’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright,” he cleared his throat and shifted closer. “Uhh...I’m always right, aren’t I Theta?” He glanced at her, and Theta nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm!” She said it like it was obvious. Which it was. Obviously he was always right, that was common sense. Now that she thought of it, Theta couldn’t think of a single example where he’d been wrong. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Right?” He laughed. “Like there was that time..right? When was that?” He frowned in thought. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When you kissed Magnus.” She supplied helpfully. “You were right then.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” He hummed. “I was definitely right then, that’s true. Oh and that other time?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When you said I had a hero complex.” He laughed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh yeah, that too.” He nodded. Theta blinked a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Wait a damn minute. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta punched him in the arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ow!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I do not have a hero complex!” She hissed. Koschei rubbed at his arm and pursed his lips in annoyance. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Should’ve made it last longer.” He muttered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t believe you made me say those things.” She blinked. It was so strange. Like she’d never thought he’d been wrong in her life. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I like to think I’ve refined my craft. If you hadn’t suggested it to me, would you ever have noticed I’d done it at all?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably not.” She admitted. “...and you swear you’ve never used that on me?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I swear, on my lives.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok,” she nodded slowly, and then looked back at him, rubbing his arm for him. “Sorry for punching you. I didn’t mean it to be that hard.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you ever?” He rolled his eyes fondly. “You need to remember how strong you are, love.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry.” She cuddled up to him and kissed his cheek in way of apology. Koschei turned his head and pecked her on the lips, as Theta wrapped her arms around his sore one. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get a room.” Ushas heckled. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta rolled her eyes and pulled away. Koschei wrapped his arm around her waist though, and pulled her in in again, before wrapping his other arm around her waist too. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” He decided. “Last night together, you can suck it up Ushas.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As long as you don’t start shagging on the sofa.” Magnus rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well yeah, that was definitely on tonight’s agenda.” He deadpanned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t give this abuse to Drax and Jelpax.” Theta pointed out. “I think we’re being unfairly targeted.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s because Drax and Jelpax aren’t big on thePDA.” Ushas pointed out. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither are we!” Theta argued. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, but when you do do it, it’s gross and makes me want to tear my eyes out.” She shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think you’re just jealous.” Theta decided, and glanced at Koschei. “Today, Ushas said she’d clart you round the head so that we could run off together.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei raised his eyebrows as attention was rounded on Ushas. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ushas? Would you like to explain yourself?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey- no, ok, listen-“ </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all! <br/>I’m super sorry it’s taking me ages to get up the last chapter, last week I had a family emergency that took priority, but I promise!! Tomorrow it will be up!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0099"><h2>99. Ninety-nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are you asleep?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do I sound asleep?” Theta sat up on her elbow, and looked at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to sleep.” She decided. “I feel like we’re wasting our time together sleeping. We don’t have too long left.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, you’re right.” He agreed in the darkness. “What would you rather do?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I dunno.” She admitted. “Roof?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What if Ushas is up there?” She asked. “I kinda want to just be with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well if she is, we’ll find somewhere else.” He sat up, and swung his legs out of bed. Theta followed as he made his way over to the window, pushing it open, and sticking his head out. “She’s not there.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled on some socks as Koschei hauled himself out of the window and onto the roof. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wondered when he’d gotten so tall. Theta could remember when he needed her help to get up there. Koschei used to be pretty small when he was a kid, and Theta used to always make it a point that she was taller than him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But now he towered over her, well over six foot and with the lankiness to prove it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then again, Theta supposed she’d changed a lot too. She didn’t have half the muscle she used to, and was no longer as lanky and awkward as she had been when she was forty. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sometimes it shocked her- how much they weren’t the same people. Not just physically. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei held a hand over the lip of the roof, and Theta took it, as he pulled her up onto it. He didn’t have to, but he did it anyway. Because it was Koschei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Your hands are big.” She said, sitting beside him. He glanced at them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Are they?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. They weren’t always that big.” Theta held her palm up and he put his against hers, folding the tops of his fingers over hers. “Ours used to be the same size.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, you stopped growing and I didn’t, I guess.” He shrugged, dropping his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s weird isn’t it?” She said. “How I didn’t notice the change in how your hand felt because it was so gradual. You don’t really notice the changes in someone if you’re with them everyday, even if they’re huge.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei leant back against the roof on his elbows, and crossed his legs over at the ankles. He glanced at her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I get the feeling you’re not talking about my hands.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she shrugged. “I wouldn’t be wrong. You’re not the same. Neither am I.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you wish I was?” He asked. Theta glanced at him, and frowned. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course not.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, think about it, Thee’.” He shrugged. “It would be ok if you say yes. What better time to be honest with each other?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sighed, and drew her knees up to her chest, looking out at the view and thinking for a long moment. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know. Sure. I think I miss some of who you used to be. But there’s no point. I can’t spend my life wishing you hadn’t grown up.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you miss?” He asked. There was no challenge in his voice, and it made her feel like she could be honest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think I miss...” Theta thought about it for a moment. “I think I miss how easy it used to be to lie to you. When I could tell you I’d fix your head, and I’d always be there, and that we would spend the rest of our lives together, and you’d believe it. I think it reassured me. Made me feel like it really would turn out like that, because you believed it.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei hummed, and didn’t say anything for a long while. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you miss about me?” Theta asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I miss,” he sucked on his teeth for a moment. “I miss when you didn’t question me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you mean?” She asked. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, I mean- you always challenged me- because, well- you’re you. But the times where it mattered- like when we were trying to get away with the whole Torvic thing, you just did what I told you, and it meant we got out of it.” He shrugged a little. “Now when something awful happens, you’re not scared to make your own choices, and more often than not, come up with the most dangerous and risky answer. You’re not afraid to go through with it, and it drives me mad because it means I can’t protect you.” She glanced back at him, and put her chin on her knees. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry I make you feel like that.” She said genuinely. And it was true. Theta never wanted to scare him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok. Probably my own fault.” He sighed a little. “You put a control freak,” he gestured to himself, “with someone like you. One of us was always going to end up with heart problems.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” she put a hand over his. “You should try not to worry. Theres never going to be a situation I can’t get out of whilst I still have to find my way back to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t promise that, and we both know it.” He scoffed. “You can’t lie to me anymore Theta.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” she nodded a little. “But I can try. I’ll always try to get back for you.” She leant over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He hummed, and lay back. Theta followed and lay beside him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei put a hand on the roof beside her, and Theta took it. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think...” he started. “Do you think if we met us- y’know like- us when we were kids- do you think they’d like us?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.” She whispered. “I don’t think I’d like me at all.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Neither.” He sighed. She squeezed his hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But we’re not- we’re not bad people, Kos’.” She said quietly. “We can’t have ever expected to turn out perfect because of where we are- everything we’ve seen.” She felt emotion clogging the back of her throat. “But we really tried.” She whispered. “Not a day went by where I didn’t try to be a good person- to be a person I’d like. And I- y’know. What else could I have done?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know.” He admitted. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you think you wouldn’t like yourself?” She asked. He shrugged. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Dunno. Because I’ve hurt you. Hurt myself.” He swallowed, and Theta could practically hear the lump. She watched his Adam’s apple bob sharply, and she squeezed his hand tight. “I think,” his voice wobbled. “I think he’d be scared of me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta sat up, and leant over, putting a hand to his cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Kos’- no. Come on.” She said softly. “That’s silly.” He just closed his eyes and shook his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No it’s not.” He said softly. “I failed him.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why do you say that?” She asked, stroking a thumb over his cheek, and pushing away the tear that fell there. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not a good person, Theta. I don’t- I don’t know if I want to be- but- when I was a kid I was scared of being as evil as the people who did this to us.” He shook his head. “And I don’t think I can say I’m not that person.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can.” She whispered, eyes welling up. “Koschei you’re not a bad person. You’re not perfect but you’re not bad. You’re kind- and- and sensitive, and intelligent, and loving.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m evil.” He whispered. Theta felt tears begin to drop down her face, and she pulled him into a hug. Koschei sat up with her, wrapping his arms around her back tightly as she squeezed him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are not.” She whispered. “You are nothing of the sort.” She sniffled and drew back enough to cup his face and wipe away his tears. “Evil people aren’t capable of love, ok?” He swallowed tightly. “And you are.” She stroked his face gently. “And evil people aren’t scared of being evil.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He opened his eyes, and searched her face. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re my best friend Theta.” He whispered. Theta laughed a little and sniffled, before pulling him into another tight hug and cupping the back of his head. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re my best friend too, Koschei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">-</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta pulled her bag onto her back, and wiped her tears away. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been considerably harder to say goodbye to her friends than she’d thought it would be. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But she’d made them promise to still be there when she came to find them again. To still be alive. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And they’d done that. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You stay safe, yeah Blondie?” Ushas nodded at her. Theta smiled a little. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll try.” She said softly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get out of here.” Mortimus scoffed from the stairs. “You’ll set me off again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta laughed a little and nodded. She stepped out, and closed the door behind her, taking Koschei’s hand, who was walking her to the tram station. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Leaving her home would be strange. Theta could say she had a sentimental attachment to it, of course she could. It was her first home away from the people who had suppressed her for so long. It was where Millennia and Rallon were. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But in a way, it felt like that sentimental attachment had kind of vanished after the fire, and after Vansell. She’d wanted to leave. It was bittersweet to leave behind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d miss the people more. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So she held on extra tightly to Koschei’s hand. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They walked in silence the half mile to the station. There were things Theta wanted to say, but she figured, in the end, just being in his company was enough. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They stepped up onto the station, and he finally turned to her. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m nervous.” Theta admitted. “To be on my own.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll be ok.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m right behind you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” He smiled. Theta searched his face for a moment, and swallowed. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I love you.” She reminded him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He nodded. “I love you too.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta heard the whirring of the tram, and her hearts started to beat fast. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What if she wasn’t ready for this? There were still things she had to say, and now she couldn’t think of them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s ok.” He said softly. “It’s going to be alright, my love. You don’t need to say everything you ever wanted to tell me right now, ok? I’m still here.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She swallowed, and nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She took a shaky breath. “It’s just- y’know- you’ve always been there for me- and- and now you’re not going to be and I don’t- I feel like I have to explain all that you’ve done for me, and- and- how much you mean to me and I don’t know h-“ Koschei leant forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Theta closed her eyes, and breathed out slowly. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t need to.” He squeezed her hand. “I know.” Theta nodded a little, trying desperately to keep it together, and pulled him into the tightest hug she could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Koschei, as put together as he was trying to be, could not hide his true feelings, when he squeezed back as tightly as he could. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Goodbye, Koschei.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why are you saying that?” He asked. “Don’t say that.” He buried his face in her neck. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Just because- I don’t think you’re going to be the same person when I see you again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to see Koschei again.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Probably for the best.” He cleared his throat and pulled back. The tram was waiting now. “We’ve been holding on to those names for too long. I think we’re a bit too old for childhood nicknames now, don’t you think?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Theta nodded a little bit. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah.” She whispered. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well then,” he squeezed her hand one last time, and let go. “Goodbye, Theta-Sigma.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She scoffed a little bit, and glanced at the floor, before looking back at him. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll see you around.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow ok, where do I even start? <br/>First of all, I’d just like to thank anyone who even read one chapter of these two fics. Your support has been never ending and has touched me in a way I could never explain, and could never thank you enough for. <br/>I started the first of these two books at the beginning of what would be the hardest year of my life, and I finish them when that turmoil has just come to and end. These characters and this story means more to me than I could ever explain in words, and I want to thank you all for loving it and supporting it as much as I do, because it really does mean the world. <br/>These books are what I’m proudest of most in the entire world, and I’ll cherish them, the support I got for them, and the time in which I was writing them for the rest of my life (so much that I actually plan on getting a tattoo of something to do with them when I turn 18 in October). <br/>Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope something in these stories has touched you and stayed with you as much as it has done for me, and I hope that you’ve learnt as much from these characters as I have. <br/>Thank you. <br/>I’ll see you around.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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